Sunday, October 28, 2012

Out of One Black Hole into Another ....

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile.  I feel into a black hole of depression for awhile and didn't want to bore anyone with my woes.  I thought I was getting over it and then got slammed again yesterday, only this one hurt to the very quick of my heart.

My granddaughter-in-law is expecting at the end of November and they had a baby shower for her yesterday and no one bothered to invite me.  Yep, my great grandbaby will be here soon and I doubt very much if I will even get a change to see it.

It's like dejavue all over again.  Mt grandson was born when his parents were very young (15 & 17) and I didn't even get to see him till he was a year and a half old.  The years were sketchy but I always tried to make time for him in my life and as he grew into an adult I thought we could make up for some lost time.  Things were going really well until he got married in May and things began to change.  It was like he was ashamed of our family.  We were invited to the wedding but not invited to take part in any of the family wedding pictures.  I don't have one picture of us with them.

Now it appears that they would just as soon forget we exist.  My dad, who is 81, spent hours making a cute little cupboard for this baby and they haven't even bothered to pick it up.  I tried messaging and calling to ask if they want it but they don't return my calls.  So all I can assume from this is that we are no longer considered a part of his family.

I have all sorts of baby things here that I have been collecting since finding out they were expecting and blankets I have crocheted but guess I will give them to someone else now.  My heart is broken and I cannot stop thinking about it.  I'm pretending on the outside like it doen't matter but inside I am crumbling.

This along with everything else feels like more than I can handle.  There is no light at the end now, only darkness and I can't even begin to care about anything anymore.  My days are filled with a weariness and this cloud hanging over me just does not wantt to lift. 

I hope you have all been well and please excuse my ramblings.  This blog is the only place I can truly express my feelings as I have to keep things bottled up inside so that no one can see the hurt.  Others around me are suffering with their own problems and do not need me to add to their load.


  1. Tessa - I'm so very sorry that this is happening to you! I wish you were nearby so that I could buzz over and give you a hug.

    No exactly the same, but I feel your pain. I have a niece who is 15... she is the daughter of my older brother (my brother passed away 10 yrs ago). My brother's wife (they were separated when he passed) made it very difficult for us to be able to continue to have contact with my niece and has not in any way made our family important in the life of my niece. When my brother passed, different people gave us money that we banked for my niece. Well, low and behold she wanted to take some trip via school and came cozying around long enough to get the money for her trip and since then has contacted none of us and has also defriended all of us on facebook.

    I'll be saying prayers for you.

  2. Oh Tessa, my heart just aches for you. I wish there was something I could do, some thing I could say, to ease your pain and sorrow. Oh my dear, it isn't easy, is it? Please, please try to get some help with your depression. I know you were sad before but this is just too much to handle all by yourself. Promise me you go and at least talk to someone? A professional could help you make sense of why they are being so selfish and horrible. It makes absolutely no sense for them to be this way - gosh, great grandparents AND a great great grandfather? Don't they realize how fortunate they are? Well, the only thing I can think is the couple must be mighty young and therefore their parents are still young - and it's their age and being influenced by others. But you shouldn't have to handle this alone.
    I will keep you in my prayers. I will especially pray that you find some light, some happiness in your world. Sweetheart - it's there. I promise. I know, trust me.
    Hugs my friend. They may be from afar, but they couldn't be more real if I was there with my arms tight around you.
    You know where to find me - so email if you like. Take care.

  3. Oh that's really too bad! So sorry to hear this. I hope that they will see the "light" and realize that you should be included in their lives.