Weight: 275.2
Just how strong is your connection to blogging? For me it is a journal, and journaling is important for weight lose. For me it is a place to show my true feelings and work through the things that really bother me. A place where I know that my internet friends can leave me comments, good or bad but not judgmental. A place where I can seek refuse from the real world and still be in my real world. A world of hurt, sadness, happiness, frustration, etc. A place where those that read my blog started out as strangers and now have become a huge part of my life. What happens to them means a great deal to me.
When Margie and Bruce passed I sat at my computer and cried, a hard, sobbing cry. I cried when I told my here friends about a senseless accident that took the life of my "friend" and her husband. I didn't tell them that we had never met, it didn't seen important. Margie had become a true friend and mentor.
The first blogs that I connected to were those that I found on Stacey's site. I started reading them and added them to my blog roll. There I found SkippyMom and TinaM, and from thier's I had people come to mine and I got involved with them. Now TinaM is missing in action, and I ask myself was it too much for her, is it due to financial strain, family issues, etc. Asphyxiated Emancipation hasn't posted in over 5 months, I worry about him as well.
Are the connections strong, you bet you they are. My whole purpose with this post is that today I feel extremely lonely. Why, you ask? Because yesterday I had no one comment on my post. Each day I check two or three times to see if there are comments and read with joy each and every one of them no matter if good or bad. I'm a very private person, I don't mix well with people so I pretty much keep to myself except to go to work. This is not to get sympathy but simply to express my feeling on what blogging means to me.
Maybe someday I'll do what Stephanie is going to do for Margie and make my blog into a book. Would anyone read it? I have no idea but if they did they would know more about the inner workings of a very overweight, lonely person.
My real family and most friends that I have do not know this blog exists. This provides me with a place to go the truly express how I feel without listening to their one sided comments and having them constantly suck it up princess, just get off your lazy ass and do something about it. They have no concept that being morbidly obese is a disease with physical, mental and spiritual complications. All they see is a fat person constantly stuffing her face and think I should know better.
Ok, I've had my pity party, thank you all for making me feel better. Now onto the business at hand:
Breakfast
1 latte (100)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 cup fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon of sugar (80)
Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich on whole wheat w/mustard (280)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 Hersey's Crisp Wafer Bar (100)
1/2 banana (50) - the Pugs got the rest, again
Dinner
4 oz roast beef (220)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (60)
1/2 cup kernel corn (70)
1 cup green beans (50)
3 tablespoons low fat gravy (75)
1 cup blackberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 french vanilla cappichino (200)
Calories: 1505
Water: 18 oz
Steps: 6255
I love you, you know that right? I hope so, because I don't use those words lightly. You are my friend and will remain so regardless of whether or not we ever meet.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I didn't comment yesterday - I try to be a good blogger, but sometimes I am up to my eyeballs in stuff [like yesterday, my husband is a slave driver let me tell you. I think you need to have a talk with him. heehee!] but I did pop in this morning.
I started my blog for me and the family - that it morphed into a place where I have made real, honest to goodness friends is a bonus I would've never expected, but I am better for it. I thank God everyday for my blog because there are so many days, weeks, months that I don't get out - I would go crazy if I didn't have you guys.
I have seen how supportive Margie always was to you and Tina - and I understand how hard her death has hit you. I wish I could take the pain away, but I can't. I am so sorry.
[And yes, I would like to know where Tina is too - she is freaking me out a little.]
It is really sad that people don't realize, can't looked past just the outward appearance of people. They have no idea that you HAVE lost weight, that you ARE eating healthy and exercising and that isn't fair. I know that. That is why I have always taught my children [and do so myself] that it is the inside that counts and until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes don't judge. It isn't anyone's place to do that.
Just remember we are here and we do know - and that we support you.
I'll be around most of the day if you need me, okay. Just shoot me an email. Hugs darling. Big, big hugs.
(((Tessa)))
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I didn't make it around to read and comment yesterday. With the back pain I was experiencing yesterday I just couldn't sit for too long without having to get up and move around. I was trying to read and comment on blogs but it was just so hard to keep playing the up and down game with the chair. I actually got up from the chair three times during my the writing of my own post last night..
I totally understand what you are saying though about making friends here in blog land. I don't have ANY real life friends anymore. That's right, not a single one. I talk to my fiance's sisters here and there, I used to be friends with them but it doesn't seem like we are anymore. I lost most of my friends when I got pregnant. No one wanted to hang out with the pregnant girl, no one ever invited me anyplace anymore, they would bail on our plans to hang out with someone else that they could drink with or things like that.
I count on the support from blog friends more than anything. My family is the complete opposite of supportive, they are actually quite good sabotagers. My mom being the worse offender. So since I count on the support so much I try to be very supportive of others in blog land as well. Plus being supportive makes me feel helpful, makes me feel good. And I do feel like I'm making some friends.
I am really worried about Tina. I went missing from blog land for months and I didn't think anyone would even miss me. I was in such a dark place, feeling so lonely, embarrassed by my eating and lack of exercise, by my emotional binges and stress eating. If I'm this worried about Tina after a week, I can't imagine her being gone for a month or more..I hope all is well and she comes back soon.
I almost posted a reply yesterday and my grandson came along and distracted me. And the one I just posted disappeared on the last post comment button. Lost in cyber space. My house will clear out soon and I will have some quiet time! Let me see if this one goes through.
ReplyDeleteI'm here! And I understand what you mean...many of my "blog friends" have been through more with me than some real-life friends, and I've found myself going to them for advice in big-deal situations. I've been fortunate enough to have had some stick with me through multiple blog domains, and gotten to meet some in person. So although we joke that now we can be "real" friends, the truth is that our online friends *are* real friends, even if we never meet.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I'm noticing, coming here from Multiply, is that over there you could see who stopped by the page even if they didn't comment. It helps with the loneliness. I miss that feature.
Just found your blog. I look forward to following your progress!!
ReplyDeleteI too love this way of telling my story. It is a great place to get and give encouragement and support!
Keep up the great work and stay focused!
Thank you everyone for your kind words, and Skippy I do know you love me just as I love you and I also do not use those words lightly. You are a great friend even though distance keeps us apart. I love to travel so you never know I might just show up on your doorstep some day.
ReplyDeleteBarbara don't be sorry you were experiencing some pain and you need to look after yourself. My posting wasn't meant to chastize anyone I was just looking to find out how other people are affected by being a blogger and if they need it as much as I do. I belonged to a chatroom for a few years and we actually had a reunion, it was so much fun and I got to meet all those people that had become so much a part of my life. To this day we are all in contact and it is wonderful.
Lesthook, thank you for taking the time to post, it is wonderful to hear from new friends. A stranger is only a friend we haven't yet met. Welcome to my little world.
ANichols.Too, I had a look around my site and can actually tell how many people have visited my site and where they are from under the STATS tab. Even though no one posted, I had 69 views on my blog yesterday so that has definitely brightened my day. So that was an amazing discovery.
Joy, welcome, I have been over and checked out your blog so you'll see more of me in the future.
Again, thank you my friends, big hugs to you all and God bless!!!
I feel so guilty that I didn't comment yesterday :-( I was definitely here and read what you wrote. Commenting will be a new goal for me on all of the blogs I visit, not just yours. I guess I always think that I need to write something meaningful, when sometimes all we (as bloggers) want to know is that someone has been visiting and reading what we wrote. I know I really perk up when I get comments over on my blog. Of course, I also need to try to post a little more often, too :-)
ReplyDeleteI only recently learned of the stats feature on blogger, too...it is really interesting to be able to check all of that stuff out. I'm glad it made you feel better to see how many views you had.
Tessa-
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean about blogging and finding "friends" that mean as much to you (or more in some cases) as those in your real life.
I love the fact that blogging has giving me an anonimity that is next to impossible to get in real life,allowing you to be "real'...
Sending lots of hugs your way....
oh tessa, i know how u feel. your reasons for blogging r the same as mine. it's my journal, and all the friends and support r a suprise, and have become so important 2 me.
ReplyDeletei had to fight back tears at the mention of margie.
i'm so sorry if i had u, or, anyone, worried . have 2 admit i am so very touched that i was missed!!! :)
i promise i will never just leave without saying goodbye. i feel i owe that to my blogger friends for all the support and love! especially u, been there from the very start!
i dont plan on leaving anytime soon!
i wish i could b more supportive, u know i love to comment lol. but until i get to an actual keyboard , this is just 2 hard!!! iam here reading now though, and will b from now on.
you're doing great!and yes i want in on the challenge! thank u. my goal 2 lose 50 total for the year... leaves me with bout 13 lbs to go!
hopefully i will have everything b2normal soooon!
just found your blog through skippy. congrats on your weight loss and your journey. i agree - many of my blogging friends have learned more about me than people who've known me for years have learned - and many of them don't care to know what's really going on in my mind or my life. when they say "how are you" they only want to hear stuff that will make them feel good, so i oblige.
ReplyDeleteon my blog - i can let my hair down (so to speak) and even if i'm afraid that i'll be judged harshly for my thoughts and comments, the people who comment care enough to give me that other insight and often a different way to look at things. although i try to not be terribly selfish (fail at it quite a bit) i do want what i write to be reflective of how i feel and not some lie. i'm already living a lie; i don't want to write one, too.
Hi Tessa....I hope you don't mind a new person commenting. I guess the reason I started blogging was to write stuff I cared about, and what went on in my head. And what you said is true, seems like I'm finding new friends through this blog space...and I'm grateful for that....
ReplyDelete