Thursday, April 22, 2010

Day 202 - Is it real............

It's been a strange day today, not even sure if I can write about it and believe that it is happening.  My mind is numb, my heart is hurting and I want to go back to yesterday when things were semi-normal.  You're probably thinking I have flipped my lid but no that is not it.

I went to a funeral today for a friend's husband, he developed kidney cancer in 1999 and they gave him 2 years to live.  With God's grace and a loving wife by his side he made it 11.

Hubby had a doctor's appointment today to get his ear checked.  He's had a mean drainage from it for almost 2 years now and they keep treating him for ear infection.  Doctor says it's not an ear infection and they are going to schedule an emergency CAT scan to see what it might be.  Diagnosis at this time is a tumor that keeps building and then breaking (hence the drainage).  It will probably mean major surgery as it is out of sight behind the ear canal.  Possibility of it being cancer - unknown at this time.  It is an operable tumor - unknown at this time.  Possibility of it effecting the brain - unknown at this time.  Relief available at this time - none.

Now starts the waiting for the appointments, this specialist is already talking sending him to another specialist as it is out of the realm of his expertise.  Is my faith in God strong enough to withstand this?  I don't know, right now I am very angry, upset and miserable.  We are never prepared for these things no matter what.  Can I hang on and not eat my way into oblivion - unknown at this time.  All I know right now is that it feels good to be able to write about it and know that only one person that actually knows me is reading this.  Do we tell the kids or do we wait and see what the test results are?  What about other family and friends, do we not say anything till more is known?  So many decisions to make and nothing to base them on.

1 pkg instant oatmeal
2 oz milk
4 oz yogurt
1 banana

Dairy Queen 1/4 pounder w/fries
small Pepsi

2 eggs scrambled with lots of veggies (mushrooms, celery, peppers, green onions)
1 pkg microwave popcorn


  1. Oh Tessa! I am so sorry! Of course you are upset! It sounds like a crazy day :(

    I would not tell the kids until more is known, it might not be as bad as you think! You know that hopeless, 'what the hell is going on' feeling... you don't want your kids to have that too... I would wait. You might see the specialist and get good news about it!

    All you can do is hope and pray that it will all come out ok.
    Don't eat yourself into oblivion! You need to stay healthy for yourself and for your husband!

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

  2. Holy cow! I am so sorry! I hope things turn out all ok for him! Get a good workout in, it will help to ease the stress some, and give you a better outlook on things.

  3. Oh Dear! Im SO sorry to hear that. It could be a tumour on the auditory nerve. They are reasonably common, and not a brain tumour as such. Your hubby would probably have hearing loss and/or dizziness if that were the case. Please dont punish yourself by over-eating. Id hate to see you undo all your hard work. Prayin for you xxoo