Sunday, October 28, 2012

Out of One Black Hole into Another ....

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile.  I feel into a black hole of depression for awhile and didn't want to bore anyone with my woes.  I thought I was getting over it and then got slammed again yesterday, only this one hurt to the very quick of my heart.

My granddaughter-in-law is expecting at the end of November and they had a baby shower for her yesterday and no one bothered to invite me.  Yep, my great grandbaby will be here soon and I doubt very much if I will even get a change to see it.

It's like dejavue all over again.  Mt grandson was born when his parents were very young (15 & 17) and I didn't even get to see him till he was a year and a half old.  The years were sketchy but I always tried to make time for him in my life and as he grew into an adult I thought we could make up for some lost time.  Things were going really well until he got married in May and things began to change.  It was like he was ashamed of our family.  We were invited to the wedding but not invited to take part in any of the family wedding pictures.  I don't have one picture of us with them.

Now it appears that they would just as soon forget we exist.  My dad, who is 81, spent hours making a cute little cupboard for this baby and they haven't even bothered to pick it up.  I tried messaging and calling to ask if they want it but they don't return my calls.  So all I can assume from this is that we are no longer considered a part of his family.

I have all sorts of baby things here that I have been collecting since finding out they were expecting and blankets I have crocheted but guess I will give them to someone else now.  My heart is broken and I cannot stop thinking about it.  I'm pretending on the outside like it doen't matter but inside I am crumbling.

This along with everything else feels like more than I can handle.  There is no light at the end now, only darkness and I can't even begin to care about anything anymore.  My days are filled with a weariness and this cloud hanging over me just does not wantt to lift. 

I hope you have all been well and please excuse my ramblings.  This blog is the only place I can truly express my feelings as I have to keep things bottled up inside so that no one can see the hurt.  Others around me are suffering with their own problems and do not need me to add to their load.