Sunday, December 25, 2011


MERRY CHRISTMAS to all those in blog land.  A special thank you to those that stay with me no matter what!  As we celebrate the birth of JESUS, may the time you have with family and friends be a beautiful memory forever.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

She stood beside the window watching the soft snowflakes attempting to drift to the ground.  Sudden gusts of wind would pick them up, swirl them around and carry them off beyond sight.  The winter weather like her thoughts were hectic one moment and calm the next. 

Today was December 4th, three weeks till Christmas Day.  Christmas ........ her favorite holiday.  A time for family and friends.  A time for giving so others could have a wonderful holiday.  Wait a minute that was years past, this year nothing, not even a twinge of holiday spirit.

She avoided the stores and crowds.  Even the few small gifts that she had decided to purchase had not yet been bought.  The bright lights and Christmas carols only made her sadder.  All the shoppers were in a hurry and didn't have a clue to the pain in her heart.

Outwardly she smiled and returned the Merry Christmases that were directed at her.  Memories of better years and happier times crowded her mind and brought tears to her eyes.  No one suspected how bad things were for her and her husband, she put on a brave front and to others everything appeared normal.

They had finally managed to get some refinancing completed and that helped to ease the burden somewhat.  It was a harsh reality that in doing so the bank had forced them to close some of their major credit card accounts.  It was a necessary evil, "You have to get your debt load down before we can assist you." was what they had said.  How embarassing to have total stangers in charge of your life and placing conditions on it.

Gazing out the window across the wind swept yard she remembered better times.  Times when her husband had been healthy and Christmas was the most wonderful time of the year.  She had enjoyed picking a family that could use some assistance and shopping for food and presents for them.  The look of joy on the faces of the little ones as they opened the gifts and a mom with tears of thanks glistening in her eyes.  And now she found herself thinking back to a time when she was that single mom and someone did for her what she had so proudly paid forward.

So many things to be thankful for and yet her heart was broken.  They still had their home, she had a good job, they could still pay the utility bills and buy groceries.  So what was missing .........her pride, her self-esteem ........

Saturday, November 12, 2011

How do I realize what is killing me?

Things have gotten better and worse for us.  Hubby is getting worse and still no relief in site.  Doctor wanted another specialist opinion but they say since he has already seen one they don't want to see him.  Now his doctor is saying it is not what he thought but he has no idea what it is.  So back to the square one only difference between now and 4 years ago is that back then he could walk for more than five minutes.  Now five minutes of walking is almost impossible.

We got some finances straightened out so that we are good for another year and a half or so.  Hopefully by then there will be something happening with the insurance company.  Means we have to watch every penny and stretch them as far as possible but at least we will have the pennies to stretch.

As for me and my weight problem, well it is still a problem.  Some days more than others.  Lately all I want to do is cook and eat.  I want to make all the things I know I shouldn't and then eat every bite of it.  For instance I made a slow cooker of beef stew today with lots and lots of vegetables.  Had two helpings, not really so bad till I add the 4 homemade dinner rolls I had to go with it,

Not sure why I made the rolls just needed to cook something and it seemed like the right thing to go with the stew.  Am I concious of what I am doing?  You bet.  Do I want to do it?  No, but that doesn't seem to matter to my brain.

Each day I wake up and think ok today is the day, I can do this.  Eat sensibly, small portions, no junk food, no extra breads.........well that lasts about as long as it takes me to get the thought into my head.  I can make it through breakfast and lunch but then comes dinner time and I am a pig.  Doesn't matter if I had a snack in the afternoon or not, I still fill up till I can't breath and then wonder what the hell I am doing.

I'm on a fast train to no where and haven't a clue how to apply the brakes.  Anyone got any suggestions?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Where does time go?

Time seems to slip away faster and faster every day.  When I was a kid it seemed to take forever for Christmas to arrive and now poof it's gone one year and here already the next.  Are our lives busier or just what makes this happen?

Seems like I was just posting here yesterday but of course that is not the case.  I cannot believe how long it's been.

TOPS weigh in last week saw me down another 1.8 pounds and loser of the week for the 2nd week in a row.  Also got a charm for coming back with a lose after my birthday.  I am struggling there is no doubt about it but if I can just do this in little spurts I may make it.  I am also attending a Health Basics class with Primary Care Network on Wednesday evenings for the 8 weeks.  I started last week.  It's kinda boring because it is all the stuff I know about healthy living, eating right, getting more exercise but my doctor wanted me to take it and see if it would motivate me.  Not gonna write it off yet.

We are still enjoying beautiful weather here, +15C during the daytime.  We got my garage all cleared out so that I can park in it.  No more frosty windows, saves on gas as well.

We have a meeting with the bank this week to see about some refinancing.  Hopefully it will suceed in cutting our mortgage payments in half.  That would help so so much at this point in the game.  But as usual not looking for a silver lining till I see the cloud.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

When life hands you lemons ..........

make lemonade!!!  So today is the day after my birthday, yesterday was a great day!  We went out for lunch with my folks and I did really well (steak sandwich - 7 oz sirloin steak, bean and carrot veggies, 1/2 slice garlic toast and garden salad w/small dab of dressing).  Then, oh oh, here comes the kicker(s) - restaurant gives free dessert to birthday diners - yep, I did, mango cheesecake.  Then my Mom made an apple dessert that I could not resist - even though she made it with Splenda it still had lots of calories in the crust.  Why, oh why do I do this to myself.  Excuse - it was my birthday!  Acceptable excuse - not really.

So today I am starting to be a good girl and work my program without treats (thanks Dawn you really motivated me).  We really don't need anything but basic food to fuel our bodies, so why can't I put that in motion?  Hubby and I had this discussion the other day.  I think in the back of my mind I don't look in a mirror and see the flab.  I see what I want to see and believe what I want to believe no matter how detrimental it may be.

I downloaded SparksPeople onto my i-pod so I can track my calories and weight on a daily basis.  I'm also going to start using my Wii at least half an hour a day. 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Clearing up the Unknown ....

Ok, I think I may have somehow gave the impression that hubby's diabetes is out of control.  Yes, in a way it is but not because he is not eating properly.  He follows a very strict diabetic diet.  Unfortunately, with his pain level so high and no relief it throws his blood sugars out.  He's been diabetic for over 20 years so knows how important it is to look after his diet. 

Diabetes is a strange affliction.  When he is going to get sick his body gives him a sign by increasing his blood sugars.  It does this as a reaction to the change in his immune system.  So in order to get diabetes under control you have to get the rest of the body to cooperate.  Much easier said than done when the doctor's won't listen and give him something for pain relief.

Here is an example:  Today he got up and had breakfast, pre sugar level was 6.5 which is average and good for him.  We went to run a few errands and get our passports renewed.  This involved doing a fair amount of walking, which is extremely difficult for him.  He had his morning snack of fruit and by the time we got home for lunch he had a major migraine and he could hardly walk.  Pre lunch blood sugars at 16.  This was not due to his not eating properly but rather due to his body reacting to the pain from walking and the headache.

Once he had lunch and managed to rest for awhile, they returned to normal.  So as you can see diabetes is not a disease that effects everyone the same.  If you would like to check out the Plant Diet you can go to and read through the propaganda and view the sample diet.

His current health issues have nothing to do with his diabetes other than at times the pain makes his blood sugars wonky.  Believe me we are very careful with what and how much he eats.  We follow a diabeteic guide to meals to the T, as it is so important.  Unfortunately, his doctor does not seem to know anything about it especially since he recommended this plant diet.

As for getting another opinion we have done that numerous times and now they are fighting about what they think the diagnosis is.  He had blood work done today to test for liver disease, lupus and autoimmune disease.  We'll get the results next week.

I had a great day today as I was able to spend the afternoon with my granddaughters.  I hadn't seen Alex since her baptism in June and now she is walking.  But they both had lots and lots of hugs and kisses for Nana.

Got lots of exercise today just walking from place to place trying to get passport renewals done.  Our city is getting so big and they moved the Service Canada office so we ended up driving all over to find it.  But they are off and hopefully we'll get them back in a month or so.

Last day of holidays tomorrow, time went by too quicky.  But at least I have finally learnt how to sleep through the night again.  In fact lazy old me didn't get up till 8:30 this morning!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

TOPS WI Last Night

Weighed in at TOPS last night - 284.4, which was down 2.2 lbs from the week before.  Not going to get crazy and do anything stupid.  Just gonna keep trying to cut and burn 100 calories per day.  Slow and steady wins the race.  I know I need to exercise but I am so tired all the time and realize it is because I am carrying around another person.  I just have to stay focused and remember Rome was not built in a day nor did I put all this weight on in a day.

There are all kinds of body shapes, genetics, medical conditions, etc that effect how the body handles the fuel we give it.  We have to find the reason for the gain and then deal with it.  Hubby being sick has definitely put a strain on my being able to focus on my weight loss.  I have managed to stay within a couple of pounds each week and I am proud of myself for doing that.  It is a small victory but a victory just the same.

Depression is a horrid affliction.  It can be a silent killer sometimes.  I fight everyday to keep my thoughts on the important things and not let the things I can do nothing about take over and make me crazy.  One day at a time is my goal, to get a good night's sleep, eat healthy and be supportive to my hubby.  I am trying hard not to let his negativity affect me.  It is hard for him, sick almost 4 years and still no diagnosis. 

Some of the things that the doctor wants him to do make no sense to us.  First and formost hubby is a diabetic.  When he seen the doctor the last time he wanted him to go on an all plant diet.  We scoped out the diet on line and it is made up of nothing but carbohydrates, potatoes, rice, pasta, bread.  I can just imagine what that would do to his blood levels.  Does this doctor not realize that he needs a balanced diet?  Not only would his blood levels be out of whack but he's gain back quickly the 50 pounds he just lost.

I've been attempting to cook more and avoid eating out.  It's really too expensive and definitely not healthy.  I have been slacking off on the cooking and we have been doing what we call "fin fors".  Everyone fends for themselves.  This also leads to really bad eating habits.  So I am now making a really concentrated effort to cook meals.  The funny part is, I normally only have to cook 3 times a week as we always manage to get 2 meals out of whatever i make.  How hard is it to prepare leftovers .... NOT!

Sunday, October 9, 2011


HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all my Canadian Friends.

Yesterday we had our yard sale and it went fairly well, much better than the one a couple of weeks ago.  For that we are thankful.

Today is a big day in our family.  Hubby and I celebrate our anniversay, oldest daughter's 1st year anniversary and youngest daughter's birthday.  Again so many things to be thankful for. 

We decided that we would take a run to Costco for some fresh fruit and veggies and then maybe find an inexpensive place to have lunch to celebrate both our anniversary and Thanksgiving.  I've been doing really well this week with being careful with my food so will have to watch where we go and what we order.

It's been a wonderful day and one of the best anniversaries I've had.  We went to Costco to do some shopping then decided to go to Tony Roma's for lunch.  I was so good, I only ate half of my meal cuz I knew I needed to account for the pumpkin pie I would be having later. 

Came home and put groceries away, put a roast in the the oven for dinner and had a cat nap.  Just starting veggies to go with roast when my sister and her family dropped by for a visit.  They stayed for dinner and we played some games. 

All is quiet now, so going to head off to bed and do a little reading and relaxing.  Thank you God for blessings large and small!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Next Step ......

When comtemplating life one needs to always be mindful of those less fortunate than themselves.  I've been moaning and groaning so much lately that I totally forgot that even though I have problems there is someone out there much worse off than I am. 

It will be a hard weekend with no Thanksgiving celebrations but that's ok cuz there are hundreds of others in exactly the same situation.  I can still be thankful for God's blessings, my job, my health and that we still have our home.  The next few weeks will be rough but I pray that things will work out.

Getting back to the real reason for my blog is what is important now.  I've been holding my own with my weight but definitely need to take a long hard look at things.  My biggest issue is how do you exercise when you absolutely hate the word.  I can't seem to find the conviction to get into excercise mode.  I have all kinds of Wii games and two good feet but the ambition eludes me.  Any suggestions? 

I've been really watching what I'm eating.  Last night I did butter chicken with two chicken breasts and we had enough left over for our lunch today.  Hard to believe considering we used to be able to polish off twice that amount in a meal and we don't even care for chicken that much.

One of the ladies from the church dropped by my office on Tuesday and brought in some fresh garden vegetables.  They were so good and definitely welcome.  We have not had to use the food bank yet and I keep praying that will never become an issue.  I stocked up on case lots when we had a few extra dollars so we should be good for the winter.

I'm tired tonight so hoping I can sleep the night through.  Been waking up at 1 or two and not been able to go back to sleep.  Makes for a long day at work.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I'm here ............

Hard to believe it's been over two months since I last posted on here.  I know I should have been here every day but went through a horrible period of depression.  Doctor put me on anti-depressants and they made me terribly sick.  My stomach got all screwed up and I developed rash like patches all over my body.  So I stopped taking them and my stomach straightened out and the rash went away.  Still suffering from mild depression but can handle it better than the side effects.

I have been reading your blogs just not posting here or comments.  I actually came in one day to visit Margie's sight to see if her daughter had posted any updates and the link was gone ....... poof and Margie is no more.  How sad for those of us that loved reading her blogs.  I guess her family felt it was time to let them go, it's been almost a year.

Life is ok I guess.  Still working hard and managing to make it through each day.  Still no news from the doctors and hubby isn't getting any better.  Hired a disability lawyer so now just waiting on a response from the insurance company to the lawsuit we filed.  It's a sad day when you have to sue to get something you've paid into for years.

This is Thanksgiving weekend here but no celebrations at our house, we just can't afford it.  Told all the kids there would be no Christmas this year either.  Will try to get something for the little grandkids as they don't understand but the rest is on hold.  Just going to pretend that the day is just like any other.  Hardly making enough to cover our mortgage payment and utilitiy bills so definitely can't even think about Christmas.

TOPS is still going well.  We had our fall rally last Saturday.  It was nice to get away for the day and just have fun. 

Gonna try our garage sale again this weekend.  Did it two weeks ago and made a whole $35.00.  Hopefully this one will go better.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Still nothing .......

Well so much for getting excited about that doctor's appt, nothing more than a scam to have him come back so they could tell him they have no idea what is wrong.  How much more do they think a person can take.  I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I was down 1.4 pounds at wiegh in on Monday.  That makes 4 weeks in a row with a lose of almost 10 pounds.  At least that is a positive things.  Gonna try for 6 in a row so I can get my steady loser pin.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Trying to stay positive ..........

There maybe some hope yet that a doctor is finally going to take the time to listen to my husband.  He went in on Thursday and of course first thing he wanted to talk about his diabetes.  Hubby finally said to him "Listen I've got a truck on my chest and you're wanting to prick my finger."  Apparently the doc did an about face and booked him another appointment for Monday to go through things one by one. Keeping my fingers crossed that he will give the insurance company the information that they require to reinstate his disability payments.

In the meantime we have tightened the purse strings, in fact they are so tight that they may never come untied.  We can survive for another few weeks and then after that ........ it will be what it is.  We have some property we can sell only problem is it may take 3 -6 months. 

I had a good weigh in at TOPS on Monday I was down 2.8 lbs, third week in a row with a lose.  Trying really hard to stay on program no matter what.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and hope.  I just have to keep telling myself that no matter how bad things are for us someone else has it worse.

God bless you.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

And the hammer continues to fall ..........

This may be my last post for awhile as I may have to let my internet go in the next couple of days.  Things are going from bad to worse.  Our savings are just about gone and it doesn't look like anything with the insurance company will be settled soon if ever.  I barely make enough to make our mortgage payment so have no idea how we will live after the end of July.  Utilities alone will be around $600/month never mind gas for my vehicle, and day to day living expenses. 

It seems unfair but really it's probably not as I knew this was going to happen but tried to ignore it hoping for a miracle.  Well we all know miracles only happen to those that don't really need them and the rest of us suffer in silence.

Last resort will be to put everything up for sale but real estate is just not moving right now.  You have to practically give it away in order to sell it.  Not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity.  The worst part is trying to keep everything from family.  My siblings would be happy to see me fail and I don't want the kids to know they have enough on their plates as it it. 

I'd pray but I don't think anyone is listening.  It's been three years now and there has been no change so why would I think that HE cares.  Irony of it all is we can't even afford to go to church due to the cost of gas to drive there and no extra cash for tithing. 

I'm just sitting here trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.  Either way it won't change anything.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

No matter what I do .........

It's one of those times when no matter what I say or do it's not right.  Hubby is in such a fowl mood, he's now refusing to take his meds because yesterday I mentioned he should go easy on the Benydryl.  He wants an agrument and I am not going to accommodate.  Lately it's like we are strangers living in the same house.  I tip toe around like I'm walking on egg shells but he still finds a reason to natter at me.

I have no control over the doctor's yet he won't start making calls to the government officials.  He'd rather feel sorry for himself and take it out on me.

I laid awake most of the night thinking of what to do but everytime I suggest something he flies off the handle.  I know he is suffering from depression but he won't even talk about it. 

Yesterday I still believed in GOD, today I'm not so sure anymore.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Is there ever going to be relief .......

The past few weeks have been more and more stressful.  Hubby continues to fight the medical system and thinks the whole world is wanting him gone.  He doesn't believe that the doctors even care anymore about what is happening with him.  They won't give him anything for the pain and now he has developed a severe itch and is taking mega doses of Benydryl.

I am almost at my wits end.  I'm afraid to say anything to him for fear of upsetting him.  He won't go to the hospital.  I no longer have any answers to any questions where his health is concerned.  He has had an MRI and sleep apena test now we are waiting for the results.

On a brighter note my oldest son got married this weekend.  I took my mom and dad and we had a lovely time.  It was nice to get away for the day. 

I've also had 2 weigh ins in a row now with a lose.  Last week was 1.8 and this week was 2 pounds.  Hoping I can keep going downward.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Oops .............

Ok I blew my TOPS weigh in tonight, up 2.4 lbs from last week.  What can I say, it's been a hell of a week what with ending up in the hospital and all.  Not an excuse for sure just a fact of life.  Tomorrow will be the start of a better week.

Not much else to report, still feeling queasy and back still hurts somewhat but at least I'm alive and know it is not my heart so all is well.  Just a quick check in as I am off to bed, too tired to stay awake any longer.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Wow that was a bit scary .....

Well I've been absent for a very good reason.  I have been having major back pain since last weekend and nauseated for the past couple of weeks.  Well Wednesday it all came to a head and I wound up in the hospital.  The story goes something like this:

3 p.m. At work, back is major sore and nausea is getting out of control.  Head to GP's office to have her check it out.

4 p.m. Find myself in an ambulance from the doctor's office on my way to the hospital with all kinds of heart monitors, blood pressure cuffs, etc hooked up.

6 p.m. Seen by doctor in ER, not sure what is going on, need to do tests.

8 p.m.  Doctor returns still no answers but need to do blood enzymes at 9 p.m. to rule out heart attack.

11 p.m.  Doctor comes back, enzymes ok, but going to keep me till tomorrow so they can do a CT scan and check for torn aorta.

Next day:

11 a,m.  CT scan done

noon   Doctor says all clear

1 p.m.  Back at home with pain killers and anit-vomiting pills.

4 p.m.  In bed having a wonderful sleep

8 p.m.  Up and moving around

10 p.m.  Another round of meds and it's nighty, night

07:45 a.m.  Back at my desk, all is well :)

Remember that a heart attack in a woman is much different than in a man.  Men feel it in their chest and left arm, a woman has pain in her back, radiating to her neck and shoulders with severe vomiting.  Mine was not a heart attack, thank goodness.  Most likely a pinched nerve that made the pain so bad that I started to throw up.  So after 24 hours in the hospital, looking like I've been in a bar brawl, due to IV starts, I am back to normal.  Thank God my doctor was smart enough to recognize what could have been a potentially serious problem and took immediate action.  Do I feel foolish, somewhat, but on the other hand I am still here and very much alive.   I plan on staying that way for awhile.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Church Picnic ....

We had to take our TOPS picnic inside tonight as Mother Nature decided to dump rain on our parade.  We have our meetings in the basement of a local church so we just had a "church" picnic.  I was extremely proud of all our members tonight, their pot luck dishes were light salads and light desserts.  There is always lots of food to go around but it was nice to see that everyone was thinking healthy.  We didn't have any potato or macaroni salads, they were all vegetable salads.  Desserts were fruit with light topping and watermelon.  For once I feel as if they actually heard what I said and even listened. 

I had precooked our meal so all I had to do was heat it up.  I sauted some chicken breasts and diced them up then added 1/2 a boiled potato, 1/2 cup green peas and green onions, wrapped it all up in a tinfoil pouch and that with salad was great.

It's hard to decide what to take to a potluck when there are so many tempting things out there. Usually we end up with lots of bought salads and desserts but this time they really put an effort into it and you could tell that everyone was pleased. 

Offical weigh in tonight saw me at 287.2 lbs.  That put me down 3.4 lbs from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago.  I'm pleased with that, it's going to be a slow but steady pace that I want to set for myself.  I have really been there for the members this week.  We have a facebook page and anyone that posted they were struggling I made sure I gave them a call with some encouragement.  They need me as much as I need them so hopefully I have found the winning combination.

Work is busy but I really do enjoy this new position, it is so much less stressful.  My manager wants to give me a title but he doesn't like the words clerk or administrative assistant.  I've been trying to come up with some ideas but so far a blank.  Can anyone think of a position title that describes both those things but doesn't use the words?  He sent me an e-mail today and said I was doing a fantastic job, made my day.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Journaling and it's powers .......

I wish I had the wit some bloggers do like Skippy I'd be a happy camper if I could look at things with that gift.  But right now I have no wit and even less of a sense of humor.  One thing I do know is that journaling is very theaputic and I am going to get back into the routine.  I have to remind myself that I started this blog because I thought I had what it takes to do the impossible .......... get rid of the weight.  Then when it didn't happen I quit writing and it only got worse.

This blog is for me.  Those that come to visit, I love you to death and always so appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement.  Skippy I love you with all my heart.  Too many times bloggers dealing with weight lose start off fantastic and then for some reason fad into the dust.  I am not going to be one of those people.  I need to be here and do this for me.

I love my husband, my job and maybe not so much the hard parts of my life but I have to learn to deal with them and that starts now.  You may read some things on here that will make you wonder about my life but I'm going to be ok.  I am a survivor and I have to remember what Margie's last post was about.  It was about the letter "B" and it's about beginning and believing.  Tomorrow I begin again and I believe I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to and I am back with a vengence.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new way of living for me.  I may not lose that 15 pounds before July 9th but I am going to give it my best shot.  If I don't then people will just have to accept me the way I am because that is who I am and until it changes then love me the way I am. 

Journaling they say is the best way to destress and deal with everyday happenings and being able to let go of things that a person holds onto and should have let go of a long time ago.  I am strong, I am able and I am willing, may the force be with me.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's Been Awhile ....

And from the look of my stats I am the only one checking here anymore.  Oh well.  What happened to me you ask, I really don't know.  My life become out of control as did my eating.  Ballowed up to 292.6 pounds.  Yep, almost 300, yet I look in the mirror and I don't see that.  Does that happen to anyone else?  Have managed to get back down to 285.2 as of this morning so I am pleased with that.

Really disappointed in myself though as I've had a long time to get this weight off in time for my son's wedding and now I will have to find something to wear at tent and awning.  I have no one to blame but myself and I take full responsibility.  I still have almost 4 weeks till the big day so hoping I get at least another 15 off.  That would make me feel a little better.

Had my annual check up a couple of weeks ago.  Blood work and all was fine.  Cholestrol was normal, not sure how I pulled that off.  She did put me on Wellbutrin to see if it will help with the depression.  She said sometimes we just have to have little help and she thinks it is the best.  Only been on it for 2 weeks so no major improvement as of yet.  These things usually take about 6 weeks before they are at maximum power.

Still nothing on hubby.  More and more tests but no results.  His new doctor says we may never know what it is.  Wonder how the insurance company will like that one?  I can almost guess.  If you don't know what it is then you probably don't have it.  I'm so angry with them right now.  Actually I'm angry at everyone and everything right now.  My life is in total shambles and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Finally some sunshine .........

It's been a hectic week but I think there are some positive things ahead.  PRD was a lot of fun but I do have to say that I really do enjoy it more when it is not where I live.  I was pretty stressed out by the end of the weekend with trying to keep up with everyone.  I was so proud of hubby, he humbly accepted his Division Winner award and these was the words he had them read as his story:

"Through my failures I have learned humility, resourcefulness, determination. Humility to accept my limitations and weaknesses. Resourcefulness to seek guidance and council. Determination to persevere and focus on the goal. These are the tools for life and this honor is a tribute to that. I accept for myself and AB3486, when I fail as one, together we shall win. Mother Theresa had this to say about all life's problems - "Life is life, I fight for it." I believe I will."

Our area coordinator said it was nice to have someone say something that didn't consist of a lot of "me" and "I".  I'll post a pic here when I'm done my post. 

Wednesday he had his specialist appointment in Edmonton, the doc wouldn't commit to a diagnosis till he gets some more tests done but feels it maybe a debilatating type of arthritis.  He is doing tests for a gammit of things including ALS, lupus, MS, etc.  He really doesn't think that he has fibro and he feels there may be more than one thing going on.  He gave him this huge list of tests to get done and he is referring him to a neurologist.  We can live with the diagnosis as long as we get one.  He also has an appointment with a new family physican this coming week and we have heard great things about him so have our fingers crossed.

I took advantage of a new family clinic that opened up and made an appointment with one of the lady doctors.  She was really nice and is insisting on a complete since I haven't had one in years.  And she never once commented on my weight or made disparaging remarks.  When I asked her why she said we will work on it slowly and there are worse things in life than being over weight, can you believe it!  So I have my complete booked for the end of May and have some blood work to get done before then.  She was so nice and told me if I need anything to be sure and come in right away.  We'll tackle each problem from the complete one at a time.  She also gave me some antibiotics for my sinus infection and put me back on my HRT.  I tried going off of it but the night sweats have been so bad that I was getting to the point where I couldn't stand it and she said there is no reason not to stay on a low dose if it makes things easier.  Wow.

Into the second week of my new job and loving it.  The lady that was doing it before did the best she could with the time restraints that she had but there is room for a lot of improvement.  I've made a few chances and my boss has given me a high five for them.  It is so nice to be appreciated and trusted.

Today is Good Friday so it is a holiday and I haven't felt that great all day.  I think the antibiotics kicked in as my sinuses have been draining like crazy.  Hope I feel better tomorrow as I want to go to Costco first thing in the morning, we are really low on stuff for my lunches and I don't want to get in the rut of just grabbing something out of the cupboard without thinking it through.

Hubby said something when we were having dinner this evening that made sense and really got me to thinking.  I had made some ground beef with jalepenos, spaghetti sauce, kraft dinner all mixed together sort of like Hamburger Helper only I put cilantro in it and it tasted different, not bad just different.  I asked him if he wanted seconds and he said "I would but I don't need it. more is not going to fuel my body it will just make me fat".  I thought how true is that, we only need food as fuel for our bodies and not out emotions.  He's a pretty smart man.

Weigh in was a bust this week but I knew it would be so not getting bent out of shape over it just accepting it and gonna try and do better this week.  Have been walking more and doing the stairs at work.

Here is a picture of hubby with his TOPS Division Winner award, 2nd place in division 2 provincially with a lose of 37 pounds last year, he has 30 to go to goal.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Mother Nature needs some manners ........

Woke up this morning to a blanket of snow and ice and high winds.  The whole province is enveloped in a spring storm.  This seems to happen every year around PRD time but at least this year it is here in Red Deer so I don't have to drive.  This will be my 5th PRD and I don't remember a year where we have not had a storm just before or after.  Think they need to move the dates to a little later in the spring, not sure it would make much difference though.

The week has been great so far, I am really enjoying my new job.  Having a hard time adjusting to the change in work hours though.  Body is having a hard time resetting the clock to wake up later and get home later.  Hours are 8:15 - 4:30 but I am so used to working 07:30 - 3:45 normally and 7 - 7 when working overtime.  This really is a hardship .... lol.

Picked up all the client files yesterday so now I get to do some serious work.  Monday, Tuesday were kinda boring as there really wasn't much to do.  I am really excited about this position and think I am really going to enjoy it.

Started walking before work on Monday but that is on hold for today at least, too slippery out there.  Will start walking on lunch break as well when the snow is all gone again.

Things seem to be turning around for us.  Hubby's specialist appointment was moved up 5 weeks to next week and I have a couple really interested in renting one of our units that has been empty for the past month.  There is always a silver lining to every cloud sometimes you just have to wait for it to turn inside out.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Great start to the week ........

Weigh in last night saw me up .6 but I can handle that, it's definitely not the end of the world by any means.  We has our TOPS installation and awards night last evening.  I am so proud of my hubby, he lots 37 pounds last year, wish I knew his secret.

Started my new job yesterday.  What a change from the old one, no stress, left on my own to figure out how I want things done, very relaxing.  Hopefully now that I have a job with less stress I can start to shed some pounds as I am definitely an emotional/stress eater.  Am finding it hard to get used to the new hours - 08:15 - 16:30, as I had been getting up real early before (4:30 a.m. for a 6:00 start).  It's gonna take awhile to get this body back into a routine of rising later.

It is a beautiful morning here so started my early morning walks.  I walk down to the mail box and back before work each day, it clears my head and is a good beginning to getting more exercise.  I am also doing the stairs at work, it is only two flights so will be good for me.

Took last week as a break between positions and accomplished mega chores here at home.  Even got the income tax ready to go to the accountant.  Spent Friday as a ME day, got my hair done and had a pedicure.  Saturday I went shopping for a new work wardrobe.  I have made a vow that these are the last "fat" girl clothes I am buying.

Our Provincial Recognition Days for TOPS are this weekend here in Red Deer.  I am excited as it is always a very inspirational and motivation time for everyone.  Just what we all need to kick start the summer.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Getting rid of stress .........

Yep, I'm back and I have eliminated some stress from my life in order to regain some sanity.  As you know I applied for and was successful at getting a different position.  I gave my manager my resignation and think I actually saw tears in her eyes.  So with two weeks notice I had another week to kill before starting my new position so decided to take this week off and forget about that department.

Now that of course is a whole lot easier said than done as I have to keep checking my work e-mail each day, sometimes several times, or I will have hundreds of them when I go back.  But it feels so good to know that I no longer have to work 65 - 70 hour weeks and can do normal hours.  The girls had a send off for me on Friday night and I must say I think I gotta a little tipsy (actually I know I did, but don't want to admit it).  It was a great time for all.

Last week I weighed in at TOPS and was .2 pounds over my original start weight, tonight I was down 4 pounds.  They stress can be a huge factor in our health but I didn't realize how much until I stepped on the scale last week and seen that number.  I was truly embarrassed so decided right then and there to get busy and do something about it.  So started eating sensibly and getting in a little exercise and voila......4 pounds.  Don't get me wrong I know that it can all be blown in just a matter of moments but for now I am basking in the glory so to speak.

I have missed blogging and think that it was the one thing that kept me sane till I got too tired to keep up with it.  So here goes another kick at the cat and I hope to be able to keep up on a regular basis now.  Not promising I will be here every day but definitely more often that the past while.

I've also decided I am not posting meals, calories, weights or anything like that anymore.  This blog was meant as an outlet for me to vent on things that bothered me or celebrate things that brought me joy.  I got too caught up in the whole diet thing and forgot about how to enjoy life.  There has to be a happy medium for both and I have to find it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

And so ends another chapter in my life ............

Looks as if things are finally going to settle down for me.  After all these weeks of working 70 hours I am finally going to go back to normal hours.  I had an interview earlier this week and was successful in getting the position.  It is a brand new position with Senior's Health and I am soooooooooo excited.  I can't wait for my start date of April 11th.

Sometimes a change is as good as a rest.  This will allow me time to get back to my blogging and concentrate on myself for a change.  I have so missed blogging and catching up on all the news from my blogger friends.

I was re-elected as Leader for my TOPS chapter for another year.  This year I am going to concentrate on training the Co-leader to step in to Leader position next year.  This is my 5th year and I think it is time for some new blood and ideas.  I really appreciate that my Chapter has so much faith in me that they want me to stay on but others need a chance as well.

So look out blog buddies I am back with a vengence and so looking forward to it.  I am off to work this morning but now I can go wih the attitude that there is an end in sight and the most I will have to do is 2 more Saturdays.     

You all have a great weekend and I will be back here in the very near future.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Thinking 68 hours a week is just a little much ....

Yes, I am still working those horrid hours and there does not look like much relief in site........hey, maybe there is.  I have an interview with another department on the 15th so hopefully that one will pan out and I can go back to working like a normal person.  Someone said to me the other day "look at all the money you're making".  Hello reality check here, you only clear about 50% of what you make so it ain't that great.

I did go today and stock up on fresh fruit and veggies so I can at least eat one healthy meal a day.  Good think we don't have vending machines where I work or I would have become an addict by now.  I've been trying to do the right things with my eating but these long hours sometimes make me senseless where my meals are concerned.

I had to go to the walkin clinic today and get some antibiotics, I've been fighting a sinus infection for a month now and decided if I didn't go it would probably get the better of me.  It's hard to concentrate at work when your head is pounding and your eyes hurt.

We are still in the mighty throws of winter right now.  We've had more snow and cold temperatures this winter than I can remember in a very long time.  It's been hovering around -28 C during the day and dropping to -45 C at nights.  Even with the day light hours getting longer there hasn't been any relief and the weatherman is forcasting a long cold spring. 

Sorry, if I am being so negative.  Not much to be positive about right at this very moment.  We did get the appeal for hubby's disability in on time and they are now reviewing it.  Not expecting any great exciting news from that either.  Right now everything is in the doldrums but such is life.

I hope everyone is well, I have managed to read a few pages but no energy to make comments.  Soon I hope.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hello, hello, hello......

I think i hear an echo, can that really be me saying hello?  And just when you had all given up on me and decided that she's a phoney and never coming back, here I am, just like a bad penny.  I know I've been MIA but the hours at work have been long and arduous.  I've been doing 5 x 12 + 1 x 8 = 68 hours a week so I haven't had much energy for anything but work and sleep.  Don't even ask me about food right now as all sensiblity has gone right out the window.  Meal times are whenever I think I can take 5 minutes and find something and then I usually fall asleep before I get through it.

It's a long weekend here in Alberta and so far today is the only day that I am going to get off.  That means all cleaning and laundry must get done today because there is absolutely no way of knowing when the next day off will be.  Am I totally nuts?  Probably but I am one of those dedicated employees who will endure just about anything to ensure the job is completed.  Unfortunately, I don't know if there is ever going to be an end to the mountain of paperwork that comes in and goes out in this job.  The new system is up and running but not without some glitches which is to be expected with a transition.  I truly am hoping that tomorrow will be the last day of necessary overtime and then I can get back to working normal hours before this old body does a 180 and craters on me.  So far I've been hanging on and doing ok but I am sure it is only a matter of time before it says enough is enough.

Sometimes work is an outlet for me in dealing with stress,  Strange as it may sound when I am working life has a way of not getting to me.  We are still struggling with the insurance company over hubby's disability and have now had to send in another appeal in order to keep the file open until the end of May when he has an appointment with a Rheumatoidologist.  The meds they put him on were just making him sick and he gained 20 pounds in 2 weeks and was hardly eating anything.  So they took him off of the one and his weight has gone back down but he is still fighting being sick to his stomach and the pain has increased horribly.

My youngest son broke off his engagement and that has been hard on everyone.  She has a 13 year old daughter and an 8 year old son that run her life and he just couldn't stand by and watch it any longer.  He tried to talk to her and she just doesn't see the problem.  These kids are totally out of conrol and she wouldn't let him discipline them and when she did it was useless as they just whined until she let them have their own way.  He loves her with all his heart but is not willing to have these kids run his life or watch them ruin hers.  She will be moving out next weekend so he's coming here until she is gone.  My heart goes out to him and I had hoped she would be the one but I also understand where he is coming from.  I hate to say it but these kids are literally monsters and she will never be allowed to have a relationship with anyone because of them.  They have made her feel so guilty over the split with their Dad that she gives into their every little whim and I want.  It is really sad to see.

So that is it from my end of the world.  Missed last week's TOP's weigh in due to work and no weigh in this week because of the holiday so I have no numbers to report.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Yep, it's me .....

Last week was almost a total write off for me and this week hasn't been any better.  I did have a lose at weigh in on Monday night so am happy with that.  I was loser of the week so I got a lovely fruit basket to take home.

I was really sick for 2 days last week, I went to work one morning and within 45 minutes I was back at home dealing with the worst case of IBS that I have had in ages.  What  caused it probably stress, extra work, you name it.  I am still working 12 hour days but hopefully this will be the last week.  We go live on the 15th so hopefully the extra hours will not be needed.

I'm heading out the door here in a second but just wanted to pop in and update any of you that might be still with me.  Take care everyone and have a great day!!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Checking in ...........

Just a quick note to post my weigh in for tonight, as you can see it was up again.  I'm so disappointed in myself that I just want to quit, but I won't no matter what.  Things have to turn around pretty soon I hope.

I'm still working lots of overtime hours and hubby had surgery on his other ear on Friday.  He seen the doctor on Tuesday and they did a rush booking.  I am hoping and praying that it works.

Our TOPS group went bowling tonight so that was a good stress buster.  It was a lot of fun as well, I don't bowl very well but definitely got some much needed exercise.  Working 12 hours a day sitting at a desk does not leave much time for exercising.  I get home and fall into bed, I am so exhausted.

Please don't give up on me I am checking in whenever I can find a few minutes.  Big hugs to you all.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Hating the scales right now ......

Well weigh in was tonight and I was up 2.2 pounds, what the heck is with that?  I can't believe what the stress is doing to my body.  Think I need to start meditating or something, my gosh no wonder my ass feels like it is 6 ax handles wide.  None of my clothes are fitting properly again.  I am a mess.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Is God watching???

We haven't been to church in months due to hubby being so sick but this morning I got up and knew I had to go with or without him.  I didn't want to go alone so I prayed that God would give him the strength to be able to go and He did.  We had an awesome time, the sermon was just what I needed to hear and all the hugs were fantastic.  Not only that they have started a new program where members of the church provide a slow cooker meal and newcomers or those that have been away for awhile are invited to have lunch with the Pastor and his family.  Now you have to understand our church is a very small church (maybe 35 members in total) so when someone is away for awhile it affects everyone.  We had a wonderful time visiting with Pastor Bear and his family and it felt so good to be home.  I needed to go, my attitude towards life with dealing with insurance companies, dumb doctors and incompetent co-workers was pushing me over the edge.

I've been experiencing chest pains from the stress and a very upset digestive system to boot.  Today I needed to be in the house of the Lord and just give my problems to Him as I can no longer carry the burden. 

I don't expect everyone who reads this to agree with me or share my beliefs and that is okay.  I have gone from crying almost none stop yesterday to having a peaceful easy feeling today.  No matter how we obtain that point of sanity we need to reach out to whomever or whatever it takes to realign our lives. 

I've been struggling so much these past months, worrying about health and finances that I had forgotten there is someone out there that can carry this burden for me.  Thank you God for being my rock.

Hubby finally booted me out of the house yesterday and told me to go do something for myself.  I decided to get my hair done and I must admit I did feel better afterwards.  It cost me $135 but hubby said it was money well spend to give me a much needed couple of me hours.  I do love this man so and pray constantly that the doctors will decide what to do.  He is now being sent to see a Rhuemoidologist and then we hope there will be some clearer answers.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Totally and completetely pissed off ..........

First off let me apologize for my language but there just isn't any other way to say it.  Just when things are going along nicely someone has to upset the apple cart with absolutely no thought to how their actions will effect others.

As you know I've been working overtime for a bit now and was supposed to work tomorrow which would have been a big boost to our finances right now.  So I got to work this morning and turned in my overtime for the week and said to my manager that I didn't feel comfortable putting in my time for tomorrow till I had worked it.  She informed me that all overtime had been canceled till at least next week.  I got to thinking and then remembered I'd seen out Union rep in our office a few times yesterday and one of the girls that had not been offered overtime was a bit po'ed.  Well put 2 and 2 together and you get a complaining woman who never works when she is there and the Union and all hell breaks loose.  So now I have to wait till Monday to see if the overtime is going to come back or it she has spoiled it for everyone.  Yes, it should be offered if there is a need for it but this woman works hard at not working.  I am fuming right now ..........she obviously doesn't realize that she probably shot herself in the foot and took the rest of us down with her.

On a brighter note today is my Dad's 80th birthday so I dropped by after work with a card and a gift card from Joey's only, it's his favorite place to eat.  It is the first time I've been in their house and they've lived there for almost 3 years.  My Mom even talked to me ......... I am so happy about that.

The weather turned real nice and it was +2C today and raining so everything is slippery and it was a bit of a drive home tonight.  I'm tired and heading for bed and looking at the good side of things cuz I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Weigh In not so good .........

Well I was up .8 at TOPS weigh in last night, I know it's not much but it was enough to get my sorry butt pushed out of the quarterly challenge.  I know I haven't been paying as much attention to my food as I should have been.  I've been working some pretty long hours and they are about to increase again.  I'm going to work Saturday's and next week 12 hour days.  The overtime is a much needed commodity in our home right now till we get this mess straightened out over hubby's disability.  I'm probably good from now till the end of March so will get it while they are generous enough to offer it.

I'm letting you know that I will probably not be posting daily till the overtime is done.  I sometimes just come home and fall into bed.  Trying to maintain my health so I can keep up the pace so getting lots of rest.

Skippy, I have 13 beautiful grandchildren ranging in age from 21 to 2 months.  Some are biological and some are chosen but they all get equal amounts of love from Nana and Papa.  Not only did I get to spend the weekend with the one turning 13 but I got to spend Sunday with 2 of my doesn't get any better than that!

I always appreciate your comments so keep them coming.  Blogging has become a way of life for me now and I cannot imagine my life without you all in it. 

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Back on line .............

I know I've been missing for a few days.  Our internet went down again and my computer was having some issues but looks like both have been revived.  It has been really cold and snowy here for the last week.  Temps in the -30 C range with lots of snow and really high winds.  Some streets are almost impassable and they just the main routes cleared and start on the side streets when we get another heavy dump and they have to go back to the main routes again.  All you hear everywhere is complaints about the weather but it is winter and it is Alberta so if you don't like stick around for 5 minutes and it will change.  Perdicted to go from this deep freeze to plus temps by Wednesday, see what I mean.  I do love winter just hate the snow shovelling when it is packed and drifts are 4 feet high.

Son and grandson are here for the weekend, celebrating grandson's 13th birthday.  I can't believe where the time goes, seems like yesterday I was anxiously awaiting that call to let me know he had made an appearance.  Son took pity on me yesterday and bought me a snow thrower.  When you are vertically challenged it is hard to get that shovel of snow over the top of the stuff aready piled up.

Food has been ok these past few days, daily wiegh ins seem to have a flucuation of 1 - 2 pounds so not sure what that is all about.  TOPS weigh in tomorrow night so will see what happens.  Haven't been as careful as I should have been I am sure.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Still in the deep freeze .........

We are still experiencing really cold tempatures here, -32C tonight and not much warmer during the day for tomorrow.  I have a sore throat tonight so hope I am not getting what has been going around the office.  Seems people get sick but they don't have enough common sense to stay home till they are completely better so everyone else gets sick too.

I'm in a really bad mood tonight and not exactly sure why or at least I can't put my finger on anything concrete.  Think I'll head off to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.

0500  muffin and orange
1000  orange
1200  chicken noodle soup w/crackers, celery w/laughing cow cheese, diet jello
1430  snack bar
1730  smokie w/sauerkraut, quinoa

Monday, January 10, 2011

It worked, it worked .............

I was so proud of my TOPS group this evening.  14 weighed in, 22.8 lbs lost and 3.2 lbs gained for an over all lose of 19.6 lbs................way to go team.  Seems like my challenge inspired them enough to test it out.....can't say how proud of them I am.  And part of the 22.8 pounds was my 2 lb lost so I'm happy about that as well.

05:00  cranberry bran muffin, orange
10:00  orange
12:00  chicken noodle sou w/crackers, celery and cucumbers, diet jello
15:00  snack bar
17:00  slice of bread w/ peanut butter & jam
20:30  fried egg w/cheese sandwich (1 slice bread)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Second Version of Hubby's Poem


Going to church once a week is not the same as praying

Watching the children in in the yard not the same as playing
Dreaming of sea's and foreign land is not the same as going
Sitting in a boat with oars at your feet is useless without rowing.

Don't stay in one spot, don't take each breathe for granted
Dare to explore, set some goals, you will not be empty handed.
Every feast a banquet, silver trays, waiters and candle lit
This excuse may work, when you explain why your not fit.

You come to a meeting, step on the scale, yet you don't feel the burn
The journey has just started, there is much to do, and even more to learn.

The path is straight, but we take detours till frustrated and losing track
The group is there to encourage each one so you can find your way back.

Many have gone before us, and the advise they gave is true
The road to sucess begins with a step, and the step begins with you.
Dennies Vierboom

Is it really important .........

I've been reading through some of the blogs seeing how others are visiting their doctor's for check-ups, getting things taken care of, etc and it got me to thinking about the last time I actually had a complete physical (along with blood/urinary workups) and it's been about 3 years.  I do stop in about once every 6 months to get prescriptions refilled or if I get a bad sinus infection and need antibiotics.  Other than that I usually feel fine and am always of the mind that if it isn't broke don't fix it.  Not sure if that is the right attitude or not but due to the problems we have had with getting hubby looked after I have a sour taste in my mouth for doctor's.  Also, it is hard to find a family practitioner here in Alberta that is taking on new patients and I absolutely refuse to go back to the one I was using before.  So just how important is that "yearly checkup"?  Some say really important, others say not so much.  I get my yearly mammogram done because of my Mom's breast cancer but I can do that without going to a doctor and I get a letter with the results.  I get my eyes dialated once a year to keep an "eye" on my macular degeneration, again I can do that without a doctor.  So what exactly can a doctor provide once a year if you are not feeling ill in anyway? 

It's still blizzarding here, I shovelled the driveway this morning and it took me 4x as long as normal.  We have drifts 4 feet high and the snow is packed hard from the blowing wind.  It's great exercise and I love shovelling snow just didn't anticipate how long it was going to take me.  Still blowing out there so will probably have to do it again tomorrow, not going out there again today.

Sitting here listening to the radio and there is an ad for Herbal Magic that advertises they will pay you $11.00 for every pound lost between now and I think the end of February.  What they neglected to add was that the program costs $600.00 a month for the all the vitamins, etc that they want you to take, so you would have to lose 60 pounds a month just to break even......ironic isn't it.

06:45   orange, cranberry bran muffin w/butter
10:30   french vanilla cappichino
13:30   chicken noodle soup w/crackers, 2 baby bell cheese portions w/3 Ritz crackers, cup of tea
17:00   smokie w/sauerkraut and quinoa

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Winter is raging..........

We are in the midst of a blizzard here in Central Alberta.  Wind is howling, snow is blowing, roads are a mess and I am here safe, snug and warm in my home.  Thank you God for blessings.

Managed to sleep till 5:30 this morning and didn't get out of bed till 6:45.  It was a treat considering I have to be up at 4:30 on weekdays.  Went out and cleaned the driveway and thought well this isn't too bad.  Had made plans to head to Costco if the weather was ok but had to wait till this morning to decide as they had major snow storm warnings out.  So after I cleaned the drive decided it wasn't to bad, called my friend and told her it was a go.  We headed out when she got here and it wasn't too bad, lots of blowing snow but good tires and an alert mind are a good combination when travelling in this type of weather. 

When we got back we vaccum packed meat portions and I made a nice lunch.  Now I am doing laundry and just finished making 2 dozen low fat bran/cranberry muffins.  I must confess I had 2 of them when they came out of the oven ........they are so good.

Weekends are always hard for me, I drink too much coffee and sometimes forget to watch what I am doing food wise.  But not today, I made a deal with myself to be very careful as I have to weigh in with a lose on Monday.

06:45  English Toffee Cappachino
08:30  1 slice toast w/peanut butter
11:00  1 cup french vanilla cappachino & 1 Cinnabon snack bar
14:00  roast pork tenderloin, boiled baby potatoes, steamed grean beans
17:30  2 low fat bran/cranberry muffins w/butter, 1 cup french vanilla cappachino

Wow meal times got all messed up and now it is dinner time and I am not hungry (muffins and coffee do that to you).  Think that is enough for today.  My coffees are only 100 or less calories but they add up if you have more than one a day.  I am trying to only drink them on the weekends.

Friday, January 7, 2011

TGIF ....

I am so thankful it is Friday, even if there is a snow storm warning issued.  I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.  It is so incredibly busy at work I am totally exhausted.  Went out with some of my co-workers after work for coffee and appetizers.  I ate just a little of everything but forgot my scale at home so had to eyeball it.

Thanks everyone for the comments on hubby's poem. I am really proud of him for writing it and yes Mensa you may use it if you like.  I was also thinking of submitting it to the TOPS magazine.

05:00  shredded wheat biscuits w/milk & sugar, grapefruit
10:00  snack bar
12:00  raw pepper, cucumbers, 2 baby bell cheese and 5 Breton crackers
14:30  snack bar and 1 Tim Horton's donut hole
17:00  1 piece cheese bread, 2 potato wedges, 6 nachos, 2 Tbl spinach dip with 2 pita crisps - didn't want to eat too much as it was mostly carbs so will have a snack here soon

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Sharing a poem .........

Hubby is a member of my TOPS group and has lost 37 lbs so far (much better than his wife is doing) and today he wrote a motivational poem I would like to share with all of you.

Going to church once a week is not the same as praying
... Watching the children in the yard is not the same as playing
Dreaming of sea's and foreign land is not the same as going
Sitting in a boat with oars at your feet is useless without you rowing
Bouncing on the seat and playing with the knobs will never move the car
We are the masters of our own destiny and destiny is never where you are
The program works but we must to or the job is only halfway done
Like a harnessed horse with no driver standing out in the prairie sun
So watch the hazards learn what works lets give the horse a hand
The horse is called TOPS she will carry the load and take us to the promised land

05:00  mini wheats, grapefruit
10:00  yogurt
12:00  raw peppers, cucumbers, beef w/barley soup and crackers
14:30  snack bar
17:00  pot roast with potatoes, carrots and onions

Hope everyone had a great day!!!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wow the year is going fast .........

It's already just about the 6th of January, my gosh where does the time go.  Had a big meeting at work today finally found out what my job is going to be in the new world, exactly the same as what I am doing now.  I'm happy about that because there were some major changes coming down the pipes. 

TOPS on Monday was awesome.  We have some new contests going and I issued a year long challenge to all the members.  They have to weigh in every week with a lose in order to be eligible for quarterly prizes and then a big one at the end of the year.  Some complained about it but as I told them it is strictly voluntary so if you don't think you can do it you don't have to sign up.  It will cost them $5 a quarter to participate and over half of the members have already signed up.  I'm looking forward to the challenge and seeing the results.

0500  rice krispies, yogurt, banana
10:00 banana
12:00 raw peppers, cucumbers and a frozen meal
14:30 snack bar
18:00 checken stuffed w/brocoli, boiled baby potatoes, green/yellow beans w/carrots
21:00 low fat yogurt bar

I'm having a hard time trying to work long hours and still keep up with the blog so some entries maybe short and sweet but I will be here.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Back to work ..............

Hard to get back in the groove after having almost a month of short weeks.  Stacks and stacks of paperwork awaited me.  Don't know if I will ever see the end of it, but then it does keep me employed.

0500  fruit cup and yogurt
10:00 banana
12:00 soup and crackers
14:30 pudding cup
17:00 pineapple chicken, rice, green beans

Monday, January 3, 2011

TOPS Weigh In tonight .........283.6 lbs

I apologize for not posting yesterday.  This bug that I have caught is tiring, in that all I want to do is sleep.  I feel asleep after dinner last night and didn't wake up till this morning.  Hopefully the rest is healing.  So I will record yesterday's food now and today's later on.

0600   english toffee cappachino
0800   mandarin orange, 1 slice toast and 1 tbl peanut butter
10:30   yogurt
12:30   1 pkg Ichoban noodles (broth drained off), 2 baby bell cheese pieces
14:30   pudding cup and 1 pkg granola crunchers
18:00   chili

Didn't do my evening snack because I fell asleep.

0630   english toffee cappachino
0800   rice krsipies w/milk & sugar, fruit cup
10:30  banana
12:30  chili on toast
14:30  cup of green tea and snack bar
17:00  frozen entree - salsbury steak
20:00  banana

Skippy, believe it or not 8 oz of food is a lot of food and I worked out the calories for last 2 days and it averages 1400 - 1500 which is what I am striving for.  Thank you for your concern, I have learned over the years that starving oneself does make a healthy eating plan make.  I promise to keep an eye on the calorie intake and make sure that I get lots of fruits and veggies.  I'm concentrating on upping my fluid intake so have been drinking tea and water regularly throughout the day.  I'm gonna keep with the 8 oz meals and 4 oz snacks for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.  If I start to feel out of sorts will reevaluate. You are such a sweetie to care so much.  I promise not to .....cough, cough, cough......on you........

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Weigh in - 280.2 lbs

Ok this is not a good start to the year.  I was fine at 3 a.m. and just woke up with a horribly sore throat and every muscle in my body screaming.  Not sure how that happened but guess I have to deal with it.  So today is going to be a day of fluids and Tylenol I guess.

I hope everyone had a great New Year's eve.  We babysat for Jamie and Ashlene so they could have an evening out.  They've been pretty much tied down since Alex was born.  Sounds like they had an awesome time. 

Well I am off to make a cup of hot tea and catch up on some of the blogs.

Well made it through the first day, so that I will consider a victory.  I kinda like not having to worry about calories and just weighing my food.  Even though I did not feel that great, managed to stay on track.

10:00   green tea
           diet jello

12:15   tomato rice soup and soda crackers

16:30   fruit cup

17:45  scrambled eggs, sauted mushrooms & onions, slice of bread

20:00  fruit cake, diet jello, green tea