Monday, June 20, 2011

Oops .............

Ok I blew my TOPS weigh in tonight, up 2.4 lbs from last week.  What can I say, it's been a hell of a week what with ending up in the hospital and all.  Not an excuse for sure just a fact of life.  Tomorrow will be the start of a better week.

Not much else to report, still feeling queasy and back still hurts somewhat but at least I'm alive and know it is not my heart so all is well.  Just a quick check in as I am off to bed, too tired to stay awake any longer.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Wow that was a bit scary .....

Well I've been absent for a very good reason.  I have been having major back pain since last weekend and nauseated for the past couple of weeks.  Well Wednesday it all came to a head and I wound up in the hospital.  The story goes something like this:

3 p.m. At work, back is major sore and nausea is getting out of control.  Head to GP's office to have her check it out.

4 p.m. Find myself in an ambulance from the doctor's office on my way to the hospital with all kinds of heart monitors, blood pressure cuffs, etc hooked up.

6 p.m. Seen by doctor in ER, not sure what is going on, need to do tests.

8 p.m.  Doctor returns still no answers but need to do blood enzymes at 9 p.m. to rule out heart attack.

11 p.m.  Doctor comes back, enzymes ok, but going to keep me till tomorrow so they can do a CT scan and check for torn aorta.

Next day:

11 a,m.  CT scan done

noon   Doctor says all clear

1 p.m.  Back at home with pain killers and anit-vomiting pills.

4 p.m.  In bed having a wonderful sleep

8 p.m.  Up and moving around

10 p.m.  Another round of meds and it's nighty, night

07:45 a.m.  Back at my desk, all is well :)

Remember that a heart attack in a woman is much different than in a man.  Men feel it in their chest and left arm, a woman has pain in her back, radiating to her neck and shoulders with severe vomiting.  Mine was not a heart attack, thank goodness.  Most likely a pinched nerve that made the pain so bad that I started to throw up.  So after 24 hours in the hospital, looking like I've been in a bar brawl, due to IV starts, I am back to normal.  Thank God my doctor was smart enough to recognize what could have been a potentially serious problem and took immediate action.  Do I feel foolish, somewhat, but on the other hand I am still here and very much alive.   I plan on staying that way for awhile.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Church Picnic ....

We had to take our TOPS picnic inside tonight as Mother Nature decided to dump rain on our parade.  We have our meetings in the basement of a local church so we just had a "church" picnic.  I was extremely proud of all our members tonight, their pot luck dishes were light salads and light desserts.  There is always lots of food to go around but it was nice to see that everyone was thinking healthy.  We didn't have any potato or macaroni salads, they were all vegetable salads.  Desserts were fruit with light topping and watermelon.  For once I feel as if they actually heard what I said and even listened. 

I had precooked our meal so all I had to do was heat it up.  I sauted some chicken breasts and diced them up then added 1/2 a boiled potato, 1/2 cup green peas and green onions, wrapped it all up in a tinfoil pouch and that with salad was great.

It's hard to decide what to take to a potluck when there are so many tempting things out there. Usually we end up with lots of bought salads and desserts but this time they really put an effort into it and you could tell that everyone was pleased. 

Offical weigh in tonight saw me at 287.2 lbs.  That put me down 3.4 lbs from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago.  I'm pleased with that, it's going to be a slow but steady pace that I want to set for myself.  I have really been there for the members this week.  We have a facebook page and anyone that posted they were struggling I made sure I gave them a call with some encouragement.  They need me as much as I need them so hopefully I have found the winning combination.

Work is busy but I really do enjoy this new position, it is so much less stressful.  My manager wants to give me a title but he doesn't like the words clerk or administrative assistant.  I've been trying to come up with some ideas but so far a blank.  Can anyone think of a position title that describes both those things but doesn't use the words?  He sent me an e-mail today and said I was doing a fantastic job, made my day.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Journaling and it's powers .......

I wish I had the wit some bloggers do like Skippy I'd be a happy camper if I could look at things with that gift.  But right now I have no wit and even less of a sense of humor.  One thing I do know is that journaling is very theaputic and I am going to get back into the routine.  I have to remind myself that I started this blog because I thought I had what it takes to do the impossible .......... get rid of the weight.  Then when it didn't happen I quit writing and it only got worse.

This blog is for me.  Those that come to visit, I love you to death and always so appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement.  Skippy I love you with all my heart.  Too many times bloggers dealing with weight lose start off fantastic and then for some reason fad into the dust.  I am not going to be one of those people.  I need to be here and do this for me.

I love my husband, my job and maybe not so much the hard parts of my life but I have to learn to deal with them and that starts now.  You may read some things on here that will make you wonder about my life but I'm going to be ok.  I am a survivor and I have to remember what Margie's last post was about.  It was about the letter "B" and it's about beginning and believing.  Tomorrow I begin again and I believe I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to and I am back with a vengence.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new way of living for me.  I may not lose that 15 pounds before July 9th but I am going to give it my best shot.  If I don't then people will just have to accept me the way I am because that is who I am and until it changes then love me the way I am. 

Journaling they say is the best way to destress and deal with everyday happenings and being able to let go of things that a person holds onto and should have let go of a long time ago.  I am strong, I am able and I am willing, may the force be with me.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's Been Awhile ....

And from the look of my stats I am the only one checking here anymore.  Oh well.  What happened to me you ask, I really don't know.  My life become out of control as did my eating.  Ballowed up to 292.6 pounds.  Yep, almost 300, yet I look in the mirror and I don't see that.  Does that happen to anyone else?  Have managed to get back down to 285.2 as of this morning so I am pleased with that.

Really disappointed in myself though as I've had a long time to get this weight off in time for my son's wedding and now I will have to find something to wear at tent and awning.  I have no one to blame but myself and I take full responsibility.  I still have almost 4 weeks till the big day so hoping I get at least another 15 off.  That would make me feel a little better.

Had my annual check up a couple of weeks ago.  Blood work and all was fine.  Cholestrol was normal, not sure how I pulled that off.  She did put me on Wellbutrin to see if it will help with the depression.  She said sometimes we just have to have little help and she thinks it is the best.  Only been on it for 2 weeks so no major improvement as of yet.  These things usually take about 6 weeks before they are at maximum power.

Still nothing on hubby.  More and more tests but no results.  His new doctor says we may never know what it is.  Wonder how the insurance company will like that one?  I can almost guess.  If you don't know what it is then you probably don't have it.  I'm so angry with them right now.  Actually I'm angry at everyone and everything right now.  My life is in total shambles and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.