Day 122 - 283.4 lbs

Yes, you read it right there has been a gain.  I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and it is definitely due to over indulgence and lack of activity.  I woke up this morning with swollen hands and feet, varicose viens that are popping and bleeding and a stomach as hard as a rock from IBS.  So how did this happen?  Well my thought is because I was not careful and thought I was invinceable and could fly by the seat of my pants and as long as the scale didn't go up I was winning.  WRONG!!!!  I am definitely not invinceable and flying by the seat of my pants has proven that my pants are too tight and I need to be more concious of what the heck I am doing.  Don't get me wrong I am not beating myself up as sometimes bodies have a way of doing their own thing regardless of what you do.  IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) is one of the worst side effects of being horribly overweight.  You suffer from days of no movement or horrible sudden bursts of too many movements.  (I really am trying to be delicate here with my wording as I do not want to offend anyone).  The swelling in the hands and feet comes from sitting on my butt yesterday and ingesting diet soda which contains aspertime and is a no no for me.  Do I know better than to drink it - well of course I do, but you know it is diet so it can't really hurt me right?  There's that invincible thinking again.  As for the veins popping and bleeding, well that's a new one and I wonder if anyone else has ever had that happen?

So where did I go wrong?  I'm not sure as I tried to really be careful yesterday and eat lots of veggies with dip (I didn't prepare it so I'm not sure if it was low cal or not).  I did have a small amount of cake but it was no more than a total of maybe 4 bites between the 2 parties.  I do know that I got next to no exercise yesterday and could really feel it this morning as my muscles feel like spaghetti. 

It's hard when you are 150 pounds overweight to look at each day and say I did something right or wrong because how do you really know.  What I think is right could be totally wrong and vice versa.  I read the many blogs that people are posting about their great loses and I will admit I do get a little discouraged at times.  I even try to put myself in their place and ask myself if I do what they are doing would I be that successful?  Then my reasonability kicks in and tells me that each person is totally different mentally, physically and spiritually and what works for them may not work for me.  I do know that if I can get some more pounds off my IBS should settle down and that I cannot take one day off from exercising and for gosh sakes leave the diet soda alone.  I know it bothers me so why was I so stupid especially when there was plenty of water available. 

We have a dinner theatre performance to go to today with friends and I have made up my mind it will be vegetables and protein only and absolutely no dessert table.  Water with lots of ice.  And if people around me don't like it well that will be too bad for them.  I am no longer going to let people talk me into doing things I do not want to (oh, come on have a little piece of cake, it's his birthday.....etc, etc, etc).

Will let you know how it goes when we get back.

For those of you who have joined my sight as followers if you have your own blog site could you please let me know which one it is.  I have a list of about 30 on my favorites but I cannot keep track of them all on a daily basis and I do want to support you as much as you do me.  I started out just following Stacey's but I found lots more and ended up adding them to my list and now don't know who's is who's.  I definitely need to shorten the list and the first one to go will be Stacey's.  If I gained anything from her it was that you have to honest with people who support you.  Don't pack up and run away just because you have a bad day(s) or you don't like what people are writing.  Without support we are nothing and hiding does not help us accomplish our goals.  I feel a bit sorry for her but I'm also angry with her as when I first found her site I thought wow someone struggling like me and letting the world know and help her.  Now it seems like it was all about the publicity and not about us.  You won't see me on GMA or in the papers so the only way you can follow me is here and I welcome all suggestions and criticisms with an open mind and heart.

Some good news from yesterday, so it wasn't a total bust, I am going to be a grandmother again, so one more reason to get off my duff and get healthy in order to see these precious little ones grow up.  Thank you God for giving me another day to realize how much I would miss if I wasn't here.

Dinner theatre went ok but it could have been better.  I did manage salad and protien and hope I did not overdo the protien.  I had some scrambled eggs and a small slice of roast pork with raw veggies and salad.  I did manage to almost avoid the dessert table but that was where they had the fruit as well so it was hard just to go for the fruit and pass on all the yummy desserts but I did it.  I can think about them now and go I am glad I did it but it sure was not easy at the time.

Megan, glad to see you have your blog page fixed so that we can now post on it.  Was hoping you would see the messages as there was no other way of getting ahold of you.  Hoping everyone has an absolutley wonderful day tomorrow, I know I'm going to.