Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fear is a factor..........

After reading Ann's blog yesterday it really set me to thinking about a lot of things.  We are all statistics in so many ways.  All the elements of our lives lend to statistics.......what we spend, what we earn, where we live, age, race, etc. etc. I had a bad scare last evening and it really got me to thinking about my whole life situation.  Not unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers we have lots of set backs and drama in my family.  It seems that is what life is made up of nowadays.  Whatever happened to the little suburban house, white picket fence and 2.1 children.  Hubby goes to work, wife is a stay at home mom and they live a happy life.  Was life ever like that or is that a pipe dream?

So I made a nice dinner last evening and did not overeat, nothing after supper, everything was good.  Around 9:30 I got the most horrible case of heartburn.  There were no antacids in the house so I took a dose of baking soda and water and it seemed to ease off a bit.  Then I sat down at the computer to do something and it came back with a vengence along with a really sharp pain in the centre of my back.  What the heck, I thought to myself......this does not feel right.  Of course my immediate thought was I'm having a heart attack and I'm going to become a statistic.  I angished over what to do, I definitely did not want to even think about going to the hospital.  I read the symptoms for women having a heart attack and figured that wasn't it as there was no cold sweats or arm pain.  I took another does of baking soda, let out a big belch and told hubby I was going to bed and to check on me in awhile.  If I was still breathing then let me be, if not well it wouldn't have really mattered then.

The whole point of this is that I know any kind of chest discomfort when you are overweight can be serious, so please don't lecture me about it.  The problem is fear factors into this in that I do not want to go to the hospital and go through all the tests just to have them tell me it's indigestion.  I don't need the lecture on ..."well if you would lose some weight"..."you're a candidate for a real heart attack" forth and so on.  I am so sick of hearing this from doctors that I just do not want to deal with them anymore.  So which is the bigger fear......facing the unkind comments of the medical profession or having a possible heart attack?  At this point in time I can't answer that question, except that for now all is well and I feel fine.

Our financial situation is holding steady, it's not great but we still have our heads above water, barely.  We still have two vacant rental units.  Hubby showed one this evening, not sure why people think they can just walk in and start running a place down and then say they should get a break on the rent.  Our units are some of the cleanest and most reasonably priced in the city and I'll leave them empty before I rent to people like that.  We gathered up some things that have been sitting around here for awhile and I put them on our local internet ad site.  Did fairly well in getting rid of some it, not a lot of money but definitely will help some.  We'll just keep praying and I'm sure that things will get better soon.

 Food today was okay but sporatic to say the least.  I think I messed up a couple of times.  Went pantry diving tonight for dinner and made a tuna casserole.  It was kinda bland, think I am losing my cooking skills, everything I make lately tastes horrid. 

Hubby's ear has started acting up again so he went back to the specialist on Friday, they are now booking him for surgery.  That plus the fact that his legs are getting weaker is definitely not helping things.  And so goes the ongoing chapter in our lives.  Will we make it, yes, of course because we are fighters and don't know the meaning of the word "quit". 

In two weeks our oldest daughter is getting married so that will be a joyous time for all of us.  Behind every cloud is a sliver lining.  We are alive, our health is relatively good and with the grace of God we will be ok.


  1. Tessa!!!! Next time you feel like that you better get to he hospi.....
    Sorry :( I know you don't want a lecture. But oh my goodness, that is scary!

    I think I saw a comment recently about asking for what we need, and not worrying about being embarrassed... :) A wise woman told me that. So I would say the same, don't worry about what the doctor says or lectures you about. Do what you need to do to stay with us for a long time :)

    Ok, enough lecturing sorry :) I'm sooo glad everything is fine.

    I'm Sorry about your hubby :( I hope he gets his strength back, and that the surgery fixes his ear once and for all!!!

    Stress is the word of the day here in blogger land (or word of the month...) and you are handling it. Without binging, and I hope you are proud of that. :)


  2. Wow!
    Sounds like you are trying - keep looking at the silver lining!
    With both feet planted firmly on the ground!

  3. Glad to hear that you are not a quitter. Keep the faith and trust in God and yourself. You have control over what goes in your mouth. Build on each success that you achieve ... no matter how small.


  4. I've just nominated you for the Blog of Substance Award. Check it out on my blog at