Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Change of Focus for Blog

Merry Christmas everyone.  I was thinking of starting a new blog for my cancer journey and then thought I'll just change my focus from weight lose to my journey for life.

It still all seems so surreal but now the "Dance Like There's No Tommorrow" is far more appropriate for this journey.

I thought I would do a time line blog of my journey and then I will always know what happened when.

November 26th - Great Grandson was born but also the day I found the lump in my right breast.

December 10th - Doctor's appointment, appointment made for mammogram and ultraosound.

December 20th - Mammogram and ultrasound of right breast.  Looked at the pictures and compared them to my mammogram in May, it was not there at that time.

December 21st - Doctor's appointment to get test results - ultrasound showed tendancy towards malignancy, there are no feelers and nothing in the lymph nodes which puts it at a stage one, localized cancer.  Waiting for an appointment for the biopsy.

Hard to believe that in less than a month your whole life can be turned upside down.

From here on I will only be posting when something concerning my cancer is happening, other than that life will simply go on.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Test Results

The news was good and bad.  Bad in that the ultrasound showed signs of malignancy, good in that it is localized to the lump, no invasion of the lymph nodes and no feelers running out,  Waiting for an appointment for the biopsy for confirmation.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Waiting is so hard ............

This waiting for the tests and results is so difficult.  Time seems to be dragging so slow.  Even with all the Christmas preparations and excitement I can't seem to get thru the days fast enough.  Sleep has been eluding me since my doctor's appointment.  I' can manage 2 - 3 hours a night and then I'm wide awake.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

SHort Update ....

Went to the doctor yesterday and she has ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  These are booked for the 20th and will get the results on the 21st.  Trying hard to stay positive as that is half the battle.  I spoke with my manager today to let him know what is happening.  I felt sorry for him as I didn't realize the impact it might have.  He had tears in his eyes and couldn't speak for a few minutes but told me that no matter how much time I needed just to take it and he would make sure no one fussed about it (we have some in our office that have a tendancy to stick their noses in other people's lives).  I just wanted to reach out and hug him, he is so awesome.
It's still somewhat surreal, I think because my sister starts her 6 weeks of radiation on Monday.  Here she's not even finished and there maybe a chance I'll be starting.  But it is Christmas and I refuse to let this small bump in the road slow me down.  Hubby brought the tree in tonight and now my house smells like pine.  Will get the decorations on it tomorrow.  Gonna work on my Christmas cards tonight and hopefully get them in the mail by weekend.

Monday, December 10, 2012

It Doesn't Feel Any Different

I became a great-grandmother on November 26th.  I don't feel any different as nothing has really changed.  I have not been contacted by my grandson so I have no particulars on this little one other than it is a boy and they call him CJ.  It really hurt at first to know they want me to have nothing to do with him but I have now resigned myself to it.  I gave away all the things I had made and bought so they are not a reminder of what was supposed to be a joyous occasion.
I have spent the past 2 days getting my Christmas baking done and managed to not do a lot of taste testing (used hubby instead).  Next weekend my youngest son and his boy will be spending a day with us as they have other plans for Christmas.  On the 23rd is our big family celebration.  Last count there were 18 stockings hung on the bannister. 
I have a doctor's appointment this morning as I found a small lump in my right breast a couple of weeks ago or at least I think I did.  It may just be me being paranoid after my sister's recent bout with breast cancer.  Not getting to excited about it right now as it may not even exist.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Not Always of Sound Mind .............

So after my last post I had to stop and think about my next course of action.  I\m not sure why my grandson would allow something like that to happen but I have decided that I am not going to worry about it.  I have many things in my life to enjoy and I am not going to let them make me so miserable that I miss the other wonderful things.

First thing I did was I unfriended them on Facebook.  It was painful to see all the things that are going on with the baby and knowing that I cannot be a part of it.  It's called self-perservation.  What you don't see you can't miss.  They obviously haven't missed me cuz they haven't called.  Their lose not mine.

I have been doing well with my weight the past few weeks.  Tonight I weighed in at TOPS with a lose for the 7th week in a row.  They haven't been huge loses but averaging 1.5 lbs per week.  I had really let myself go and climbed the scale to almost 300 pounds.  I am now back down in the 280's and feel so much better than I did before.  I am taking a course on how to deal with chronic illness and not let it beat you - it's been really interesting so far.

I managed to catch the flu this weekend so feeling really crappy.  Three people were sick at work last week and instead of staying home they had to spread the love around.  If I don't feel better in the morning I am going to stay home.  It's what we have sick time for and I think everyone should use it wisely but use it when necessary.

I've been working on Christmas things and trying to get my house decorated.  Of course hubby picks this particular time to renovate the basement ............. grrrrrr.  Never a dull moment around our house.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts after my last post.  Sometimes it just helps to write it down even if no one else sees it.  It brings a clearer picture to reality.  Big hugs.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Out of One Black Hole into Another ....

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile.  I feel into a black hole of depression for awhile and didn't want to bore anyone with my woes.  I thought I was getting over it and then got slammed again yesterday, only this one hurt to the very quick of my heart.

My granddaughter-in-law is expecting at the end of November and they had a baby shower for her yesterday and no one bothered to invite me.  Yep, my great grandbaby will be here soon and I doubt very much if I will even get a change to see it.

It's like dejavue all over again.  Mt grandson was born when his parents were very young (15 & 17) and I didn't even get to see him till he was a year and a half old.  The years were sketchy but I always tried to make time for him in my life and as he grew into an adult I thought we could make up for some lost time.  Things were going really well until he got married in May and things began to change.  It was like he was ashamed of our family.  We were invited to the wedding but not invited to take part in any of the family wedding pictures.  I don't have one picture of us with them.

Now it appears that they would just as soon forget we exist.  My dad, who is 81, spent hours making a cute little cupboard for this baby and they haven't even bothered to pick it up.  I tried messaging and calling to ask if they want it but they don't return my calls.  So all I can assume from this is that we are no longer considered a part of his family.

I have all sorts of baby things here that I have been collecting since finding out they were expecting and blankets I have crocheted but guess I will give them to someone else now.  My heart is broken and I cannot stop thinking about it.  I'm pretending on the outside like it doen't matter but inside I am crumbling.

This along with everything else feels like more than I can handle.  There is no light at the end now, only darkness and I can't even begin to care about anything anymore.  My days are filled with a weariness and this cloud hanging over me just does not wantt to lift. 

I hope you have all been well and please excuse my ramblings.  This blog is the only place I can truly express my feelings as I have to keep things bottled up inside so that no one can see the hurt.  Others around me are suffering with their own problems and do not need me to add to their load.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Another weekend down ...............

Wow, where did the weekend go?  Seems like it was Friday and now it's going on Monday.  Had a super weekend with my friend Nancy and her mom.  Got her apartment all moved into our shop and her settled in the realtor's basement suite for a few days.  We are thinking positively that she will get the keys to her new place tomorrow and then we have to move everything again .........

Took them to church with us today then had lunch at a little bayside cafe, the food was fabulous and the company awesome.  Came home and while they went to do some cleaning at the apartment I made dinner for us all.

It was a busy but awesome weekend.

Thanks Skuppy and Mensa for your comments on my previous post.  You are right Skippy she shouldn't get sick from the animals but it is more the constant build up of dirt in her house I think that does it.  She is constantly breathing in dust and animal dander and that is not good for her lungs as she has asthma and is prone to breathing issues.

As for me well you would have to force feed the internal organs if you wanted me to eat them.  I'd rather go vegan than eat them so gonna eat lots of dark green vegetables and lean red meat to see if I can bring the iron level up.  It's not too much under normal so will have to wait and see.  I know you are saying if it means the difference between being healthy or not healthy you should do it.  Nope, not a hope in he__, not a chance, no way, no how.  Sorry, but that is just the way it is and who I am.  I do not eat internal organs in any way shape or form. 

Call me spoiled or not knowing what's good for me, it is okay with me.  I would choke to death if I had to try to swallow it.  We ate a lot of it as kids and well I just can't do it now.  But thanks for the suggestions.  I did have a huge spinach salad with strawberries, onions, feta cheese, almonds and raspberry vinegrette for dinner though.  Delicious!

Yes, it is a big relief to be done with the insurance company and being able to try and regain some sense of normalcy.  It's been a long hard battle, but life can now go on and maybe just maybe I can get back to concentrating on what is important  - me and my family.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Now what .......

So things have been happening around here and I don't know where to start.  So this may be somewhat out of order but that's what my life is all about ...... disorder.

Beginning of August we had a settlement meeting with hubby's insurance company over his long term dfisability and even though we didn't get what we thought they should cough up we are now free from the elephant that shadowed us every day.  In order to get an insurance company to instate long term disability monthly payments here in Canada you must have a court order.  Our lawyer assured us that we could win the order but it could be 3 - 5 years before it would get before a judge and during that time we would constantly be looking over our shoulders to see if the insurance company had someone spying on us.  And again even if we won tbe insurance company could cancel benefits within a couple of months and we would have to start all over again.  This insurance company had already robbed us of 4 years of our lives so we decided to take a small payout and tell them to stuff their disability insurance.  Some would say that is a foolish thing to do but we had already been through the looking over our shoulders scenario and we just wanted to be done with them. 

We came home and sat down and discussed how best to proceed from here.  Hubby's medication is easing the pain somewhat so he decided he would change career courses and look to see if there was something out there that he could do with would allow him some flexibility.  Now he is a certified plumber, gas fitter, sheet metal worker and HVAC mechanic as well experienced in electronics, boilers and other trades.  But because he can no longer do the field work he wanted to do something that would allow him to use the knowledge and experience that he has spent years gathering.  We happened to be looking at the local college site and out of the blue there is a posting for a someone to teach plumbing theory.  So we gathered up his tickets, built a resume and sent it in.  Still waiting to hear from them but we have out fingers crossed.

My sister has now started the 2nd half of her chemotherapy.  This is the half that could have all kinds of side effects and create all kinds of health issues.  Well into the 1st treatment she goes and sure enough she ends up in the hospital with pnuemonia.  She is home now and doing better but it was a little scary there for a bit.  I took my mom down to see her this past Wednesday and they had her in isolation so we did the gown, mask and gloves thing.  It scares me when she has to go to the hospital like that. 

Her husband can be non-supportive when he wants to and does not attempt to keep the house clean so I am sure that contributed to her getting ill.  Dad went this morning to the Brick and bought her a new leather sofa so we could replace her old, wprnout, germ infested ones.  He was pretty proud of himself as he told the salesman that it was for a young woman stricken with cancer and they gave him a $1,000.00 sofa for $349.00.  Only my dad could pull that off.

I am going to look into getting someone to go in an do housecleaning for her this coming week on a weekly basis.  We just want to make sure that she has the best advantage possible to beat this horrid disease.

My girlfriend bought a half duplex and got a smoking deal on it as it was a distress sale,  But there were some complications and she was supposed to get possession on the 21st and if has been postponed till at least Monday now.  In the meantime she had to vacate her apartment so all her stuff is in our big shop and her realtor is letting her bunk in his bedroom suite till it is settled.  The poor girl is only 25, first house purchase and this happens.  She is handling it remarkably well.

Have finally found a good family doctor for myself so I had an appointment to get my test results this week.  Everything was good except for my good cholestrol which was too low and my iron level is also too low.  Waiting on an appointment with the dietican so that we can look at maybe correcting it with diet before using medication or supplements.  Felt releived that was all that was out of wack considering my weight and family health issues.  She did assure me that I could eat all the red meat I want for the time being...........no problem here.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sunday, August 12th

Had a great but busy day today.  Got up and went to church for the first time in ages and it felt so good to be there.  Pastor spoke on the power of prayer but that we need to do it everyday not just once a week.  How right he was, we often forget that things happen in God's time not ours and if we don't keep in touch we lose out.

After church we drove out to my brother's and had a great visit, wonderful lunch and I was allowed to raid his garden so I came home with onions, potatoes, beets, carrots and zuchini.  The beets are cooked and cooling waiting to go into freezer bags.  We had swiss steak with fresh potatoes and carrots for supper.  Nothing tastes better than vegetables from the garden.

My brother is going through a rough patch right now.  He had the shingles replaced on his mobile home 2 years ago and they were not done properly.  Now they have major water damage and may have to find a new place to live if they can't get it fixed.  There is significant mold spores and rotting wood on the outside walls.  He lives on disability and the insurance company is refusing to do anything about it as it is caused by poor workmanship and the guy who did the work is being a total jerk and says he's not responsible for the damage.  Not sure what is going to happen but the local newspaper has gotten involved so we are hoping that he will man up and do the right thing rather than have his name in the paper.

Now just relaxing a bit before bed.  Got all of my weight charts done for TOPS tomorrow evening and I think I'll have a good sleep tonight.  Being out in the fresh air today and just relaxing has been a good reminder that I need these days every now and then.

It's gonna be a busy week this week and we have our fingers crossed that hubby gets a call from the college regarding his application.  Also hoping that the insurance money comes through so we can get our roof reshingled ............. and definitely not by the same company that did my brother's ........ lol.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

It's been awhile .............

Life has a way of getting in the road of all the things I want to do and never seem to be able to accomplish.  Right now we are in a state of waiting for God to show us the way.

We had a meeting with hubby's disability insurance company and after 3 hours managed to walk out with a meagre settlement.  Now juat waiting for the money to come in so we can come up with a positive plan of action.

The doctor put him on some new medication that seems to be helping somewhat.  It's not a miracle cure by any means but has made him feel well enough to consider finding employment.  It is rather funny how God closes one door and opens another.  He can no longer work in the field but has all the qualifications necessary to teach and low and behold there was a posting for an instructor at the local college.  So he has put an application in and now is waiting to hear back from them, it closed yesterday so should hear something next week.

Haven't spoken to my sister in awhile thanks to her husband.  Every time she has to go to the hospital he goads me on facebook and then won't bother to call to let me know how she is.  He seems to enjoy playing these head games with his inconsiderateness and I'm doing it any more.  I love her and want to be there for her but he's an obstacle I can't seem to get around.

We've been having some major storms lately with lots of thunder and lightning.  They scare me when they issue tornado warnings.  I can't wait for fall to get here, it is my favorite time of year.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Busy and Wild

Just came in from outside and the mosquitoes are as big as horseflies, nearly ate me alive.  It's been busy in my little world again but when isn't it. 

Hubby's uncle passed away so another memorial service for us.  I let him go to this one by himself as I didn't think it would be a good idea to ask for another day of bereavement leave after what happened last time.  His uncle was 91 and had led a good life right till the end. 

Sis didn't get her last chemo treatment as they have to redo the PICC line nect week then they will do it.  She's feeling much better after getting over the infection and ready for the next round in her battle.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Update ....

I'm having a devil of a time trying to figure out this new blog posting page and a new puter to boot.  So if the spelling is amiss and the sentenced don't make sense don't be too quick to blame me cuz the puter did it.

So how the heck are you all?  I know it's been ages since I posted and I probably should be horsewhipped but time just seems to come and go and I do think about it honest, I just never get around to doing it.

Well there is lots to tell you about.  Firstly my sister has now had 3 chemo treatments and seems to be doing ok for the most part.  They had to put in a pic line as her viens keep collasping when they try to start an IV.  They are injecting the chemo directly into her viens as opposed to hanging it with solution.  It only takes about 30 minutes but they have to be so careful that the solution does not leak around the IV needle as it can cause great pain and major burns.

This week she has spent most of the week at the hospital as her pic line became infected and they had to remove it.  They are treating her with IV antibiotics 3 times a day.  They can't admit her to hospital as the risk of catching something is too great and her blood count is down to 1.6.  They think they caught the infection before it entered her blood stream.  Poor  kid, wish I could trade places with her so she didn't have to go through all this.

She has one more chemo treatment with the mild one and then she has 4 of the hard core stuff.  I am so scared for her.  I am thankful though that she has a great team of doctors working on her case and she is getting excellent treatment.

During all this she has had to deal with the passing of our aunt.  She was very close to this particular aunt as my sister was a meno baby for my mom and she let this aunt name my sister and she helped raise her as she had no children of her own.  She is in a better place but it was hard to say goodbye, expecially for my sister.

Work is work, very busy for me right now as I am doing file audits.  It is only me and I have over 160 of them to do.  I really enjoy my job but it can be stressful at times.  I have a wonderful manager so that makes it easier to deal with the stress.  He's very generous when it comes to giving time off or bringing coffee and treats in the morning.

Even when someone in the office complained to him that they thought I was taking bereavement leave to attend memorial services for my clients that were passing away he was compassionate and worked it so I could attend my aunt's funeral without having to put in for bereavement leave.  Not sure why anyone would have thought that in the first place - not only is it not ethical but you don't attend memorial services unless you know the person or the family really well.  I couldn't believe it when he told me. 

Being at an age where the older family members are passing on and that I live close to where I was raised there is an expectation to attend the services of those you know.  So hubby's uncle passed away this week and I refused to ask for the time off to attend.  Hubby understood and as I did not know the gentleman personally it was ok.  Other than I should have been there as support for hubby.

We've been experiencing a heat wave the past week and now everyone is complaining about the heat.  We humans sure are a funny bunch.  We complain if it's cold, we complain if it's hot, we complain if it's snowing and we complain if it's raining.  I guess in a perfect world it would be about 72F during the day, light rain showers overnight and never anything to complain about.  I'm thinking Heaven's gonna be a lot like that but I'm not in any hurry to get there.

Well that's pretty much it for this news cast.  I'll try and get back here a little more regular with some postings.

By the way I have been beta reading for a friend of mine that has just had her first books go to e-publish.  If you like a good romance story check out amazon kindle for an author named Brenda Sinclair.  She's new but I promise you some good reading.

Catch you later.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I'm Back

Hi everyone, just a few lines to let you know I have not departed blog land.  I switched computers and had a hard time getting into my blog page on this one.  I think I have it figured out now and will be back in a couple of days to fill you all in on what's been happening in my world.  Take care for now.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A busy month ..........

Two weeks ago I took my sister to Edmonton to see the oncologist and get her shcedule for chemo.  It would appear that even though you live two hours from the hospital they feel you can be there for 7 a.m. appointments.  We went up the night before so that we would not have to worry about traffic delays.  There was a junior hockey tournament happening in Edmonton and the only hotel room we could get was $175 for the night.  They wouldn't even honor their medical rate as they only had two rooms left.

So we endured and spent a whole day getting her tests done, seeing the oncologist and attending a class on the effects of chemo.  Some of them are a little scary but the doctor seems to think she has a very good chance of recovery.

Last week on Thursday we headed back to Edmonton for her first chemo treatment on Friday.  Again it was scheduled very early in the morning so we went up the night before.  My sister found a place called Compassion House that is for women with breast cancer and the best news was that it is only $35 a night.  It is a great facility and the staff are remarkable.

I was really scared for her when they started the chemo.  6 huge syringes that they injected slowly into her vien.  It took a total of an hour and she tolerated it very well.  We then headed home and she spent the night at my place in case there were any problems.  Her next treatment is June 7th.  My only wish is that I could go with her every time but unfortunately I can't.  The remainder of her appointments will be over 2 days and I can't get away from work.

This past weekend our grandson got married.  It was a beautiful wedding and my only regret is this is probably the last one my parents will be attending.  They just get way too tired between the ceremony and the reception.  They actually had to leave prior to the conclusion of the reception as they were both getting way too tired.

Grandson #2 decided to have a biking accident on Sunday and ended up being taken to emergency by ambulance.  I am ever so grateful that he going to be ok, just some bumps and bruises.  Thank goodness for a very expensive helmut that probably saved him from serious injury and most likely saved his life.

In between all this I have been trying to fit in all the medical tests to ensure that I have no problems going on.  Mammogram is done and ok.  Had a physical today (big joke here is the doctor never once touched me); just renewed my prescriptions and gave me some antibiotics for a sinus infection.

Also took a trip to the dentist.  Most everything is good have a couple of small things that need to be looked at but they are not urgent.

Hubby and I spent yesterday putting out bedding plants and planting some vegetables in flower pots to see what the outcome is.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Quick Update

Sorry I haven't been around much lately.  Seems as if one thing just keeps leading to another.  My youngest sister (only 39) has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  We are now waiting for the biopsy results.  Please forgive me if I am absent for a bit, this is extremely hard for me to deal with.  She is more like my daughter than a sister and I am feeling so helpless right now.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Economics Lesson

After I read what I posted yesterday about our financial situation I realized that some may have gotten the wrong impression so I will attempt to clarify.

The repairs to the Lexus I paid for with money that my folks had given to us at Christmas time as an advance on my inheritance.  Not sure why they felt that it was necessary but was glad for the assistance at a time when it was needed.

Puppy surgery went on the credit card till we can get the bike sold.  So even if I have to make a few payments it will be covered shortly.

The $50,000 lost on the real estate development was my pension money from my government service so basically what I never had I can't miss.  I probably will once I decide to retire but for the moment I am just chalking it up to a bad investment.

Now for the new vehicle portion.  This one gets a little complicated but I will try.  My 2007 Lexus was totally paid for so the trade in value was all towards the new vehicle.  New price minus trade in was a little over $11000 financed over 66 months at $190/month = $12540.  By doing this and getting bumper to bumper warranty for 8 years I get rid of the headache of worrying about how many more repairs I have to put on the Lexus.

Sometimes things don't make a whole lot of sense when you read or just think about them but when you do the math it works.  The Lexus is very expensive to maintain and uses premium gas.  The new one gets free services, uses regular gas and I get .30 cents a litre off my gas till 2013.  The amount I will save in gas alone each month will most likely make the payments for the next year.  Also, the mileage per litre of gas will most likely double as the new vehicle is only half the weight of the Lexus.

Believe me I will have to do a little more budget crunching and pray that we don't have any more major expenses but I am up for the challenge and if need be I can get a second job.  I just cannot afford to keep the Lexus and worry each day what may or may not go wrong with it.  Luxury vehicles are nice but once the warranty is off of them they become a big liability.  We bought the Lexus in 2007 at a really good price and I got almost what I paid for it on trade in value.  If I wait another year to trade it in then I run the risk of doing more repairs and will lose on the trade in value as once they hit 5 years old they go down hill fast.

Some may not agree that I did the right thing but when I sat down and discussed it with hubby and son it was the best alternative at this time.

In the meantime we plod along and pray that Canada Pension approves hubby's disability application and that the lawyer can get a good settlement from the insurance company. 

I pray you all have a fantastic day tomorrow and a wonderful weekend (don't tell anyone but they are forcasting snow for us this weekend).

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Where have I been???

Wow, I looked at the date of my last post and realized it's been over a month since I was here.  So many things have happened in that month I don't know where to begin.

I am certain that God is testing my strength and understanding cuz I keep threatening to give up and he just keeps throwing more stuff my way.

The water pump went in my SUV and when I took it to the shop they told me it would be $2500+ to fix it.  And as you know with hubby being sick and not getting any disability payments that just about crushed me right there.  I left it at the shop and came home to figure out how in heaven's name I was going to come up with that kind of money to fix it.  I finally decided that I would start taking public transportation back and forth to work and let the SUV sit as there was no way I could afford to fix it.

Of course my wonderful hubby and son have clearer heads that prevail and told me to call the dealer and get a quote from them.  So reluctantly I called and just about had a coronary when they told me $692.  I had to ask it he wasn't missing a 2 in from of that.  He laughed and said no but could put one there if it would make me feel better.

So we had it towed to the dealership (thank goodness for AMA) and even though it was a little more than expected we still managed.

Right after that our youngest pug got sick.  Now for all of you that have pets I know you will understand that they are like a family member and actually have a calming effect for those of us that have a tendancy to be high strung.

It appears that she was predisposed from birth with bladder stones.  One day she was outside and we noticed blood in her urine.  So we watched her till the next morning and as it continued we took her to the vet.  She was scheduled for emergency surgery the following day.  Another $1200 that was not to be found.  So we put it on the credit card and hope and pray that hubby can sell a bike he has sitting in the garage as he can't ride anymore.  In the meantime I'll make payments on it.

She was too young to put down and there is no way to explain how you fight to keep them with you no matter what.

A week ago we lost my ex-mother in law.  This woman was like a mother to me and no matter how many times my ex married she refused to acknowledge any of them as her daughter in law.  Today we laid her to rest.  My heart hurt for my sons and my grandsons as she was a wonderful lady and will be always missed and forever loved.

And to end this day hubby just returned from a land investment meeting that we had sunk $50,000 into 5 years ago only to have them tell us that they have lost the investment and we won't be getting it back.  Never rains but it pours. 

If my faith was not strong I could very easily blame God for all of this but He never promised to make life easy for us just that He would be there for us to lean on.

One good thing that is about to happen is that I am picking up my new crossover on Friday.  After the water pump went in the other one we decided that we should probably trade it off while there was still good value in it and get something that had warranty on it.  So my son and I went shopping yesterday and I must say he certainly knows how to wheel and deal with these guys.  I got a 2012 Hyundai Tuscon with bumper to bumper warranty for 8 years and $0.30/litre fuel discount till 2013 for $190/month.  It meant giving up my Lexus that I truly loved but it is the smartest plan of all.  That I can afford, even if it means tightening our belts a little bit and doing without.  I already have the first 3 months payments from doing income tax returns for folks.

So that is my month in a nutshell.  I am sure there is lots more that I should have written about but can't remember it right now so it obviously was not earth shattering.  Take care everyone and have a wonderful day tomorrow!!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Is it never going to stop?

I started the year off by trying to be positive and see a good side to everything no matter what.  I think I have reached my limit and absolutely fail to see the good side to this tragedy.

When my son and his ex were together they got a golden retriever puppy.  He was the cutest little thing and would come to our house to have play dates with the pugs on most weekends.  He grew into a beautiful, gentle spirited dog.  When they split he went with her but my son stayed in touch and seen him every now and then.

This past weekend she went away and left him with friends.  They let him out but didn't bother to check on him and when he didn't come back they decided to go looking for him.  He had fallen through the ice on the dugout and drowned.  Our hearts are broken and even as I write this my eyes are brimming with tears.  A tragic accident yes but caused by utter stupidity.

Is there a positive thing in this senseless loss?  I guess only in the fact that they found him and we're not having to wonder what may have happened.  I know that all things happen for a reason and God only gives us what we can handle but I think this is the last straw for me.  I can't handle anymore this year. 

The year is a little more than 2 months old and there is not a week gone by that something has not happened and believe me none of it has been good. 

I said to someone the other day that if this truly is the year the world ends I'd appreciate it going out with a little less drama.

Tonight I'm missing Bailey so much and my heart is aching for my son.  I keep thinking if I don't think about it the hurt wull stop but it doesn't. 

I'm getting to the point where I dread going to bed because waking up just means there is an opportunity for something else to go wrong.  Even my prayers are getting weak and sound more like whining than praise for Him that loves us all.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Where does time go?

Time seems to slip away faster each day.  I make a concentrated effort to get here at least once a week.  I used to come daily but time gets away on me now and I have a hard time just getting here now and then.  Are things in our lives so important that we can't find time to do the things that give us pleasure and a chance to vent?

The past couple of weeks have been really emotional for me.  I have attended 3 funeral services and have had 9 clients pass on since the beginning of the year.  I keep thinking that as part of my job I have to be able to accept that my clients are now in a better place but it still tugs as my heart each time I get a call to say someone has passed.  The funeral services were for friends and family of friends.  We lost a member of our TOPS chapter to cancer, she was only 65 and the most wonderful person.  I am so blessed to have known her.

My SUV decided to spring a water pump leak so that taxed my finances.  These things are not cheap to repair so after dropping $1500.00 on the repair bill I'm thinking now might be a really good time to trade it off before anything else goes wrong.

It's really busy for me at work right now so was totally exhausted when I got home tonight.  Actually slept for 2.5 hours and I'm ready to head back to bed now. 

Take care my friends and know that even though I am not here all the time you are never far from my thoughts.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

For Skippy

1. What is you favorite childhood memory?
My favorite childhood memory is on Sunday's we would get together with family and head out to Jackfish Lake for fishing and swimming.  Two years ago I took all my mom's home movies and had them transposed onto DVD's and the best ones were of family gatherings.

2. What is your dream job?
My dream job is the one that I currently have.  I love being able to help those that have physical and mental challenges by allowing them to remain in their homes rather than being institutionalized.

3. Who is your best friend?
My best friend is the love of my life, the one I am married to.

4. Have you ever been finger printed? Why?
Nope and don't wish to be.

5. Have you ever been at fault in a car accident?
Nope, never been in a car accident.

6. If you could be a citizen of any country other than your own which would you choose?
I'd like to be a citizen of Scotland so that I could live in a castle.

7. If you could have one talent which would earn you money, which would you choose?
I'd love to be able to sing gospel music.  As it is only God appreciates my voice ....hehehe

8. What thing do you find to be highly overrated? Why?
National news coverage of funerals for super stars.  The world is so obsessed with knowing what is happening at these events that it has become way overrated.  I would like to see these people be able to have a peaceful event with family and friends in a private setting rather than having to have it broadcast before nations.

9. Who did you like better growing up - your Mom or your Dad?
Was definitely a Daddy's girl, still am and love every moment of it.

10. How often do you laugh?
I've never really thought about it.  I would hope at least a half dozen times a day cuz laughter is good for the soul.

11. What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas most definitely.  I love the colors and the food but most of all I love it as it celebrates our dear Savior's birth.

I choose Sheilah, Joy, Dawn, Sally, Teresa, Shannon, Shauna, Suzi, Michaela, Spunky Suzi and Amanda.  I am not even sure if any of these are following my blog anymore but hopefully will get some responses.

Your 11 questions are;

1.  If you could live any where in the world, where would it be?

2.  What is your favorite TV show and why?

3.  What is your favorite music genre?

4.  Who is your favorite author?

5.  Do you believe that you may have lived in another time and if so when and where?

6.  If you could be a certain age and stay there forever what age would it be?

7.  When you were a child did you have a favorite pet?

8.  What is the one thing in your life that you most regret?

9.  Have you ever met anyone famous?  Who and where?

10.  Who is the one member of your family that you trust the most to confide in?

11.  Do you think that these are silly questions?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Insensitive People ...

I work for a local health authority and am progrm coordinator for a very special program.  Our program povides funds to clients that want to remain in their own homes rather than be institutionalized.  These clients have many different afflictions (quads, parapalegic, dementia, ALS, etc). 

I spend a great deal of my time connecting with these clients and their families assisting in what ever way I can.  Some are only a voice on the phone and others I have the pleasure of meeting in person.  I love my job and get a great deal of satisfaction when I can be of assistance no matter how small the task.

The one downside of my job is that I deal with the lose of these clients eventually.  So far this month I have had five clients go to eternal rest.  Besides my clients I am also dealing with a sick friend that has been admitted to pallitive care and an elderly aunt that has had two heart attacks and a stroke and is now in a coma.

I have always been able to deal with the situations but insensitive people are another story.  Why would someone say to me "You don't even know them, so why does it upset you?"  Have humans lost all sense of compassion for their fellow mankind?  It upsets me because I care.  I care about my clients and their families.  I care that they get treated fairly and in a manner that allows them to stay with their loved ones as long as possible.  I care because I am human and have a heart.

Since I started this position last April I have had 27 clients pass away.  Each family gets a card of condolence and a phone call to see if there is anything I can assist with.  Yes, it is part of my job and I get paid for doing it.  Does that mean I should act like a robot and not care?  I think not.

I have families that have to make a decision regarding putting a loved one in a care facility as they can no long keep them on the program due to their condition getting worse.  Does that mean when an only child calls and wants to talk because she has no family to turn to and her relationship with her mother has always been close that I should be cold and not give her my time?  I think not.  She is mourning the loss of her mother.  Even though she still has her physically there is no longer the mental connection due to mom's failing ability to even recognize her own daughter.  That first time that she asked who are you nearly torn this young woman's heart out.  What did I do?  I sat on the phone with her for almost an hour as she poured out her heart, I listened, I empathised.  At the end of the call I got "Thank you so much for listening to me, you are truly a special person."  Wow, thank you God for giving me the ability to listen.

I cannot always be of assistance but sometimes just a kind word or even a hug will turn a bad day to a good one for them.

So are you insensitive people listening?  Don't judge me for what I do and don't tell me that it shouldn't bother me when they pass away.  Maybe if you had a little more compassion in your heart you could reach out to some of these people as well.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Update ....

Wow, where does the time go?  A person gets so darn busy they just don't seem to have enough time in a day.  I should have been here last week and the week before but things got real crazy and I just totally run out of energy.

Weigh In Report
Unfortunately last week I had a gain but this week I managed to lose a pound.  No excuses for the gain I just forgot to be careful.  It's amazing how a few little "it won't counts" can add up in a hurry.  Need to be more concious of what I am putting in my mouth that is for sure.

Washer and Dryer Update
Well after some anxious moments the repair man came by and found a motor mound that had not been secured.  So once that was in place everything was a go.  I am totally in love with them, they are truly the smartest laundry pair I have come across.  They are definitely built to be energy efficient so that is a plus for me.  Especially since our city utility costs are going up next month. 

Work has been busy.  Unfortunately, I have lost 4 clients in the past couple of weeks.  It always makes me sad when I learn that someone has passed away.  But sometimes for my client base it is a blessing but more so that we are able to provide the means for them to stay in their own homes with family and friends around them. 

I have also become a beta reader for a good friend of mine that is becoming a writer.  Her first story will be puvlished on April 1st.  I am honored that she chose me to review her writing and give my opinion.  It means a lot to me to think that I have played a small part in the creation of something that many people will be able to enjoy.  She is only going to e e-publishing for now and I wish her the very best of success.

My dad turned 81 on Saturday.  I have suddenly come to realize that the amount of time that we have left with him maybe limited.  I sit and reflect on my childhood and all the lessons in life that he taught us.  I'm not sure what I will do when he is no longer here so for now I will cherish each and every moment that I get to spend with him.  They are all so precious.

Skippy, if you read this, please know that my heart goes out to you on the lose of your beloved pet.  They are so much a part of our families that the pain can be unbearable.  Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and that I send massive hugs to you all.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Week #2 Weigh In

Well 2nd weigh in of the year and I was down .8 lbs.  I am happy with that.  I will take any lose and hope to have a streak of them this year.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

When life hands you apples make applesauce .....

Wow, it's been a rather hectic couple of days.  Just when everything should be going right pow something else upsets the apple cart. 

Finally got the washer and dryer in place and looking good (hubby is a handy kinda person to have around for sure).  Put a load of laundry in the machine and wow it works fantastic, put them in the dryer and ....oh oh ... horrid clanking sound like something is not connected right.  Called the store and they will send a tech over on Wednesday.  Meantime have two loads of clothes to be dried ........ what to do......... turn into a redneck of course and hang them from hangers in the bathroom.  Oh what I would give for an outside clothes line.

That was disaster #1, #2 came in the form of a plugged kitchen sink that liquid plumber would not penatrate.  So off hubby goes to the rental store and gets a huge sewer snake and has it unplugged in a matter of minutes, my hero.

So after all the hard work he's done I just could not get on his case for having a water accident with his computer.  We've unplugged it and taken the battery out and hopefully in a couple of days it will be right as rain cuz it was only water.

Now in my former life all these things would have made me into a glummy puss but not today.  Yesterday I came home from work and my grandson was here visiting with hubby.  He just decided to stop by out of the blue and they had a wonderful visit.

Today Jamie and Ashlene dropped by so I got a grandbaby fix.  Little Alex gives the best hugs, she is so cuddly.  And I went to the cheap movie with a friend to see Puss In Boots.

For every bad moment we encounter in life there are two wonderful ones to counteract it.  I am so blessed.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Well they are here, my new washer and dryer have arrived but they are not useable.  Why you ask?  Well even if you didn't I'm going to tell you.  Cuz the manufacturer doesn't realize that when they change the dimensions of their machines they may not necessarily fit into the space that the old ones did.

So here we have a 6' x 4 ' laundry closet on the main floor.  Ideal place for it, and my old machines fit perfectly, 30" wide and the perfect depth.  So I noticed when I bought the new ones that they were only 27" wide and thought that would be a great space saver.  Little did I know they took that 3 inches off the width and added it to the depth.  So now in order to get my machines to fit into the laundry room hubby has to do some fanagling with hoses and venting and whatever else it takes to make it work.  So I have no laundry service till probably late tomorrow or the next day.  Crap!!!

On a brighter note it was +8C here today, water running everywhere and what little bit of snow we did have is almost gone.  Weather forecast is pretty much the same for the next couple of weeks.  Wondering when we will get hit with our normal Alberta winter weather.

New neighbors moved in today.  In the driveway so far they have a Corvette, Ford supercab and a fancy SUV.  Obviously lots of money there so think I'll just stick to my side of the fence for now.  They are probably very nice people or maybe not ........ time will tell.  We have so many people coming and going from our block that you never want to really get to know anyone cuz most likely they'll be moving in the near future.  We've been here 10 years and the house on the one side of us has been bought and sold 7 times.  Hmmm maybe it's us.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Are You Missing a Cat?

Well after spending two hours cleaning out my 6 x 4 laundry room I have come to the conclusion that someone needs to invent washers and dryers that have a build in vacuum system to clean around the bottom and behind them.  I will admit that I probably should clean the laundry room more than once every ten years but it is quite a difficult project and definitely not high on my list of priorities.

We got the old set out (it is waiting patiently to be picked up in the morning and taken to that big appliance warehouse in the sky), and low and behold there were the missing socks that I knew I had seen as well as at least two inches of dust bunnies. 

Hubby decided he would vacuum out the vent hose and I'm pretty sure that he found a missing cat.  When the vaccum hit the end of the hose out came a dust bunny the size of a football.

But on the positive side the laundry room is clean, the dust bunnies have been collected in the vaccum and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new washer and dryer tomorrow.

Will it be another 10 years before the next cleaning?  I'm not sure but if it is you can bet it isn't me that is going to be doing it.........I'll be much to old and frail.

Monday, January 2, 2012

First Weigh In of the New Year ......

Well tonight was my first TOPS weigh in of the new year, I was up one pound but am so thankful that it was only 1 pound .... weigh in saw me at 285.4 lbs.  That means in the last month I have managed to gain back 7.4 pounds.  Ouch, but with the holidays and all I will take my lumps and get back on track immediately.

Today was productive as I cleaned out the laundry room getting ready for delivery of my new washer and dryer on Wednesday.  I really could not convince the old pair that they should keep going for another 6 months.  They are old and tired and deserve a rest.  I was trying to figure out how many loads of clothes I have washed in the last 10 years since I got them new and didn't have a clue where to start.  On the average I do 6 loads per week x 52 weeks/year = 312 laods/year x 10 years = 3120 loads of laundry.  When I look at it like that no wonder they are tired, that's a heap lot if clothes to clean.

I did splurge a little and got a top end pair as my dad always said that if you cheap out on necessary items you will regret it.  I couldn't believe that there are so many fancy features on the new machines.  They are all push button and now have steam cleaning and  .... well the list goes on and on.  I'm still trying to figure out all the bells and whistles on my Lexus, now I have another challenge.  Isn't life wonderful!

Sunday, January 1, 2012


HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone.  Normally I don't make resolutions because I have a really bad habit of breaking them.  I want this year to be different.  I resolve to find only positive things to fill my days and banish negative thoughts.  I resolve to find more time for fun things, family and friends.  And last but not least I resolve to take more "me time" and look forward to 2012 being the best year ever!!

It's been a great day and a positive one.  I didn't realize how negative I had become with life till I stopped today to look at each moment in a positive light.  Wow, it was great not to be concerned about what others would think or do and to realize how a lot of situations you cannot change so there is no need to be angry.

We had a tenant move out this week and when we had stopped by earlier this week we were really concerned about what kind of mess would be left behind as it was total confusion at the time.  We arrived at noon and other than some strong cleaning and garbage removal it didn't look too, too bad.  I looked at everything and turned to my hubby and said, well time to roll up the shirt sleeves and get to work not that bad after all.