Weigh in Monday .....

Yes, it is Monday again and I will be posting my weight after TOPS weigh in this evening.  I'm not concerned about whether I lose of not but more that I have been able to maintain through these past couple of weeks.  Still doing lots of walking and trying hard to make sure that I don't let my emotions and stress cause me to binge.  So far it has been ok, once in awhile I get the urge but usually talk myself out of it.  I think working 12 hours days has helped some as well, I'm too darn tired to care about eating.

Spent the weekend finishing up Christmas shopping with hubby.  I felt to bad for him as he could hardly walk but what a trooper, he stayed the mile the whole day.  He never complained even though there were several times when he looked like he was gonna go crazy from the pain.  I can't wait to see if this new treatment gives him some relief.  So far nothing but we all know that some drugs take up to 6 weeks to take effect.

House is a disaster area, wrapped presents most of yesterday.  Can't believe it takes so long and now have to find a place to put them all as the tree won't go up till the 16th.  Oh the joys of Christmas, in spite of it all it is still my favorite holiday.

Ok, have to head off to work but will be back this evening with the weigh in results.

Well, as you can see I was up a pound, have to work harder this week if I want to keep it under 280.

Popping in for a quick update ....

It's been a few days since I posted and I apologize but things have been so hectic here.  It seems just when you think you've hit your darkest hour a silver lining appears.  After two years of fighting with doctors and trying to figure out what was wrong with hubby he finally got upset enough to seek another opinion ... and guess what, we now have a diagnosis.  I had said all along that is what I thought it was but who am I, just an ordinary lay person so what would I know.  Well turns out I know more than some doctors ...... my husband has one of the worst cases of fibromyalgia that this doctor has ever seen.  Hubby told him that another doctor said no way and he got real mad.  So he has started him on a treatment plan and hopes that within 3 - 6 months he will be able to resume working back at his old occupation.  Now just have to fight with the insurance company to reinstate his benefits but that is another story for another time.

I've been working 12 hours days as we are really far behind at work and they finally oked the overtime.  It will help with the finances so that is a good thing but doesn't leave much time for anything else.  Food has actually be ok, I had a not bad weigh in at TOPS on Monday, only up .4, that I can handle.

I want to wish all my American blog friends a very happy Thanksgiving for tomorrow.  Remember to count your blessing no matter how small in number they may seem.  Hugs to you all.

Quick Update ...........

Hubby's surgery went ok, still in a lot of pain and not feeling the best but that is to be expected.  As for the rest well we're hanging in there.  I'm ok food wise in fact I'm not really hungry most of the time so haven't even had any binge thoughts the past couple of days.  Really making a concious effort to not let circumstances drive me to food.  It's been snowing here since Tuesday so have now traded my morning walks for snow shovelling but that also is ok as it is still exercise.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and posts.  Some of them even made me smile (pre-poo and post-poo weigh ins.........lol).

Is it possible to stay positive .......

Today has been a day from hell, there just isn't any other way to describe it.  The insurance company that has been providing disability coverage for hubby has decided rather than put him on total disability they would cut his benefits off.  So even though he can hardly walk across the floor without stumbling, is in constant pain and has major chest pains on a regular basis their investigation deems he is fit to go back to work and get this .........they recommend that he become an electrical lineman or cable installer.  How's that for a kick in the teeth after spending 12 years in school to become multi-ticketed (plumber, gasfitter, electrican, HVAC mechanic, pipefitter, boiler technican) they have the nerve to tell him he needs to start over and do something else.  I don't know whether to cry or scream I am so mad.

We placed a call to our lawyer's office and just waiting to hear back as to when we can get an appointment.  I don't normally believe in sueing anyone for anything but this time I think it is warranted.  And if they want a fight then we'll give them one.  In the mean time he now has to go back to work or lose his benefits and we have no idea where the company will send him as they lost the contract at the place he was working prior to going off sick.  Please pray for us, we are going to need all the help we can get.  My wages barely cover our mortgage payment, I am totally not sure what is going to happen.

He was so devastated when he got the letter today that I had to come home early from work to try and settle him down, he was threatening all kinds of things.  He's finally calmed down and is watching TV.  I can't even begin to imagine how he is feeling.  And on top of all this he is booked for his ear surgery tomorrow. 

Right now just the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach.  This is gonna be a rough road to hoe and with Christmas coming it's gonna be hard.  Please forgive me if I don't post daily for the next couple of days, there will be so much going on that I may not get here.

I will be thinking of you all and know that you are there for me.  God bless you all.

Which do I go with .........

Ok, I weighed in at home this morning, first thing, scale said 276.6 with was up 2.2 pounds from last week.  Yet tonight at TOPS I was 277.2 a lose of .8.  Isn't it funny how the body changes from minute to minute.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.............

Weight: 275.8

SorryI haven't been around the past couple of days.  Thursday I upgraded our high speed internet connection and wouldn't you know it they messed up on their end so no internet.  But it is now back up and running so I have returned.

Been really busy the last couple of days, actually got some things done that I wanted to.  I think I spend a little too much time on the computer so the only time I accomplish anything is when it is done.  I really need to think about a little less computer and more around the house, especially with Christmas coming.

Thank you all for your messages of concern due to my low blood sugar levels.  I usually am prepared for them but this time I messed up.  Anyway, all is well now and I am back on track.  I have been doing my walking and trying to up my water intake well being careful to not overdo it.  I have a little bit to lose to weigh in tomorrow with a lose or at least a turtle.  We will see how that goes.

I'm gonna head off and read some blogs that I have missed over the past couple of days,  Will be back later to finish this post.

We now return to our regular program .......

Weight this morning was 276.6  pounds.  I knew it was coming because of yesterday.  I started out the morning great, everything was good and then about 10:30 things went awray.  My blood sugars dropped so bad that I got the shakes and almost passed out.  Normally I have some snack bars at my desk for just this type of occasion but I had run out and forgot to bring in some more.  From that point on the panic button got hit and I was looking for anything that had sugar in it.  My co-worker gave me a peppermint candy and someone had a cupcake.  So I ate those and still felt bad so I did have a package of Uncle Ben's rice in my desk so I ate that.  Finally the sugars started to level out but it was to late to stay on track.  That little bit of sugar set off a binge for carbs and I have been on the hunt ever since.  No excuses just that is the way my body reacts to sugar and carbs but I needed both of them to pull myself out of a potentially dangerous situation.  I am not diabetic but every once in awhile my blood sugars take a drastic drop.  Normally I can handle it with eating a balanced diet but yesterday got away from me.  Still felt a bit sluggish today but much better tonight.

So I am going to skip posting what I have eaten the past two days mainly because some of it is a blur and I can't remember.  I am going to get back on track tomorrow and have my snack bars all packed up and ready to go to the office.  I also have to learn that too much caffiene can cause this as I had a 12 oz flavored coffee yesterday morning. 

So I will say goodnight and I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh start.  Remembering my uncles that fought for my freedoms and all those still serving and who will serve in the future.  Thank you for laying your lives on the line so that I can enjoy living in a land of freedom.  God bless you all!

Tag Your It .....

In place of my regular post, tonight I present questions by mensa.  Regular broadcasting will resume tomorrow.

1. What is your favorite holiday and why and how do you celebrate it?
My favorite holiday is Christmas.  Ever since I was a kid I've always looked forward to that special time of year.  I even try real hard each year not to be a snoop.  I have the notorious reputation of being the Christmas snoop.  I could unwrap and rewrap gifts so perfectly that no one could tell they had even been disturbed.  It gets harder each year as now everyone is onto me and they use super strength tape to wrap the packages.  Now keep in mind that not only did I snoop at mine but every one else's as well and then proceeded to tell them what they were getting.  Our family has grown to include quite a few chosen children and grandchildren so this year we will split it in half.  We'll celebrate with the girls on Dec 18th and then with our son on Christmas Day providing the weather is good for travelling. 

2. Do you relish time alone and what was the last thing you did when you were alone for 24 hours?
I love having time alone and can just lay in bed all day and read, sleep get up for meal and bathroom breaks and then back to bed.  Now the thing is to find 24 hours to be alone so I can do it.

3. What is your favorite type of ethic food and when and what was the last time you ate it?
We have found an East Indian restaurant here that we really like.  I had never had it until about 3 years ago so when it opened we decided to try it out.  Quite to my amazement I enjoyed some of the dishes and go back frequently for my favorites.  Last time I was there is about 3 months ago.

4. Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?
Her name was Mrs. Bert and she was my high school literature teacher.  I was really sad when she stopped teaching on a regular basis and we only got to see her as a substitute.  She was an understanding teacher and made learning so much fun.  She was gentle yet firm and was always there when I needed someone to talk to when things got dicey at home.  She's been gone for some years now but I will never forget her.

Now I have to come up with four questions, sheesh.

1.  How did you meet the first love of your life and how old were you?

2.  If you won a lottery, for say 10 million dollars, what would be the first thing you would do?

3.  If you had a chance to meet someone you have never met before, who would it be and why?

4.  If you could be a circus performer, what would you be?

I am going to tag:
Barbara - http://missiontolose130pounds.blogspot.com/
Skippy - http://skippymom.blogspot.com/
Tina M - http://myday-tinam.blogspot.com/
Joy - http://transparentjoy.blogspot.com/

Okay ladies, you have to answer the questions above and then come up with 4 new ones to tag 4 other bloggers with.  Have fun!!!!

Migraine in progress....

Weight: 276 pounds

I had a rough night last night between the nightmares and the tossing and turning.  Not sure what brought it on but there is was nevertheless.  I woke up this morning feeling like someone had run over me with a truck and that feeling pretty much continued through the day.  Thank you all for your words of encouragement and good will, it means a lot on this journey. 

I find it difficult to post on Monday's so I did not answer all your comments or visit all your sites.  By the time I get home from meeting it is usually bedtime.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (130)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
1 frozen entree of Teriyaki Chicken (370)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz honey mustard BBQ'd sausage (255)
1/2 cup macaroni with stewed tomatoes (100)
1/2 cup brown beans (100)

I have to go figure out all the calories so will be back in awhile.  There I think I have the calories figured out.  I'm gonna call it a night as my head is pounding and the brain will not engage.  Gonna check a few blogs and head off to bed.

Calories:  1245
Water:      20 oz
Steps:      4772

Weigh In ----

Weight - 275.4, that's down 4 pounds this week, and considering I was at a high of 281.4 that means I managed to get rid of 6 pounds total.  Now I have to make sure I keep it off.

Breakfast
1 serving Mini Wheats w/2 oz 1% milk (220)
4 oz yogurt (80)
6 oz blackberries (60)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions

Lunch
2 cups mixed raw vegetables (100)
2 tablespoons low cal dressing (80)
3 oz lean roast beef (165)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (80)
1/2 cup kernel corn (60)
2 tablespoons low fat gravy (50)
6 oz blackberries (60)

Tonight is my TOPS meeting so will have an update on that weigh in for you when I get home.  And as usual we go out for dinner after meeting so pray that I can make some good choices.

Dinner
6 oz grilled steak (330)
1 oz shredded cheese (80)
4 cups salad (200)
balsamic vinegar for dressing
1 slice garlic toast (80)

Not sure about counting all those calories for the salad is right because lettuce really is a free food, so I allow 25 calories per 1/2 cup.  I did ok though, knew what I was going to have before we went in and stuck to it.  TOPS weigh-in tonight: 278 lbs - 3.6 lb loss from last week, and I got loser of the week.

Calories:  1645
Water:     30 oz
Steps:      6402

How strongly connected are we to blogging .........

Weight:  275.2

Just how strong is your connection to blogging?  For me it is a journal, and journaling is important for weight lose.  For me it is a place to show my true feelings and work through the things that really bother me.  A place where I know that my internet friends can leave me comments, good or bad but not judgmental.  A place where I can seek refuse from the real world and still be in my real world.  A world of hurt, sadness, happiness, frustration, etc.  A place where those that read my blog started out as strangers and now have become a huge part of my life.  What happens to them means a great deal to me. 

When Margie and Bruce passed I sat at my computer and cried, a hard, sobbing cry.  I cried when I told my here friends about a senseless accident that took the life of my "friend" and her husband.  I didn't tell them that we had never met, it didn't seen important. Margie had become a true friend and mentor.

The first blogs that I connected to were those that I found on Stacey's site.  I started reading them and added them to my blog roll.  There I found SkippyMom and TinaM, and from thier's I had people come to mine and I got involved with them.  Now TinaM is missing in action, and I ask myself was it too much for her, is it due to financial strain, family issues, etc. Asphyxiated Emancipation hasn't posted in over 5 months, I worry about him as well.

Are the connections strong, you bet you they are.  My whole purpose with this post is that today I feel extremely lonely.  Why, you ask?  Because yesterday I had no one comment on my post.  Each day I check two or three times to see if there are comments and read with joy each and every one of them no matter if good or bad.  I'm a very private person, I don't mix well with people so I pretty much keep to myself except to go to work.  This is not to get sympathy but simply to express my feeling on what blogging means to me. 

Maybe someday I'll do what Stephanie is going to do for Margie and make my blog into a book.  Would anyone read it?  I have no idea but if they did they would know more about the inner workings of a very overweight, lonely person.

My real family and most friends that I have do not know this blog exists.  This provides me with a place to go the truly express how I feel without listening to their one sided comments and having them constantly suck it up princess, just get off your lazy ass and do something about it.  They have no concept that being morbidly obese is a disease with physical, mental and spiritual complications.  All they see is a fat person constantly stuffing her face and think I should know better.

Ok, I've had my pity party, thank you all for making me feel better.  Now onto the business at hand:

Breakfast
1 latte (100)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 cup fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon of sugar (80)

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich on whole wheat w/mustard (280)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 Hersey's Crisp Wafer Bar (100)
1/2 banana (50) - the Pugs got the rest, again

Dinner
4 oz roast beef (220)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (60)
1/2 cup kernel corn (70)
1 cup green beans (50)
3 tablespoons low fat gravy (75)
1 cup blackberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 french vanilla cappichino (200)

Calories:  1505
Water:     18 oz
Steps:       6255

Totally exhausted .....

Weight: 276 lbs

Wow, now I think I know how Skippy feels just trying to get moving in the morning.  I thought today would be a good day to do a Costco run, so I forced myself from my warm, comfy bed at 8:30 made my list (which by the way I ended up forgetting) and headed out.  Now I know that in order to survive Costco you have to get there at opening, speed through the store like a madman, and get out before the rest of the city wakes up.  Well today I think the rest of the city decided to do the same thing.  So I got there just a few minutes after opening, and with my list now in my head, I started shopping.  Then something went seriously wrong, I stopped to look at things ....bad mistake.  I stood in the check out line for 30 minutes and had to fight my way out of the parking lot.  Positive side, I got everything that was on my list .... plus a few extras.  It is now 3 p.m. and I still have not finished unpacking and putting everything away.  Gonna fill in this blog for a few minutes and head off for a nap.  It's Saturday and I can so do that.

Breakfast
Nothing - now before you start giving me heck, there was a very good reason for it.  As some of you know I have IBS and if you have ever experienced it you know that it can go either way real fast.  So to avoid any problems while out shopping I just avoided breakfast as I was feeling a bit of irritation.

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich w/mustard on whole wheat (320), I even skipped the mayo
1 cup instant French Vanilla Cappicino (100)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 very large glass of cold water

Dinner
3 oz BBQ'd pork loin (165)
1 cup steamed forzen mixed veggies (100)
2 cups lettuce/cucumber salad (100)
6 oz fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 fat free yougurt bar (90)

Calories:  1015
Water:     20 oz
Steps:     10327

A good day or a bad day, depends on how you see it ...

Weigh in : 277.8

What do you believe would be a bad day?  Do we think we have a bad day because we ate a little more than we should have?  Did we have a good day because the scales were kind or we managed to do everything right?

Well today I had a bad, good day or a good, bad day depending on how you look at it.

Breakfast
1 pkg instant oatmeal with 2 oz 1% milk (140)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 fruit cup (90)

Lunch
1 cup raw veggies (50)
1 tablespoon low cal dressing (40)
1 frozen Turkey and Stuffing entree (280)
1 pudding cup (80)
14 green grapes (50)

Dinner
1 drink mailbu & orange juice (130)
1/3 nacho appitizer plate (375)
1 serving bandero bread w/meat sauce (600)

Now I went to our weekend after work get together and decided I was not going to sit there and fuss about how many calories I consumed.  Instead I sat with 2 lovely ladies and learnt about their families, their childhood, teen years, etc.  To me getting to know someone is more important than worrying about calories.  And you know what, because we were having such a good time getting to know each other food never became an issue for me.  I ordered what I wanted and that was that,  There was no thoughts of what was the biggest item on the menu or what kind of desserts were there or how many drinks could I have before I was over the limit.  Instead I focused on the people I was with and getting to know them.  I came away satisfied physically but also emotionally.  Now I am going to go and see if I can figure out at least some of the calories but guess what I had a good, bad day and I'm happy with myself.

Calories:  1915
Water:     30 oz
Steps:      3707
Overall not that bad, sorry Skippy I blew my 1500 calories today.  But I still feel ok about it and that is totally not like me.  Usually I'd be beating myself up over it but you know what it's ok.

Sally, glad to see you posting here.  Don't worry about posting on your blog you will do it when you are ready.  In the mean time join us here or at Skippy's if you need that boost.

Tina, if you are reading this, you need to come on back girl.  We can't be the 3 muskateers if one of us is missing.  I miss you my friend, where are you?

Spiralling down, finally....

Weright: 278.2 lbs - finally a decrease, my meds must have kicked back in as the swelling is gone, woohoo!

Breakfast
2 Shredded Wheat biscuits w/4 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (210)
1/2 banana - I swear the Pugs can hear it being peeled a mile away (50)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
1 pkg Stouffers Lean Cusine Lasagna (310)
17 grapes (60)

Dinner
1/4 frozen pizza (480)
1 cup diet jello (20)

Calories: 1490
Water:    24 oz
Steps:     5750

I've never piddled so much in my life

Weight - 281.4 - yes it is up again and all I can attribute it to is not taking my pills on Monday, seems like that sets things in reverse for a few days but I am not going to sweat it cuz I know it will reverse itself in the next couple of days.

So today I consumed almost 40 oz of water/tea and it caused me no ends of problems.  I had forgotten the reason that I don't drink as much water as I should is because I'm not supposed to......duh.  I have a medical condition that restricts the amount of liquid my bladder can hold at any one time to less than 3 tablespoons so needless to say I was in the washroom a zillion times today.  I have to come up with a plan that will let me still consume some water but not interupt me every 10 minutes at work.  Everyone was looking at me as if I had a strange disease.  It's funny how we have something for so long that we actually forget it is there until we do something that gives us a very strong reminder.  It's not much fun but I had learned to control it by controlling my fluid intake.  In fact the urologist told me not to drink large amounts of liquid at any one time in order to prevent frequent trips to the washroom......no brainer there.  And the pain that comes with an over stressed bladder is not pleasant but a lesson well learnt.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/ 2 oz 1% milk and 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50), I have to figure out how to eat a whole banana before the Pugs realize I have it
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (celery, pepper, cucumber, green onion) (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
80 grams BBQ farmer's sausage (168)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz breaded minute steak (255)
1.5 cups steamed broccoli (75)
1/2 cup sauted mushrooms (50)
1 can Pepsi (100)

Normally I don't drink pop due to the calorie count in them.  I can't drink diet pop as it gives me horrid headaches.  I found these little cans of Pepsi and they are 100 calories each and every now and then I have one.  A six pack will last me for about 4 months so you can tell I don't drink it very often.

Calories:  1188
Water:     40 oz
Steps:      7716

How was everyone's day?  I'm off to do my blog rounds (makes me sound like a big shot doctor)........lol.

Help me, I'm drowning ............

Weigh in - 280.8 lbs - I know this is a gain but someone (no names mentioned) forgot to take her morning meds yesterday and woke up with swollen legs and hands this morning

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 peach/mango fruit cup (90)
1/2 banana (have to share with the Pugs) (40)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2.5 cups raw veggies (celery, green onions, pepper, cucumber) (125)
2 tablespoons low calorie dressing (50)
1 frozen meal - Stouffer's Turkey & Stuffing (260)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
1 cup Tuna Helper (300)
1/2 cup green peas (60)
1 cup yellow beans (50)

Water:     32 oz
Calories:  1385
Steps:      5445

We can get Stouffer's frozen meals here in Canada and they are delicous.  Smart Ones has some that I like as well, I just don't find them as satisfying as the Stouffer's.  In fact Stouffer's has a website that you can build your own weight lose menu using some of thier products.  I have checked it out but not too seriously yet.  Will see how this week goes and then maybe look at it if I need some help.

As you can see I have managed to get some water down me.  I took an ice cube tray to work and put it in the freezer.  My routine at work is to have my hot Tetley Infusion tea in the morning, then at morning break, lunch and afternoon break to drink 12 oz of ice water.  That will give me 48 oz of fluid per day and that is enough, thank you very much, or I will drown.

Offical start to the Skippy/Tessa challenge .......and all others that want to join us

Ok, it is officially Monday, November 1st and the challenge is on.  If you would like to join us by all means come on board.  You set your own goal and we cheer each other on........can't be simpler than that.  My goal is to lose 28 pounds by December 31, 2010.

Offical Weigh in: 279.4 pounds

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies with 2 oz 1% milk, 1/2 teaspoon sugar (I can't use artifical sweeteners) (170)
1/2 banana (Pugs got the other half) (40)
4 oz unsweetened orange juice (50)
4 oz yogurt (I switched to the Silhouette Satisfaction brand, more calories, but supposed to make you feel fuller longer (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
80 grams BBQ'd farmers sausage (175)
2 cups mixed raw veggies (peppers, brocoli, celery, green onions) (100)
1 cup cucmber (50)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
Large lettuce and vegetable salad w/6 oz New York strip steak, no dressing (490)

TOPS weigh in tonight was 282.6, of course it is always higher in the evenings than the mornings.  

Water:     20 oz
Calories:  1315
Steps:      7041