HAPPY NEW YEAR .......may it be the one ........

Well it is time to get back to business and get healthy and happy in 2011.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about all that has gone on in my life in the past 12 months and just how poorly I have managed not only my weight but events that have occurred.  Poor management leads to stress which leads to eating which leads to gaining with leads to more stress which leads to more eating and around and around the circle goes.

I was thinking about how I could handle things better and still manage to live a "normal" life and eat like normal people.  I remember a while ago I wrote about the stomach only being as big as the size of a closed fist.  So I sat and looked at my closed fist and pondered how much food would the size of a closed fist be.  It looks to me to be about a cup or 8 oz.  Now if that is the size of my stomach what the hell am I doing to it by pushing cup after cup of food into it?  Obviously the answer it stretching it and making myself uncomfortable.

So I have dug out my trusty kitchen scale and decided that I am going to eat three meals a day that weigh no more than 8 oz combines with 3 snacks a day of no more than 4 oz.  That's 36 oz of food per day.  Now before you decide to tell me that is not enough food to live on I must tell you that it is plenty depending on what you are eating.  8 oz for breakfast will give me 4 oz of yogurt, 1 egg and 1/2 slice of toast, etc.  That to me is more than a sufficent amount of food for breakfast, nice and nutritional as well.  I have planned out some very nice meals all at the 8 oz amount and they are more than you would think.  Now if I should decide to have a dessert I must include it in the 8 oz.  A small piece of cake is 2 oz so that definitely takes away from the amount of good food I can have.  But it is my choice and one that I have to live with.  Is the piece of cake worth it?  Will have to wait and see because I know that there are times when I am going to want that cake. 

Hubby bought me a new kitchen scale, it is a really slim model that can fit into a small tote bag or even my purse, for when we go out to eat.  Will I feel foolish weighing my food in a restaurant?  I don't thnk so because I know that I am going to be a winner when all is said and done.

So there you have it, my New Year's resolution.  Not only am I going to keep to my 8 oz per meal I am also going to maintain my blog with posting my foods, get some regular exercise every day, and start back to my OA meetings. 

I have determined that I cannot do an OA meeting every week, it is just to hard with TOPS on Mondays and OA on Tuesdays.  The part I need most from OA is the first meeting of each month which is a Step meeting.  So I will attend those and do my workbook as part of my program.  I need to see if my sponsor is still willing to be my sponsor if I am only going once a week.

The other thing I am going to learn to do is say "NO" and "No thank you".  "NO" to those that want to take advantage of my good nature and always try to get me to do something I just don't have time for.  "No thank you" to those that offer me food over and above what I am allowing myself.

Water is going to start and play a big part in all of this as well.  I have managed to come up with a method of having my ice water at work so that it is always available.  Can you believe it was as simple as taking an ice cube tray to work and making my own ice....duh, how simple is that.

Now comes the best part of all........a challenge.  I hereby challenge any one that is interested to see if we can weigh in with a lose every week for 2011.  You don't need to lose a big amount just have a lose.  Just half a pound a week is 26 pounds in a year.  Think about it, it a really simple concept.

I wish each and everyone of you a happy and prosperous New Year.  May all your hopes, ambitions and dreams become a reality!!!

Merry Christmas One and All

Just a short message to wish each of you a blessed Merry Christmas.  If you are travelling please be safe.  May the time you spend with family and friends be pleasant and fullfilling.  As we celebrate please remember the Reason for the Season is birth of our Lord and Savior.

With love and hugs
Tessa

Still around ...........

Hi everyone, I am still here just not posting much of late.  Life has been a merry go round but slowly coming to a wind down.  Have organized and made happen the Lifestyles luncheon at work; did the two shut in drop arounds; attended a union luncheon; attended an Employee Engagement Session luncheon and had our first Christmas with family and friends.  Still to come is our TOPS dinner tomorrow; work pot lunch on Thursday and of course Christmas on the weekend.

As you can see most of these events have been centred around food and I am afraid that I have fallen somewhat.  Trying hard to keep it together but the scales are creeping up a little at a time.  I am actually not going to worry about it right now and just do the best I can.

I am wishing you all a blessed Merry Christmas and all the best in 2011, may it be the year of reaching goals and getting healthy for all of us.

Luv to you all
\Tessa

Monday's Weight In

Well I was up by a pound but that is ok with me especially with the stress that I have been under.  This time of year it is really hard to maintain never mind adding life's pressures to the mix.  I apologize for not posting more but I'm so tired after working 12 - 14 hrs/day that basically I just do not have the energy.

It's been quite an exciting time in my life.  On Sunday my niece and her mom came up from Calgary for a surprise visit.  Not only was the visit a surprise but so were some of the events that happened while they were here.  Lelia has never met my parents (her grandparents) as her parents separated when she was a baby.  So we were sitting around chatting and she mentioned she was now ready to meet them.  My mom has not been in my home for over 3 years and has just recently begun to speak to me again.  I called my dad and told him that Lelia would like to meet them and could they come for tea.  Now I knew my dad would come but never dreamed my mom would.  She did.......at first she wouldn't talk to anyone but by the time she left she was talking and even a smile crossed her face once in awhile.  Thank you God for small miracles.

Saturday one of my co-workers and I did a baking marathon.  We baked for 14 hours, now I know that probably seems a bit excessive but we have several girls in the office that have just recently had surgery and I know they can't do any baking for their families this Christmas.  So we have made up trays to take to them.

Christmas activities are moving along nicely.  The upcoming days/weeks are pretty much filled up on a daily basis.  It always seems like there is a big build up and then poof it's over before we know it.

Well that is pretty much my week in review.  Today I am heading to the clinic for my annual mammy squeeze then tonight some of us from work are heading to the first co-workers for a visit. 

Take care everyone and I'll be back soon.

Weigh in Monday .....

Yes, it is Monday again and I will be posting my weight after TOPS weigh in this evening.  I'm not concerned about whether I lose of not but more that I have been able to maintain through these past couple of weeks.  Still doing lots of walking and trying hard to make sure that I don't let my emotions and stress cause me to binge.  So far it has been ok, once in awhile I get the urge but usually talk myself out of it.  I think working 12 hours days has helped some as well, I'm too darn tired to care about eating.

Spent the weekend finishing up Christmas shopping with hubby.  I felt to bad for him as he could hardly walk but what a trooper, he stayed the mile the whole day.  He never complained even though there were several times when he looked like he was gonna go crazy from the pain.  I can't wait to see if this new treatment gives him some relief.  So far nothing but we all know that some drugs take up to 6 weeks to take effect.

House is a disaster area, wrapped presents most of yesterday.  Can't believe it takes so long and now have to find a place to put them all as the tree won't go up till the 16th.  Oh the joys of Christmas, in spite of it all it is still my favorite holiday.

Ok, have to head off to work but will be back this evening with the weigh in results.

Well, as you can see I was up a pound, have to work harder this week if I want to keep it under 280.

Popping in for a quick update ....

It's been a few days since I posted and I apologize but things have been so hectic here.  It seems just when you think you've hit your darkest hour a silver lining appears.  After two years of fighting with doctors and trying to figure out what was wrong with hubby he finally got upset enough to seek another opinion ... and guess what, we now have a diagnosis.  I had said all along that is what I thought it was but who am I, just an ordinary lay person so what would I know.  Well turns out I know more than some doctors ...... my husband has one of the worst cases of fibromyalgia that this doctor has ever seen.  Hubby told him that another doctor said no way and he got real mad.  So he has started him on a treatment plan and hopes that within 3 - 6 months he will be able to resume working back at his old occupation.  Now just have to fight with the insurance company to reinstate his benefits but that is another story for another time.

I've been working 12 hours days as we are really far behind at work and they finally oked the overtime.  It will help with the finances so that is a good thing but doesn't leave much time for anything else.  Food has actually be ok, I had a not bad weigh in at TOPS on Monday, only up .4, that I can handle.

I want to wish all my American blog friends a very happy Thanksgiving for tomorrow.  Remember to count your blessing no matter how small in number they may seem.  Hugs to you all.

Quick Update ...........

Hubby's surgery went ok, still in a lot of pain and not feeling the best but that is to be expected.  As for the rest well we're hanging in there.  I'm ok food wise in fact I'm not really hungry most of the time so haven't even had any binge thoughts the past couple of days.  Really making a concious effort to not let circumstances drive me to food.  It's been snowing here since Tuesday so have now traded my morning walks for snow shovelling but that also is ok as it is still exercise.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and posts.  Some of them even made me smile (pre-poo and post-poo weigh ins.........lol).

Is it possible to stay positive .......

Today has been a day from hell, there just isn't any other way to describe it.  The insurance company that has been providing disability coverage for hubby has decided rather than put him on total disability they would cut his benefits off.  So even though he can hardly walk across the floor without stumbling, is in constant pain and has major chest pains on a regular basis their investigation deems he is fit to go back to work and get this .........they recommend that he become an electrical lineman or cable installer.  How's that for a kick in the teeth after spending 12 years in school to become multi-ticketed (plumber, gasfitter, electrican, HVAC mechanic, pipefitter, boiler technican) they have the nerve to tell him he needs to start over and do something else.  I don't know whether to cry or scream I am so mad.

We placed a call to our lawyer's office and just waiting to hear back as to when we can get an appointment.  I don't normally believe in sueing anyone for anything but this time I think it is warranted.  And if they want a fight then we'll give them one.  In the mean time he now has to go back to work or lose his benefits and we have no idea where the company will send him as they lost the contract at the place he was working prior to going off sick.  Please pray for us, we are going to need all the help we can get.  My wages barely cover our mortgage payment, I am totally not sure what is going to happen.

He was so devastated when he got the letter today that I had to come home early from work to try and settle him down, he was threatening all kinds of things.  He's finally calmed down and is watching TV.  I can't even begin to imagine how he is feeling.  And on top of all this he is booked for his ear surgery tomorrow. 

Right now just the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach.  This is gonna be a rough road to hoe and with Christmas coming it's gonna be hard.  Please forgive me if I don't post daily for the next couple of days, there will be so much going on that I may not get here.

I will be thinking of you all and know that you are there for me.  God bless you all.

Which do I go with .........

Ok, I weighed in at home this morning, first thing, scale said 276.6 with was up 2.2 pounds from last week.  Yet tonight at TOPS I was 277.2 a lose of .8.  Isn't it funny how the body changes from minute to minute.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.............

Weight: 275.8

SorryI haven't been around the past couple of days.  Thursday I upgraded our high speed internet connection and wouldn't you know it they messed up on their end so no internet.  But it is now back up and running so I have returned.

Been really busy the last couple of days, actually got some things done that I wanted to.  I think I spend a little too much time on the computer so the only time I accomplish anything is when it is done.  I really need to think about a little less computer and more around the house, especially with Christmas coming.

Thank you all for your messages of concern due to my low blood sugar levels.  I usually am prepared for them but this time I messed up.  Anyway, all is well now and I am back on track.  I have been doing my walking and trying to up my water intake well being careful to not overdo it.  I have a little bit to lose to weigh in tomorrow with a lose or at least a turtle.  We will see how that goes.

I'm gonna head off and read some blogs that I have missed over the past couple of days,  Will be back later to finish this post.

We now return to our regular program .......

Weight this morning was 276.6  pounds.  I knew it was coming because of yesterday.  I started out the morning great, everything was good and then about 10:30 things went awray.  My blood sugars dropped so bad that I got the shakes and almost passed out.  Normally I have some snack bars at my desk for just this type of occasion but I had run out and forgot to bring in some more.  From that point on the panic button got hit and I was looking for anything that had sugar in it.  My co-worker gave me a peppermint candy and someone had a cupcake.  So I ate those and still felt bad so I did have a package of Uncle Ben's rice in my desk so I ate that.  Finally the sugars started to level out but it was to late to stay on track.  That little bit of sugar set off a binge for carbs and I have been on the hunt ever since.  No excuses just that is the way my body reacts to sugar and carbs but I needed both of them to pull myself out of a potentially dangerous situation.  I am not diabetic but every once in awhile my blood sugars take a drastic drop.  Normally I can handle it with eating a balanced diet but yesterday got away from me.  Still felt a bit sluggish today but much better tonight.

So I am going to skip posting what I have eaten the past two days mainly because some of it is a blur and I can't remember.  I am going to get back on track tomorrow and have my snack bars all packed up and ready to go to the office.  I also have to learn that too much caffiene can cause this as I had a 12 oz flavored coffee yesterday morning. 

So I will say goodnight and I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh start.  Remembering my uncles that fought for my freedoms and all those still serving and who will serve in the future.  Thank you for laying your lives on the line so that I can enjoy living in a land of freedom.  God bless you all!

Tag Your It .....

In place of my regular post, tonight I present questions by mensa.  Regular broadcasting will resume tomorrow.

1. What is your favorite holiday and why and how do you celebrate it?
My favorite holiday is Christmas.  Ever since I was a kid I've always looked forward to that special time of year.  I even try real hard each year not to be a snoop.  I have the notorious reputation of being the Christmas snoop.  I could unwrap and rewrap gifts so perfectly that no one could tell they had even been disturbed.  It gets harder each year as now everyone is onto me and they use super strength tape to wrap the packages.  Now keep in mind that not only did I snoop at mine but every one else's as well and then proceeded to tell them what they were getting.  Our family has grown to include quite a few chosen children and grandchildren so this year we will split it in half.  We'll celebrate with the girls on Dec 18th and then with our son on Christmas Day providing the weather is good for travelling. 

2. Do you relish time alone and what was the last thing you did when you were alone for 24 hours?
I love having time alone and can just lay in bed all day and read, sleep get up for meal and bathroom breaks and then back to bed.  Now the thing is to find 24 hours to be alone so I can do it.

3. What is your favorite type of ethic food and when and what was the last time you ate it?
We have found an East Indian restaurant here that we really like.  I had never had it until about 3 years ago so when it opened we decided to try it out.  Quite to my amazement I enjoyed some of the dishes and go back frequently for my favorites.  Last time I was there is about 3 months ago.

4. Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?
Her name was Mrs. Bert and she was my high school literature teacher.  I was really sad when she stopped teaching on a regular basis and we only got to see her as a substitute.  She was an understanding teacher and made learning so much fun.  She was gentle yet firm and was always there when I needed someone to talk to when things got dicey at home.  She's been gone for some years now but I will never forget her.

Now I have to come up with four questions, sheesh.

1.  How did you meet the first love of your life and how old were you?

2.  If you won a lottery, for say 10 million dollars, what would be the first thing you would do?

3.  If you had a chance to meet someone you have never met before, who would it be and why?

4.  If you could be a circus performer, what would you be?

I am going to tag:
Barbara - http://missiontolose130pounds.blogspot.com/
Skippy - http://skippymom.blogspot.com/
Tina M - http://myday-tinam.blogspot.com/
Joy - http://transparentjoy.blogspot.com/

Okay ladies, you have to answer the questions above and then come up with 4 new ones to tag 4 other bloggers with.  Have fun!!!!

Migraine in progress....

Weight: 276 pounds

I had a rough night last night between the nightmares and the tossing and turning.  Not sure what brought it on but there is was nevertheless.  I woke up this morning feeling like someone had run over me with a truck and that feeling pretty much continued through the day.  Thank you all for your words of encouragement and good will, it means a lot on this journey. 

I find it difficult to post on Monday's so I did not answer all your comments or visit all your sites.  By the time I get home from meeting it is usually bedtime.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (130)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
1 frozen entree of Teriyaki Chicken (370)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz honey mustard BBQ'd sausage (255)
1/2 cup macaroni with stewed tomatoes (100)
1/2 cup brown beans (100)

I have to go figure out all the calories so will be back in awhile.  There I think I have the calories figured out.  I'm gonna call it a night as my head is pounding and the brain will not engage.  Gonna check a few blogs and head off to bed.

Calories:  1245
Water:      20 oz
Steps:      4772

Weigh In ----

Weight - 275.4, that's down 4 pounds this week, and considering I was at a high of 281.4 that means I managed to get rid of 6 pounds total.  Now I have to make sure I keep it off.

Breakfast
1 serving Mini Wheats w/2 oz 1% milk (220)
4 oz yogurt (80)
6 oz blackberries (60)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions

Lunch
2 cups mixed raw vegetables (100)
2 tablespoons low cal dressing (80)
3 oz lean roast beef (165)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (80)
1/2 cup kernel corn (60)
2 tablespoons low fat gravy (50)
6 oz blackberries (60)

Tonight is my TOPS meeting so will have an update on that weigh in for you when I get home.  And as usual we go out for dinner after meeting so pray that I can make some good choices.

Dinner
6 oz grilled steak (330)
1 oz shredded cheese (80)
4 cups salad (200)
balsamic vinegar for dressing
1 slice garlic toast (80)

Not sure about counting all those calories for the salad is right because lettuce really is a free food, so I allow 25 calories per 1/2 cup.  I did ok though, knew what I was going to have before we went in and stuck to it.  TOPS weigh-in tonight: 278 lbs - 3.6 lb loss from last week, and I got loser of the week.

Calories:  1645
Water:     30 oz
Steps:      6402

How strongly connected are we to blogging .........

Weight:  275.2

Just how strong is your connection to blogging?  For me it is a journal, and journaling is important for weight lose.  For me it is a place to show my true feelings and work through the things that really bother me.  A place where I know that my internet friends can leave me comments, good or bad but not judgmental.  A place where I can seek refuse from the real world and still be in my real world.  A world of hurt, sadness, happiness, frustration, etc.  A place where those that read my blog started out as strangers and now have become a huge part of my life.  What happens to them means a great deal to me. 

When Margie and Bruce passed I sat at my computer and cried, a hard, sobbing cry.  I cried when I told my here friends about a senseless accident that took the life of my "friend" and her husband.  I didn't tell them that we had never met, it didn't seen important. Margie had become a true friend and mentor.

The first blogs that I connected to were those that I found on Stacey's site.  I started reading them and added them to my blog roll.  There I found SkippyMom and TinaM, and from thier's I had people come to mine and I got involved with them.  Now TinaM is missing in action, and I ask myself was it too much for her, is it due to financial strain, family issues, etc. Asphyxiated Emancipation hasn't posted in over 5 months, I worry about him as well.

Are the connections strong, you bet you they are.  My whole purpose with this post is that today I feel extremely lonely.  Why, you ask?  Because yesterday I had no one comment on my post.  Each day I check two or three times to see if there are comments and read with joy each and every one of them no matter if good or bad.  I'm a very private person, I don't mix well with people so I pretty much keep to myself except to go to work.  This is not to get sympathy but simply to express my feeling on what blogging means to me. 

Maybe someday I'll do what Stephanie is going to do for Margie and make my blog into a book.  Would anyone read it?  I have no idea but if they did they would know more about the inner workings of a very overweight, lonely person.

My real family and most friends that I have do not know this blog exists.  This provides me with a place to go the truly express how I feel without listening to their one sided comments and having them constantly suck it up princess, just get off your lazy ass and do something about it.  They have no concept that being morbidly obese is a disease with physical, mental and spiritual complications.  All they see is a fat person constantly stuffing her face and think I should know better.

Ok, I've had my pity party, thank you all for making me feel better.  Now onto the business at hand:

Breakfast
1 latte (100)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 cup fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon of sugar (80)

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich on whole wheat w/mustard (280)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 Hersey's Crisp Wafer Bar (100)
1/2 banana (50) - the Pugs got the rest, again

Dinner
4 oz roast beef (220)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (60)
1/2 cup kernel corn (70)
1 cup green beans (50)
3 tablespoons low fat gravy (75)
1 cup blackberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 french vanilla cappichino (200)

Calories:  1505
Water:     18 oz
Steps:       6255

Totally exhausted .....

Weight: 276 lbs

Wow, now I think I know how Skippy feels just trying to get moving in the morning.  I thought today would be a good day to do a Costco run, so I forced myself from my warm, comfy bed at 8:30 made my list (which by the way I ended up forgetting) and headed out.  Now I know that in order to survive Costco you have to get there at opening, speed through the store like a madman, and get out before the rest of the city wakes up.  Well today I think the rest of the city decided to do the same thing.  So I got there just a few minutes after opening, and with my list now in my head, I started shopping.  Then something went seriously wrong, I stopped to look at things ....bad mistake.  I stood in the check out line for 30 minutes and had to fight my way out of the parking lot.  Positive side, I got everything that was on my list .... plus a few extras.  It is now 3 p.m. and I still have not finished unpacking and putting everything away.  Gonna fill in this blog for a few minutes and head off for a nap.  It's Saturday and I can so do that.

Breakfast
Nothing - now before you start giving me heck, there was a very good reason for it.  As some of you know I have IBS and if you have ever experienced it you know that it can go either way real fast.  So to avoid any problems while out shopping I just avoided breakfast as I was feeling a bit of irritation.

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich w/mustard on whole wheat (320), I even skipped the mayo
1 cup instant French Vanilla Cappicino (100)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 very large glass of cold water

Dinner
3 oz BBQ'd pork loin (165)
1 cup steamed forzen mixed veggies (100)
2 cups lettuce/cucumber salad (100)
6 oz fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 fat free yougurt bar (90)

Calories:  1015
Water:     20 oz
Steps:     10327

A good day or a bad day, depends on how you see it ...

Weigh in : 277.8

What do you believe would be a bad day?  Do we think we have a bad day because we ate a little more than we should have?  Did we have a good day because the scales were kind or we managed to do everything right?

Well today I had a bad, good day or a good, bad day depending on how you look at it.

Breakfast
1 pkg instant oatmeal with 2 oz 1% milk (140)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 fruit cup (90)

Lunch
1 cup raw veggies (50)
1 tablespoon low cal dressing (40)
1 frozen Turkey and Stuffing entree (280)
1 pudding cup (80)
14 green grapes (50)

Dinner
1 drink mailbu & orange juice (130)
1/3 nacho appitizer plate (375)
1 serving bandero bread w/meat sauce (600)

Now I went to our weekend after work get together and decided I was not going to sit there and fuss about how many calories I consumed.  Instead I sat with 2 lovely ladies and learnt about their families, their childhood, teen years, etc.  To me getting to know someone is more important than worrying about calories.  And you know what, because we were having such a good time getting to know each other food never became an issue for me.  I ordered what I wanted and that was that,  There was no thoughts of what was the biggest item on the menu or what kind of desserts were there or how many drinks could I have before I was over the limit.  Instead I focused on the people I was with and getting to know them.  I came away satisfied physically but also emotionally.  Now I am going to go and see if I can figure out at least some of the calories but guess what I had a good, bad day and I'm happy with myself.

Calories:  1915
Water:     30 oz
Steps:      3707
Overall not that bad, sorry Skippy I blew my 1500 calories today.  But I still feel ok about it and that is totally not like me.  Usually I'd be beating myself up over it but you know what it's ok.

Sally, glad to see you posting here.  Don't worry about posting on your blog you will do it when you are ready.  In the mean time join us here or at Skippy's if you need that boost.

Tina, if you are reading this, you need to come on back girl.  We can't be the 3 muskateers if one of us is missing.  I miss you my friend, where are you?

Spiralling down, finally....

Weright: 278.2 lbs - finally a decrease, my meds must have kicked back in as the swelling is gone, woohoo!

Breakfast
2 Shredded Wheat biscuits w/4 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (210)
1/2 banana - I swear the Pugs can hear it being peeled a mile away (50)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
1 pkg Stouffers Lean Cusine Lasagna (310)
17 grapes (60)

Dinner
1/4 frozen pizza (480)
1 cup diet jello (20)

Calories: 1490
Water:    24 oz
Steps:     5750

I've never piddled so much in my life

Weight - 281.4 - yes it is up again and all I can attribute it to is not taking my pills on Monday, seems like that sets things in reverse for a few days but I am not going to sweat it cuz I know it will reverse itself in the next couple of days.

So today I consumed almost 40 oz of water/tea and it caused me no ends of problems.  I had forgotten the reason that I don't drink as much water as I should is because I'm not supposed to......duh.  I have a medical condition that restricts the amount of liquid my bladder can hold at any one time to less than 3 tablespoons so needless to say I was in the washroom a zillion times today.  I have to come up with a plan that will let me still consume some water but not interupt me every 10 minutes at work.  Everyone was looking at me as if I had a strange disease.  It's funny how we have something for so long that we actually forget it is there until we do something that gives us a very strong reminder.  It's not much fun but I had learned to control it by controlling my fluid intake.  In fact the urologist told me not to drink large amounts of liquid at any one time in order to prevent frequent trips to the washroom......no brainer there.  And the pain that comes with an over stressed bladder is not pleasant but a lesson well learnt.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/ 2 oz 1% milk and 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50), I have to figure out how to eat a whole banana before the Pugs realize I have it
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (celery, pepper, cucumber, green onion) (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
80 grams BBQ farmer's sausage (168)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz breaded minute steak (255)
1.5 cups steamed broccoli (75)
1/2 cup sauted mushrooms (50)
1 can Pepsi (100)

Normally I don't drink pop due to the calorie count in them.  I can't drink diet pop as it gives me horrid headaches.  I found these little cans of Pepsi and they are 100 calories each and every now and then I have one.  A six pack will last me for about 4 months so you can tell I don't drink it very often.

Calories:  1188
Water:     40 oz
Steps:      7716

How was everyone's day?  I'm off to do my blog rounds (makes me sound like a big shot doctor)........lol.

Help me, I'm drowning ............

Weigh in - 280.8 lbs - I know this is a gain but someone (no names mentioned) forgot to take her morning meds yesterday and woke up with swollen legs and hands this morning

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 peach/mango fruit cup (90)
1/2 banana (have to share with the Pugs) (40)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2.5 cups raw veggies (celery, green onions, pepper, cucumber) (125)
2 tablespoons low calorie dressing (50)
1 frozen meal - Stouffer's Turkey & Stuffing (260)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
1 cup Tuna Helper (300)
1/2 cup green peas (60)
1 cup yellow beans (50)

Water:     32 oz
Calories:  1385
Steps:      5445

We can get Stouffer's frozen meals here in Canada and they are delicous.  Smart Ones has some that I like as well, I just don't find them as satisfying as the Stouffer's.  In fact Stouffer's has a website that you can build your own weight lose menu using some of thier products.  I have checked it out but not too seriously yet.  Will see how this week goes and then maybe look at it if I need some help.

As you can see I have managed to get some water down me.  I took an ice cube tray to work and put it in the freezer.  My routine at work is to have my hot Tetley Infusion tea in the morning, then at morning break, lunch and afternoon break to drink 12 oz of ice water.  That will give me 48 oz of fluid per day and that is enough, thank you very much, or I will drown.

Offical start to the Skippy/Tessa challenge .......and all others that want to join us

Ok, it is officially Monday, November 1st and the challenge is on.  If you would like to join us by all means come on board.  You set your own goal and we cheer each other on........can't be simpler than that.  My goal is to lose 28 pounds by December 31, 2010.

Offical Weigh in: 279.4 pounds

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies with 2 oz 1% milk, 1/2 teaspoon sugar (I can't use artifical sweeteners) (170)
1/2 banana (Pugs got the other half) (40)
4 oz unsweetened orange juice (50)
4 oz yogurt (I switched to the Silhouette Satisfaction brand, more calories, but supposed to make you feel fuller longer (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
80 grams BBQ'd farmers sausage (175)
2 cups mixed raw veggies (peppers, brocoli, celery, green onions) (100)
1 cup cucmber (50)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
Large lettuce and vegetable salad w/6 oz New York strip steak, no dressing (490)

TOPS weigh in tonight was 282.6, of course it is always higher in the evenings than the mornings.  

Water:     20 oz
Calories:  1315
Steps:      7041

Ready, set, go ..............

Ok, Miss Skippy I am all geared up for tomorrow.  Just been to the store and stalked up on fruits and veggies.  Have the water problem figured out (I think), pedometer is reset and ready for some serious walking.  If I knew how to make it on here you'd see me sticking my tounge out at ya!!!!!

Actually I am really looking forward to tomorrow.  There will be two weigh-ins on Monday's, one when I get up in the morning and one from my evening TOPS group.  Now I know they will be different but that is ok, at least they will be posted.

We survived the Halloween themed wedding, it was very different but really cute, and made it home safe and sound.  I now have to cram 2 days of housework into a couple of hours and get ready to be invaded by all the spooks and spookettes.

Have a wonderful evening everyone and I'll be back on the morrow!!! 

P.S.  I have set a goal for myself of 28 pounds by December 31st and I need a cheering team so jump on the bandwagon and let's hear some noise.

P.P.S.  Tina, do you want in on this challenge?  If so let me know and we can do this together!!!!

It's Firday, it's Friday, woo hoo it's Friday .....

Why is it working folks aways get excited about Friday's and hate Monday's, doesn't make much sense but then most things in this world don't.  I was just catching up on some of my blogs and realized it will be two weeks tomorrow since that horrid accident that took Margie and Bruce.  It actually seems like a lot longer than that in one way.  Everytime I look at the list of blogs I follow I see it increase by a day since her last post and keep thinking maybe she's just away on vacation.  Keeping her alive in my thoughts, she was such a good blog friend and so wise. 

I've been trying to figure out a way that I can get more water in daily well at work.  My biggest hurdle is that I like my water ice cold (I know it's not supposed to be good for you, but that's the way it has to be).  So trying to decide if I should take an ice cube tray to work so I always have ice and then try and drink a glass an hour or just suck it up and drink it warm (yuckie).  Gonna work on it some more this weekend and see what I can come up with.

Got a call from my oldest son today to tell me they have set their wedding date for July 9th next year.  This will be a hard one for me as I am not sure I want to go.  I really don't know her and do not see any opportunity for that to change anytime in the near future.  But I have time to make a decision on that as well.

Youngest son called all excited about his move and wanted to know if we were still planning on coming for Christmas.  Told him if the weather is good we'll be there (it's about a 4 hour drive).  Decision made.

Have a few more things to work through this weekend before I start my challenge with Skippy on Monday.  Going out of town tomorrow for a wedding so will have some driving time to do some thinking. 

Will see you all again on Monday with a brand new attitude and a brand new goal.  Till then big HUGS!!!!

Skippy .............are you listening?????

First off here is a picture of the newest grand, Amica Brennen Murray, she's absolutely perfect.

Okay, now down to business.  Can you believe I had this all typed out once and the blog moofy got me, so I have to start all over again. 

I took water to work today and thought oh boy this is going to work out just great......not, it sat there and stared at me because I forgot all about it.  So tomorrow I will try again to remember it is there.  I seem to get so engrossed in what I am working on that I forget about almost anything else.

Skippy, I accept your challenge except that I would like to put it off till Monday.  We have to go out of town this weekend for a wedding so I want to practice being good.  I did really well today and had my 3 meals and that was it.  Work is a hard place for me as someone is always bringing in something.  Tomorrow is Birthday Thursday.  The last Thursday of each month we celebrate the birthdays for that month.  I made some carrot./pumpkin muffins so that I can enjoy the celebration as my birthday was this month.  I know one of the other girls is bringing a cake so I wanted something on hand so I would not be tempted.

I do take raw vegetables to work each day for lunch and cleaned the junk food out of my cupboards a long time ago.  Even though I'm only eating healthy stuff it's the quantity that is getting to me. 

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your comments and suggestions.  Just knowing that I am not alone is awesome.  You are all so special, God bless.

Absolutely no self control.......desperate cry for help!

I have fallen off the wagon and even being run over does not seem to be able to get me out of this slump I am in.  I can't seem to find any control at all as far as what I am eating.  Everything is fair game and the scales are going up, up, up.........Don't get me wrong I am not looking for pity but some genuine feedback on how I can get myself under control again.

I tried setting out a meal plan for a couple of days in advance and can even follow it faithfully and then all of a sudden it's like an alter ego appears and encourages me to eat all the things I know I am not supposed to.  I am an intelligent woman so why the hell is this happening? 

Our TOPS Area Captain did a presentation last night on stress, she pointed out all the negative things that can happen to our bodies as a result of too much stress.  It was not pretty but extremely informative.  So I got to thinking about what she had presented and even practiced a few of the ideas she gave to help cope with stress and help you to relax.  Did it work .... nope, nada, not a chance ..........  Does that mean I have no stress or I'm too far gone to be able to get it under control.

I have no idea and at this point all I keep thinking is ...Is it worth the fight?  Of course it is, I just have to find a way to put this devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear in his/her place.  So if you have any suggestions at all I would welcome them.  I know there are no guarantees in life but I honestly do not want to be packing this weight around for the rest of my life.

Yikes how could this happen .....

As you know I have been weighing in daily and doing pretty well with a small lose each day since the 19th.  Well this morning I stepped on the weigh thingamajiggy and it was horrible, just horrible I tell you.  Yesterday I was at 276.4 and this morning I was at 278, I didn't do any binging or eat crazy or anything like that.  Now as crazy as this sounds I am wondering if it is because I only got about 3 hours sleep.  Crap now I have to try and get rid of it all over again.

On the plus side I walked 13614 steps today.  I took hubby to this huge mall and we walked, and we walked and we walked till we couldn't walk anymore.  This is the 2nd time since the 1st of October that I have had a day with total steps over 10,000.  I am really happy with this.

As I said we were mall walking today.  Left home around 7:30, stopped in Airdrie for breakfast with the gang, went mall walking (shopping included of course) and got home around 5:30.  We are both totally exhausted.  I think hubby will need 2 or 3 days just to be able to get enough rest to move again.  He was really happy that I suggested it even though we both knew it would take a terrible tole on him to do it.  We know he is getting weaker so I want to be able to do somethings now before he can't get around anymore.

Of course we had breakfast out and lunch as well but I did only eat half my lunch at noon and brought the rest home so the Pugs and I had it for dinner.  I have decided that I am going to only eat half of every meal no matter what and see if that will be a good start.

I am really tired and can hardly keep my eyes open so going to say good night and till tomorrow, big hugs to you all.

Back after a short absence .....

I had to take a few days away from blogging to be able to digest what had happened to our wonderful Margie and her husband.  I've been reading faithfully everyday the comments being left by others.  It is truly amazing how one person can touch so many lives, what a wonderful legacy she leaves all of us.  Her family has arrived back at home with motorhome in tow and dear Annie settling into her new home.  Now it is time to let her family have some privacy so that they may remember all the wonderful things and let their grief begin a journey of healing.  May God wrap his arms tightly around them and keep them safe.  Margie and Bruce will watch over them from their Heavenly home.  Rest in peace my friends, until we meet again.

It's been a long week for me but much better work wise.  I finally had time to sit down with my Manager today and talk about the interview and why I was unsuccessful for the position.  She told me that my interview was very good and my skills are exceptional, she would just like to see me gain more experience in the Accounts Payable end of things before tackling a supervisory position.  Actually they have not yet filled the postion so it was extended.  I did apply again, because if I don't show and interest I will never succeed at getting where I want to go.

Food has been good the past few days, I'm down from 279.8 on the 19th to 276.4 this morning, so I feel like I am back on the right path again.  I am still weighing daily and charting just as I am wearing my pedometer daily and recording my steps as well.  I won't bore you with those numbers right now.

I have a new granddaughter born on the 19th, 7 lbs 11 oz, Amica Brennan.  I haven't seen her yet but hope to this weekend.  We are actually going to take the day tomorrow and go to a place called Iron Cross Mill, which is a huge shopping center outside of Calgary.  I want to do a little Christmas shopping and hubby wants to visit this enormous sporting goods store there.  I do hope his legs will hold up but if not I will get him a motorized scooter and he can get around that way.

Well that is about all the catching up that I have for now.  Will be back tomorrow after we get home. 

A Tribute to Maggie and Bruce .....

I have just read the postings regarding Maggie and Bruce being killed by a suicidal maniac.  It seems so far fetched you wonder how can this be.  These things don't happen in real life, only in the movies.  But as we can see that is not so.  There is nothing good about this but I know God thought it best to take them both so that they will always be together in eternity.

My heart goes out to Stephanie and her family and to Annie as well, it is a very confusing time even for a pet.  Maggie was such an upbeat person who showed us all that even after the weight lose struggles continue and that you have to constantly be on your toes cuz those pounds can come sneaking back.

Thank you Maggie for being my friend, for your words of wisdom, your humor and most of all for sharing your life with all of us.  You will be missed but God's garden blooms brighter today because you are there. 

I never had the priviledge to meet you but in my heart I knew you and Bruce like you lived next door.  Take care my friend till we meet again.  Hugs!!!

Hanging my head in shame ...........

Yes, I know better but I did it anyway.  Started binging on Saturday and could not stop myself ......... result up 3 pounds this morning.  I really need to think about what I am doing and why.  I know I was a bit stressed out but holy crap I managed to maintain all the way through the wedding and now this.........I'm going to the naughty corner for a time out!

Blog gremlin did it again.........

great I just wrote a great post on determination and willpower and the blog gremlin got it ........grrrrrrrr. 

Determination

1.a determining or being determined (in all senses of the verb)
2.a decision arrived at by thought and investigation; conclusion
3.a firm intention
4.the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose
5.Law the ending of an estate or of an interest or right in property
 
Will·power
1.strength of will, mind, or determination; self-control
2.The strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes, or plans.

Okay, so those are the definitions but now have to decide how to apply them to my life.  I believe that I am going to be able to explore these definitions and with determination will find the willpower to overcome my weight issues.

I did not get the supervisor position I applied for, even though she said I have the skills and had a good interview I was not successful.  I believe that it had to do with seniority as I am a union employee.  I am determined not to let it get to me but to see if there are perhaps some one line courses in management and accounting that I can take so the next time a position comes up I will have the right combination of skills to be successful.

We have come to a decision about hubby's health in that we are starting on a quest for a doctor that is willing to look at him and point him to the right specialist so that we can get to the bottom of his problems.  Someone that is willing to listen and not ignore him because they don't know what the cause is.

We have all out rental units full now with long term leases so that will ease the financial situation a lot. 

All in all life is good and so I am starting a new year of my life with a determination to find the willpower to overcome this horrid weight affliction and meet my goals.  No more horsing around, a more positive attitude towards life, more exercise and less whining......look out world cuz I am on a roll.

Weighed in at 275.6 this morning so have managed to maintain all through the wedding but now it is time to get to below 270.  I have been using the daily weight tracker and I think it has helped me to a least maintain over the past 2 weeks.  As soon as I figure out how to get it on this blog I will do so and if you are interested you can follow along.

Happy birthday to me ......

Yep, today is my birthday, the big 58.  Where has all the time gone.  Sorry I've been neglecting my postings, totally exhausted from all the wedding activities.  Nothing special planned for this evening, went for coffee after work with some of the girls.  Now going to curl up on the couch and watch some TV, tomorrow back to regular posts and back on track.  Have actually done really well the last week, no big gains and walking every day and posting weights on my tracker have helped to keep me under control.

Till tomorrow!!!

Duped ............

Well as is likely with most weddings, this one did not go off without a hitch........this one caused by the happy couple themselves ......on purpose no less.  Remember I told you about the pop corn maker .... well there was a reason she was so adament about it being there.

We arrived at the hall around 3:30 and saw a screen with pictures being shown.  You know, things like pictures of when they were small, school, pics of the kids, etc.  Nothing unusual there!  Well it's getting onto 4 and the guests are getting restless, I'm watching the slide presentation and all of a sudden there is a pic of the them in their wedding attire in the snow.  I think what the heck, this is really good photography and where did they get the background.  Did the local ski hill have snow made already, it's been way to warm for it the past couple of days.

So I continue watching and then all of a sudden there is mention of a helicopter ride and ..........well the rest as they say is history.  They snuck off in a helicopter to the top of a mountain and got married in the snow.  All I can say is good for them for living their dream, they both love the snow.  They had the ceremony taped and then e-mails back to the hall and shown on the screen.  Now you know the reason for the popcorn.  It was getting onto dusk when they arrived so the opportunity for pictures was not real good but we got a few in.

Here comes the bride ....

Well, the big day has arrived.  Got all the salads made and delivered yesterday.  Still a few things to do, like deliver the BBQ and popcorn machine........yep, you read it right, popcorn machine.  At least I was able to talk her out of the dunk tank.  She truly is her father's daughter.....lol. 

It's a big day for us today, our anniversary, youngest daughter's birthday and oldest daughter's wedding day.  Lots of celebrating, hope hubby can endure the pace.  He is getting weaker and weaker........

Improvisation ..........

I did an impromptu job interview today.  I had applied for a supervisor's position some time ago and got a notice that the interview was for tomorrow.  I said to my manager that tomorrow was my day off so she said Tuesday would be ok.  Ok breathing here, having some time to think and prepare.  About 2 she comes and tells me that they had a cancellation at 3 and was I game.  So I went for it, I think it went ok, will know next week.  First time I have ever done something like that and actually think it was a smart thing to do, get it over and done with and then not have to worry all weekend.

Heading to a Carolyn Dawn Johnson concert this evening and then salad making tomorrow.  Lots of company coming either tomorrow night or Saturday so it is going to be hectic aound here.

Yesterday it was important - today is too late .........

This mantra has been running through my head since yesterday.  Work was a bear, I had asked my manager for a few mnutes of time to chat about some issues that I thought needed addressing, especially all the perfume in the office.  Also, wanted to tell her I did not appreciate my supervisor yelling at me when she was frustrated about something else.  Well she obviously did not have or want to take the time so if she comes to me today I will simply say - Yesterday it was important, today is too late......... I don't have time to wait for her to make time.  Made a concious decision about the perfumes and that is that if I get really sick from them I will go to the doctor and make a Worker's Compensation claim, maybe that will open their eyes.  I am not wasting my sick hours because they refuse to do something about it.

Food has been ok the past few days, I have been being careful but no time to write it all down at this point and so many things on my mind that I have forgotten most of it.  I am doing the daily weighin like Tina and really enjoying seeing the progress or lack thereof each day. 

Timer going off, time to shower and rinse the color out of my hair.  Catch you later.

Above ground and kicking ..........

Well, I am still above ground and kicking, still not feeling 100% but hopefully improving every day.  I will try to get in everyday but please forgive me if I don't.  Daughter is getting married this weekend so lots of things to do.

Had to get something to wear that would be appropriate, well that was a chore unto itself.  Seems hubby thinks I wear too much black so I bought a very colorful shirt and some nice black dress pants.  It's going to be a casual wedding so pants are okay.  I had hoped to be down a few more pounds but she says she loves me just the way I am - all of me!!  Gotta love those kids that love you unconditionally.

Well I am off to bed as I still have 3 more days of work, a dental appointment, a concert to attend and major salad making to do before weekend.  Oh ya, still have to put a color in my hair and attend my OA meeting.....good thing Monday is a holiday cuz I will need it to rest up.  Did I mention I also have a book review to write before Wednesday!!!!

Dying, but not dead yet ......

Oh, what a horrible day, I work up this morning wishing I was dead, my sinuses are stuffed and I have a horrid fever.  I can thank all my co-workers for this as most of them don't seem to get what "NO SCENTS" means and insist on dousing themselves in perfume that I am extremely allergic to.  Guess they don't realize what they think smells nice can actually kill me......ugh!

To Sheilah that nominated me for the award I want to say thank you so much once again.  I really wish I could follow the thread and do the postings and the nominating that is required but I just don't have the time.  Most of the blogs I follow are already nominated and I have to admit that I only follow a few as time is limited.  I feel that everyone that has the courage to post a blog on a weight lose/maintenance deserves an award.  It takes a lot of courage for some people to own up to what has been an obstacle all their life.  So as much as I would love to accept I am afraid I must decline.

To all of you that follow my blog, bless your hearts.  I have made some lasting friendships due to you visiting here whether daily or now and then.  Your comments and suggestions are the best and I never take offence at any of them.

This week my best friend from high school lost her son-in-law to suicide.  Please pray for his family, her family and especially his wife and two small children.  We don't know why people are driven to such desperate acts and it is not for us to sit in judgement but to provide comfort and understanding to those left behind, who so often take the blame for that person's actions onto themselves.  Mental illness is a terrible disease and so devastating. 

Ok, I am heading off for a nap with hopes of waking up feeling better.

I'm not lost or forgotten, I hope ..............

Sorry all, I have been absent for a couple of days.  Monday's are really hard for me to get to my blog as I have my TOPS meeting and being the newly relected Leader finds me giving more time to what has to be done there.  Last night I feel asleep at 7 p.m. and didn't wake up till 6 this morning.  I was totally wiped out from having had a couple of sleepless nights again.  Hubby has been experiencing some drastic lows in his blood sugars so I try to sleep with one ear open so I can hear him if he needs me.  When I sleep it is pretty sound so I am lousy at knowing if he needs me or not.  I keep telling him he needs to wake me up but he never does.

To the blogger that nominated me for the Blog of Substance Award I want to say thank you.  I apologize because I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do.  I'm a bit on the not so techie savie side when it comes to these blog items.  I had a hard enough time just getting my blog set up.  I do appreciate the nomination but can someone help me with the fine print please.

Fear is a factor..........

After reading Ann's blog yesterday it really set me to thinking about a lot of things.  We are all statistics in so many ways.  All the elements of our lives lend to statistics.......what we spend, what we earn, where we live, age, race, etc. etc. I had a bad scare last evening and it really got me to thinking about my whole life situation.  Not unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers we have lots of set backs and drama in my family.  It seems that is what life is made up of nowadays.  Whatever happened to the little suburban house, white picket fence and 2.1 children.  Hubby goes to work, wife is a stay at home mom and they live a happy life.  Was life ever like that or is that a pipe dream?

So I made a nice dinner last evening and did not overeat, nothing after supper, everything was good.  Around 9:30 I got the most horrible case of heartburn.  There were no antacids in the house so I took a dose of baking soda and water and it seemed to ease off a bit.  Then I sat down at the computer to do something and it came back with a vengence along with a really sharp pain in the centre of my back.  What the heck, I thought to myself......this does not feel right.  Of course my immediate thought was I'm having a heart attack and I'm going to become a statistic.  I angished over what to do, I definitely did not want to even think about going to the hospital.  I read the symptoms for women having a heart attack and figured that wasn't it as there was no cold sweats or arm pain.  I took another does of baking soda, let out a big belch and told hubby I was going to bed and to check on me in awhile.  If I was still breathing then let me be, if not well it wouldn't have really mattered then.

The whole point of this is that I know any kind of chest discomfort when you are overweight can be serious, so please don't lecture me about it.  The problem is fear factors into this in that I do not want to go to the hospital and go through all the tests just to have them tell me it's indigestion.  I don't need the lecture on ..."well if you would lose some weight"..."you're a candidate for a real heart attack" .....so forth and so on.  I am so sick of hearing this from doctors that I just do not want to deal with them anymore.  So which is the bigger fear......facing the unkind comments of the medical profession or having a possible heart attack?  At this point in time I can't answer that question, except that for now all is well and I feel fine.

Our financial situation is holding steady, it's not great but we still have our heads above water, barely.  We still have two vacant rental units.  Hubby showed one this evening, not sure why people think they can just walk in and start running a place down and then say they should get a break on the rent.  Our units are some of the cleanest and most reasonably priced in the city and I'll leave them empty before I rent to people like that.  We gathered up some things that have been sitting around here for awhile and I put them on our local internet ad site.  Did fairly well in getting rid of some it, not a lot of money but definitely will help some.  We'll just keep praying and I'm sure that things will get better soon.

 Food today was okay but sporatic to say the least.  I think I messed up a couple of times.  Went pantry diving tonight for dinner and made a tuna casserole.  It was kinda bland, think I am losing my cooking skills, everything I make lately tastes horrid. 

Hubby's ear has started acting up again so he went back to the specialist on Friday, they are now booking him for surgery.  That plus the fact that his legs are getting weaker is definitely not helping things.  And so goes the ongoing chapter in our lives.  Will we make it, yes, of course because we are fighters and don't know the meaning of the word "quit". 

In two weeks our oldest daughter is getting married so that will be a joyous time for all of us.  Behind every cloud is a sliver lining.  We are alive, our health is relatively good and with the grace of God we will be ok.

Smarten Up Pill ..........

I was reading through some of the blogs I follow this morning and came across one that literally popped my eyes open and made myself wonder what the HELL I am trying to do to myself (http://annssmalljourney.blogspot.com/).  Wow, how her post set off a series of thought processes in my mind. 

Sometimes I lay awake at night too scared to close my eyes for fear I will die in my sleep, knowing full well that fear comes from the fact that I am packing around another person on my frame besides myself.  Do I want to die .... of couse not, nobody does.  So then why do I continue to allow myself to eat unhealthy and constantly run that risk?

As I read the comments in regards to Ann's post I realized how lucky I really am as there is not a lot of history in my family regarding heart disease or deaths from heart problems.  In fact most of my ancestors have lived to be well into their 80's and 90's.  Does that make me complacent....... you bet it does, because of course it could never happen to me.  A doctor once told me I will never die from a heart attack as my cholesterol levels are right in target.  And again, in comes the wow factor .........I've got it made, no heart attack for me.  How stupid is that?  He neglected to tell me about all the other things that could go wrong in my body...... diabetes, digestion problems, etc. ..... Now I need to take the things posted on Ann's blog as gospel and start believing that if I don't change my ways, I will become a statistic.

Thank you Ann for this post, it was definitely an eye opener.  For some that read it they will just go ..ya, whatever .... and go along as they always have and become that statistic.  Not me, I am going back to read it over again, and again, and again so that it is a constant reminder of what can happen if you don't pay attention to what you are putting your body through. 

With this all in my head, so dawns another day and another chance to do things right, and it could possibly be my last chance.  I will forge forward from today and make those eating choices to hopefully get my weight down some more and get healthy.  Anyone with me???

Breakfast
latte
1 egg omelette w/red pepper, green onion & sprinkling of cheese
1 slice whole wheat toast
4 oz yogurt

Lunch
1 cup beef barley soup
1 Stouffer's Pepperoni Crustini (340 calories)
1 glass Zero Iced Tea

Dinner
5 PotStickers (190)
3 oz pork tenderloin
1 cup steamed veggies
1/2 cup cucumbers
1 latte

Not much new today .........

Pretty boring day again today, work was super busy.  A girlfriend invited me to A LiaSophia party (jewelry) tonight and I had called her to cancel as right now we are really watching our spending in order not to get into any more financial difficulties.  She insisted that I come anyway so I did but felt really awkward so I left early.  I'm not ashamed to have to be careful with money right now but I always feel an obligation to buy something when I go to a home party.  This is the first time in my life I have even gone and not boughten something and I feel a little wierd about it.  Oh well, guess I will get over it.

Breakfast
1 cup rice krsipies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

Lunch
1 pkg teriakyi chicken
1 bottle calmato juice
1 jello w/fruit cup

Dinner
1 cup yellow beans
1 cup hamburger concoction (I decided to cook and this was easy and tasted terrible)

Snack
1 glass white wine
4 crackers with cheese dip

I got a call from a young gentleman that I knew in his formative years, he is the son of someone that I was in a relationship with a long time ago.  He was looking for some advise and I was honored that he called me to talk to.  I guess some of us just leave a life long impression on others.  He has always had a place in my heart even though things with his dad didn't work out, and not only that but his mom and I are really good friends.  I always said that I got the best parts of the relationship.  Thank you God for your blessings.

Food for thought ..............

What an amazing sentence..........FOOD FOR THOUGHT.  When you really stop and think about it, food is most times for overeaters a thought.  We think about it constantly, whether we are trying to change our eating habits or looking to binge.  What were your food thoughts today?

I'm usually pretty good till after work and then my brain goes into power drive.  Even when I make an early dinner and vow that I am not going to get into anything else for the rest of the evening, I usually end up having my mind wonder to what is in the pantry or cupboards that I can get into.  I've been really good about not eating after dinner as I know that doing so will only lead to a night of no sleep due to relux.  So what I have been doing is telling myself that if I want any of the food in the pantry/cupboards I have to eat it at dinner time.  Usually I am feeling full from dinner so it is only FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Yesterday was a really busy day at work, I had my first teleconference call for the Steering Committee and then we had a Staff Engagement Session in the afternoon.  Totally exhausting because I actually had to use the intelligent part of my brain instead of the part that is in work mode and knows what it is doing.  That probably sounds a bit silly but it is true.  I work with numbers all day so they have become routine, but when we have these meetings I have to use my logical thinking skills and that sometimes sucks.

Our granddaughter became a teenager today, oh woo to her parents.  I remember turning 13 and causing my parents (my mom in particular) all kinds of grief.  Actually she's a good kid so I don't think they will have too many problems.

Breakfast
1 cup rice krispies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

Lunch
Smart Choice Seasame Chicken
1 chocolat pudding cup

Dinner
2 pieces frozen pizza

Boring .............

I'm afraid that is what you will find this post, extremely boring as I have nothing exciting to write about.  It's been one of those days that started at 3 a.m. and now I want to go lay down for a rest but that is not to be as I have an OA meeting to go to.

Breakfast
4 oz yogurt
1 fruit cup

Snack
Sanck bar

Lunch
Teriyaki Chicken Bowl
1 pudding cup

Dinner
1 cup raw veggies
1 cup cooked veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Chicken Dinner

Wowsers .....

Yesterday was pretty much a write off as I had a horrible headache and spent most of the day just lazing around doing nothing.  It was back to work today and I have my TOPS meeting tonite so will see what the weigh in says.  Think I will be up a little bit as I was when I got back from Vegas.  Will post results later.

Put an application in today on a sdupervisor position at work.  It's for the same department I am working for now, it would just be a promotion if I get it.  Again, it's a hurry up and wait game and I absolutely hate that but it's the world of government employment so I have to learn to have some patience.

Other than that today was pretty boring.  Food was ok as it usually is when I am working, it's the weekends that do me in.

Breakfast
4 oz yogurt
1 mango fruit cup

Lunch
1 cup raw veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Salisbury Steak
1 jello w/fruit cup

Dinner
Will have dinner out after my meeting so will fill this in when I get home.

Chicken Ceasar Salad w/dressing on the side

Weigh in was only up .4 from 2 weeks ago............woooooohoooooooooo!!!!!!

Grrrrrrrrr...........

Why can something as simple as losing weight not be simple?  I was having a great day yesterday and then ...... well, I did it to myself.  When I was in Vegas I found sugar-free Oreo cookies so I brought some back with me.  Because hubby is diabetic I am always on the look out for things that are sugar free for him plus I do not like Oreo cookies.  So what in the world possessed me to sit down and eat half a package of them (400 calories)?  I wasn't bored and I still don't like Oreo cookies, so what the HE__ made me do it?  This seems to be an age old question for those of us struggling with weight, and there is no hard and fast answer.  I was cold so made a cup of tea and then decided I needed a cookie to go with it.  Now if I had stopped at 2 (100 calories) it would have been fine, but half the package ......... really, what was I thinking?  Actually, I wasn't thinking or I would not have done it.  All I have to say is ........ grrrrrrrrrrr!  So of course then I over ate at dinner as I cooked and again, I know better because I always do that.  They say it is mind over matter but for some reason my mind is not working in the right direction.  Okay, enough of the self pity and kicking my butt back onto program.  The frozen meals may not  be the best tasting but at least they keep in check for portion control.

Today I forgot about food..... well not exactly forgot about food but decided to spend the day thinking of things other than food and calories. First we went for a visit so that I could cuddle my new granddaughter, she's up to 8 lbs 5 oz and starting to smile.  It is amazing how much difference a month can make.  We had a scare last week that she might of had Cystic Fibrosis but the tests came back negative.  She is a carrier but not a host, for that we are eternally grateful.

Hubby and I had a date this afternoon so we grabbed a quick bite at Dairy Queen, I had the chicken salad and then went to a movie - Grownups........ it was hilarious.  Then we went to the hardware store to get some light bulbs, seems that if one goes, they all go and it was getting pretty dim in here.  We had a bowl of soup for supper and now I am on my way to bed to curl up with the manuscript of a friend's book that she had written and asked me to proof read. 

Good nite all and tomorrow will dawn another day!!!!

Home Sweet Home .....

Hi everyone, well I am back from Vegas and we had a great time, but as with all vacations it's nice to be home again.  As you can see there was a bit of a gain but I am happy with the scale this morning.

Vegas was great, the shows were awesome, especially Garth Brooks, and the girls were the best travelling companions.  We did a lot of walking and tried to eat sensibly, but that sometimes fell short.  We tried to not eat out more than once a day and the rest of the time we had fruit and munchies in our room.  Our rooms at Treasure Island left a lot to be desired and I definitely would not stay at that hotel again.  We did go for buffet one evening and two of us spent the night in the washroom throwing up so obviously something was not right.

Got home early Wednesday morning but had to take a couple of days to adjust.  Yesterday was a very emotional day for me as I had some very personal issues that I had a hard time dealing with.  Still feeling somewhat stressed but hopefully I can get back in the groove.  It's extremely hard when someone that you love with all your heart tells you that you act like a first class BITCH and the consquences to those actions are not going to be pleasant.

After hours of reflection I realized that person was right and I really need to change the way I do certain things so as not to offend anyone.  Sometimes that peson that stares back at you in the mirror is not who you think it is.  To be truthful for a while yesterday I just wanted everything to come to an end but that solves nothing,  Forgiveness of ones self is the first step to recovery but more importantly having someone you have hurt forgive you is the ultimate factor.

I will attempt to work through this and pray that God gives me the guidance that I need and the strength to deal with my faults in a postive manner.

On top of all that I went to get my driver's licence renewed yesterday and almost failed the vision test.  I couldn't read the small print on the chart and the numbers in the colored circles were all blurry.  They did finally renew it but I have the feeling that next time they won't, so I have a 5 year repreive.  I have noticed that my sight has been getting worse the last few months, things are blurry and my glasses don't seem like they are strong enough.  I had my dialation testing done in July but she said there was no significant change so not sure what is going on.

So I am back on track with food and hope to stay that way now.  Next big event is our daughter's wedding on October 9th.  I still haven't found an outfit as I want to wait and see how much more I can get off before then.  I'm not setting a goal but just hoping I can keep off what I have lost and continue to watch the scale go down every week.

And the excitement builds.....

Just popped in to let you all know that I will not be posting from now till I get back from Vegas.  I have a million things to do and I was sick all weekend so that has put me behind.  I hope you all have an awesome time well I am gone.

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!

Slave labour should be abolished.......

hey wait a minute, it was.  Obviously, hubby didn't hear about it cuz he was a slave driver yesterday.  We did 3 yards and I was so tired last night I didn't even have the strength to turn the computer on.  Had a shower and was in be by 8:30 with every muscle screaming, "are you crazy".  Still cannot bend over this morning, ugh.  Really drives home the emphasis that it I wasn't the size of 2 people in 1 I could handle days like that.

Food was not bad but not good yesterday.  Due to how much we had to do we went for burger's at lunch and then ordered Chinese for dinner.  I didn't overeat but can almost bet they weren't that healthy.  Oh well, once in awhile is better than all the time.

My back is killing me so I am heading off for a snooze.

Please don't dessert me .....

My wonderful internet went down again, hence I have been missing in action.  Crap I'm getting really sick of this and every time they send a tech it's always the other guys fault.  Anyway I am back on line and just waiting for the pizza to finish baking so will be back as soon as dinner is over.  Hang in there with me folks, if I'm not here there is usually a pretty good reason.

Okay here are the answers to Tina's 8 questions:

1. What pets do you have?
     2 actually, both dogs, Pugs, one with attitude one without.  One is an Angel the other is out Wild Child.

2. What is your favorite color?
     I have a real hankering for blue and black so will say blueblack.

3. What TV show are you addicted too?
     Desparate Housewives

4. How tall are you?
    Well I used to be 5'2 but somewhere along the road I shrunk now I'm a little over 5'.

5. Have you ever got a speeding ticket? How many!
    Only ever one and swear it was not my fault!!!

6. If you could wave a magic wand, what one thing would you change about yourself instantly? (physical or otherwise)
    I think my weight because then I could enjoy doing all the things that I should have done to stay healthy and prevented gaining all this extra poundage.

7.What one thing do you love about yourself, and wouldn't change? (physical or otherwise)
    I would want to just be who I am now, caring and loving.

8. How long do you think you will keep up your blog? forever?
     At this point there is no knowing, I enjoy my blog because it is like writing a personal diary without paper and pen, so for now I am here and what ever will be, will be.

Heck that was easy.

Doing the happy dance .....

Well I'm busting my buttons with pride.  I did up our monthly books for my TOPS group and for the first time in a long time I am loser of the month, down 6.2 pounds.  But not only that I also get special recognition for having a lose four weeks in a row.  Doing the happy dance here, what incentive to continue on.

Had a lousy start to the day, not only did I wake up at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep, when I finally did decide enough was enough, I got up decided to have breakfast........going downhill from here......

Breakfast
4 oz of yogurt (35)
1 small orange - which I could not eat because it was totally dried out inside
1 serving cereal - nope again, no milk

Left house in a really bad mood..........

Lunch
Smart Choice Seasame Chicken Dinner (270) - tasted like sawdust
1/2 cup canned mandarin oranges (70)

Went home and had to have a sleep, not able to even focus on making a decent meal.

Dinner
1 pkg instant noodles (120)
1 pineapple sherbert (100)

What a lousy day as far as food is concerned, rats, and I was doing so good.

I have been walking for at least 20 minutes each day so that is helping.

Counting down to Vegas.....

Well, I'm starting to get excited about heading off to Vegas, nine more sleeps and it's party time.  Hard to believe I've been planning this since last November, just wish hubby was coming with me, but maybe next time.

Breakfast
1/2 cup yogurt (35)
1 small banana (60)
1 slice toast w/1 teaspoon margarine (150)

Lunch
1 raw pepper (25)
1 pkg Stouffer's Salisbury Streak (240)
1 pudding cup (70)

Dinner
1 cup cooked peppers w/mushrooms (50)
2 scrambled eggs w/grated cheese (290)
1/2 cup cucumber (25)
1 tea biscuit (110)

Excusa the toes .........

As you can see I weighed in this morning but got my big feet in the road......excusa the toes.  I'm quite pleased with number.

Breakfast

1/2 cup yogurt (35)

1/2 cup fruit cocktail (70)

Snack

1 snack bar (100)

Lunch

1 cup cucumbers (50)

1 pkg Stouffer's Fried Chicken Breast (230)

1/2 cup canned mandarin oranges (90)

Dinner

Tuna sandwich on homemade bread (300) - I'll pay for this later but it was sooooo good

I was loser of the week at my TOPS meeting tonight, weighed in 3.6 lbs lighter than last week (gives self pat on back).

Living in the past ......

Well today I decided to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes......geneology.  I spent most of the day on the computer searching for information to fill in the blanks on my family history.  It felt good just to sit back and relax, I actually made some headway so that was a bonus.

Breatfast
1 Aunt Jemima Bagel w/egg & cheese (270)
1 maxichinno (60)
1/2 cup fruit cocktail (70)

Lunch
2 tuna salad on whole wheat buns (300)
1 cup raw veggies (50)
1 cup diet jello (20)

Dinner
1 pkg Smart Ones Salisbury Steak (200)
1/4 cup couscous (160)
1 cup raw veggies (50)

Lost in space ..............

Cyber space that is!  Just we I thought we had the internet problem under control it went out again.  So I once again picked up the phone and this time conceded to having a tech come check it out.  Right after I hung up, yep you guessed it, it came back on.  I had pretty much already determined that the problem was with our modem and the tech confirmed it.  He replaced it and all seems well now with an added bonus of no charge to us for the tech as it was equipment failure.  Now if they had just listened to me in the first place this whole fiasco could have been solved immediately.  When will they ever learn that even us ordinary people have brains.......geez.

And of course we had another storm breeze through night before last (only a little thunder, but really strong winds), it broke some trees in the neighborhood.  Fall is coming quicker that I like considering we have had no summer at all.  Hopefully will will be nice and long and we'll have great weather for the next couple of months.

Getting excited about my Vegas trip in a couple of weeks.  My niece gets home from Kentucky on Sunday so she can have some quality time with her mom before I whisk her away again.  This is going to be an awesome trip as the 4 of us click so well together.

I've been really watching my food and just out of curiosity I stepped on the scale this morning and was down from Monday's weigh in.  Keep your fingers crossed that I have a good weekend, short term goal is to be at 270 on Monday morning.

Breakfast
1 pkg Aunt Jemima scrambled eggs  w/bacon & hash brown potato (300)
1 latte (100)

Lunch
1 can Campbell's Tomato & Rice soup (250)
4 oz canned peaches (50)

Dinner
1 pkg Green Giant Healthy Choice Sesame Chicken Steamer (330)
1/2 cup butternut squash (40) - i ate it, but I didn't like it
1 cup raw cucumbers/peppers (50)
1/2 tomato (25)
1/2 cup diet jello (10)
1 glass Tetley infusion tea (100)

I could just scream ...........

I have had no internet for two days now and I just want to scream.  I had major words with our carrier last night and all I heard is "it must be something inside the wiring of your house".  I could have strangled him, but I agreed to let them have a service tech come and see if he could find the problem, but he can't come till tomorrow afternoon.  By now I'm spitting nails and my blood pressure is about ready to cause me to have heart failure.  But of course I am at their mercy.

I came home from work today not to be daunted by a lack of internet.  Had hubby do a couple of things that might be the problem if it is our wiring, no luck.  Cleaned off my desk so that the tech could get to the wiring and decided to reboot and try one last time.  Voila, I had internet, how comvenient for them.  So I called to cancel the tech and they said "we'll have him drop by anyway just to check".  My question was "and who's paying for this", response "well you are of course".  Needless to say, my cork blew and I had some very choice words in relation to what they could do with that idea and if the tech shows up and I get billed for it there will be hell to pay.

Now I have vented I feel better.  Crap, I hate it when these things happen.  And of course because I wasn't able to blog I got into all sorts of food items that I normally wouldn't.  So now I am back on line, tomorrow begins a new day.

Weigh in this morning ....

Wow Monday comes way, way to fast.  I realized this morning that I had forgot to post my weight last week and I can't find the picture, think hubby's been playing with the camera again.  So anyway, here is today's weigh in and it's looking good.

Lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer ...almost gone

The leaves have started to turn to fall colors and the nights are getting cooler, before long summer will be over and fall arriving.  Fall is my favorite time of year, I love the coolness and colors that go with it.  We haven't had much of a summer, lots of rain and cool temps.

Got to see my adorable new granddaughter yesterday and had lots of cuddles.  See picture over there >>>>.  She's absolutely adorable, of course I could never say anything else about her.

Having a lazy day today, doing a bit of cleaning and baked some blueberry bran muffins (I have a need for some extra fibre).  Just letting my mind wonder where ever it likes, remembering the past, enjoying the present and wondering about the future.  I love days like this, it's like being frozen in time with no worries or cares.

Breakfast
1 hazelnut macichinno (60)
1 homemade bran muffin (175)
4 oz yogurt (35)
8 oz watermelon (60)

Lunch
1 Stouffer's Philly Steak; Cheese Crustini (310)

Snack
2 homemade bran muffins (350)
16 oz watermelon (120)

Dinner
3 oz pork chop (165)
6 perogies w/1 tblspoon sour cream & 1 tablespoon bacon bits (370)
8 brussel sprouts in butter sauce (100)

I know I have over eaten today but really needed to get things moving.  Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!

Cravings ........

Do you ever get that "I just have to have ______________ or I'm going to die" feeling.  Where no sensible thought in the world can convince you otherwise?  That seems to have been my life the past couple of days.  Now I know when these ugly cravings raise their head it can be a total disaster for my eating program.

We don't keep bread in the house because it is a terrible trigger.  Even the healthy kind can be a devil in disguise.  Hubby can make a sandwich out of anything and give me a loaf of fresh bread and butter and it is gone in one sitting.  Yesterday when I got home from work I was craving bread, I wanted a big old deli sandwich filled with all the right things.  Friday night is frozen pizza night in our house, it's the end of the work week and time for winding down before the weekend.  So I made the pizza and we had dinner and afterwards mentioned to hubby about the craving.  He asked me if the pizza had satisfied that craving so I stopped and thought about it for a minute and low and behold the craving was gone.  So I now ask the question, did I really have a craving or was I just hungry. 

This morning I woke up and thought well it's Saturday maybe we should go out for breakfast.  I was again craving ham, eggs, hasbrowns and of course toast.  But before I run this by hubby I wanted to get my shopping out of the road before the stores became crowded.  So I headed off to Wal-Mart to get some little things for the new baby and I knew we needed some fresh fruit.

If you have been reading my posts lately you  have probably noticed a pattern of eating that involves frozen entrees.  A while back I had posted about how being on Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem is a very expensive form of dieting.  Well I have been experimenting with some forzen entrees and have found one particular brand that is really tasty and has a great variety.  I sat down with hubby one evening and we discussed what our biggest problem with food is and discovered for both of us that it is portion control.  If I cook we eat way, way too much, gourging till we are sick.  I even tried cooking just enough for two - good luck with that one, if you have ever tried it you know that there is no such thing, there's always too much of something.  So for the past couple of weeks our lunch and dinner have comprised of fruits, veggies and frozen entrees. 

So I got off topic there for a minute, anyway, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some fresh fruit and see if there were any frozen entrees on sale.  As I was looking I came across Aunte Jemima Scrambles, roasted potatoes, ham, eggs, cheese, peppers and onions.  I checked the calorie content and one package is 260, I bought two different types as a trial run.  Got home and heated one up and guess what, craving was once again gone.

So what really are cravings, in my world I always thought of them as a deep need to have something, now I think it just means I am hungry because I'm hungry.  If I had given in this morning and gone for breakfast I can guarantee I would have been looking at 1000+ calories (cuz we always go for buffet and that means lots of breakfast, lunch and dessert items).  So I managed to get all the things I was craving, minus the toast, and still stay within a reasonable amount of calories.  So from now on when I get what I consider a craving, I'm going to look hard for a substitute and ensure that I am only eating because I am hungry.

Anyway back to my shopping story from this morning, I actually had to make two different stops at grocery stores.  One has nicer produce and the other had our frozen entrees on sale for 5 for $10.00.  Now that works out to $2.00 a meal as compared to $4+ for Jenny Craig and NutriSystem and they definitely taste better and seem to be quite satisfying.  I am still making the occasional meal as we do not want to get tired of the routine or we will fail.  I also had a craving for iced tea and have been watching the ad on TV for Tetley Iced Tea Infusions, a word of caution, they are loaded in sugar.  50 calories in 1/2 sachet so that is 100 calories for a 2 cup serving, not necessarily outragous but really have to watch how many a person has in a day.  So on days when I want iced tea I will give up my latte's.

Breakfast
1 pkg Aunt Jemima Scrambles (260)

Lunch
1 pkg Lean Cusine Glazed Chicken (190)
1 bottle of Iced Tea (100)

Dinner
1 pkg Stouffer's Meat Lasagna (320) - oh my this was the best lasagna
1 cup steamed green beans (100)
1 cup raw veggies (50)
1 cup diet jello (10)