Sunday, July 17, 2011

And the hammer continues to fall ..........

This may be my last post for awhile as I may have to let my internet go in the next couple of days.  Things are going from bad to worse.  Our savings are just about gone and it doesn't look like anything with the insurance company will be settled soon if ever.  I barely make enough to make our mortgage payment so have no idea how we will live after the end of July.  Utilities alone will be around $600/month never mind gas for my vehicle, and day to day living expenses. 

It seems unfair but really it's probably not as I knew this was going to happen but tried to ignore it hoping for a miracle.  Well we all know miracles only happen to those that don't really need them and the rest of us suffer in silence.

Last resort will be to put everything up for sale but real estate is just not moving right now.  You have to practically give it away in order to sell it.  Not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity.  The worst part is trying to keep everything from family.  My siblings would be happy to see me fail and I don't want the kids to know they have enough on their plates as it it. 

I'd pray but I don't think anyone is listening.  It's been three years now and there has been no change so why would I think that HE cares.  Irony of it all is we can't even afford to go to church due to the cost of gas to drive there and no extra cash for tithing. 

I'm just sitting here trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.  Either way it won't change anything.


  1. wow - this sounds so much like a post "I" would write. this year, we've lost our house, our car, our credit-worthiness, and our sanity. ron's health has gone from bad to worse over the past few years and we went through all of our savings, too trying to stay afloat. we sold everything we could to wait on that miracle (that never happened - at least, not in the manner i wanted or expected). now, we're in a retirement community, in a small 2-br "condo" (part of a 6-plex building).

    trust me, He does care. I got out of the habit of going to church as well because i didn't think there was anything there for me. we found a new church after we moved and they have a live feed (for when you get your internet back) and they have recorded sermons available. is the web address if you are interested in checking it out.

    i often wonder whether to laugh or cry. like you, it doesn't change how it is. praying for you in this.

  2. Oh Tessa, I'm so sorry for all you're going through. Know that He DOES care, it's just so many things and it's difficult to see clearly when the "stuff" is all there. We had our own set of "issues" today - stuff that I have no idea how it will be solved...and I've been stressing too. It's comforting to know that others out there are going through "stuff" also - but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

  3. They call the miracles because they DO happen to those that had no hope and DO need them.

    I know it is hard to look at the glass as half full instead of half empty but you never know - the properties you do own may sell and provide some relief from your troubles. You never know if you don't try.

    I guess what I mean to say is your miracle may come - please don't give up hope. I know what it is to feel so down, but remember all of those that love you and are sending good thoughts your way. Stop worrying about the naysaying relatives. Who cares what they think?

    You have a lot of gifts in your life. Hang on sweetheart.