Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm not lost or forgotten, I hope ..............

Sorry all, I have been absent for a couple of days.  Monday's are really hard for me to get to my blog as I have my TOPS meeting and being the newly relected Leader finds me giving more time to what has to be done there.  Last night I feel asleep at 7 p.m. and didn't wake up till 6 this morning.  I was totally wiped out from having had a couple of sleepless nights again.  Hubby has been experiencing some drastic lows in his blood sugars so I try to sleep with one ear open so I can hear him if he needs me.  When I sleep it is pretty sound so I am lousy at knowing if he needs me or not.  I keep telling him he needs to wake me up but he never does.

To the blogger that nominated me for the Blog of Substance Award I want to say thank you.  I apologize because I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do.  I'm a bit on the not so techie savie side when it comes to these blog items.  I had a hard enough time just getting my blog set up.  I do appreciate the nomination but can someone help me with the fine print please.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fear is a factor..........

After reading Ann's blog yesterday it really set me to thinking about a lot of things.  We are all statistics in so many ways.  All the elements of our lives lend to statistics.......what we spend, what we earn, where we live, age, race, etc. etc. I had a bad scare last evening and it really got me to thinking about my whole life situation.  Not unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers we have lots of set backs and drama in my family.  It seems that is what life is made up of nowadays.  Whatever happened to the little suburban house, white picket fence and 2.1 children.  Hubby goes to work, wife is a stay at home mom and they live a happy life.  Was life ever like that or is that a pipe dream?

So I made a nice dinner last evening and did not overeat, nothing after supper, everything was good.  Around 9:30 I got the most horrible case of heartburn.  There were no antacids in the house so I took a dose of baking soda and water and it seemed to ease off a bit.  Then I sat down at the computer to do something and it came back with a vengence along with a really sharp pain in the centre of my back.  What the heck, I thought to myself......this does not feel right.  Of course my immediate thought was I'm having a heart attack and I'm going to become a statistic.  I angished over what to do, I definitely did not want to even think about going to the hospital.  I read the symptoms for women having a heart attack and figured that wasn't it as there was no cold sweats or arm pain.  I took another does of baking soda, let out a big belch and told hubby I was going to bed and to check on me in awhile.  If I was still breathing then let me be, if not well it wouldn't have really mattered then.

The whole point of this is that I know any kind of chest discomfort when you are overweight can be serious, so please don't lecture me about it.  The problem is fear factors into this in that I do not want to go to the hospital and go through all the tests just to have them tell me it's indigestion.  I don't need the lecture on ..."well if you would lose some weight"..."you're a candidate for a real heart attack" forth and so on.  I am so sick of hearing this from doctors that I just do not want to deal with them anymore.  So which is the bigger fear......facing the unkind comments of the medical profession or having a possible heart attack?  At this point in time I can't answer that question, except that for now all is well and I feel fine.

Our financial situation is holding steady, it's not great but we still have our heads above water, barely.  We still have two vacant rental units.  Hubby showed one this evening, not sure why people think they can just walk in and start running a place down and then say they should get a break on the rent.  Our units are some of the cleanest and most reasonably priced in the city and I'll leave them empty before I rent to people like that.  We gathered up some things that have been sitting around here for awhile and I put them on our local internet ad site.  Did fairly well in getting rid of some it, not a lot of money but definitely will help some.  We'll just keep praying and I'm sure that things will get better soon.

 Food today was okay but sporatic to say the least.  I think I messed up a couple of times.  Went pantry diving tonight for dinner and made a tuna casserole.  It was kinda bland, think I am losing my cooking skills, everything I make lately tastes horrid. 

Hubby's ear has started acting up again so he went back to the specialist on Friday, they are now booking him for surgery.  That plus the fact that his legs are getting weaker is definitely not helping things.  And so goes the ongoing chapter in our lives.  Will we make it, yes, of course because we are fighters and don't know the meaning of the word "quit". 

In two weeks our oldest daughter is getting married so that will be a joyous time for all of us.  Behind every cloud is a sliver lining.  We are alive, our health is relatively good and with the grace of God we will be ok.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Smarten Up Pill ..........

I was reading through some of the blogs I follow this morning and came across one that literally popped my eyes open and made myself wonder what the HELL I am trying to do to myself (  Wow, how her post set off a series of thought processes in my mind. 

Sometimes I lay awake at night too scared to close my eyes for fear I will die in my sleep, knowing full well that fear comes from the fact that I am packing around another person on my frame besides myself.  Do I want to die .... of couse not, nobody does.  So then why do I continue to allow myself to eat unhealthy and constantly run that risk?

As I read the comments in regards to Ann's post I realized how lucky I really am as there is not a lot of history in my family regarding heart disease or deaths from heart problems.  In fact most of my ancestors have lived to be well into their 80's and 90's.  Does that make me complacent....... you bet it does, because of course it could never happen to me.  A doctor once told me I will never die from a heart attack as my cholesterol levels are right in target.  And again, in comes the wow factor .........I've got it made, no heart attack for me.  How stupid is that?  He neglected to tell me about all the other things that could go wrong in my body...... diabetes, digestion problems, etc. ..... Now I need to take the things posted on Ann's blog as gospel and start believing that if I don't change my ways, I will become a statistic.

Thank you Ann for this post, it was definitely an eye opener.  For some that read it they will just go ..ya, whatever .... and go along as they always have and become that statistic.  Not me, I am going back to read it over again, and again, and again so that it is a constant reminder of what can happen if you don't pay attention to what you are putting your body through. 

With this all in my head, so dawns another day and another chance to do things right, and it could possibly be my last chance.  I will forge forward from today and make those eating choices to hopefully get my weight down some more and get healthy.  Anyone with me???

1 egg omelette w/red pepper, green onion & sprinkling of cheese
1 slice whole wheat toast
4 oz yogurt

1 cup beef barley soup
1 Stouffer's Pepperoni Crustini (340 calories)
1 glass Zero Iced Tea

5 PotStickers (190)
3 oz pork tenderloin
1 cup steamed veggies
1/2 cup cucumbers
1 latte

Friday, September 24, 2010

Not much new today .........

Pretty boring day again today, work was super busy.  A girlfriend invited me to A LiaSophia party (jewelry) tonight and I had called her to cancel as right now we are really watching our spending in order not to get into any more financial difficulties.  She insisted that I come anyway so I did but felt really awkward so I left early.  I'm not ashamed to have to be careful with money right now but I always feel an obligation to buy something when I go to a home party.  This is the first time in my life I have even gone and not boughten something and I feel a little wierd about it.  Oh well, guess I will get over it.

1 cup rice krsipies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

1 pkg teriakyi chicken
1 bottle calmato juice
1 jello w/fruit cup

1 cup yellow beans
1 cup hamburger concoction (I decided to cook and this was easy and tasted terrible)

1 glass white wine
4 crackers with cheese dip

I got a call from a young gentleman that I knew in his formative years, he is the son of someone that I was in a relationship with a long time ago.  He was looking for some advise and I was honored that he called me to talk to.  I guess some of us just leave a life long impression on others.  He has always had a place in my heart even though things with his dad didn't work out, and not only that but his mom and I are really good friends.  I always said that I got the best parts of the relationship.  Thank you God for your blessings.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Food for thought ..............

What an amazing sentence..........FOOD FOR THOUGHT.  When you really stop and think about it, food is most times for overeaters a thought.  We think about it constantly, whether we are trying to change our eating habits or looking to binge.  What were your food thoughts today?

I'm usually pretty good till after work and then my brain goes into power drive.  Even when I make an early dinner and vow that I am not going to get into anything else for the rest of the evening, I usually end up having my mind wonder to what is in the pantry or cupboards that I can get into.  I've been really good about not eating after dinner as I know that doing so will only lead to a night of no sleep due to relux.  So what I have been doing is telling myself that if I want any of the food in the pantry/cupboards I have to eat it at dinner time.  Usually I am feeling full from dinner so it is only FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Yesterday was a really busy day at work, I had my first teleconference call for the Steering Committee and then we had a Staff Engagement Session in the afternoon.  Totally exhausting because I actually had to use the intelligent part of my brain instead of the part that is in work mode and knows what it is doing.  That probably sounds a bit silly but it is true.  I work with numbers all day so they have become routine, but when we have these meetings I have to use my logical thinking skills and that sometimes sucks.

Our granddaughter became a teenager today, oh woo to her parents.  I remember turning 13 and causing my parents (my mom in particular) all kinds of grief.  Actually she's a good kid so I don't think they will have too many problems.

1 cup rice krispies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

Smart Choice Seasame Chicken
1 chocolat pudding cup

2 pieces frozen pizza

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Boring .............

I'm afraid that is what you will find this post, extremely boring as I have nothing exciting to write about.  It's been one of those days that started at 3 a.m. and now I want to go lay down for a rest but that is not to be as I have an OA meeting to go to.

4 oz yogurt
1 fruit cup

Sanck bar

Teriyaki Chicken Bowl
1 pudding cup

1 cup raw veggies
1 cup cooked veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Chicken Dinner

Monday, September 20, 2010

Wowsers .....

Yesterday was pretty much a write off as I had a horrible headache and spent most of the day just lazing around doing nothing.  It was back to work today and I have my TOPS meeting tonite so will see what the weigh in says.  Think I will be up a little bit as I was when I got back from Vegas.  Will post results later.

Put an application in today on a sdupervisor position at work.  It's for the same department I am working for now, it would just be a promotion if I get it.  Again, it's a hurry up and wait game and I absolutely hate that but it's the world of government employment so I have to learn to have some patience.

Other than that today was pretty boring.  Food was ok as it usually is when I am working, it's the weekends that do me in.

4 oz yogurt
1 mango fruit cup

1 cup raw veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Salisbury Steak
1 jello w/fruit cup

Will have dinner out after my meeting so will fill this in when I get home.

Chicken Ceasar Salad w/dressing on the side

Weigh in was only up .4 from 2 weeks ago............woooooohoooooooooo!!!!!!

Saturday, September 18, 2010


Why can something as simple as losing weight not be simple?  I was having a great day yesterday and then ...... well, I did it to myself.  When I was in Vegas I found sugar-free Oreo cookies so I brought some back with me.  Because hubby is diabetic I am always on the look out for things that are sugar free for him plus I do not like Oreo cookies.  So what in the world possessed me to sit down and eat half a package of them (400 calories)?  I wasn't bored and I still don't like Oreo cookies, so what the HE__ made me do it?  This seems to be an age old question for those of us struggling with weight, and there is no hard and fast answer.  I was cold so made a cup of tea and then decided I needed a cookie to go with it.  Now if I had stopped at 2 (100 calories) it would have been fine, but half the package ......... really, what was I thinking?  Actually, I wasn't thinking or I would not have done it.  All I have to say is ........ grrrrrrrrrrr!  So of course then I over ate at dinner as I cooked and again, I know better because I always do that.  They say it is mind over matter but for some reason my mind is not working in the right direction.  Okay, enough of the self pity and kicking my butt back onto program.  The frozen meals may not  be the best tasting but at least they keep in check for portion control.

Today I forgot about food..... well not exactly forgot about food but decided to spend the day thinking of things other than food and calories. First we went for a visit so that I could cuddle my new granddaughter, she's up to 8 lbs 5 oz and starting to smile.  It is amazing how much difference a month can make.  We had a scare last week that she might of had Cystic Fibrosis but the tests came back negative.  She is a carrier but not a host, for that we are eternally grateful.

Hubby and I had a date this afternoon so we grabbed a quick bite at Dairy Queen, I had the chicken salad and then went to a movie - Grownups........ it was hilarious.  Then we went to the hardware store to get some light bulbs, seems that if one goes, they all go and it was getting pretty dim in here.  We had a bowl of soup for supper and now I am on my way to bed to curl up with the manuscript of a friend's book that she had written and asked me to proof read. 

Good nite all and tomorrow will dawn another day!!!!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Home Sweet Home .....

Hi everyone, well I am back from Vegas and we had a great time, but as with all vacations it's nice to be home again.  As you can see there was a bit of a gain but I am happy with the scale this morning.

Vegas was great, the shows were awesome, especially Garth Brooks, and the girls were the best travelling companions.  We did a lot of walking and tried to eat sensibly, but that sometimes fell short.  We tried to not eat out more than once a day and the rest of the time we had fruit and munchies in our room.  Our rooms at Treasure Island left a lot to be desired and I definitely would not stay at that hotel again.  We did go for buffet one evening and two of us spent the night in the washroom throwing up so obviously something was not right.

Got home early Wednesday morning but had to take a couple of days to adjust.  Yesterday was a very emotional day for me as I had some very personal issues that I had a hard time dealing with.  Still feeling somewhat stressed but hopefully I can get back in the groove.  It's extremely hard when someone that you love with all your heart tells you that you act like a first class BITCH and the consquences to those actions are not going to be pleasant.

After hours of reflection I realized that person was right and I really need to change the way I do certain things so as not to offend anyone.  Sometimes that peson that stares back at you in the mirror is not who you think it is.  To be truthful for a while yesterday I just wanted everything to come to an end but that solves nothing,  Forgiveness of ones self is the first step to recovery but more importantly having someone you have hurt forgive you is the ultimate factor.

I will attempt to work through this and pray that God gives me the guidance that I need and the strength to deal with my faults in a postive manner.

On top of all that I went to get my driver's licence renewed yesterday and almost failed the vision test.  I couldn't read the small print on the chart and the numbers in the colored circles were all blurry.  They did finally renew it but I have the feeling that next time they won't, so I have a 5 year repreive.  I have noticed that my sight has been getting worse the last few months, things are blurry and my glasses don't seem like they are strong enough.  I had my dialation testing done in July but she said there was no significant change so not sure what is going on.

So I am back on track with food and hope to stay that way now.  Next big event is our daughter's wedding on October 9th.  I still haven't found an outfit as I want to wait and see how much more I can get off before then.  I'm not setting a goal but just hoping I can keep off what I have lost and continue to watch the scale go down every week.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

And the excitement builds.....

Just popped in to let you all know that I will not be posting from now till I get back from Vegas.  I have a million things to do and I was sick all weekend so that has put me behind.  I hope you all have an awesome time well I am gone.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Slave labour should be abolished.......

hey wait a minute, it was.  Obviously, hubby didn't hear about it cuz he was a slave driver yesterday.  We did 3 yards and I was so tired last night I didn't even have the strength to turn the computer on.  Had a shower and was in be by 8:30 with every muscle screaming, "are you crazy".  Still cannot bend over this morning, ugh.  Really drives home the emphasis that it I wasn't the size of 2 people in 1 I could handle days like that.

Food was not bad but not good yesterday.  Due to how much we had to do we went for burger's at lunch and then ordered Chinese for dinner.  I didn't overeat but can almost bet they weren't that healthy.  Oh well, once in awhile is better than all the time.

My back is killing me so I am heading off for a snooze.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Please don't dessert me .....

My wonderful internet went down again, hence I have been missing in action.  Crap I'm getting really sick of this and every time they send a tech it's always the other guys fault.  Anyway I am back on line and just waiting for the pizza to finish baking so will be back as soon as dinner is over.  Hang in there with me folks, if I'm not here there is usually a pretty good reason.

Okay here are the answers to Tina's 8 questions:

1. What pets do you have?
     2 actually, both dogs, Pugs, one with attitude one without.  One is an Angel the other is out Wild Child.

2. What is your favorite color?
     I have a real hankering for blue and black so will say blueblack.

3. What TV show are you addicted too?
     Desparate Housewives

4. How tall are you?
    Well I used to be 5'2 but somewhere along the road I shrunk now I'm a little over 5'.

5. Have you ever got a speeding ticket? How many!
    Only ever one and swear it was not my fault!!!

6. If you could wave a magic wand, what one thing would you change about yourself instantly? (physical or otherwise)
    I think my weight because then I could enjoy doing all the things that I should have done to stay healthy and prevented gaining all this extra poundage.

7.What one thing do you love about yourself, and wouldn't change? (physical or otherwise)
    I would want to just be who I am now, caring and loving.

8. How long do you think you will keep up your blog? forever?
     At this point there is no knowing, I enjoy my blog because it is like writing a personal diary without paper and pen, so for now I am here and what ever will be, will be.

Heck that was easy.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Doing the happy dance .....

Well I'm busting my buttons with pride.  I did up our monthly books for my TOPS group and for the first time in a long time I am loser of the month, down 6.2 pounds.  But not only that I also get special recognition for having a lose four weeks in a row.  Doing the happy dance here, what incentive to continue on.

Had a lousy start to the day, not only did I wake up at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep, when I finally did decide enough was enough, I got up decided to have breakfast........going downhill from here......

4 oz of yogurt (35)
1 small orange - which I could not eat because it was totally dried out inside
1 serving cereal - nope again, no milk

Left house in a really bad mood..........

Smart Choice Seasame Chicken Dinner (270) - tasted like sawdust
1/2 cup canned mandarin oranges (70)

Went home and had to have a sleep, not able to even focus on making a decent meal.

1 pkg instant noodles (120)
1 pineapple sherbert (100)

What a lousy day as far as food is concerned, rats, and I was doing so good.

I have been walking for at least 20 minutes each day so that is helping.