TOPS WI Last Night

Weighed in at TOPS last night - 284.4, which was down 2.2 lbs from the week before.  Not going to get crazy and do anything stupid.  Just gonna keep trying to cut and burn 100 calories per day.  Slow and steady wins the race.  I know I need to exercise but I am so tired all the time and realize it is because I am carrying around another person.  I just have to stay focused and remember Rome was not built in a day nor did I put all this weight on in a day.

There are all kinds of body shapes, genetics, medical conditions, etc that effect how the body handles the fuel we give it.  We have to find the reason for the gain and then deal with it.  Hubby being sick has definitely put a strain on my being able to focus on my weight loss.  I have managed to stay within a couple of pounds each week and I am proud of myself for doing that.  It is a small victory but a victory just the same.

Depression is a horrid affliction.  It can be a silent killer sometimes.  I fight everyday to keep my thoughts on the important things and not let the things I can do nothing about take over and make me crazy.  One day at a time is my goal, to get a good night's sleep, eat healthy and be supportive to my hubby.  I am trying hard not to let his negativity affect me.  It is hard for him, sick almost 4 years and still no diagnosis. 

Some of the things that the doctor wants him to do make no sense to us.  First and formost hubby is a diabetic.  When he seen the doctor the last time he wanted him to go on an all plant diet.  We scoped out the diet on line and it is made up of nothing but carbohydrates, potatoes, rice, pasta, bread.  I can just imagine what that would do to his blood levels.  Does this doctor not realize that he needs a balanced diet?  Not only would his blood levels be out of whack but he's gain back quickly the 50 pounds he just lost.

I've been attempting to cook more and avoid eating out.  It's really too expensive and definitely not healthy.  I have been slacking off on the cooking and we have been doing what we call "fin fors".  Everyone fends for themselves.  This also leads to really bad eating habits.  So I am now making a really concentrated effort to cook meals.  The funny part is, I normally only have to cook 3 times a week as we always manage to get 2 meals out of whatever i make.  How hard is it to prepare leftovers .... NOT!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all my Canadian Friends.

Yesterday we had our yard sale and it went fairly well, much better than the one a couple of weeks ago.  For that we are thankful.

Today is a big day in our family.  Hubby and I celebrate our anniversay, oldest daughter's 1st year anniversary and youngest daughter's birthday.  Again so many things to be thankful for. 

We decided that we would take a run to Costco for some fresh fruit and veggies and then maybe find an inexpensive place to have lunch to celebrate both our anniversary and Thanksgiving.  I've been doing really well this week with being careful with my food so will have to watch where we go and what we order.

It's been a wonderful day and one of the best anniversaries I've had.  We went to Costco to do some shopping then decided to go to Tony Roma's for lunch.  I was so good, I only ate half of my meal cuz I knew I needed to account for the pumpkin pie I would be having later. 

Came home and put groceries away, put a roast in the the oven for dinner and had a cat nap.  Just starting veggies to go with roast when my sister and her family dropped by for a visit.  They stayed for dinner and we played some games. 

All is quiet now, so going to head off to bed and do a little reading and relaxing.  Thank you God for blessings large and small!

The Next Step ......

When comtemplating life one needs to always be mindful of those less fortunate than themselves.  I've been moaning and groaning so much lately that I totally forgot that even though I have problems there is someone out there much worse off than I am. 

It will be a hard weekend with no Thanksgiving celebrations but that's ok cuz there are hundreds of others in exactly the same situation.  I can still be thankful for God's blessings, my job, my health and that we still have our home.  The next few weeks will be rough but I pray that things will work out.

Getting back to the real reason for my blog is what is important now.  I've been holding my own with my weight but definitely need to take a long hard look at things.  My biggest issue is how do you exercise when you absolutely hate the word.  I can't seem to find the conviction to get into excercise mode.  I have all kinds of Wii games and two good feet but the ambition eludes me.  Any suggestions? 

I've been really watching what I'm eating.  Last night I did butter chicken with two chicken breasts and we had enough left over for our lunch today.  Hard to believe considering we used to be able to polish off twice that amount in a meal and we don't even care for chicken that much.

One of the ladies from the church dropped by my office on Tuesday and brought in some fresh garden vegetables.  They were so good and definitely welcome.  We have not had to use the food bank yet and I keep praying that will never become an issue.  I stocked up on case lots when we had a few extra dollars so we should be good for the winter.

I'm tired tonight so hoping I can sleep the night through.  Been waking up at 1 or two and not been able to go back to sleep.  Makes for a long day at work.

I'm here ............

Hard to believe it's been over two months since I last posted on here.  I know I should have been here every day but went through a horrible period of depression.  Doctor put me on anti-depressants and they made me terribly sick.  My stomach got all screwed up and I developed rash like patches all over my body.  So I stopped taking them and my stomach straightened out and the rash went away.  Still suffering from mild depression but can handle it better than the side effects.

I have been reading your blogs just not posting here or comments.  I actually came in one day to visit Margie's sight to see if her daughter had posted any updates and the link was gone ....... poof and Margie is no more.  How sad for those of us that loved reading her blogs.  I guess her family felt it was time to let them go, it's been almost a year.

Life is ok I guess.  Still working hard and managing to make it through each day.  Still no news from the doctors and hubby isn't getting any better.  Hired a disability lawyer so now just waiting on a response from the insurance company to the lawsuit we filed.  It's a sad day when you have to sue to get something you've paid into for years.

This is Thanksgiving weekend here but no celebrations at our house, we just can't afford it.  Told all the kids there would be no Christmas this year either.  Will try to get something for the little grandkids as they don't understand but the rest is on hold.  Just going to pretend that the day is just like any other.  Hardly making enough to cover our mortgage payment and utilitiy bills so definitely can't even think about Christmas.

TOPS is still going well.  We had our fall rally last Saturday.  It was nice to get away for the day and just have fun. 

Gonna try our garage sale again this weekend.  Did it two weeks ago and made a whole $35.00.  Hopefully this one will go better.

Still nothing .......

Well so much for getting excited about that doctor's appt, nothing more than a scam to have him come back so they could tell him they have no idea what is wrong.  How much more do they think a person can take.  I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I was down 1.4 pounds at wiegh in on Monday.  That makes 4 weeks in a row with a lose of almost 10 pounds.  At least that is a positive things.  Gonna try for 6 in a row so I can get my steady loser pin.

Trying to stay positive ..........

There maybe some hope yet that a doctor is finally going to take the time to listen to my husband.  He went in on Thursday and of course first thing he wanted to talk about his diabetes.  Hubby finally said to him "Listen I've got a truck on my chest and you're wanting to prick my finger."  Apparently the doc did an about face and booked him another appointment for Monday to go through things one by one. Keeping my fingers crossed that he will give the insurance company the information that they require to reinstate his disability payments.

In the meantime we have tightened the purse strings, in fact they are so tight that they may never come untied.  We can survive for another few weeks and then after that ........ it will be what it is.  We have some property we can sell only problem is it may take 3 -6 months. 

I had a good weigh in at TOPS on Monday I was down 2.8 lbs, third week in a row with a lose.  Trying really hard to stay on program no matter what.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and hope.  I just have to keep telling myself that no matter how bad things are for us someone else has it worse.

God bless you.

And the hammer continues to fall ..........

This may be my last post for awhile as I may have to let my internet go in the next couple of days.  Things are going from bad to worse.  Our savings are just about gone and it doesn't look like anything with the insurance company will be settled soon if ever.  I barely make enough to make our mortgage payment so have no idea how we will live after the end of July.  Utilities alone will be around $600/month never mind gas for my vehicle, and day to day living expenses. 

It seems unfair but really it's probably not as I knew this was going to happen but tried to ignore it hoping for a miracle.  Well we all know miracles only happen to those that don't really need them and the rest of us suffer in silence.

Last resort will be to put everything up for sale but real estate is just not moving right now.  You have to practically give it away in order to sell it.  Not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity.  The worst part is trying to keep everything from family.  My siblings would be happy to see me fail and I don't want the kids to know they have enough on their plates as it it. 

I'd pray but I don't think anyone is listening.  It's been three years now and there has been no change so why would I think that HE cares.  Irony of it all is we can't even afford to go to church due to the cost of gas to drive there and no extra cash for tithing. 

I'm just sitting here trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.  Either way it won't change anything.