Still nothing .......

Well so much for getting excited about that doctor's appt, nothing more than a scam to have him come back so they could tell him they have no idea what is wrong.  How much more do they think a person can take.  I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I was down 1.4 pounds at wiegh in on Monday.  That makes 4 weeks in a row with a lose of almost 10 pounds.  At least that is a positive things.  Gonna try for 6 in a row so I can get my steady loser pin.

Trying to stay positive ..........

There maybe some hope yet that a doctor is finally going to take the time to listen to my husband.  He went in on Thursday and of course first thing he wanted to talk about his diabetes.  Hubby finally said to him "Listen I've got a truck on my chest and you're wanting to prick my finger."  Apparently the doc did an about face and booked him another appointment for Monday to go through things one by one. Keeping my fingers crossed that he will give the insurance company the information that they require to reinstate his disability payments.

In the meantime we have tightened the purse strings, in fact they are so tight that they may never come untied.  We can survive for another few weeks and then after that ........ it will be what it is.  We have some property we can sell only problem is it may take 3 -6 months. 

I had a good weigh in at TOPS on Monday I was down 2.8 lbs, third week in a row with a lose.  Trying really hard to stay on program no matter what.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and hope.  I just have to keep telling myself that no matter how bad things are for us someone else has it worse.

God bless you.

And the hammer continues to fall ..........

This may be my last post for awhile as I may have to let my internet go in the next couple of days.  Things are going from bad to worse.  Our savings are just about gone and it doesn't look like anything with the insurance company will be settled soon if ever.  I barely make enough to make our mortgage payment so have no idea how we will live after the end of July.  Utilities alone will be around $600/month never mind gas for my vehicle, and day to day living expenses. 

It seems unfair but really it's probably not as I knew this was going to happen but tried to ignore it hoping for a miracle.  Well we all know miracles only happen to those that don't really need them and the rest of us suffer in silence.

Last resort will be to put everything up for sale but real estate is just not moving right now.  You have to practically give it away in order to sell it.  Not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity.  The worst part is trying to keep everything from family.  My siblings would be happy to see me fail and I don't want the kids to know they have enough on their plates as it it. 

I'd pray but I don't think anyone is listening.  It's been three years now and there has been no change so why would I think that HE cares.  Irony of it all is we can't even afford to go to church due to the cost of gas to drive there and no extra cash for tithing. 

I'm just sitting here trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.  Either way it won't change anything.

No matter what I do .........

It's one of those times when no matter what I say or do it's not right.  Hubby is in such a fowl mood, he's now refusing to take his meds because yesterday I mentioned he should go easy on the Benydryl.  He wants an agrument and I am not going to accommodate.  Lately it's like we are strangers living in the same house.  I tip toe around like I'm walking on egg shells but he still finds a reason to natter at me.

I have no control over the doctor's yet he won't start making calls to the government officials.  He'd rather feel sorry for himself and take it out on me.

I laid awake most of the night thinking of what to do but everytime I suggest something he flies off the handle.  I know he is suffering from depression but he won't even talk about it. 

Yesterday I still believed in GOD, today I'm not so sure anymore.

Is there ever going to be relief .......

The past few weeks have been more and more stressful.  Hubby continues to fight the medical system and thinks the whole world is wanting him gone.  He doesn't believe that the doctors even care anymore about what is happening with him.  They won't give him anything for the pain and now he has developed a severe itch and is taking mega doses of Benydryl.

I am almost at my wits end.  I'm afraid to say anything to him for fear of upsetting him.  He won't go to the hospital.  I no longer have any answers to any questions where his health is concerned.  He has had an MRI and sleep apena test now we are waiting for the results.

On a brighter note my oldest son got married this weekend.  I took my mom and dad and we had a lovely time.  It was nice to get away for the day. 

I've also had 2 weigh ins in a row now with a lose.  Last week was 1.8 and this week was 2 pounds.  Hoping I can keep going downward.