Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Is it never going to stop?

I started the year off by trying to be positive and see a good side to everything no matter what.  I think I have reached my limit and absolutely fail to see the good side to this tragedy.

When my son and his ex were together they got a golden retriever puppy.  He was the cutest little thing and would come to our house to have play dates with the pugs on most weekends.  He grew into a beautiful, gentle spirited dog.  When they split he went with her but my son stayed in touch and seen him every now and then.

This past weekend she went away and left him with friends.  They let him out but didn't bother to check on him and when he didn't come back they decided to go looking for him.  He had fallen through the ice on the dugout and drowned.  Our hearts are broken and even as I write this my eyes are brimming with tears.  A tragic accident yes but caused by utter stupidity.

Is there a positive thing in this senseless loss?  I guess only in the fact that they found him and we're not having to wonder what may have happened.  I know that all things happen for a reason and God only gives us what we can handle but I think this is the last straw for me.  I can't handle anymore this year. 

The year is a little more than 2 months old and there is not a week gone by that something has not happened and believe me none of it has been good. 

I said to someone the other day that if this truly is the year the world ends I'd appreciate it going out with a little less drama.

Tonight I'm missing Bailey so much and my heart is aching for my son.  I keep thinking if I don't think about it the hurt wull stop but it doesn't. 

I'm getting to the point where I dread going to bed because waking up just means there is an opportunity for something else to go wrong.  Even my prayers are getting weak and sound more like whining than praise for Him that loves us all.


  1. I am so truly sorry Tessa, but you mustn't allow this to be the thing to throw you over. You sound incredibly depressed and I wish I was there to throw my arms around you and give you a hug that may help to cheer you up.

    The loss of a beloved pet is so terribly hard, especially when it was preventable, but please don't dwell to the point of tears. I PROMISE it will get better. And just as that puppy was put here to give you [and your family] love and happiness, I am sure he would be sad knowing you are sad.

    I am around if you need me. I so wish I could do more, but you are in my thoughts, my friend. Please, please take care. Love ya!

  2. Oh Tessa, I'm sorry too. ((( hugs ))) One year I had a terrible time - including my dad's death and my miscarriage when I almost lost my own life also - and all I could pray was "Lord, keep holding onto me"...I was wordless. (both of those events were exactly 1 month apart) And He did (and does) hold on to me. I can look back now and see the good that came of those events and that time in my life, but I still wouldn't wish it on anyone else.
    ((( hugs )))