Just how strong is your connection to blogging? For me it is a journal, and journaling is important for weight lose. For me it is a place to show my true feelings and work through the things that really bother me. A place where I know that my internet friends can leave me comments, good or bad but not judgmental. A place where I can seek refuse from the real world and still be in my real world. A world of hurt, sadness, happiness, frustration, etc. A place where those that read my blog started out as strangers and now have become a huge part of my life. What happens to them means a great deal to me.
When Margie and Bruce passed I sat at my computer and cried, a hard, sobbing cry. I cried when I told my here friends about a senseless accident that took the life of my "friend" and her husband. I didn't tell them that we had never met, it didn't seen important. Margie had become a true friend and mentor.
The first blogs that I connected to were those that I found on Stacey's site. I started reading them and added them to my blog roll. There I found SkippyMom and TinaM, and from thier's I had people come to mine and I got involved with them. Now TinaM is missing in action, and I ask myself was it too much for her, is it due to financial strain, family issues, etc. Asphyxiated Emancipation hasn't posted in over 5 months, I worry about him as well.
Are the connections strong, you bet you they are. My whole purpose with this post is that today I feel extremely lonely. Why, you ask? Because yesterday I had no one comment on my post. Each day I check two or three times to see if there are comments and read with joy each and every one of them no matter if good or bad. I'm a very private person, I don't mix well with people so I pretty much keep to myself except to go to work. This is not to get sympathy but simply to express my feeling on what blogging means to me.
Maybe someday I'll do what Stephanie is going to do for Margie and make my blog into a book. Would anyone read it? I have no idea but if they did they would know more about the inner workings of a very overweight, lonely person.
My real family and most friends that I have do not know this blog exists. This provides me with a place to go the truly express how I feel without listening to their one sided comments and having them constantly suck it up princess, just get off your lazy ass and do something about it. They have no concept that being morbidly obese is a disease with physical, mental and spiritual complications. All they see is a fat person constantly stuffing her face and think I should know better.
Ok, I've had my pity party, thank you all for making me feel better. Now onto the business at hand:
1 latte (100)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 cup fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon of sugar (80)
Black forest ham sandwich on whole wheat w/mustard (280)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 Hersey's Crisp Wafer Bar (100)
1/2 banana (50) - the Pugs got the rest, again
4 oz roast beef (220)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (60)
1/2 cup kernel corn (70)
1 cup green beans (50)
3 tablespoons low fat gravy (75)
1 cup blackberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 french vanilla cappichino (200)
Water: 18 oz