Day 104

Breakfast

3/4 cup shreddies with 3 oz milk & 1/2 teaspoon white sugar
100 gr yogurt

Lunch
egg salad sandwich
1 cup Italian Wedding Soup
1/2 cup canned mangos
6 oz V8 juice

Dinner
sweet & sour pork (approx. 3 oz cubed pork with celery, onion and yellow pepper in homemade sauce)
1/2 cup white rice
1 cup cauliflower

Snack
bran muffin
1/2 cup apple juice

Another very good day.  Work was exciting and I love being there.  Managed to get in a 15 minute walk.  As well I finally got the Wii up and running (needed to hunt down batteries as everyting was dead) so did 20 minutes of fit training and challenged hubby to 3 games of bowling, of which he won two.  If I can keep up this momentum I will be seeing some results soon.  I have to remember to live "As If".

Day 103

So I am wondering just how important is dieting to losing weight.  At work today all the ladies in the lunchroom were either talking about different diets or drinking special smoothies or power drinks.  I think I was the only one there with a modest sensible meal of salad, protien and fruit.  It seems as if the work is fixated on dieting and not so much on getting healthy and living a good life.  And on top of it all I was chatting with the lady I am training with and she was telling me about the Idiot Diet that her and her mate have been on for awhile now.  It sounded so good I decided that maybe my hubby and I should try it.  So I can home got on the internet and followed the steps on how to make a meal plan and printed it out.  All of a sudden I got a feeling that this was just another waste of time and money because there is not way that a person could make this a life time eating plan and be happy with it.  So I think that one is going out the window and back to the basics of good eating.

At our 12 step meeting this evening the leader went through her thoughts regarding abstenence and dieting in relation to the 12 steps of recovery and that really brought home some important points.  Living healthy isn't all about the diet and exercise but being able to handle the stresses that cause the overeating in the first place.  Wow what a concept.

My other question is how important is it that I post what I am eating daily on this blog?  Do you really care what I am eating and will it be of any assistance to me in the long run?  I have to think about this and mull it over with my sponsor to see if perhaps I need to get another approach to how I am handling this.  Perhaps it's just the journaling that is important to my recovery and weight lose. 

Day 102

Wow what a difference a new job can make in attitude.  Had a great day today, ate sensibly and even got in a 10 minute walk this afternoon.  Went into the job with a can do attitude and it worked.  Instead of constantly saying "don't know if I will ever get this" I asked lots of questions and if I wasn't sure of the answer then I'd ask for clarification instead of brow beating myself.  Took my last coffee break of the day and went for a 10 minute walk.  It's a start.

Breakfast
100 g yogurt
1 slice dry whole wheat toast
1 teaspoon grape jelly

Lunch
2 cups salad (lettuce, cucumber, yellow pepper) with 1 tablespoon Italian dressing
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup canned peaches

Dinner
4 oz baked chicken breast
1/2 cup rice
8 spears of asparagus

Snack
bran muffin
green tea

Had my support meeting tonight and weighed in with a 2.6 lb lose.  Now I just have to keep the momentum up and keep it off plus a little more.

Day 101 - 284,2 lbs

Had a pretty good day today, really accomplished a lot.  Made 10 reheat dinners for the freezer, washed my vehicle, fueled up, finished laundry and cleaned house.  Did not get the Wii Fit set up even though I had really good intentions.  Tomorrow starts a brand new beginning and a brand new job.  I am so excited don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight.  Even have my lunch ready and waiting in the fridge.  Really going to work on this being organized thing.  Maybe then I can concentrate on other things.  This week will be really busy as usual with support group tomorrow night and 12 step on Tuesday but I feel better about it now that I have my meals in the freezer.  Hopefully that will alleviate some of the stress.

This week I really have to concentrate on my 12 week homework and get back in touch with my sponsor.  She is a great lady but I don't seem to call her enough.  But that is all gonna change this week because now I am determined to make a change for the better.

Day 100 - 288.4 lbs

Well almost 1/3 of the way through this challenge and what have I done?  Lost 2.4 lbs, which I guess is better than a gain but not much.  I decided that today I needed to get really organized as I start a brand new job on Monday and this gives me an opportunity to start fresh with everything.  Today and tomorrow are going to be cleansing days and then Monday starting a whole new life style.  My new office has no cafeteria in it so won't be tempted to over indulge there.  Going to do some meal preparations for next week so that all I have to do is reheat after work.  Will be especially helpful on Monday and Tuesday's when I have my support and 12 step meetings.  Always seems like I am flying in, getting ready for the meeting and forgetting about eating a proper meal.  This way hubby can pop it in the oven before I get home and I can prepare a salad or vegetables and done.  Looking forward to going back to work full time in one way and in another there is a lose of flexibility of the part time hours. 

Today I am putting away the rest of the Christmas decorations, cleaning house and doing laundry.  Later this evening going to dig out the Wii Fit and set up an exercise program that I can do 3 - 4 times a week without the cost of membership.  I always spend money on things with the thoughts of using it and then it gathers dust.  Time to make a change there as well.  Also, going to start doing a 10 - 15 minute walk at lunch time during the week.  Time to get moving.

Day 97

Where have I been for the past 5 days?  Good question, if I was an alcoholic you would say I had been on a bender, but what do you say when you are a food addict and go off on a binge?  I have no clue what got into me.  My sponsor asked me last night what had triggered it and I could think of a few things or now I wonder if they are just excuses for my lack of control.

I've been angry the past several days.  I wonder why everyone seems to think that I am a pillar of strength and they all need to lean on me.  First there is my support group of which I am the leader.  So I mentioned at meeting on Monday night that elections were coming up in a couple of months and they should be thinking about getting a replacement for me as I am tired and with going back to work full time not sure I can make the time commitment.  First words I heard "Well if you don't do it then the group will fold".  Horsefeathers, there are 29 other members besides myself, how about one of them stepping up to the plate.

Then there is my 12 step program.  I went to the meeting last Tuesday night thinking that perhaps during my absence in December they would have done sorting and packing as we were moving to a new location the 1st of the year.  Well guess what?  Not a damn thing had been done.  So I organized the sorting and packing, put all the stuff in my vehicle and transported it to the new location for last night's meeting.  And during that week I had about 5 phone calls expecting me to make arrangements for keys, etc.  Then when I showed some people where the supplies were to be kept I got "I don't think that will be enough space".  Get real people, I'm one person and not superwoman.  I get tired of always being responsible for making sure things get done.  Can't anyone else take responsibility for some of this.

And then there is the whole thing with me working at the hospital so I should be able to fit in visits to ailing family members, support group members and friends that are patients, all because I work there so it is convenient for me.  I would love to just be able to go and visit when I want to not because it is expected of me.  Can't wait till next week when I no longer work there and then maybe I can just go an visit because I want to.

There do I feel any better, I guess.  They say journaling is good for you and relieves the stress of things in your life.  Right now you will have a really hard time convincing me of that.  The past couple of days have been better than the first few of the year and I am looking forward to my new job.  One nice thing about it is that there is no cafeteria there so I will have to pack my lunch.  Hubby got me an Ipod for Christmas so I plan on taking part of my lunch break and walking even if only for half a block at a time.

Christmas brought me a steamer and a Tassimo coffee machine which are going to help greatly.  I have been using the steamer almost daily and really enjoy the natural taste of the foods that I have cooked in it.  As for the Tassimo machine it allows me to have my Latte's and Cappichino's that I like for less than 70 calories per serving and I only use it on the weekends it is great.  Also, it makes a great cup of green tea which I have been enjoying.

Will I make my goal in a year, definitely not at the rate I am going but I am going to keep trying.  I even went and bought some new clothes for next week.  Was disappointed that I was unable to find any dress pants that weren't pull ons.  I have come too far in my struggle to ever go back to wearing pull on pants.  Forget it, it is not happening.  So I bought some tops and will keep looking for some pants.  Of course, the obvious answer would be to drop 20 pounds then I could get into all the ones I have in my closet.  Good idea, maybe I will just do that.

Stick with me ladies, I am here and I am determined just need to get organized and do it.

Day 92 - 287 lbs

Happy New Year everyone.  Wow the start of a brand new year and with God's grace I will be able to accomplish all the things that are dear to me.  Number 1 is to get back on track and keep this blog up on a daily basis.  I have been really neglectful over the past while and as I am sure you can see by my weight it has had a very negative result in that area.  New and wonderful things have happened over the past several weeks and made me realize there are things that I want to ensure I am around for.  First is my new job starting January 11th, I am so excited.  I have been rather stale dated in my current position and felt that perhaps it was part of the reason I was so depressed.  I started to apply on some positions in different areas with my current employer and low and behold I actually got accepted for one.  This is not me bashing myself but rather being in amazement.  They say once you hit a certain age employers don't want to hire you as they feel you are starting to get ready for retirement and don't pay enough attention to detail.  Well I am here to tell you that I am 57 and the lady that will be my supervisor said she is looking forward to having me on her team and even went so far as to create a new position for myself and one other person because of our expertise in the area.  Wow.
Secondly, my son got engaged on Christmas day and the wedding is set for July of 2011 so I now have a very important event to work towards as well as getting my health in shape.  I have not felt this type of enthusiasm in some time. 
Today is a putting away day.  Time to take down the tree and find places for all the wonderful gifts I received.  I truly am blessed in so many ways. 

Breakfast
100 grams of fat free yogurt (35 calories)
1 egg, fried in non stick pan with vegetable spray
1 slice dry whole wheat toast
1/2 mandarin orange
1 Maxachinno (60 calories)

Lunch
2 cups green salad (romaine lettuce, cucumber and grape tomatoes)
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 chicken soup with mini pasta

Dinner
4 oz pork tenderloin
1/2 cup steamed turnips
1/2 cup mashed potatoes
1 tablespoon gravy

Didn't get as much done today as I planned but not going to sweat over it, will finish up tomorrow.  Had a good day.