Quick Update

Sorry I haven't been around much lately.  Seems as if one thing just keeps leading to another.  My youngest sister (only 39) has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  We are now waiting for the biopsy results.  Please forgive me if I am absent for a bit, this is extremely hard for me to deal with.  She is more like my daughter than a sister and I am feeling so helpless right now.

Economics Lesson

After I read what I posted yesterday about our financial situation I realized that some may have gotten the wrong impression so I will attempt to clarify.

The repairs to the Lexus I paid for with money that my folks had given to us at Christmas time as an advance on my inheritance.  Not sure why they felt that it was necessary but was glad for the assistance at a time when it was needed.

Puppy surgery went on the credit card till we can get the bike sold.  So even if I have to make a few payments it will be covered shortly.

The $50,000 lost on the real estate development was my pension money from my government service so basically what I never had I can't miss.  I probably will once I decide to retire but for the moment I am just chalking it up to a bad investment.

Now for the new vehicle portion.  This one gets a little complicated but I will try.  My 2007 Lexus was totally paid for so the trade in value was all towards the new vehicle.  New price minus trade in was a little over $11000 financed over 66 months at $190/month = $12540.  By doing this and getting bumper to bumper warranty for 8 years I get rid of the headache of worrying about how many more repairs I have to put on the Lexus.

Sometimes things don't make a whole lot of sense when you read or just think about them but when you do the math it works.  The Lexus is very expensive to maintain and uses premium gas.  The new one gets free services, uses regular gas and I get .30 cents a litre off my gas till 2013.  The amount I will save in gas alone each month will most likely make the payments for the next year.  Also, the mileage per litre of gas will most likely double as the new vehicle is only half the weight of the Lexus.

Believe me I will have to do a little more budget crunching and pray that we don't have any more major expenses but I am up for the challenge and if need be I can get a second job.  I just cannot afford to keep the Lexus and worry each day what may or may not go wrong with it.  Luxury vehicles are nice but once the warranty is off of them they become a big liability.  We bought the Lexus in 2007 at a really good price and I got almost what I paid for it on trade in value.  If I wait another year to trade it in then I run the risk of doing more repairs and will lose on the trade in value as once they hit 5 years old they go down hill fast.

Some may not agree that I did the right thing but when I sat down and discussed it with hubby and son it was the best alternative at this time.

In the meantime we plod along and pray that Canada Pension approves hubby's disability application and that the lawyer can get a good settlement from the insurance company. 

I pray you all have a fantastic day tomorrow and a wonderful weekend (don't tell anyone but they are forcasting snow for us this weekend).

Where have I been???

Wow, I looked at the date of my last post and realized it's been over a month since I was here.  So many things have happened in that month I don't know where to begin.

I am certain that God is testing my strength and understanding cuz I keep threatening to give up and he just keeps throwing more stuff my way.

The water pump went in my SUV and when I took it to the shop they told me it would be $2500+ to fix it.  And as you know with hubby being sick and not getting any disability payments that just about crushed me right there.  I left it at the shop and came home to figure out how in heaven's name I was going to come up with that kind of money to fix it.  I finally decided that I would start taking public transportation back and forth to work and let the SUV sit as there was no way I could afford to fix it.

Of course my wonderful hubby and son have clearer heads that prevail and told me to call the dealer and get a quote from them.  So reluctantly I called and just about had a coronary when they told me $692.  I had to ask it he wasn't missing a 2 in from of that.  He laughed and said no but could put one there if it would make me feel better.

So we had it towed to the dealership (thank goodness for AMA) and even though it was a little more than expected we still managed.

Right after that our youngest pug got sick.  Now for all of you that have pets I know you will understand that they are like a family member and actually have a calming effect for those of us that have a tendancy to be high strung.

It appears that she was predisposed from birth with bladder stones.  One day she was outside and we noticed blood in her urine.  So we watched her till the next morning and as it continued we took her to the vet.  She was scheduled for emergency surgery the following day.  Another $1200 that was not to be found.  So we put it on the credit card and hope and pray that hubby can sell a bike he has sitting in the garage as he can't ride anymore.  In the meantime I'll make payments on it.

She was too young to put down and there is no way to explain how you fight to keep them with you no matter what.

A week ago we lost my ex-mother in law.  This woman was like a mother to me and no matter how many times my ex married she refused to acknowledge any of them as her daughter in law.  Today we laid her to rest.  My heart hurt for my sons and my grandsons as she was a wonderful lady and will be always missed and forever loved.

And to end this day hubby just returned from a land investment meeting that we had sunk $50,000 into 5 years ago only to have them tell us that they have lost the investment and we won't be getting it back.  Never rains but it pours. 

If my faith was not strong I could very easily blame God for all of this but He never promised to make life easy for us just that He would be there for us to lean on.

One good thing that is about to happen is that I am picking up my new crossover on Friday.  After the water pump went in the other one we decided that we should probably trade it off while there was still good value in it and get something that had warranty on it.  So my son and I went shopping yesterday and I must say he certainly knows how to wheel and deal with these guys.  I got a 2012 Hyundai Tuscon with bumper to bumper warranty for 8 years and $0.30/litre fuel discount till 2013 for $190/month.  It meant giving up my Lexus that I truly loved but it is the smartest plan of all.  That I can afford, even if it means tightening our belts a little bit and doing without.  I already have the first 3 months payments from doing income tax returns for folks.

So that is my month in a nutshell.  I am sure there is lots more that I should have written about but can't remember it right now so it obviously was not earth shattering.  Take care everyone and have a wonderful day tomorrow!!

Is it never going to stop?

I started the year off by trying to be positive and see a good side to everything no matter what.  I think I have reached my limit and absolutely fail to see the good side to this tragedy.

When my son and his ex were together they got a golden retriever puppy.  He was the cutest little thing and would come to our house to have play dates with the pugs on most weekends.  He grew into a beautiful, gentle spirited dog.  When they split he went with her but my son stayed in touch and seen him every now and then.

This past weekend she went away and left him with friends.  They let him out but didn't bother to check on him and when he didn't come back they decided to go looking for him.  He had fallen through the ice on the dugout and drowned.  Our hearts are broken and even as I write this my eyes are brimming with tears.  A tragic accident yes but caused by utter stupidity.

Is there a positive thing in this senseless loss?  I guess only in the fact that they found him and we're not having to wonder what may have happened.  I know that all things happen for a reason and God only gives us what we can handle but I think this is the last straw for me.  I can't handle anymore this year. 

The year is a little more than 2 months old and there is not a week gone by that something has not happened and believe me none of it has been good. 

I said to someone the other day that if this truly is the year the world ends I'd appreciate it going out with a little less drama.

Tonight I'm missing Bailey so much and my heart is aching for my son.  I keep thinking if I don't think about it the hurt wull stop but it doesn't. 

I'm getting to the point where I dread going to bed because waking up just means there is an opportunity for something else to go wrong.  Even my prayers are getting weak and sound more like whining than praise for Him that loves us all.

Where does time go?

Time seems to slip away faster each day.  I make a concentrated effort to get here at least once a week.  I used to come daily but time gets away on me now and I have a hard time just getting here now and then.  Are things in our lives so important that we can't find time to do the things that give us pleasure and a chance to vent?

The past couple of weeks have been really emotional for me.  I have attended 3 funeral services and have had 9 clients pass on since the beginning of the year.  I keep thinking that as part of my job I have to be able to accept that my clients are now in a better place but it still tugs as my heart each time I get a call to say someone has passed.  The funeral services were for friends and family of friends.  We lost a member of our TOPS chapter to cancer, she was only 65 and the most wonderful person.  I am so blessed to have known her.

My SUV decided to spring a water pump leak so that taxed my finances.  These things are not cheap to repair so after dropping $1500.00 on the repair bill I'm thinking now might be a really good time to trade it off before anything else goes wrong.

It's really busy for me at work right now so was totally exhausted when I got home tonight.  Actually slept for 2.5 hours and I'm ready to head back to bed now. 

Take care my friends and know that even though I am not here all the time you are never far from my thoughts.

For Skippy

1. What is you favorite childhood memory?
My favorite childhood memory is on Sunday's we would get together with family and head out to Jackfish Lake for fishing and swimming.  Two years ago I took all my mom's home movies and had them transposed onto DVD's and the best ones were of family gatherings.

2. What is your dream job?
My dream job is the one that I currently have.  I love being able to help those that have physical and mental challenges by allowing them to remain in their homes rather than being institutionalized.

3. Who is your best friend?
My best friend is the love of my life, the one I am married to.

4. Have you ever been finger printed? Why?
Nope and don't wish to be.

5. Have you ever been at fault in a car accident?
Nope, never been in a car accident.

6. If you could be a citizen of any country other than your own which would you choose?
I'd like to be a citizen of Scotland so that I could live in a castle.

7. If you could have one talent which would earn you money, which would you choose?
I'd love to be able to sing gospel music.  As it is only God appreciates my voice ....hehehe

8. What thing do you find to be highly overrated? Why?
National news coverage of funerals for super stars.  The world is so obsessed with knowing what is happening at these events that it has become way overrated.  I would like to see these people be able to have a peaceful event with family and friends in a private setting rather than having to have it broadcast before nations.

9. Who did you like better growing up - your Mom or your Dad?
Was definitely a Daddy's girl, still am and love every moment of it.

10. How often do you laugh?
I've never really thought about it.  I would hope at least a half dozen times a day cuz laughter is good for the soul.

11. What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas most definitely.  I love the colors and the food but most of all I love it as it celebrates our dear Savior's birth.

I choose Sheilah, Joy, Dawn, Sally, Teresa, Shannon, Shauna, Suzi, Michaela, Spunky Suzi and Amanda.  I am not even sure if any of these are following my blog anymore but hopefully will get some responses.

Your 11 questions are;

1.  If you could live any where in the world, where would it be?

2.  What is your favorite TV show and why?

3.  What is your favorite music genre?

4.  Who is your favorite author?

5.  Do you believe that you may have lived in another time and if so when and where?

6.  If you could be a certain age and stay there forever what age would it be?

7.  When you were a child did you have a favorite pet?

8.  What is the one thing in your life that you most regret?

9.  Have you ever met anyone famous?  Who and where?

10.  Who is the one member of your family that you trust the most to confide in?

11.  Do you think that these are silly questions?

Insensitive People ...

I work for a local health authority and am progrm coordinator for a very special program.  Our program povides funds to clients that want to remain in their own homes rather than be institutionalized.  These clients have many different afflictions (quads, parapalegic, dementia, ALS, etc). 

I spend a great deal of my time connecting with these clients and their families assisting in what ever way I can.  Some are only a voice on the phone and others I have the pleasure of meeting in person.  I love my job and get a great deal of satisfaction when I can be of assistance no matter how small the task.

The one downside of my job is that I deal with the lose of these clients eventually.  So far this month I have had five clients go to eternal rest.  Besides my clients I am also dealing with a sick friend that has been admitted to pallitive care and an elderly aunt that has had two heart attacks and a stroke and is now in a coma.

I have always been able to deal with the situations but insensitive people are another story.  Why would someone say to me "You don't even know them, so why does it upset you?"  Have humans lost all sense of compassion for their fellow mankind?  It upsets me because I care.  I care about my clients and their families.  I care that they get treated fairly and in a manner that allows them to stay with their loved ones as long as possible.  I care because I am human and have a heart.

Since I started this position last April I have had 27 clients pass away.  Each family gets a card of condolence and a phone call to see if there is anything I can assist with.  Yes, it is part of my job and I get paid for doing it.  Does that mean I should act like a robot and not care?  I think not.

I have families that have to make a decision regarding putting a loved one in a care facility as they can no long keep them on the program due to their condition getting worse.  Does that mean when an only child calls and wants to talk because she has no family to turn to and her relationship with her mother has always been close that I should be cold and not give her my time?  I think not.  She is mourning the loss of her mother.  Even though she still has her physically there is no longer the mental connection due to mom's failing ability to even recognize her own daughter.  That first time that she asked who are you nearly torn this young woman's heart out.  What did I do?  I sat on the phone with her for almost an hour as she poured out her heart, I listened, I empathised.  At the end of the call I got "Thank you so much for listening to me, you are truly a special person."  Wow, thank you God for giving me the ability to listen.

I cannot always be of assistance but sometimes just a kind word or even a hug will turn a bad day to a good one for them.

So are you insensitive people listening?  Don't judge me for what I do and don't tell me that it shouldn't bother me when they pass away.  Maybe if you had a little more compassion in your heart you could reach out to some of these people as well.