I don't normally post twice in the same day but I have had something on my mind since yesterday and thought this is a good place to air it. Please remember that I am not wanting to intentionally say anything that can be miscontrued as a negative critisim of anyone but myself. The following topic maybe sensitive to some people so please remember it is only my opinion and directed more at myself than anyone else.
I went back and read through some of my blog entries and those of others that are struggling with weight lose. Do you know what the most used phrase is? Tomorrow is another day........how many times have I said those very words. Every time I have a bad day or fall off the wagon for a few days it is always the same.....don't worry about it tomorrow is a new day. When am I gonna stop using that thinking to justify killing myself, and believe me that is what I am doing. Today I forgot my blood pressure medication and could hear my heart pounding in my head most of the day plus my ankles swole up to twice their size. No big deal right, tomorrow is another day. What if I don't wake up tomorrow because sometime during the night my heart gives out due to my being 130 pounds overweight? I won't get a chance to say tomorrow is a new day.
I was 110 pounds exactly 40 years ago today, since that day I wonder how many times I have said, it doesn't matter, tomorrow is a new day. How many new days am I going to need till I get it right? I reflect back on those 40 years and can see all the reasons why I put the pounds on but not too many for why I should take them off. Let's look at some of them:
I got pregnant, couldn't get rid of the baby fat, that was an additional 70 pounds. Then along came baby number 2, another 30 pounds. Ok, took some time to get in shape and lost 40 pounds. Then started having marital problems, gained 50 pounds, lost 30, gained 60, lost 20, gained 10, and so the yo-yo dieting began. Yes, I could diet with the best of them and I could lose for a little while and then gain it all back plus a few extra pounds. Sound familiar to you, of course it does. It's the story behind so many who have been struggling with weight gain.
We can always find something or someone to place the blame on, whether it be pregnancy, a bad marriage, poor family relations, lose of lifestyle, etc. But maybe instead of blaming others I should be blaming the one responsible for putting the food in my mouth........ME!!! I should have stood up and taken responsibility for my actions right from the beginning instead of letting life get to me. I once had a boss that told me to never sweat the little things and life is made up of a whole lot of little things. Hubby also keeps telling me that SH__ happens, it happens daily so get over it.
I went to my 12 step program tonight, I haven't been to a meeting in weeks, and all during the meeting all I could think of was tomorrow is a new day and what does that actually mean. Well to me it means giving myself a licence to go ahead and eat all I want, fall off the wagon when I want, gain a few pounds cuz guess what "THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW".
Well for me there will be no tomorrows, it is going to be all todays from here on out. No longer am I gonna let myself think that filling my face full of food is ok cuz there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow is not going to exist for me any more, it is going to be the here and now that I concentrate on. One day at a time but no backsliding. It's to easy to justify failure with there's always tomorrow.
I know this is lot of rambling and probably doesn't make one bit of sense to anyone but me. If you do get it please think about what I have said and see if it applies to you..........Today is when we want to take action, not tomorrow, because really tomorrow never comes.