Day 57 - 282.8 lbs

Hello everyone.  It is a gorgeous day here today, the sun is shining and almost all the snow we had has melted.  I slept well last night and felt so good about being back on track again.  Today I have done some laundry, letter writing and made an awesome lunch for hubby and I.

Breakfast
1 cup rice krispies
1/3 cup 1% milk
1/2 tsp white sugar
1 yogurt - 100 g - 35 calories
1 half medium banana
1 pkg Maxachinno mix - 60 calories

Lunch
egg salad sandwich (2 slices whole wheat bread w/ 1/2 cup egg salad mix)
100 ml vanilla ice cream

Dinner
Stouffer's Meat Loaf w/Mashed Potatoes and Gravy (270 calories)
1/2 cup kernel corn
Lettuce and Cucumber Salad (2 cups iceberg lettuce, 1/2 english cucumber, 1 tablespoon ranch dressing)

Evening Snack
1 pkg Thinsations Shortbread Cookies (100 calories)
200 ml apple juice

Had a great afternoon, finally finished putting together my TV stand that I got way back in June.  Trying to start cleaning up in order to get the Christmas decorations up.  Felt good to get that project out of the road.  Still have a couple of stands to move around but will do that this week.  Food was good today so hope I can hold it together till morning.  In most instances it seems to be one second at a time.

Day 56 - 284.4 lbs

Well, I had enough nerve this morning to step on the scale and see what the last month's damage was.  Not as bad as I expected.  I've had a good morning.  Shoveled snow from the front driveway and sidewalk.  Finished my Christmas shopping and did my grocery shopping and all before 11:00 a.m.  I like to get to the stores early in the morning as I do not do well in crowded places.  Didn't do breakfast this morning before leaving the house but now enjoying a bit of brunch.

Brunch
1 pkg Maxwell House Maxachinno (60 calories)
1 mandarin orange
100 g 0% yogurt (35 calories)
1 slice whole wheat toast w/1 teaspoon peach jelly

Afternoon Snack
1 cup black tea
1 pkg Thinsations Shortcake Sables (100 calories)

Dinner
10 oz Sweet Red Chili Stir Fry (.366 grams pork stir fry meat/1 small onion - sliced/2 medium carrots - sliced/1 yellow & 1 red bell pepper - sliced/ 3 stalks celery - sliced/1 can mushroom stems and pieces/1/4 cup sweet red chili sauce)
2/3 cup Harvest Medley Rice (contains Calmarti Brown Rice, Wild Rice, Heirloom Red Rice and Sweet Brown Rice)
1 cup black tea

This is the first meal I have actually cooked in over a month.  It felt good to be back in the kitchen again inventing a healthy meal.  The stir fry was a little spicy but not bad.  I used the Chili sauce just to add some flavor and it is lower in calories than a sweet and sour sauce.  As most of the stir fry was vegetables I think 10 ounces was an ok portion.  Normally I would have around 3 to 4 ounces of meat and lots of veggies and it looked a lot like that amount to me.  Guess the scale will tell.

Day 55

Finally starting to feel human again.  This past month has been the worst of my life for being sick.  This flu just hung on and hung on.  No energy, not being able to sleep, no appetite, throat feeling like it was going to close off most of the time.  Even though I do feel a 100% better than I did, I am not 100% yet.

I've really fallen off the wagon, so to speak, this last month.  The no appeitite has led to all kinds of food errors and I have not stepped on the scale for some time now.  I am most terrified of what I will see for numbers.

Something happened today that made me realize that I really need to get my act together and get this weight off before it kills me (literally).  I was booked for day surgery at the end of October that I had to postpone due to being ill so it was rescheduled for today.  I got up and had my shower, had the neighbor drive me to the hospital, went through all the admission paperwork, even made it as far as the operating room...then it happened.  They put an oxygen mask on me and I had a major panic attack.  I just knew that if they put me under at this weight I would not be waking up again.  So to make a long story short, I  canceled the surgery.  I felt silly at first and then after talking to some of the nurses realized that I did the right thing by going with my gut instinct.  I was so scared of going to sleep and never waking up that it pertified me.  Now for a normal person of normal weight it would have been a breeze, 15 minutes under and back to the real world.  I have just been feeling so crappy this past month that I could not go through with it.

This did make me stop and think about the dangers of going under when at a high weight.  All the precautions in the world could not prevent something from happening.  I feel bad that I wasted everyone's time but I feel that God was telling me to do this and answered my prayers before I had gone to the operating room.  I believe this was His way of telling me that He is giving me another chance and that I need to do something about my attitude and actions if I want to live to a ripe old age.  This was genuinely a scare that I will not be ignoring.  Starting tomorrow I am getting back into gear and this weight is going to head to the big fat farm in the sky.  Enough procastination and thinking that I will live forever no matter what my weight.  What a stupid, perverted way of thinking that is.

Thank you God for showing me the error of my ways and for letting me have another chance to heal my distorted body.

Day 43

Another day of being sick, how much longer is this going to go on.  Woke up this morning with an earache and now tonight my face is swollen, I have sores in my mouth and a horrid headache.  Will put some heat on my ear tonight and hopefully that will help to drain any infection that may be lurking there.  I really hate to have to go to the doctor for another round of antibiotics.

Food is almost not existent for me.  I just cannot find any kind of appetite and even the smell of it makes me queasy.  Manage to get breakfast down and that is pretty much it for the remainder of the day.  Haven't even stepped on the scale lately.  So very, very tired.  Tried to do some housework today and it took all I had just to sweep the floors.

Day 42

Ok what happened?  Think I was thinking about quitting this blog thing and just forget that I had even started it.  I mean who would ever really know except me, right.  Wrong!!!  God would know and so would those of you that have taken the time to read my postings and posted comments of encouragement.  Why am I such a quitter?  I start something and then find a million reasons why it is ok to quit and then I get mad at myself for doing it.  It tends to be a really vicious circle.  I may skip a few days here and there but I am going to keep comng back here and posting even if it is not what I want to do.

I'm still fighting this nasty flu bug.  Even though for the most part I feel much better I still get so tired and eating is really a chore that I am beginning to hate.  Maybe it is because after I eat I feel sick to my stomach, I really don't understand it.  For a food addict this is extremely difficult to wrap my brain around. 

Right now it is 5:40 a.m. and I have been awake since 4.  Wondering my guilty feelings have anything to do with it.  Also, it is Friday the 13th.  Will it be a lucky day for me for will it be unlucky.  I am not superstitious but it is always amazing to listen to people who actually believe in these things.  It's really just another day.

Day 37

Breakfast

1/2 cup yogurt
1 package instant Apple and Cinnamon oatmeal
1/3 cup 1% milk

Day 36

Well, I made it to Calgary and back, safe and sound.  The convocation ceremony was lovely and it was great to spend time with my niece and her family.  Still trying to shake this flu.  We went out to Cattle Baron's last night and I ordered a Steak Sandwich with small side Ceasar salad.  Was able to eat about half of it and then had to quit.  Still not much of an appetite and always feel yucky after eating.

Met my niece and her mom for breakfast this morning.  Ordered a mushroom and cheese omelet with hashbrowns and toast.  Again, ate about half of it before beginning to feel queasy.  It was really greasy and did not sit very well. 

Had a deli roast turkey sandwich with lettuce and mayo for dinner this evening.  Trying hard to eat something so that I do not get the shakes.  All weekend have been out of sorts with dizziness, shaking, achy.  Not really feeling sick just not well.  Hope it passes in a couple of days.  If not I guess will have to make a doctor's visit.

Day 35

Had a good nite's rest so feeling better this morning.  Just sitting and enjoying my Maxichinno before breakfast and getting ready to head out to Calgary.  Still not much of an appetite but going to try and get back to 3 meals a day.  Skipping meals is not the answer and even though the lose was good would rather put back on a couple of pounds and work at it properly.

Breakfast
1/2 cup yogurt
1 mandarin orange

Will need to fill in the rest of my meals tomorrow when I get home as I do not have one of those cell phones that lets you do it from where ever.

Day 34

Well I made it to work today.  It was really hard to begin with, seemed as if I had forgotten everything I knew.  Headache was still there and the muscles are still real sore but other than that seem to be on the road to recovery.  Still no appetite to speak of, simply making myself eat so that the shaking stops.  Seems funny for someone that is a food addict to no longer be interested in food.  Is it simply the illness, or will this become permanent.  We will see.

Breakfast
1/2 cup yogurt
1 mandarin orange

Dinner
2 scrambled eggs
2 slices bacon
1 slice whole wheat toast w/1 teaspoon butter

Snack
1 mandarin orange

I didn't have lunch today, just no desire to eat.  But did better with dinner as yesterday that meal was totally skipped.

Taking the day off tomorrow to go to Calgary for my niece's convocation.  May not be able to blog but will try to get in  before I head out.  Really tired this evening so heading off to bed now.

Day 33 - 278.4 lbs

Well I missed yesterday with being so sick.  Basically all I did was sleep, food consisted of very little.

Breakfast
1 slice whole wheat toast w/ 1 teaspoon butter
1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 banana

Dinner
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 banana

I do vaguely remember being hungry around 2 a.m.  I had 6 soda crackers and a mandarin orange.

Feeling somewhat better today, cough is almost gone but really shaky.  I think once my meals have picked up and I stop the pain meds I will get better faster.  As you can see I have lost a lot of pounds in a couple of days so my strength is really down.  Not that I don't like seeing the lower number but this is not a healthy way to do it.

Breakfast
1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 banana

Lunch
2 oz smoked tukey breast on 2 slices whole wheat bread w/ 1 tablespoon mayo
1 mandarin orange

Day 31

Well being sick does have it's advantages.  I can't keep much of anything down and have absolutely no appetite.  Trying to take in lots of fluids, including Gatorade to help keep me hydrated.  OH&S at work says I cannot go back to work for 7 days or 24 hours after my cough disappears.  This really sucks, I have to miss two concerts that I have been looking forward to seeing.  Just hope I am better before Friday so I can attend my neice's convocation.

I did force some breakfast down this morning as I have to take the antibiotics with food or they really upset my stomach.

Breakfast
3 4" hotcakes with 1 teaspoon butter and 1 tablespoon sugar free syrup
1/2 cup yogurt

So far for the rest of the day it has been

1 banana
1 ice cream dixie cup
1 bottle of Gatorade

Think that is about all that there will be for today. 

Day 30 - 289.2 lbs

Finally, back on line.  Our internet went down and it has taken over a week of harassing our provider to get them to admit the problem was theirs.  They insisted that it was the wiring in our house and not the modem as I suspected.  Don't you just hate it when you are right.  Finally had to get them to send a repairman and sure enough he took one look at the modem, replaced it and voila internet back on.

As you can see I have gained some weight back.  I believe that it is because I have not been able to blog and have not been as careful as I should have been.  It has been a really stressful couple of weeks and when I am stressed I eat, nothing new there. 

Had my H1N1 flu shot on Friday and guess what, it made me sick.  So now I am fighting a bad cough, aching muscles, and a sick stomach.  Sometimes the prevention is worse than the illness.  Every muscle in my body aches.  Thankfully no fever or chills, so I think it is just a mild reaction.  Not much of an appetite but I have to try to eat something this morning so that I can take my antibiotics.  These ones are really potent and cause major stomach discomfort but I have to fight off this sinus infection and now this chest infection.  Hopefully once they are finished I will be healthy again.
Breakfast
1 cup Maxwell House Maxichinno
1 slice dry whole wheat toast
1 egg, fried in non-stick pan with vegetable oil spray
1/2 cup fruit yogurt

Lunch
1 cup tomato rice soup
Turkey Sandwich - 2 slices whole wheat bread, 1 tablespoon Miracle Whip, 2 oz deli smoked turkey breast, lettuce
1 manadarin orange

That was about all the food I could handle for the day.  Just the thought of anything else makes me nauseated.