Dance Like There's No Tomorrow...

Insensitive People ...

2012-01-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

I work for a local health authority and am progrm coordinator for a very special program. Our program povides funds to clients that want to remain in their own homes rather than be institutionalized. These clients have many different afflictions (quads, parapalegic, dementia, ALS, etc).

I spend a great deal of my time connecting with these clients and their families assisting in what ever way I can. Some are only a voice on the phone and others I have the pleasure of meeting in person. I love my job and get a great deal of satisfaction when I can be of assistance no matter how small the task.

The one downside of my job is that I deal with the lose of these clients eventually. So far this month I have had five clients go to eternal rest. Besides my clients I am also dealing with a sick friend that has been admitted to pallitive care and an elderly aunt that has had two heart attacks and a stroke and is now in a coma.

I have always been able to deal with the situations but insensitive people are another story. Why would someone say to me "You don't even know them, so why does it upset you?" Have humans lost all sense of compassion for their fellow mankind? It upsets me because I care. I care about my clients and their families. I care that they get treated fairly and in a manner that allows them to stay with their loved ones as long as possible. I care because I am human and have a heart.

Since I started this position last April I have had 27 clients pass away. Each family gets a card of condolence and a phone call to see if there is anything I can assist with. Yes, it is part of my job and I get paid for doing it. Does that mean I should act like a robot and not care? I think not.

I have families that have to make a decision regarding putting a loved one in a care facility as they can no long keep them on the program due to their condition getting worse. Does that mean when an only child calls and wants to talk because she has no family to turn to and her relationship with her mother has always been close that I should be cold and not give her my time? I think not. She is mourning the loss of her mother. Even though she still has her physically there is no longer the mental connection due to mom's failing ability to even recognize her own daughter. That first time that she asked who are you nearly torn this young woman's heart out. What did I do? I sat on the phone with her for almost an hour as she poured out her heart, I listened, I empathised. At the end of the call I got "Thank you so much for listening to me, you are truly a special person." Wow, thank you God for giving me the ability to listen.

I cannot always be of assistance but sometimes just a kind word or even a hug will turn a bad day to a good one for them.

So are you insensitive people listening? Don't judge me for what I do and don't tell me that it shouldn't bother me when they pass away. Maybe if you had a little more compassion in your heart you could reach out to some of these people as well.

Update ....

2012-01-24T19:21:00.003-07:00

Wow, where does the time go? A person gets so darn busy they just don't seem to have enough time in a day. I should have been here last week and the week before but things got real crazy and I just totally run out of energy.

Weigh In Report
Unfortunately last week I had a gain but this week I managed to lose a pound. No excuses for the gain I just forgot to be careful. It's amazing how a few little "it won't counts" can add up in a hurry. Need to be more concious of what I am putting in my mouth that is for sure.

Washer and Dryer Update
Well after some anxious moments the repair man came by and found a motor mound that had not been secured. So once that was in place everything was a go. I am totally in love with them, they are truly the smartest laundry pair I have come across. They are definitely built to be energy efficient so that is a plus for me. Especially since our city utility costs are going up next month.

Work has been busy. Unfortunately, I have lost 4 clients in the past couple of weeks. It always makes me sad when I learn that someone has passed away. But sometimes for my client base it is a blessing but more so that we are able to provide the means for them to stay in their own homes with family and friends around them.

I have also become a beta reader for a good friend of mine that is becoming a writer. Her first story will be puvlished on April 1st. I am honored that she chose me to review her writing and give my opinion. It means a lot to me to think that I have played a small part in the creation of something that many people will be able to enjoy. She is only going to e e-publishing for now and I wish her the very best of success.

My dad turned 81 on Saturday. I have suddenly come to realize that the amount of time that we have left with him maybe limited. I sit and reflect on my childhood and all the lessons in life that he taught us. I'm not sure what I will do when he is no longer here so for now I will cherish each and every moment that I get to spend with him. They are all so precious.

Skippy, if you read this, please know that my heart goes out to you on the lose of your beloved pet. They are so much a part of our families that the pain can be unbearable. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and that I send massive hugs to you all.

Week #2 Weigh In

2012-01-09T21:47:00.001-07:00

Well 2nd weigh in of the year and I was down .8 lbs. I am happy with that. I will take any lose and hope to have a streak of them this year.

When life hands you apples make applesauce .....

2012-01-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a rather hectic couple of days. Just when everything should be going right pow something else upsets the apple cart.

Finally got the washer and dryer in place and looking good (hubby is a handy kinda person to have around for sure). Put a load of laundry in the machine and wow it works fantastic, put them in the dryer and ....oh oh ... horrid clanking sound like something is not connected right. Called the store and they will send a tech over on Wednesday. Meantime have two loads of clothes to be dried ........ what to do......... turn into a redneck of course and hang them from hangers in the bathroom. Oh what I would give for an outside clothes line.

That was disaster #1, #2 came in the form of a plugged kitchen sink that liquid plumber would not penatrate. So off hubby goes to the rental store and gets a huge sewer snake and has it unplugged in a matter of minutes, my hero.

So after all the hard work he's done I just could not get on his case for having a water accident with his computer. We've unplugged it and taken the battery out and hopefully in a couple of days it will be right as rain cuz it was only water.

Now in my former life all these things would have made me into a glummy puss but not today. Yesterday I came home from work and my grandson was here visiting with hubby. He just decided to stop by out of the blue and they had a wonderful visit.

Today Jamie and Ashlene dropped by so I got a grandbaby fix. Little Alex gives the best hugs, she is so cuddly. And I went to the cheap movie with a friend to see Puss In Boots.

For every bad moment we encounter in life there are two wonderful ones to counteract it. I am so blessed.

Disappointed

2012-01-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

Well they are here, my new washer and dryer have arrived but they are not useable. Why you ask? Well even if you didn't I'm going to tell you. Cuz the manufacturer doesn't realize that when they change the dimensions of their machines they may not necessarily fit into the space that the old ones did.

So here we have a 6' x 4 ' laundry closet on the main floor. Ideal place for it, and my old machines fit perfectly, 30" wide and the perfect depth. So I noticed when I bought the new ones that they were only 27" wide and thought that would be a great space saver. Little did I know they took that 3 inches off the width and added it to the depth. So now in order to get my machines to fit into the laundry room hubby has to do some fanagling with hoses and venting and whatever else it takes to make it work. So I have no laundry service till probably late tomorrow or the next day. Crap!!!

On a brighter note it was +8C here today, water running everywhere and what little bit of snow we did have is almost gone. Weather forecast is pretty much the same for the next couple of weeks. Wondering when we will get hit with our normal Alberta winter weather.

New neighbors moved in today. In the driveway so far they have a Corvette, Ford supercab and a fancy SUV. Obviously lots of money there so think I'll just stick to my side of the fence for now. They are probably very nice people or maybe not ........ time will tell. We have so many people coming and going from our block that you never want to really get to know anyone cuz most likely they'll be moving in the near future. We've been here 10 years and the house on the one side of us has been bought and sold 7 times. Hmmm maybe it's us.

Are You Missing a Cat?

2012-01-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well after spending two hours cleaning out my 6 x 4 laundry room I have come to the conclusion that someone needs to invent washers and dryers that have a build in vacuum system to clean around the bottom and behind them. I will admit that I probably should clean the laundry room more than once every ten years but it is quite a difficult project and definitely not high on my list of priorities.

We got the old set out (it is waiting patiently to be picked up in the morning and taken to that big appliance warehouse in the sky), and low and behold there were the missing socks that I knew I had seen as well as at least two inches of dust bunnies.

Hubby decided he would vacuum out the vent hose and I'm pretty sure that he found a missing cat. When the vaccum hit the end of the hose out came a dust bunny the size of a football.

But on the positive side the laundry room is clean, the dust bunnies have been collected in the vaccum and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new washer and dryer tomorrow.

Will it be another 10 years before the next cleaning? I'm not sure but if it is you can bet it isn't me that is going to be doing it.........I'll be much to old and frail.

First Weigh In of the New Year ......

2012-01-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well tonight was my first TOPS weigh in of the new year, I was up one pound but am so thankful that it was only 1 pound .... weigh in saw me at 285.4 lbs. That means in the last month I have managed to gain back 7.4 pounds. Ouch, but with the holidays and all I will take my lumps and get back on track immediately.

Today was productive as I cleaned out the laundry room getting ready for delivery of my new washer and dryer on Wednesday. I really could not convince the old pair that they should keep going for another 6 months. They are old and tired and deserve a rest. I was trying to figure out how many loads of clothes I have washed in the last 10 years since I got them new and didn't have a clue where to start. On the average I do 6 loads per week x 52 weeks/year = 312 laods/year x 10 years = 3120 loads of laundry. When I look at it like that no wonder they are tired, that's a heap lot if clothes to clean.

I did splurge a little and got a top end pair as my dad always said that if you cheap out on necessary items you will regret it. I couldn't believe that there are so many fancy features on the new machines. They are all push button and now have steam cleaning and .... well the list goes on and on. I'm still trying to figure out all the bells and whistles on my Lexus, now I have another challenge. Isn't life wonderful!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2012-01-01T07:50:00.001-07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone. Normally I don't make resolutions because I have a really bad habit of breaking them. I want this year to be different. I resolve to find only positive things to fill my days and banish negative thoughts. I resolve to find more time for fun things, family and friends. And last but not least I resolve to take more "me time" and look forward to 2012 being the best year ever!!

It's been a great day and a positive one. I didn't realize how negative I had become with life till I stopped today to look at each moment in a positive light. Wow, it was great not to be concerned about what others would think or do and to realize how a lot of situations you cannot change so there is no need to be angry.

We had a tenant move out this week and when we had stopped by earlier this week we were really concerned about what kind of mess would be left behind as it was total confusion at the time. We arrived at noon and other than some strong cleaning and garbage removal it didn't look too, too bad. I looked at everything and turned to my hubby and said, well time to roll up the shirt sleeves and get to work not that bad after all.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all those in blog land. A special thank you to those that stay with me no matter what! As we celebrate the birth of JESUS, may the time you have with family and friends be a beautiful memory forever.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

2011-12-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

She stood beside the window watching the soft snowflakes attempting to drift to the ground. Sudden gusts of wind would pick them up, swirl them around and carry them off beyond sight. The winter weather like her thoughts were hectic one moment and calm the next.

Today was December 4th, three weeks till Christmas Day. Christmas ........ her favorite holiday. A time for family and friends. A time for giving so others could have a wonderful holiday. Wait a minute that was years past, this year nothing, not even a twinge of holiday spirit.

She avoided the stores and crowds. Even the few small gifts that she had decided to purchase had not yet been bought. The bright lights and Christmas carols only made her sadder. All the shoppers were in a hurry and didn't have a clue to the pain in her heart.

Outwardly she smiled and returned the Merry Christmases that were directed at her. Memories of better years and happier times crowded her mind and brought tears to her eyes. No one suspected how bad things were for her and her husband, she put on a brave front and to others everything appeared normal.

They had finally managed to get some refinancing completed and that helped to ease the burden somewhat. It was a harsh reality that in doing so the bank had forced them to close some of their major credit card accounts. It was a necessary evil, "You have to get your debt load down before we can assist you." was what they had said. How embarassing to have total stangers in charge of your life and placing conditions on it.

Gazing out the window across the wind swept yard she remembered better times. Times when her husband had been healthy and Christmas was the most wonderful time of the year. She had enjoyed picking a family that could use some assistance and shopping for food and presents for them. The look of joy on the faces of the little ones as they opened the gifts and a mom with tears of thanks glistening in her eyes. And now she found herself thinking back to a time when she was that single mom and someone did for her what she had so proudly paid forward.

So many things to be thankful for and yet her heart was broken. They still had their home, she had a good job, they could still pay the utility bills and buy groceries. So what was missing .........her pride, her self-esteem ........

How do I realize what is killing me?

2011-11-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Things have gotten better and worse for us. Hubby is getting worse and still no relief in site. Doctor wanted another specialist opinion but they say since he has already seen one they don't want to see him. Now his doctor is saying it is not what he thought but he has no idea what it is. So back to the square one only difference between now and 4 years ago is that back then he could walk for more than five minutes. Now five minutes of walking is almost impossible.

We got some finances straightened out so that we are good for another year and a half or so. Hopefully by then there will be something happening with the insurance company. Means we have to watch every penny and stretch them as far as possible but at least we will have the pennies to stretch.

As for me and my weight problem, well it is still a problem. Some days more than others. Lately all I want to do is cook and eat. I want to make all the things I know I shouldn't and then eat every bite of it. For instance I made a slow cooker of beef stew today with lots and lots of vegetables. Had two helpings, not really so bad till I add the 4 homemade dinner rolls I had to go with it,

Not sure why I made the rolls just needed to cook something and it seemed like the right thing to go with the stew. Am I concious of what I am doing? You bet. Do I want to do it? No, but that doesn't seem to matter to my brain.

Each day I wake up and think ok today is the day, I can do this. Eat sensibly, small portions, no junk food, no extra breads.........well that lasts about as long as it takes me to get the thought into my head. I can make it through breakfast and lunch but then comes dinner time and I am a pig. Doesn't matter if I had a snack in the afternoon or not, I still fill up till I can't breath and then wonder what the hell I am doing.

I'm on a fast train to no where and haven't a clue how to apply the brakes. Anyone got any suggestions?

Where does time go?

2011-10-23T16:09:00.000-06:00

Time seems to slip away faster and faster every day. When I was a kid it seemed to take forever for Christmas to arrive and now poof it's gone one year and here already the next. Are our lives busier or just what makes this happen?

Seems like I was just posting here yesterday but of course that is not the case. I cannot believe how long it's been.

TOPS weigh in last week saw me down another 1.8 pounds and loser of the week for the 2nd week in a row. Also got a charm for coming back with a lose after my birthday. I am struggling there is no doubt about it but if I can just do this in little spurts I may make it. I am also attending a Health Basics class with Primary Care Network on Wednesday evenings for the 8 weeks. I started last week. It's kinda boring because it is all the stuff I know about healthy living, eating right, getting more exercise but my doctor wanted me to take it and see if it would motivate me. Not gonna write it off yet.

We are still enjoying beautiful weather here, +15C during the daytime. We got my garage all cleared out so that I can park in it. No more frosty windows, saves on gas as well.

We have a meeting with the bank this week to see about some refinancing. Hopefully it will suceed in cutting our mortgage payments in half. That would help so so much at this point in the game. But as usual not looking for a silver lining till I see the cloud.

When life hands you lemons ..........

2011-10-16T07:51:00.000-06:00

make lemonade!!! So today is the day after my birthday, yesterday was a great day! We went out for lunch with my folks and I did really well (steak sandwich - 7 oz sirloin steak, bean and carrot veggies, 1/2 slice garlic toast and garden salad w/small dab of dressing). Then, oh oh, here comes the kicker(s) - restaurant gives free dessert to birthday diners - yep, I did, mango cheesecake. Then my Mom made an apple dessert that I could not resist - even though she made it with Splenda it still had lots of calories in the crust. Why, oh why do I do this to myself. Excuse - it was my birthday! Acceptable excuse - not really.

So today I am starting to be a good girl and work my program without treats (thanks Dawn you really motivated me). We really don't need anything but basic food to fuel our bodies, so why can't I put that in motion? Hubby and I had this discussion the other day. I think in the back of my mind I don't look in a mirror and see the flab. I see what I want to see and believe what I want to believe no matter how detrimental it may be.

I downloaded SparksPeople onto my i-pod so I can track my calories and weight on a daily basis. I'm also going to start using my Wii at least half an hour a day.

Clearing up the Unknown ....

2011-10-13T22:05:00.000-06:00

Ok, I think I may have somehow gave the impression that hubby's diabetes is out of control. Yes, in a way it is but not because he is not eating properly. He follows a very strict diabetic diet. Unfortunately, with his pain level so high and no relief it throws his blood sugars out. He's been diabetic for over 20 years so knows how important it is to look after his diet.

Diabetes is a strange affliction. When he is going to get sick his body gives him a sign by increasing his blood sugars. It does this as a reaction to the change in his immune system. So in order to get diabetes under control you have to get the rest of the body to cooperate. Much easier said than done when the doctor's won't listen and give him something for pain relief.

Here is an example: Today he got up and had breakfast, pre sugar level was 6.5 which is average and good for him. We went to run a few errands and get our passports renewed. This involved doing a fair amount of walking, which is extremely difficult for him. He had his morning snack of fruit and by the time we got home for lunch he had a major migraine and he could hardly walk. Pre lunch blood sugars at 16. This was not due to his not eating properly but rather due to his body reacting to the pain from walking and the headache.

Once he had lunch and managed to rest for awhile, they returned to normal. So as you can see diabetes is not a disease that effects everyone the same. If you would like to check out the Plant Diet you can go to http://www.drmcdougall.com/ and read through the propaganda and view the sample diet.

His current health issues have nothing to do with his diabetes other than at times the pain makes his blood sugars wonky. Believe me we are very careful with what and how much he eats. We follow a diabeteic guide to meals to the T, as it is so important. Unfortunately, his doctor does not seem to know anything about it especially since he recommended this plant diet.

As for getting another opinion we have done that numerous times and now they are fighting about what they think the diagnosis is. He had blood work done today to test for liver disease, lupus and autoimmune disease. We'll get the results next week.

I had a great day today as I was able to spend the afternoon with my granddaughters. I hadn't seen Alex since her baptism in June and now she is walking. But they both had lots and lots of hugs and kisses for Nana.

Got lots of exercise today just walking from place to place trying to get passport renewals done. Our city is getting so big and they moved the Service Canada office so we ended up driving all over to find it. But they are off and hopefully we'll get them back in a month or so.

Last day of holidays tomorrow, time went by too quicky. But at least I have finally learnt how to sleep through the night again. In fact lazy old me didn't get up till 8:30 this morning!

TOPS WI Last Night

2011-10-11T12:04:00.000-06:00

Weighed in at TOPS last night - 284.4, which was down 2.2 lbs from the week before. Not going to get crazy and do anything stupid. Just gonna keep trying to cut and burn 100 calories per day. Slow and steady wins the race. I know I need to exercise but I am so tired all the time and realize it is because I am carrying around another person. I just have to stay focused and remember Rome was not built in a day nor did I put all this weight on in a day.

There are all kinds of body shapes, genetics, medical conditions, etc that effect how the body handles the fuel we give it. We have to find the reason for the gain and then deal with it. Hubby being sick has definitely put a strain on my being able to focus on my weight loss. I have managed to stay within a couple of pounds each week and I am proud of myself for doing that. It is a small victory but a victory just the same.

Depression is a horrid affliction. It can be a silent killer sometimes. I fight everyday to keep my thoughts on the important things and not let the things I can do nothing about take over and make me crazy. One day at a time is my goal, to get a good night's sleep, eat healthy and be supportive to my hubby. I am trying hard not to let his negativity affect me. It is hard for him, sick almost 4 years and still no diagnosis.

Some of the things that the doctor wants him to do make no sense to us. First and formost hubby is a diabetic. When he seen the doctor the last time he wanted him to go on an all plant diet. We scoped out the diet on line and it is made up of nothing but carbohydrates, potatoes, rice, pasta, bread. I can just imagine what that would do to his blood levels. Does this doctor not realize that he needs a balanced diet? Not only would his blood levels be out of whack but he's gain back quickly the 50 pounds he just lost.

I've been attempting to cook more and avoid eating out. It's really too expensive and definitely not healthy. I have been slacking off on the cooking and we have been doing what we call "fin fors". Everyone fends for themselves. This also leads to really bad eating habits. So I am now making a really concentrated effort to cook meals. The funny part is, I normally only have to cook 3 times a week as we always manage to get 2 meals out of whatever i make. How hard is it to prepare leftovers .... NOT!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2011-10-09T08:35:00.001-06:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all my Canadian Friends.

Yesterday we had our yard sale and it went fairly well, much better than the one a couple of weeks ago. For that we are thankful.

Today is a big day in our family. Hubby and I celebrate our anniversay, oldest daughter's 1st year anniversary and youngest daughter's birthday. Again so many things to be thankful for.

We decided that we would take a run to Costco for some fresh fruit and veggies and then maybe find an inexpensive place to have lunch to celebrate both our anniversary and Thanksgiving. I've been doing really well this week with being careful with my food so will have to watch where we go and what we order.

It's been a wonderful day and one of the best anniversaries I've had. We went to Costco to do some shopping then decided to go to Tony Roma's for lunch. I was so good, I only ate half of my meal cuz I knew I needed to account for the pumpkin pie I would be having later.

Came home and put groceries away, put a roast in the the oven for dinner and had a cat nap. Just starting veggies to go with roast when my sister and her family dropped by for a visit. They stayed for dinner and we played some games.

All is quiet now, so going to head off to bed and do a little reading and relaxing. Thank you God for blessings large and small!

The Next Step ......

2011-10-06T21:52:00.000-06:00

When comtemplating life one needs to always be mindful of those less fortunate than themselves. I've been moaning and groaning so much lately that I totally forgot that even though I have problems there is someone out there much worse off than I am.

It will be a hard weekend with no Thanksgiving celebrations but that's ok cuz there are hundreds of others in exactly the same situation. I can still be thankful for God's blessings, my job, my health and that we still have our home. The next few weeks will be rough but I pray that things will work out.

Getting back to the real reason for my blog is what is important now. I've been holding my own with my weight but definitely need to take a long hard look at things. My biggest issue is how do you exercise when you absolutely hate the word. I can't seem to find the conviction to get into excercise mode. I have all kinds of Wii games and two good feet but the ambition eludes me. Any suggestions?

I've been really watching what I'm eating. Last night I did butter chicken with two chicken breasts and we had enough left over for our lunch today. Hard to believe considering we used to be able to polish off twice that amount in a meal and we don't even care for chicken that much.

One of the ladies from the church dropped by my office on Tuesday and brought in some fresh garden vegetables. They were so good and definitely welcome. We have not had to use the food bank yet and I keep praying that will never become an issue. I stocked up on case lots when we had a few extra dollars so we should be good for the winter.

I'm tired tonight so hoping I can sleep the night through. Been waking up at 1 or two and not been able to go back to sleep. Makes for a long day at work.

I'm here ............

2011-10-05T20:35:00.000-06:00

Hard to believe it's been over two months since I last posted on here. I know I should have been here every day but went through a horrible period of depression. Doctor put me on anti-depressants and they made me terribly sick. My stomach got all screwed up and I developed rash like patches all over my body. So I stopped taking them and my stomach straightened out and the rash went away. Still suffering from mild depression but can handle it better than the side effects.

I have been reading your blogs just not posting here or comments. I actually came in one day to visit Margie's sight to see if her daughter had posted any updates and the link was gone ....... poof and Margie is no more. How sad for those of us that loved reading her blogs. I guess her family felt it was time to let them go, it's been almost a year.

Life is ok I guess. Still working hard and managing to make it through each day. Still no news from the doctors and hubby isn't getting any better. Hired a disability lawyer so now just waiting on a response from the insurance company to the lawsuit we filed. It's a sad day when you have to sue to get something you've paid into for years.

This is Thanksgiving weekend here but no celebrations at our house, we just can't afford it. Told all the kids there would be no Christmas this year either. Will try to get something for the little grandkids as they don't understand but the rest is on hold. Just going to pretend that the day is just like any other. Hardly making enough to cover our mortgage payment and utilitiy bills so definitely can't even think about Christmas.

TOPS is still going well. We had our fall rally last Saturday. It was nice to get away for the day and just have fun.

Gonna try our garage sale again this weekend. Did it two weeks ago and made a whole $35.00. Hopefully this one will go better.

Still nothing .......

2011-07-27T21:07:00.000-06:00

Well so much for getting excited about that doctor's appt, nothing more than a scam to have him come back so they could tell him they have no idea what is wrong. How much more do they think a person can take. I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I was down 1.4 pounds at wiegh in on Monday. That makes 4 weeks in a row with a lose of almost 10 pounds. At least that is a positive things. Gonna try for 6 in a row so I can get my steady loser pin.

Trying to stay positive ..........

2011-07-20T17:24:00.000-06:00

There maybe some hope yet that a doctor is finally going to take the time to listen to my husband. He went in on Thursday and of course first thing he wanted to talk about his diabetes. Hubby finally said to him "Listen I've got a truck on my chest and you're wanting to prick my finger." Apparently the doc did an about face and booked him another appointment for Monday to go through things one by one. Keeping my fingers crossed that he will give the insurance company the information that they require to reinstate his disability payments.

In the meantime we have tightened the purse strings, in fact they are so tight that they may never come untied. We can survive for another few weeks and then after that ........ it will be what it is. We have some property we can sell only problem is it may take 3 -6 months.

I had a good weigh in at TOPS on Monday I was down 2.8 lbs, third week in a row with a lose. Trying really hard to stay on program no matter what.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and hope. I just have to keep telling myself that no matter how bad things are for us someone else has it worse.

God bless you.

And the hammer continues to fall ..........

2011-07-17T19:07:00.000-06:00

This may be my last post for awhile as I may have to let my internet go in the next couple of days. Things are going from bad to worse. Our savings are just about gone and it doesn't look like anything with the insurance company will be settled soon if ever. I barely make enough to make our mortgage payment so have no idea how we will live after the end of July. Utilities alone will be around $600/month never mind gas for my vehicle, and day to day living expenses.

It seems unfair but really it's probably not as I knew this was going to happen but tried to ignore it hoping for a miracle. Well we all know miracles only happen to those that don't really need them and the rest of us suffer in silence.

Last resort will be to put everything up for sale but real estate is just not moving right now. You have to practically give it away in order to sell it. Not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity. The worst part is trying to keep everything from family. My siblings would be happy to see me fail and I don't want the kids to know they have enough on their plates as it it.

I'd pray but I don't think anyone is listening. It's been three years now and there has been no change so why would I think that HE cares. Irony of it all is we can't even afford to go to church due to the cost of gas to drive there and no extra cash for tithing.

I'm just sitting here trying to decide if I should laugh or cry. Either way it won't change anything.

No matter what I do .........

2011-07-12T18:08:00.000-06:00

It's one of those times when no matter what I say or do it's not right. Hubby is in such a fowl mood, he's now refusing to take his meds because yesterday I mentioned he should go easy on the Benydryl. He wants an agrument and I am not going to accommodate. Lately it's like we are strangers living in the same house. I tip toe around like I'm walking on egg shells but he still finds a reason to natter at me.

I have no control over the doctor's yet he won't start making calls to the government officials. He'd rather feel sorry for himself and take it out on me.

I laid awake most of the night thinking of what to do but everytime I suggest something he flies off the handle. I know he is suffering from depression but he won't even talk about it.

Yesterday I still believed in GOD, today I'm not so sure anymore.

Is there ever going to be relief .......

2011-07-11T21:57:00.000-06:00

The past few weeks have been more and more stressful. Hubby continues to fight the medical system and thinks the whole world is wanting him gone. He doesn't believe that the doctors even care anymore about what is happening with him. They won't give him anything for the pain and now he has developed a severe itch and is taking mega doses of Benydryl.

I am almost at my wits end. I'm afraid to say anything to him for fear of upsetting him. He won't go to the hospital. I no longer have any answers to any questions where his health is concerned. He has had an MRI and sleep apena test now we are waiting for the results.

On a brighter note my oldest son got married this weekend. I took my mom and dad and we had a lovely time. It was nice to get away for the day.

I've also had 2 weigh ins in a row now with a lose. Last week was 1.8 and this week was 2 pounds. Hoping I can keep going downward.

Oops .............

2011-06-20T21:37:00.001-06:00

Ok I blew my TOPS weigh in tonight, up 2.4 lbs from last week. What can I say, it's been a hell of a week what with ending up in the hospital and all. Not an excuse for sure just a fact of life. Tomorrow will be the start of a better week.

Not much else to report, still feeling queasy and back still hurts somewhat but at least I'm alive and know it is not my heart so all is well. Just a quick check in as I am off to bed, too tired to stay awake any longer.

Wow that was a bit scary .....

2011-06-17T18:02:00.000-06:00

Well I've been absent for a very good reason. I have been having major back pain since last weekend and nauseated for the past couple of weeks. Well Wednesday it all came to a head and I wound up in the hospital. The story goes something like this:

3 p.m. At work, back is major sore and nausea is getting out of control. Head to GP's office to have her check it out.

4 p.m. Find myself in an ambulance from the doctor's office on my way to the hospital with all kinds of heart monitors, blood pressure cuffs, etc hooked up.

6 p.m. Seen by doctor in ER, not sure what is going on, need to do tests.

8 p.m. Doctor returns still no answers but need to do blood enzymes at 9 p.m. to rule out heart attack.

11 p.m. Doctor comes back, enzymes ok, but going to keep me till tomorrow so they can do a CT scan and check for torn aorta.

Next day:

11 a,m. CT scan done

noon Doctor says all clear

1 p.m. Back at home with pain killers and anit-vomiting pills.

4 p.m. In bed having a wonderful sleep

8 p.m. Up and moving around

10 p.m. Another round of meds and it's nighty, night

Today
07:45 a.m. Back at my desk, all is well :)

Remember that a heart attack in a woman is much different than in a man. Men feel it in their chest and left arm, a woman has pain in her back, radiating to her neck and shoulders with severe vomiting. Mine was not a heart attack, thank goodness. Most likely a pinched nerve that made the pain so bad that I started to throw up. So after 24 hours in the hospital, looking like I've been in a bar brawl, due to IV starts, I am back to normal. Thank God my doctor was smart enough to recognize what could have been a potentially serious problem and took immediate action. Do I feel foolish, somewhat, but on the other hand I am still here and very much alive. I plan on staying that way for awhile.

Church Picnic ....

2011-06-13T21:30:00.000-06:00

We had to take our TOPS picnic inside tonight as Mother Nature decided to dump rain on our parade. We have our meetings in the basement of a local church so we just had a "church" picnic. I was extremely proud of all our members tonight, their pot luck dishes were light salads and light desserts. There is always lots of food to go around but it was nice to see that everyone was thinking healthy. We didn't have any potato or macaroni salads, they were all vegetable salads. Desserts were fruit with light topping and watermelon. For once I feel as if they actually heard what I said and even listened.

I had precooked our meal so all I had to do was heat it up. I sauted some chicken breasts and diced them up then added 1/2 a boiled potato, 1/2 cup green peas and green onions, wrapped it all up in a tinfoil pouch and that with salad was great.

It's hard to decide what to take to a potluck when there are so many tempting things out there. Usually we end up with lots of bought salads and desserts but this time they really put an effort into it and you could tell that everyone was pleased.

Offical weigh in tonight saw me at 287.2 lbs. That put me down 3.4 lbs from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. I'm pleased with that, it's going to be a slow but steady pace that I want to set for myself. I have really been there for the members this week. We have a facebook page and anyone that posted they were struggling I made sure I gave them a call with some encouragement. They need me as much as I need them so hopefully I have found the winning combination.

Work is busy but I really do enjoy this new position, it is so much less stressful. My manager wants to give me a title but he doesn't like the words clerk or administrative assistant. I've been trying to come up with some ideas but so far a blank. Can anyone think of a position title that describes both those things but doesn't use the words? He sent me an e-mail today and said I was doing a fantastic job, made my day.

Journaling and it's powers .......

2011-06-12T19:51:00.001-06:00

I wish I had the wit some bloggers do like Skippy I'd be a happy camper if I could look at things with that gift. But right now I have no wit and even less of a sense of humor. One thing I do know is that journaling is very theaputic and I am going to get back into the routine. I have to remind myself that I started this blog because I thought I had what it takes to do the impossible .......... get rid of the weight. Then when it didn't happen I quit writing and it only got worse.

This blog is for me. Those that come to visit, I love you to death and always so appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement. Skippy I love you with all my heart. Too many times bloggers dealing with weight lose start off fantastic and then for some reason fad into the dust. I am not going to be one of those people. I need to be here and do this for me.

I love my husband, my job and maybe not so much the hard parts of my life but I have to learn to deal with them and that starts now. You may read some things on here that will make you wonder about my life but I'm going to be ok. I am a survivor and I have to remember what Margie's last post was about. It was about the letter "B" and it's about beginning and believing. Tomorrow I begin again and I believe I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to and I am back with a vengence.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new way of living for me. I may not lose that 15 pounds before July 9th but I am going to give it my best shot. If I don't then people will just have to accept me the way I am because that is who I am and until it changes then love me the way I am.

Journaling they say is the best way to destress and deal with everyday happenings and being able to let go of things that a person holds onto and should have let go of a long time ago. I am strong, I am able and I am willing, may the force be with me.

It's Been Awhile ....

2011-06-11T18:47:00.000-06:00

And from the look of my stats I am the only one checking here anymore. Oh well. What happened to me you ask, I really don't know. My life become out of control as did my eating. Ballowed up to 292.6 pounds. Yep, almost 300, yet I look in the mirror and I don't see that. Does that happen to anyone else? Have managed to get back down to 285.2 as of this morning so I am pleased with that.

Really disappointed in myself though as I've had a long time to get this weight off in time for my son's wedding and now I will have to find something to wear at tent and awning. I have no one to blame but myself and I take full responsibility. I still have almost 4 weeks till the big day so hoping I get at least another 15 off. That would make me feel a little better.

Had my annual check up a couple of weeks ago. Blood work and all was fine. Cholestrol was normal, not sure how I pulled that off. She did put me on Wellbutrin to see if it will help with the depression. She said sometimes we just have to have little help and she thinks it is the best. Only been on it for 2 weeks so no major improvement as of yet. These things usually take about 6 weeks before they are at maximum power.

Still nothing on hubby. More and more tests but no results. His new doctor says we may never know what it is. Wonder how the insurance company will like that one? I can almost guess. If you don't know what it is then you probably don't have it. I'm so angry with them right now. Actually I'm angry at everyone and everything right now. My life is in total shambles and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

Finally some sunshine .........

2011-04-22T21:07:00.000-06:00

It's been a hectic week but I think there are some positive things ahead. PRD was a lot of fun but I do have to say that I really do enjoy it more when it is not where I live. I was pretty stressed out by the end of the weekend with trying to keep up with everyone. I was so proud of hubby, he humbly accepted his Division Winner award and these was the words he had them read as his story:

"Through my failures I have learned humility, resourcefulness, determination. Humility to accept my limitations and weaknesses. Resourcefulness to seek guidance and council. Determination to persevere and focus on the goal. These are the tools for life and this honor is a tribute to that. I accept for myself and AB3486, when I fail as one, together we shall win. Mother Theresa had this to say about all life's problems - "Life is life, I fight for it." I believe I will."

Our area coordinator said it was nice to have someone say something that didn't consist of a lot of "me" and "I". I'll post a pic here when I'm done my post.

Wednesday he had his specialist appointment in Edmonton, the doc wouldn't commit to a diagnosis till he gets some more tests done but feels it maybe a debilatating type of arthritis. He is doing tests for a gammit of things including ALS, lupus, MS, etc. He really doesn't think that he has fibro and he feels there may be more than one thing going on. He gave him this huge list of tests to get done and he is referring him to a neurologist. We can live with the diagnosis as long as we get one. He also has an appointment with a new family physican this coming week and we have heard great things about him so have our fingers crossed.

I took advantage of a new family clinic that opened up and made an appointment with one of the lady doctors. She was really nice and is insisting on a complete since I haven't had one in years. And she never once commented on my weight or made disparaging remarks. When I asked her why she said we will work on it slowly and there are worse things in life than being over weight, can you believe it! So I have my complete booked for the end of May and have some blood work to get done before then. She was so nice and told me if I need anything to be sure and come in right away. We'll tackle each problem from the complete one at a time. She also gave me some antibiotics for my sinus infection and put me back on my HRT. I tried going off of it but the night sweats have been so bad that I was getting to the point where I couldn't stand it and she said there is no reason not to stay on a low dose if it makes things easier. Wow.

Into the second week of my new job and loving it. The lady that was doing it before did the best she could with the time restraints that she had but there is room for a lot of improvement. I've made a few chances and my boss has given me a high five for them. It is so nice to be appreciated and trusted.

Today is Good Friday so it is a holiday and I haven't felt that great all day. I think the antibiotics kicked in as my sinuses have been draining like crazy. Hope I feel better tomorrow as I want to go to Costco first thing in the morning, we are really low on stuff for my lunches and I don't want to get in the rut of just grabbing something out of the cupboard without thinking it through.

Hubby said something when we were having dinner this evening that made sense and really got me to thinking. I had made some ground beef with jalepenos, spaghetti sauce, kraft dinner all mixed together sort of like Hamburger Helper only I put cilantro in it and it tasted different, not bad just different. I asked him if he wanted seconds and he said "I would but I don't need it. more is not going to fuel my body it will just make me fat". I thought how true is that, we only need food as fuel for our bodies and not out emotions. He's a pretty smart man.

Weigh in was a bust this week but I knew it would be so not getting bent out of shape over it just accepting it and gonna try and do better this week. Have been walking more and doing the stairs at work.

Here is a picture of hubby with his TOPS Division Winner award, 2nd place in division 2 provincially with a lose of 37 pounds last year, he has 30 to go to goal.

Mother Nature needs some manners ........

2011-04-14T06:54:00.000-06:00

Woke up this morning to a blanket of snow and ice and high winds. The whole province is enveloped in a spring storm. This seems to happen every year around PRD time but at least this year it is here in Red Deer so I don't have to drive. This will be my 5th PRD and I don't remember a year where we have not had a storm just before or after. Think they need to move the dates to a little later in the spring, not sure it would make much difference though.

The week has been great so far, I am really enjoying my new job. Having a hard time adjusting to the change in work hours though. Body is having a hard time resetting the clock to wake up later and get home later. Hours are 8:15 - 4:30 but I am so used to working 07:30 - 3:45 normally and 7 - 7 when working overtime. This really is a hardship .... lol.

Picked up all the client files yesterday so now I get to do some serious work. Monday, Tuesday were kinda boring as there really wasn't much to do. I am really excited about this position and think I am really going to enjoy it.

Started walking before work on Monday but that is on hold for today at least, too slippery out there. Will start walking on lunch break as well when the snow is all gone again.

Things seem to be turning around for us. Hubby's specialist appointment was moved up 5 weeks to next week and I have a couple really interested in renting one of our units that has been empty for the past month. There is always a silver lining to every cloud sometimes you just have to wait for it to turn inside out.

Great start to the week ........

2011-04-12T07:14:00.001-06:00

Weigh in last night saw me up .6 but I can handle that, it's definitely not the end of the world by any means. We has our TOPS installation and awards night last evening. I am so proud of my hubby, he lots 37 pounds last year, wish I knew his secret.

Started my new job yesterday. What a change from the old one, no stress, left on my own to figure out how I want things done, very relaxing. Hopefully now that I have a job with less stress I can start to shed some pounds as I am definitely an emotional/stress eater. Am finding it hard to get used to the new hours - 08:15 - 16:30, as I had been getting up real early before (4:30 a.m. for a 6:00 start). It's gonna take awhile to get this body back into a routine of rising later.

It is a beautiful morning here so started my early morning walks. I walk down to the mail box and back before work each day, it clears my head and is a good beginning to getting more exercise. I am also doing the stairs at work, it is only two flights so will be good for me.

Took last week as a break between positions and accomplished mega chores here at home. Even got the income tax ready to go to the accountant. Spent Friday as a ME day, got my hair done and had a pedicure. Saturday I went shopping for a new work wardrobe. I have made a vow that these are the last "fat" girl clothes I am buying.

Our Provincial Recognition Days for TOPS are this weekend here in Red Deer. I am excited as it is always a very inspirational and motivation time for everyone. Just what we all need to kick start the summer.

Getting rid of stress .........

2011-04-04T22:06:00.000-06:00

Yep, I'm back and I have eliminated some stress from my life in order to regain some sanity. As you know I applied for and was successful at getting a different position. I gave my manager my resignation and think I actually saw tears in her eyes. So with two weeks notice I had another week to kill before starting my new position so decided to take this week off and forget about that department.

Now that of course is a whole lot easier said than done as I have to keep checking my work e-mail each day, sometimes several times, or I will have hundreds of them when I go back. But it feels so good to know that I no longer have to work 65 - 70 hour weeks and can do normal hours. The girls had a send off for me on Friday night and I must say I think I gotta a little tipsy (actually I know I did, but don't want to admit it). It was a great time for all.

Last week I weighed in at TOPS and was .2 pounds over my original start weight, tonight I was down 4 pounds. They stress can be a huge factor in our health but I didn't realize how much until I stepped on the scale last week and seen that number. I was truly embarrassed so decided right then and there to get busy and do something about it. So started eating sensibly and getting in a little exercise and voila......4 pounds. Don't get me wrong I know that it can all be blown in just a matter of moments but for now I am basking in the glory so to speak.

I have missed blogging and think that it was the one thing that kept me sane till I got too tired to keep up with it. So here goes another kick at the cat and I hope to be able to keep up on a regular basis now. Not promising I will be here every day but definitely more often that the past while.

I've also decided I am not posting meals, calories, weights or anything like that anymore. This blog was meant as an outlet for me to vent on things that bothered me or celebrate things that brought me joy. I got too caught up in the whole diet thing and forgot about how to enjoy life. There has to be a happy medium for both and I have to find it.

And so ends another chapter in my life ............

2011-03-19T06:48:00.000-06:00

Looks as if things are finally going to settle down for me. After all these weeks of working 70 hours I am finally going to go back to normal hours. I had an interview earlier this week and was successful in getting the position. It is a brand new position with Senior's Health and I am soooooooooo excited. I can't wait for my start date of April 11th.

Sometimes a change is as good as a rest. This will allow me time to get back to my blogging and concentrate on myself for a change. I have so missed blogging and catching up on all the news from my blogger friends.

I was re-elected as Leader for my TOPS chapter for another year. This year I am going to concentrate on training the Co-leader to step in to Leader position next year. This is my 5th year and I think it is time for some new blood and ideas. I really appreciate that my Chapter has so much faith in me that they want me to stay on but others need a chance as well.

So look out blog buddies I am back with a vengence and so looking forward to it. I am off to work this morning but now I can go wih the attitude that there is an end in sight and the most I will have to do is 2 more Saturdays.

You all have a great weekend and I will be back here in the very near future.

Thinking 68 hours a week is just a little much ....

2011-03-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am still working those horrid hours and there does not look like much relief in site........hey, maybe there is. I have an interview with another department on the 15th so hopefully that one will pan out and I can go back to working like a normal person. Someone said to me the other day "look at all the money you're making". Hello reality check here, you only clear about 50% of what you make so it ain't that great.

I did go today and stock up on fresh fruit and veggies so I can at least eat one healthy meal a day. Good think we don't have vending machines where I work or I would have become an addict by now. I've been trying to do the right things with my eating but these long hours sometimes make me senseless where my meals are concerned.

I had to go to the walkin clinic today and get some antibiotics, I've been fighting a sinus infection for a month now and decided if I didn't go it would probably get the better of me. It's hard to concentrate at work when your head is pounding and your eyes hurt.

We are still in the mighty throws of winter right now. We've had more snow and cold temperatures this winter than I can remember in a very long time. It's been hovering around -28 C during the day and dropping to -45 C at nights. Even with the day light hours getting longer there hasn't been any relief and the weatherman is forcasting a long cold spring.

Sorry, if I am being so negative. Not much to be positive about right at this very moment. We did get the appeal for hubby's disability in on time and they are now reviewing it. Not expecting any great exciting news from that either. Right now everything is in the doldrums but such is life.

I hope everyone is well, I have managed to read a few pages but no energy to make comments. Soon I hope.

Hello, hello, hello......

2011-02-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

I think i hear an echo, can that really be me saying hello? And just when you had all given up on me and decided that she's a phoney and never coming back, here I am, just like a bad penny. I know I've been MIA but the hours at work have been long and arduous. I've been doing 5 x 12 + 1 x 8 = 68 hours a week so I haven't had much energy for anything but work and sleep. Don't even ask me about food right now as all sensiblity has gone right out the window. Meal times are whenever I think I can take 5 minutes and find something and then I usually fall asleep before I get through it.

It's a long weekend here in Alberta and so far today is the only day that I am going to get off. That means all cleaning and laundry must get done today because there is absolutely no way of knowing when the next day off will be. Am I totally nuts? Probably but I am one of those dedicated employees who will endure just about anything to ensure the job is completed. Unfortunately, I don't know if there is ever going to be an end to the mountain of paperwork that comes in and goes out in this job. The new system is up and running but not without some glitches which is to be expected with a transition. I truly am hoping that tomorrow will be the last day of necessary overtime and then I can get back to working normal hours before this old body does a 180 and craters on me. So far I've been hanging on and doing ok but I am sure it is only a matter of time before it says enough is enough.

Sometimes work is an outlet for me in dealing with stress, Strange as it may sound when I am working life has a way of not getting to me. We are still struggling with the insurance company over hubby's disability and have now had to send in another appeal in order to keep the file open until the end of May when he has an appointment with a Rheumatoidologist. The meds they put him on were just making him sick and he gained 20 pounds in 2 weeks and was hardly eating anything. So they took him off of the one and his weight has gone back down but he is still fighting being sick to his stomach and the pain has increased horribly.

My youngest son broke off his engagement and that has been hard on everyone. She has a 13 year old daughter and an 8 year old son that run her life and he just couldn't stand by and watch it any longer. He tried to talk to her and she just doesn't see the problem. These kids are totally out of conrol and she wouldn't let him discipline them and when she did it was useless as they just whined until she let them have their own way. He loves her with all his heart but is not willing to have these kids run his life or watch them ruin hers. She will be moving out next weekend so he's coming here until she is gone. My heart goes out to him and I had hoped she would be the one but I also understand where he is coming from. I hate to say it but these kids are literally monsters and she will never be allowed to have a relationship with anyone because of them. They have made her feel so guilty over the split with their Dad that she gives into their every little whim and I want. It is really sad to see.

So that is it from my end of the world. Missed last week's TOP's weigh in due to work and no weigh in this week because of the holiday so I have no numbers to report.

Yep, it's me .....

2011-02-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

Last week was almost a total write off for me and this week hasn't been any better. I did have a lose at weigh in on Monday night so am happy with that. I was loser of the week so I got a lovely fruit basket to take home.

I was really sick for 2 days last week, I went to work one morning and within 45 minutes I was back at home dealing with the worst case of IBS that I have had in ages. What caused it probably stress, extra work, you name it. I am still working 12 hour days but hopefully this will be the last week. We go live on the 15th so hopefully the extra hours will not be needed.

I'm heading out the door here in a second but just wanted to pop in and update any of you that might be still with me. Take care everyone and have a great day!!

Checking in ...........

2011-01-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to post my weigh in for tonight, as you can see it was up again. I'm so disappointed in myself that I just want to quit, but I won't no matter what. Things have to turn around pretty soon I hope.

I'm still working lots of overtime hours and hubby had surgery on his other ear on Friday. He seen the doctor on Tuesday and they did a rush booking. I am hoping and praying that it works.

Our TOPS group went bowling tonight so that was a good stress buster. It was a lot of fun as well, I don't bowl very well but definitely got some much needed exercise. Working 12 hours a day sitting at a desk does not leave much time for exercising. I get home and fall into bed, I am so exhausted.

Please don't give up on me I am checking in whenever I can find a few minutes. Big hugs to you all.

Hating the scales right now ......

2011-01-24T22:01:00.002-07:00

Well weigh in was tonight and I was up 2.2 pounds, what the heck is with that? I can't believe what the stress is doing to my body. Think I need to start meditating or something, my gosh no wonder my ass feels like it is 6 ax handles wide. None of my clothes are fitting properly again. I am a mess.

Is God watching???

2011-01-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

We haven't been to church in months due to hubby being so sick but this morning I got up and knew I had to go with or without him. I didn't want to go alone so I prayed that God would give him the strength to be able to go and He did. We had an awesome time, the sermon was just what I needed to hear and all the hugs were fantastic. Not only that they have started a new program where members of the church provide a slow cooker meal and newcomers or those that have been away for awhile are invited to have lunch with the Pastor and his family. Now you have to understand our church is a very small church (maybe 35 members in total) so when someone is away for awhile it affects everyone. We had a wonderful time visiting with Pastor Bear and his family and it felt so good to be home. I needed to go, my attitude towards life with dealing with insurance companies, dumb doctors and incompetent co-workers was pushing me over the edge.

I've been experiencing chest pains from the stress and a very upset digestive system to boot. Today I needed to be in the house of the Lord and just give my problems to Him as I can no longer carry the burden.

I don't expect everyone who reads this to agree with me or share my beliefs and that is okay. I have gone from crying almost none stop yesterday to having a peaceful easy feeling today. No matter how we obtain that point of sanity we need to reach out to whomever or whatever it takes to realign our lives.

I've been struggling so much these past months, worrying about health and finances that I had forgotten there is someone out there that can carry this burden for me. Thank you God for being my rock.

Hubby finally booted me out of the house yesterday and told me to go do something for myself. I decided to get my hair done and I must admit I did feel better afterwards. It cost me $135 but hubby said it was money well spend to give me a much needed couple of me hours. I do love this man so and pray constantly that the doctors will decide what to do. He is now being sent to see a Rhuemoidologist and then we hope there will be some clearer answers.

Totally and completetely pissed off ..........

2011-01-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

First off let me apologize for my language but there just isn't any other way to say it. Just when things are going along nicely someone has to upset the apple cart with absolutely no thought to how their actions will effect others.

As you know I've been working overtime for a bit now and was supposed to work tomorrow which would have been a big boost to our finances right now. So I got to work this morning and turned in my overtime for the week and said to my manager that I didn't feel comfortable putting in my time for tomorrow till I had worked it. She informed me that all overtime had been canceled till at least next week. I got to thinking and then remembered I'd seen out Union rep in our office a few times yesterday and one of the girls that had not been offered overtime was a bit po'ed. Well put 2 and 2 together and you get a complaining woman who never works when she is there and the Union and all hell breaks loose. So now I have to wait till Monday to see if the overtime is going to come back or it she has spoiled it for everyone. Yes, it should be offered if there is a need for it but this woman works hard at not working. I am fuming right now ..........she obviously doesn't realize that she probably shot herself in the foot and took the rest of us down with her.

On a brighter note today is my Dad's 80th birthday so I dropped by after work with a card and a gift card from Joey's only, it's his favorite place to eat. It is the first time I've been in their house and they've lived there for almost 3 years. My Mom even talked to me ......... I am so happy about that.

The weather turned real nice and it was +2C today and raining so everything is slippery and it was a bit of a drive home tonight. I'm tired and heading for bed and looking at the good side of things cuz I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Weigh In not so good .........

2011-01-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

Well I was up .8 at TOPS weigh in last night, I know it's not much but it was enough to get my sorry butt pushed out of the quarterly challenge. I know I haven't been paying as much attention to my food as I should have been. I've been working some pretty long hours and they are about to increase again. I'm going to work Saturday's and next week 12 hour days. The overtime is a much needed commodity in our home right now till we get this mess straightened out over hubby's disability. I'm probably good from now till the end of March so will get it while they are generous enough to offer it.

I'm letting you know that I will probably not be posting daily till the overtime is done. I sometimes just come home and fall into bed. Trying to maintain my health so I can keep up the pace so getting lots of rest.

Skippy, I have 13 beautiful grandchildren ranging in age from 21 to 2 months. Some are biological and some are chosen but they all get equal amounts of love from Nana and Papa. Not only did I get to spend the weekend with the one turning 13 but I got to spend Sunday with 2 of my granddaughters......life doesn't get any better than that!

I always appreciate your comments so keep them coming. Blogging has become a way of life for me now and I cannot imagine my life without you all in it.

Back on line .............

2011-01-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

I know I've been missing for a few days. Our internet went down again and my computer was having some issues but looks like both have been revived. It has been really cold and snowy here for the last week. Temps in the -30 C range with lots of snow and really high winds. Some streets are almost impassable and they just the main routes cleared and start on the side streets when we get another heavy dump and they have to go back to the main routes again. All you hear everywhere is complaints about the weather but it is winter and it is Alberta so if you don't like stick around for 5 minutes and it will change. Perdicted to go from this deep freeze to plus temps by Wednesday, see what I mean. I do love winter just hate the snow shovelling when it is packed and drifts are 4 feet high.

Son and grandson are here for the weekend, celebrating grandson's 13th birthday. I can't believe where the time goes, seems like yesterday I was anxiously awaiting that call to let me know he had made an appearance. Son took pity on me yesterday and bought me a snow thrower. When you are vertically challenged it is hard to get that shovel of snow over the top of the stuff aready piled up.

Food has been ok these past few days, daily wiegh ins seem to have a flucuation of 1 - 2 pounds so not sure what that is all about. TOPS weigh in tomorrow night so will see what happens. Haven't been as careful as I should have been I am sure.

Still in the deep freeze .........

2011-01-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

We are still experiencing really cold tempatures here, -32C tonight and not much warmer during the day for tomorrow. I have a sore throat tonight so hope I am not getting what has been going around the office. Seems people get sick but they don't have enough common sense to stay home till they are completely better so everyone else gets sick too.

I'm in a really bad mood tonight and not exactly sure why or at least I can't put my finger on anything concrete. Think I'll head off to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be brighter.

0500 muffin and orange
1000 orange
1200 chicken noodle soup w/crackers, celery w/laughing cow cheese, diet jello
1430 snack bar
1730 smokie w/sauerkraut, quinoa

It worked, it worked .............

2011-01-10T21:08:00.001-07:00

I was so proud of my TOPS group this evening. 14 weighed in, 22.8 lbs lost and 3.2 lbs gained for an over all lose of 19.6 lbs................way to go team. Seems like my challenge inspired them enough to test it out.....can't say how proud of them I am. And part of the 22.8 pounds was my 2 lb lost so I'm happy about that as well.

05:00 cranberry bran muffin, orange
10:00 orange
12:00 chicken noodle sou w/crackers, celery and cucumbers, diet jello
15:00 snack bar
17:00 slice of bread w/ peanut butter & jam
20:30 fried egg w/cheese sandwich (1 slice bread)

Second Version of Hubby's Poem

2011-01-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

ROAD TO SUCCESS

Going to church once a week is not the same as praying

Watching the children in in the yard not the same as playing
Dreaming of sea's and foreign land is not the same as going
Sitting in a boat with oars at your feet is useless without rowing.

Don't stay in one spot, don't take each breathe for granted
Dare to explore, set some goals, you will not be empty handed.
Every feast a banquet, silver trays, waiters and candle lit
This excuse may work, when you explain why your not fit.

You come to a meeting, step on the scale, yet you don't feel the burn
The journey has just started, there is much to do, and even more to learn.

The path is straight, but we take detours till frustrated and losing track
The group is there to encourage each one so you can find your way back.

Many have gone before us, and the advise they gave is true
The road to sucess begins with a step, and the step begins with you.
Dennies Vierboom

Is it really important .........

2011-01-09T13:59:00.001-07:00

I've been reading through some of the blogs seeing how others are visiting their doctor's for check-ups, getting things taken care of, etc and it got me to thinking about the last time I actually had a complete physical (along with blood/urinary workups) and it's been about 3 years. I do stop in about once every 6 months to get prescriptions refilled or if I get a bad sinus infection and need antibiotics. Other than that I usually feel fine and am always of the mind that if it isn't broke don't fix it. Not sure if that is the right attitude or not but due to the problems we have had with getting hubby looked after I have a sour taste in my mouth for doctor's. Also, it is hard to find a family practitioner here in Alberta that is taking on new patients and I absolutely refuse to go back to the one I was using before. So just how important is that "yearly checkup"? Some say really important, others say not so much. I get my yearly mammogram done because of my Mom's breast cancer but I can do that without going to a doctor and I get a letter with the results. I get my eyes dialated once a year to keep an "eye" on my macular degeneration, again I can do that without a doctor. So what exactly can a doctor provide once a year if you are not feeling ill in anyway?

It's still blizzarding here, I shovelled the driveway this morning and it took me 4x as long as normal. We have drifts 4 feet high and the snow is packed hard from the blowing wind. It's great exercise and I love shovelling snow just didn't anticipate how long it was going to take me. Still blowing out there so will probably have to do it again tomorrow, not going out there again today.

Sitting here listening to the radio and there is an ad for Herbal Magic that advertises they will pay you $11.00 for every pound lost between now and I think the end of February. What they neglected to add was that the program costs $600.00 a month for the all the vitamins, etc that they want you to take, so you would have to lose 60 pounds a month just to break even......ironic isn't it.

06:45   orange, cranberry bran muffin w/butter
10:30   french vanilla cappichino
13:30   chicken noodle soup w/crackers, 2 baby bell cheese portions w/3 Ritz crackers, cup of tea
17:00   smokie w/sauerkraut and quinoa

Winter is raging..........

2011-01-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

We are in the midst of a blizzard here in Central Alberta. Wind is howling, snow is blowing, roads are a mess and I am here safe, snug and warm in my home. Thank you God for blessings.

Managed to sleep till 5:30 this morning and didn't get out of bed till 6:45. It was a treat considering I have to be up at 4:30 on weekdays. Went out and cleaned the driveway and thought well this isn't too bad. Had made plans to head to Costco if the weather was ok but had to wait till this morning to decide as they had major snow storm warnings out. So after I cleaned the drive decided it wasn't to bad, called my friend and told her it was a go. We headed out when she got here and it wasn't too bad, lots of blowing snow but good tires and an alert mind are a good combination when travelling in this type of weather.

When we got back we vaccum packed meat portions and I made a nice lunch. Now I am doing laundry and just finished making 2 dozen low fat bran/cranberry muffins. I must confess I had 2 of them when they came out of the oven ........they are so good.

Weekends are always hard for me, I drink too much coffee and sometimes forget to watch what I am doing food wise. But not today, I made a deal with myself to be very careful as I have to weigh in with a lose on Monday.

06:45 English Toffee Cappachino
08:30 1 slice toast w/peanut butter
11:00 1 cup french vanilla cappachino & 1 Cinnabon snack bar
14:00 roast pork tenderloin, boiled baby potatoes, steamed grean beans
17:30 2 low fat bran/cranberry muffins w/butter, 1 cup french vanilla cappachino

Wow meal times got all messed up and now it is dinner time and I am not hungry (muffins and coffee do that to you). Think that is enough for today. My coffees are only 100 or less calories but they add up if you have more than one a day. I am trying to only drink them on the weekends.

TGIF ....

2011-01-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful it is Friday, even if there is a snow storm warning issued. I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. It is so incredibly busy at work I am totally exhausted. Went out with some of my co-workers after work for coffee and appetizers. I ate just a little of everything but forgot my scale at home so had to eyeball it.

Thanks everyone for the comments on hubby's poem. I am really proud of him for writing it and yes Mensa you may use it if you like. I was also thinking of submitting it to the TOPS magazine.

05:00 shredded wheat biscuits w/milk & sugar, grapefruit
10:00 snack bar
12:00 raw pepper, cucumbers, 2 baby bell cheese and 5 Breton crackers
14:30 snack bar and 1 Tim Horton's donut hole
17:00 1 piece cheese bread, 2 potato wedges, 6 nachos, 2 Tbl spinach dip with 2 pita crisps - didn't want to eat too much as it was mostly carbs so will have a snack here soon

Sharing a poem .........

2011-01-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Hubby is a member of my TOPS group and has lost 37 lbs so far (much better than his wife is doing) and today he wrote a motivational poem I would like to share with all of you.

Going to church once a week is not the same as praying
... Watching the children in the yard is not the same as playing
Dreaming of sea's and foreign land is not the same as going
Sitting in a boat with oars at your feet is useless without you rowing
Bouncing on the seat and playing with the knobs will never move the car
We are the masters of our own destiny and destiny is never where you are
The program works but we must to or the job is only halfway done
Like a harnessed horse with no driver standing out in the prairie sun
So watch the hazards learn what works lets give the horse a hand
The horse is called TOPS she will carry the load and take us to the promised land

05:00 mini wheats, grapefruit
10:00 yogurt
12:00 raw peppers, cucumbers, beef w/barley soup and crackers
14:30 snack bar
17:00 pot roast with potatoes, carrots and onions

Hope everyone had a great day!!!

Wow the year is going fast .........

2011-01-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's already just about the 6th of January, my gosh where does the time go. Had a big meeting at work today finally found out what my job is going to be in the new world, exactly the same as what I am doing now. I'm happy about that because there were some major changes coming down the pipes.

TOPS on Monday was awesome. We have some new contests going and I issued a year long challenge to all the members. They have to weigh in every week with a lose in order to be eligible for quarterly prizes and then a big one at the end of the year. Some complained about it but as I told them it is strictly voluntary so if you don't think you can do it you don't have to sign up. It will cost them $5 a quarter to participate and over half of the members have already signed up. I'm looking forward to the challenge and seeing the results.

0500 rice krispies, yogurt, banana
10:00 banana
12:00 raw peppers, cucumbers and a frozen meal
14:30 snack bar
18:00 checken stuffed w/brocoli, boiled baby potatoes, green/yellow beans w/carrots
21:00 low fat yogurt bar

I'm having a hard time trying to work long hours and still keep up with the blog so some entries maybe short and sweet but I will be here.

Back to work ..............

2011-01-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hard to get back in the groove after having almost a month of short weeks. Stacks and stacks of paperwork awaited me. Don't know if I will ever see the end of it, but then it does keep me employed.

0500 fruit cup and yogurt
10:00 banana
12:00 soup and crackers
14:30 pudding cup
17:00 pineapple chicken, rice, green beans

TOPS Weigh In tonight .........283.6 lbs

2011-01-03T07:26:00.002-07:00

I apologize for not posting yesterday. This bug that I have caught is tiring, in that all I want to do is sleep. I feel asleep after dinner last night and didn't wake up till this morning. Hopefully the rest is healing. So I will record yesterday's food now and today's later on.

Yesterday
0600   english toffee cappachino
0800   mandarin orange, 1 slice toast and 1 tbl peanut butter
10:30   yogurt
12:30   1 pkg Ichoban noodles (broth drained off), 2 baby bell cheese pieces
14:30   pudding cup and 1 pkg granola crunchers
18:00   chili

Didn't do my evening snack because I fell asleep.

Today
0630   english toffee cappachino
0800   rice krsipies w/milk & sugar, fruit cup
10:30 banana
12:30 chili on toast
14:30 cup of green tea and snack bar
17:00 frozen entree - salsbury steak
20:00 banana

Skippy, believe it or not 8 oz of food is a lot of food and I worked out the calories for last 2 days and it averages 1400 - 1500 which is what I am striving for. Thank you for your concern, I have learned over the years that starving oneself does make a healthy eating plan make. I promise to keep an eye on the calorie intake and make sure that I get lots of fruits and veggies. I'm concentrating on upping my fluid intake so have been drinking tea and water regularly throughout the day. I'm gonna keep with the 8 oz meals and 4 oz snacks for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. If I start to feel out of sorts will reevaluate. You are such a sweetie to care so much. I promise not to .....cough, cough, cough......on you........

Weigh in - 280.2 lbs

2011-01-01T10:34:00.001-07:00

Ok this is not a good start to the year. I was fine at 3 a.m. and just woke up with a horribly sore throat and every muscle in my body screaming. Not sure how that happened but guess I have to deal with it. So today is going to be a day of fluids and Tylenol I guess.

I hope everyone had a great New Year's eve. We babysat for Jamie and Ashlene so they could have an evening out. They've been pretty much tied down since Alex was born. Sounds like they had an awesome time.

Well I am off to make a cup of hot tea and catch up on some of the blogs.

Well made it through the first day, so that I will consider a victory. I kinda like not having to worry about calories and just weighing my food. Even though I did not feel that great, managed to stay on track.

10:00   green tea
           diet jello

12:15   tomato rice soup and soda crackers

16:30   fruit cup

17:45 scrambled eggs, sauted mushrooms & onions, slice of bread

20:00 fruit cake, diet jello, green tea

HAPPY NEW YEAR .......may it be the one ........

2010-12-31T15:36:00.001-07:00

Well it is time to get back to business and get healthy and happy in 2011. I've been doing a lot of thinking about all that has gone on in my life in the past 12 months and just how poorly I have managed not only my weight but events that have occurred. Poor management leads to stress which leads to eating which leads to gaining with leads to more stress which leads to more eating and around and around the circle goes.

I was thinking about how I could handle things better and still manage to live a "normal" life and eat like normal people. I remember a while ago I wrote about the stomach only being as big as the size of a closed fist. So I sat and looked at my closed fist and pondered how much food would the size of a closed fist be. It looks to me to be about a cup or 8 oz. Now if that is the size of my stomach what the hell am I doing to it by pushing cup after cup of food into it? Obviously the answer it stretching it and making myself uncomfortable.

So I have dug out my trusty kitchen scale and decided that I am going to eat three meals a day that weigh no more than 8 oz combines with 3 snacks a day of no more than 4 oz. That's 36 oz of food per day. Now before you decide to tell me that is not enough food to live on I must tell you that it is plenty depending on what you are eating. 8 oz for breakfast will give me 4 oz of yogurt, 1 egg and 1/2 slice of toast, etc. That to me is more than a sufficent amount of food for breakfast, nice and nutritional as well. I have planned out some very nice meals all at the 8 oz amount and they are more than you would think. Now if I should decide to have a dessert I must include it in the 8 oz. A small piece of cake is 2 oz so that definitely takes away from the amount of good food I can have. But it is my choice and one that I have to live with. Is the piece of cake worth it? Will have to wait and see because I know that there are times when I am going to want that cake.

Hubby bought me a new kitchen scale, it is a really slim model that can fit into a small tote bag or even my purse, for when we go out to eat. Will I feel foolish weighing my food in a restaurant? I don't thnk so because I know that I am going to be a winner when all is said and done.

So there you have it, my New Year's resolution. Not only am I going to keep to my 8 oz per meal I am also going to maintain my blog with posting my foods, get some regular exercise every day, and start back to my OA meetings.

I have determined that I cannot do an OA meeting every week, it is just to hard with TOPS on Mondays and OA on Tuesdays. The part I need most from OA is the first meeting of each month which is a Step meeting. So I will attend those and do my workbook as part of my program. I need to see if my sponsor is still willing to be my sponsor if I am only going once a week.

The other thing I am going to learn to do is say "NO" and "No thank you". "NO" to those that want to take advantage of my good nature and always try to get me to do something I just don't have time for. "No thank you" to those that offer me food over and above what I am allowing myself.

Water is going to start and play a big part in all of this as well. I have managed to come up with a method of having my ice water at work so that it is always available. Can you believe it was as simple as taking an ice cube tray to work and making my own ice....duh, how simple is that.

Now comes the best part of all........a challenge. I hereby challenge any one that is interested to see if we can weigh in with a lose every week for 2011. You don't need to lose a big amount just have a lose. Just half a pound a week is 26 pounds in a year. Think about it, it a really simple concept.

I wish each and everyone of you a happy and prosperous New Year. May all your hopes, ambitions and dreams become a reality!!!

Merry Christmas One and All

2010-12-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

Just a short message to wish each of you a blessed Merry Christmas. If you are travelling please be safe. May the time you spend with family and friends be pleasant and fullfilling. As we celebrate please remember the Reason for the Season is birth of our Lord and Savior.

With love and hugs
Tessa

Still around ...........

2010-12-19T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, I am still here just not posting much of late. Life has been a merry go round but slowly coming to a wind down. Have organized and made happen the Lifestyles luncheon at work; did the two shut in drop arounds; attended a union luncheon; attended an Employee Engagement Session luncheon and had our first Christmas with family and friends. Still to come is our TOPS dinner tomorrow; work pot lunch on Thursday and of course Christmas on the weekend.

As you can see most of these events have been centred around food and I am afraid that I have fallen somewhat. Trying hard to keep it together but the scales are creeping up a little at a time. I am actually not going to worry about it right now and just do the best I can.

I am wishing you all a blessed Merry Christmas and all the best in 2011, may it be the year of reaching goals and getting healthy for all of us.

Luv to you all
\Tessa

Monday's Weight In

2010-12-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

Well I was up by a pound but that is ok with me especially with the stress that I have been under. This time of year it is really hard to maintain never mind adding life's pressures to the mix. I apologize for not posting more but I'm so tired after working 12 - 14 hrs/day that basically I just do not have the energy.

It's been quite an exciting time in my life. On Sunday my niece and her mom came up from Calgary for a surprise visit. Not only was the visit a surprise but so were some of the events that happened while they were here. Lelia has never met my parents (her grandparents) as her parents separated when she was a baby. So we were sitting around chatting and she mentioned she was now ready to meet them. My mom has not been in my home for over 3 years and has just recently begun to speak to me again. I called my dad and told him that Lelia would like to meet them and could they come for tea. Now I knew my dad would come but never dreamed my mom would. She did.......at first she wouldn't talk to anyone but by the time she left she was talking and even a smile crossed her face once in awhile. Thank you God for small miracles.

Saturday one of my co-workers and I did a baking marathon. We baked for 14 hours, now I know that probably seems a bit excessive but we have several girls in the office that have just recently had surgery and I know they can't do any baking for their families this Christmas. So we have made up trays to take to them.

Christmas activities are moving along nicely. The upcoming days/weeks are pretty much filled up on a daily basis. It always seems like there is a big build up and then poof it's over before we know it.

Well that is pretty much my week in review. Today I am heading to the clinic for my annual mammy squeeze then tonight some of us from work are heading to the first co-workers for a visit.

Take care everyone and I'll be back soon.

Weigh in Monday .....

2010-11-29T05:16:00.001-07:00

Yes, it is Monday again and I will be posting my weight after TOPS weigh in this evening. I'm not concerned about whether I lose of not but more that I have been able to maintain through these past couple of weeks. Still doing lots of walking and trying hard to make sure that I don't let my emotions and stress cause me to binge. So far it has been ok, once in awhile I get the urge but usually talk myself out of it. I think working 12 hours days has helped some as well, I'm too darn tired to care about eating.

Spent the weekend finishing up Christmas shopping with hubby. I felt to bad for him as he could hardly walk but what a trooper, he stayed the mile the whole day. He never complained even though there were several times when he looked like he was gonna go crazy from the pain. I can't wait to see if this new treatment gives him some relief. So far nothing but we all know that some drugs take up to 6 weeks to take effect.

House is a disaster area, wrapped presents most of yesterday. Can't believe it takes so long and now have to find a place to put them all as the tree won't go up till the 16th. Oh the joys of Christmas, in spite of it all it is still my favorite holiday.

Ok, have to head off to work but will be back this evening with the weigh in results.

Well, as you can see I was up a pound, have to work harder this week if I want to keep it under 280.

Popping in for a quick update ....

2010-11-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days since I posted and I apologize but things have been so hectic here. It seems just when you think you've hit your darkest hour a silver lining appears. After two years of fighting with doctors and trying to figure out what was wrong with hubby he finally got upset enough to seek another opinion ... and guess what, we now have a diagnosis. I had said all along that is what I thought it was but who am I, just an ordinary lay person so what would I know. Well turns out I know more than some doctors ...... my husband has one of the worst cases of fibromyalgia that this doctor has ever seen. Hubby told him that another doctor said no way and he got real mad. So he has started him on a treatment plan and hopes that within 3 - 6 months he will be able to resume working back at his old occupation. Now just have to fight with the insurance company to reinstate his benefits but that is another story for another time.

I've been working 12 hours days as we are really far behind at work and they finally oked the overtime. It will help with the finances so that is a good thing but doesn't leave much time for anything else. Food has actually be ok, I had a not bad weigh in at TOPS on Monday, only up .4, that I can handle.

I want to wish all my American blog friends a very happy Thanksgiving for tomorrow. Remember to count your blessing no matter how small in number they may seem. Hugs to you all.

Quick Update ...........

2010-11-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hubby's surgery went ok, still in a lot of pain and not feeling the best but that is to be expected. As for the rest well we're hanging in there. I'm ok food wise in fact I'm not really hungry most of the time so haven't even had any binge thoughts the past couple of days. Really making a concious effort to not let circumstances drive me to food. It's been snowing here since Tuesday so have now traded my morning walks for snow shovelling but that also is ok as it is still exercise.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and posts. Some of them even made me smile (pre-poo and post-poo weigh ins.........lol).

Is it possible to stay positive .......

2010-11-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

Today has been a day from hell, there just isn't any other way to describe it. The insurance company that has been providing disability coverage for hubby has decided rather than put him on total disability they would cut his benefits off. So even though he can hardly walk across the floor without stumbling, is in constant pain and has major chest pains on a regular basis their investigation deems he is fit to go back to work and get this .........they recommend that he become an electrical lineman or cable installer. How's that for a kick in the teeth after spending 12 years in school to become multi-ticketed (plumber, gasfitter, electrican, HVAC mechanic, pipefitter, boiler technican) they have the nerve to tell him he needs to start over and do something else. I don't know whether to cry or scream I am so mad.

We placed a call to our lawyer's office and just waiting to hear back as to when we can get an appointment. I don't normally believe in sueing anyone for anything but this time I think it is warranted. And if they want a fight then we'll give them one. In the mean time he now has to go back to work or lose his benefits and we have no idea where the company will send him as they lost the contract at the place he was working prior to going off sick. Please pray for us, we are going to need all the help we can get. My wages barely cover our mortgage payment, I am totally not sure what is going to happen.

He was so devastated when he got the letter today that I had to come home early from work to try and settle him down, he was threatening all kinds of things. He's finally calmed down and is watching TV. I can't even begin to imagine how he is feeling. And on top of all this he is booked for his ear surgery tomorrow.

Right now just the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach. This is gonna be a rough road to hoe and with Christmas coming it's gonna be hard. Please forgive me if I don't post daily for the next couple of days, there will be so much going on that I may not get here.

I will be thinking of you all and know that you are there for me. God bless you all.

Which do I go with .........

2010-11-15T22:18:00.001-07:00

Ok, I weighed in at home this morning, first thing, scale said 276.6 with was up 2.2 pounds from last week. Yet tonight at TOPS I was 277.2 a lose of .8. Isn't it funny how the body changes from minute to minute.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.............

2010-11-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Weight: 275.8

SorryI haven't been around the past couple of days. Thursday I upgraded our high speed internet connection and wouldn't you know it they messed up on their end so no internet. But it is now back up and running so I have returned.

Been really busy the last couple of days, actually got some things done that I wanted to. I think I spend a little too much time on the computer so the only time I accomplish anything is when it is done. I really need to think about a little less computer and more around the house, especially with Christmas coming.

Thank you all for your messages of concern due to my low blood sugar levels. I usually am prepared for them but this time I messed up. Anyway, all is well now and I am back on track. I have been doing my walking and trying to up my water intake well being careful to not overdo it. I have a little bit to lose to weigh in tomorrow with a lose or at least a turtle. We will see how that goes.

I'm gonna head off and read some blogs that I have missed over the past couple of days, Will be back later to finish this post.

We now return to our regular program .......

2010-11-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

Weight this morning was 276.6 pounds. I knew it was coming because of yesterday. I started out the morning great, everything was good and then about 10:30 things went awray. My blood sugars dropped so bad that I got the shakes and almost passed out. Normally I have some snack bars at my desk for just this type of occasion but I had run out and forgot to bring in some more. From that point on the panic button got hit and I was looking for anything that had sugar in it. My co-worker gave me a peppermint candy and someone had a cupcake. So I ate those and still felt bad so I did have a package of Uncle Ben's rice in my desk so I ate that. Finally the sugars started to level out but it was to late to stay on track. That little bit of sugar set off a binge for carbs and I have been on the hunt ever since. No excuses just that is the way my body reacts to sugar and carbs but I needed both of them to pull myself out of a potentially dangerous situation. I am not diabetic but every once in awhile my blood sugars take a drastic drop. Normally I can handle it with eating a balanced diet but yesterday got away from me. Still felt a bit sluggish today but much better tonight.

So I am going to skip posting what I have eaten the past two days mainly because some of it is a blur and I can't remember. I am going to get back on track tomorrow and have my snack bars all packed up and ready to go to the office. I also have to learn that too much caffiene can cause this as I had a 12 oz flavored coffee yesterday morning.

So I will say goodnight and I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh start. Remembering my uncles that fought for my freedoms and all those still serving and who will serve in the future. Thank you for laying your lives on the line so that I can enjoy living in a land of freedom. God bless you all!

Tag Your It .....

2010-11-10T19:44:00.006-07:00

In place of my regular post, tonight I present questions by mensa. Regular broadcasting will resume tomorrow.

1. What is your favorite holiday and why and how do you celebrate it?
My favorite holiday is Christmas. Ever since I was a kid I've always looked forward to that special time of year. I even try real hard each year not to be a snoop. I have the notorious reputation of being the Christmas snoop. I could unwrap and rewrap gifts so perfectly that no one could tell they had even been disturbed. It gets harder each year as now everyone is onto me and they use super strength tape to wrap the packages. Now keep in mind that not only did I snoop at mine but every one else's as well and then proceeded to tell them what they were getting. Our family has grown to include quite a few chosen children and grandchildren so this year we will split it in half. We'll celebrate with the girls on Dec 18th and then with our son on Christmas Day providing the weather is good for travelling.

2. Do you relish time alone and what was the last thing you did when you were alone for 24 hours?
I love having time alone and can just lay in bed all day and read, sleep get up for meal and bathroom breaks and then back to bed. Now the thing is to find 24 hours to be alone so I can do it.

3. What is your favorite type of ethic food and when and what was the last time you ate it?
We have found an East Indian restaurant here that we really like. I had never had it until about 3 years ago so when it opened we decided to try it out. Quite to my amazement I enjoyed some of the dishes and go back frequently for my favorites. Last time I was there is about 3 months ago.

4. Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?
Her name was Mrs. Bert and she was my high school literature teacher. I was really sad when she stopped teaching on a regular basis and we only got to see her as a substitute. She was an understanding teacher and made learning so much fun. She was gentle yet firm and was always there when I needed someone to talk to when things got dicey at home. She's been gone for some years now but I will never forget her.

Now I have to come up with four questions, sheesh.

1. How did you meet the first love of your life and how old were you?

2. If you won a lottery, for say 10 million dollars, what would be the first thing you would do?

3. If you had a chance to meet someone you have never met before, who would it be and why?

4. If you could be a circus performer, what would you be?

I am going to tag:
Barbara - http://missiontolose130pounds.blogspot.com/
Skippy - http://skippymom.blogspot.com/
Tina M - http://myday-tinam.blogspot.com/
Joy - http://transparentjoy.blogspot.com/

Okay ladies, you have to answer the questions above and then come up with 4 new ones to tag 4 other bloggers with. Have fun!!!!

Migraine in progress....

2010-11-09T18:30:00.001-07:00

Weight: 276 pounds

I had a rough night last night between the nightmares and the tossing and turning. Not sure what brought it on but there is was nevertheless. I woke up this morning feeling like someone had run over me with a truck and that feeling pretty much continued through the day. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and good will, it means a lot on this journey.

I find it difficult to post on Monday's so I did not answer all your comments or visit all your sites. By the time I get home from meeting it is usually bedtime.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (130)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
1 frozen entree of Teriyaki Chicken (370)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz honey mustard BBQ'd sausage (255)
1/2 cup macaroni with stewed tomatoes (100)
1/2 cup brown beans (100)

I have to go figure out all the calories so will be back in awhile. There I think I have the calories figured out. I'm gonna call it a night as my head is pounding and the brain will not engage. Gonna check a few blogs and head off to bed.

Calories: 1245
Water: 20 oz
Steps: 4772

Weigh In ----

2010-11-08T17:06:00.002-07:00

Weight - 275.4, that's down 4 pounds this week, and considering I was at a high of 281.4 that means I managed to get rid of 6 pounds total. Now I have to make sure I keep it off.

Breakfast
1 serving Mini Wheats w/2 oz 1% milk (220)
4 oz yogurt (80)
6 oz blackberries (60)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions

Lunch
2 cups mixed raw vegetables (100)
2 tablespoons low cal dressing (80)
3 oz lean roast beef (165)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (80)
1/2 cup kernel corn (60)
2 tablespoons low fat gravy (50)
6 oz blackberries (60)

Tonight is my TOPS meeting so will have an update on that weigh in for you when I get home. And as usual we go out for dinner after meeting so pray that I can make some good choices.

Dinner
6 oz grilled steak (330)
1 oz shredded cheese (80)
4 cups salad (200)
balsamic vinegar for dressing
1 slice garlic toast (80)

Not sure about counting all those calories for the salad is right because lettuce really is a free food, so I allow 25 calories per 1/2 cup. I did ok though, knew what I was going to have before we went in and stuck to it. TOPS weigh-in tonight: 278 lbs - 3.6 lb loss from last week, and I got loser of the week.

Calories: 1645
Water: 30 oz
Steps: 6402

How strongly connected are we to blogging .........

2010-11-07T06:30:00.003-07:00

Weight: 275.2

Just how strong is your connection to blogging? For me it is a journal, and journaling is important for weight lose. For me it is a place to show my true feelings and work through the things that really bother me. A place where I know that my internet friends can leave me comments, good or bad but not judgmental. A place where I can seek refuse from the real world and still be in my real world. A world of hurt, sadness, happiness, frustration, etc. A place where those that read my blog started out as strangers and now have become a huge part of my life. What happens to them means a great deal to me.

When Margie and Bruce passed I sat at my computer and cried, a hard, sobbing cry. I cried when I told my here friends about a senseless accident that took the life of my "friend" and her husband. I didn't tell them that we had never met, it didn't seen important. Margie had become a true friend and mentor.

The first blogs that I connected to were those that I found on Stacey's site. I started reading them and added them to my blog roll. There I found SkippyMom and TinaM, and from thier's I had people come to mine and I got involved with them. Now TinaM is missing in action, and I ask myself was it too much for her, is it due to financial strain, family issues, etc. Asphyxiated Emancipation hasn't posted in over 5 months, I worry about him as well.

Are the connections strong, you bet you they are. My whole purpose with this post is that today I feel extremely lonely. Why, you ask? Because yesterday I had no one comment on my post. Each day I check two or three times to see if there are comments and read with joy each and every one of them no matter if good or bad. I'm a very private person, I don't mix well with people so I pretty much keep to myself except to go to work. This is not to get sympathy but simply to express my feeling on what blogging means to me.

Maybe someday I'll do what Stephanie is going to do for Margie and make my blog into a book. Would anyone read it? I have no idea but if they did they would know more about the inner workings of a very overweight, lonely person.

My real family and most friends that I have do not know this blog exists. This provides me with a place to go the truly express how I feel without listening to their one sided comments and having them constantly suck it up princess, just get off your lazy ass and do something about it. They have no concept that being morbidly obese is a disease with physical, mental and spiritual complications. All they see is a fat person constantly stuffing her face and think I should know better.

Ok, I've had my pity party, thank you all for making me feel better. Now onto the business at hand:

Breakfast
1 latte (100)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 cup fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon of sugar (80)

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich on whole wheat w/mustard (280)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 Hersey's Crisp Wafer Bar (100)
1/2 banana (50) - the Pugs got the rest, again

Dinner
4 oz roast beef (220)
1/2 cup mashed potatoes (60)
1/2 cup kernel corn (70)
1 cup green beans (50)
3 tablespoons low fat gravy (75)
1 cup blackberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 french vanilla cappichino (200)

Calories: 1505
Water: 18 oz
Steps: 6255

Totally exhausted .....

2010-11-06T14:58:00.002-06:00

Weight: 276 lbs

Wow, now I think I know how Skippy feels just trying to get moving in the morning. I thought today would be a good day to do a Costco run, so I forced myself from my warm, comfy bed at 8:30 made my list (which by the way I ended up forgetting) and headed out. Now I know that in order to survive Costco you have to get there at opening, speed through the store like a madman, and get out before the rest of the city wakes up. Well today I think the rest of the city decided to do the same thing. So I got there just a few minutes after opening, and with my list now in my head, I started shopping. Then something went seriously wrong, I stopped to look at things ....bad mistake. I stood in the check out line for 30 minutes and had to fight my way out of the parking lot. Positive side, I got everything that was on my list .... plus a few extras. It is now 3 p.m. and I still have not finished unpacking and putting everything away. Gonna fill in this blog for a few minutes and head off for a nap. It's Saturday and I can so do that.

Breakfast
Nothing - now before you start giving me heck, there was a very good reason for it. As some of you know I have IBS and if you have ever experienced it you know that it can go either way real fast. So to avoid any problems while out shopping I just avoided breakfast as I was feeling a bit of irritation.

Lunch
Black forest ham sandwich w/mustard on whole wheat (320), I even skipped the mayo
1 cup instant French Vanilla Cappicino (100)
2 pieces Laughing Cow cheese (70)
1 very large glass of cold water

Dinner
3 oz BBQ'd pork loin (165)
1 cup steamed forzen mixed veggies (100)
2 cups lettuce/cucumber salad (100)
6 oz fresh raspberries w/1 teaspoon sugar (70)
1 fat free yougurt bar (90)

Calories: 1015
Water: 20 oz
Steps: 10327

A good day or a bad day, depends on how you see it ...

2010-11-05T18:59:00.002-06:00

Weigh in : 277.8

What do you believe would be a bad day? Do we think we have a bad day because we ate a little more than we should have? Did we have a good day because the scales were kind or we managed to do everything right?

Well today I had a bad, good day or a good, bad day depending on how you look at it.

Breakfast
1 pkg instant oatmeal with 2 oz 1% milk (140)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 fruit cup (90)

Lunch
1 cup raw veggies (50)
1 tablespoon low cal dressing (40)
1 frozen Turkey and Stuffing entree (280)
1 pudding cup (80)
14 green grapes (50)

Dinner
1 drink mailbu & orange juice (130)
1/3 nacho appitizer plate (375)
1 serving bandero bread w/meat sauce (600)

Now I went to our weekend after work get together and decided I was not going to sit there and fuss about how many calories I consumed. Instead I sat with 2 lovely ladies and learnt about their families, their childhood, teen years, etc. To me getting to know someone is more important than worrying about calories. And you know what, because we were having such a good time getting to know each other food never became an issue for me. I ordered what I wanted and that was that, There was no thoughts of what was the biggest item on the menu or what kind of desserts were there or how many drinks could I have before I was over the limit. Instead I focused on the people I was with and getting to know them. I came away satisfied physically but also emotionally. Now I am going to go and see if I can figure out at least some of the calories but guess what I had a good, bad day and I'm happy with myself.

Calories: 1915
Water: 30 oz
Steps: 3707
Overall not that bad, sorry Skippy I blew my 1500 calories today. But I still feel ok about it and that is totally not like me. Usually I'd be beating myself up over it but you know what it's ok.

Sally, glad to see you posting here. Don't worry about posting on your blog you will do it when you are ready. In the mean time join us here or at Skippy's if you need that boost.

Tina, if you are reading this, you need to come on back girl. We can't be the 3 muskateers if one of us is missing. I miss you my friend, where are you?

Spiralling down, finally....

2010-11-04T20:10:00.000-06:00

Weright: 278.2 lbs - finally a decrease, my meds must have kicked back in as the swelling is gone, woohoo!

Breakfast
2 Shredded Wheat biscuits w/4 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (210)
1/2 banana - I swear the Pugs can hear it being peeled a mile away (50)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
1 pkg Stouffers Lean Cusine Lasagna (310)
17 grapes (60)

Dinner
1/4 frozen pizza (480)
1 cup diet jello (20)

Calories: 1490
Water: 24 oz
Steps: 5750

I've never piddled so much in my life

2010-11-03T20:18:00.000-06:00

Weight - 281.4 - yes it is up again and all I can attribute it to is not taking my pills on Monday, seems like that sets things in reverse for a few days but I am not going to sweat it cuz I know it will reverse itself in the next couple of days.

So today I consumed almost 40 oz of water/tea and it caused me no ends of problems. I had forgotten the reason that I don't drink as much water as I should is because I'm not supposed to......duh. I have a medical condition that restricts the amount of liquid my bladder can hold at any one time to less than 3 tablespoons so needless to say I was in the washroom a zillion times today. I have to come up with a plan that will let me still consume some water but not interupt me every 10 minutes at work. Everyone was looking at me as if I had a strange disease. It's funny how we have something for so long that we actually forget it is there until we do something that gives us a very strong reminder. It's not much fun but I had learned to control it by controlling my fluid intake. In fact the urologist told me not to drink large amounts of liquid at any one time in order to prevent frequent trips to the washroom......no brainer there. And the pain that comes with an over stressed bladder is not pleasant but a lesson well learnt.

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/ 2 oz 1% milk and 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1/2 banana (50), I have to figure out how to eat a whole banana before the Pugs realize I have it
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusions (100)

Lunch
2 cups raw veggies (celery, pepper, cucumber, green onion) (100)
2 tablespoons calorie wise dressing (80)
80 grams BBQ farmer's sausage (168)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
3 oz breaded minute steak (255)
1.5 cups steamed broccoli (75)
1/2 cup sauted mushrooms (50)
1 can Pepsi (100)

Normally I don't drink pop due to the calorie count in them. I can't drink diet pop as it gives me horrid headaches. I found these little cans of Pepsi and they are 100 calories each and every now and then I have one. A six pack will last me for about 4 months so you can tell I don't drink it very often.

Calories: 1188
Water: 40 oz
Steps: 7716

How was everyone's day? I'm off to do my blog rounds (makes me sound like a big shot doctor)........lol.

Help me, I'm drowning ............

2010-11-02T06:49:00.005-06:00

Weigh in - 280.8 lbs - I know this is a gain but someone (no names mentioned) forgot to take her morning meds yesterday and woke up with swollen legs and hands this morning

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies w/2 oz 1% milk & 1/2 teaspoon sugar (170)
4 oz yogurt (80)
1 peach/mango fruit cup (90)
1/2 banana (have to share with the Pugs) (40)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
2.5 cups raw veggies (celery, green onions, pepper, cucumber) (125)
2 tablespoons low calorie dressing (50)
1 frozen meal - Stouffer's Turkey & Stuffing (260)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
1 cup Tuna Helper (300)
1/2 cup green peas (60)
1 cup yellow beans (50)

Water: 32 oz
Calories: 1385
Steps: 5445

We can get Stouffer's frozen meals here in Canada and they are delicous. Smart Ones has some that I like as well, I just don't find them as satisfying as the Stouffer's. In fact Stouffer's has a website that you can build your own weight lose menu using some of thier products. I have checked it out but not too seriously yet. Will see how this week goes and then maybe look at it if I need some help.

As you can see I have managed to get some water down me. I took an ice cube tray to work and put it in the freezer. My routine at work is to have my hot Tetley Infusion tea in the morning, then at morning break, lunch and afternoon break to drink 12 oz of ice water. That will give me 48 oz of fluid per day and that is enough, thank you very much, or I will drown.

Offical start to the Skippy/Tessa challenge .......and all others that want to join us

2010-11-01T06:34:00.004-06:00

Ok, it is officially Monday, November 1st and the challenge is on. If you would like to join us by all means come on board. You set your own goal and we cheer each other on........can't be simpler than that. My goal is to lose 28 pounds by December 31, 2010.

Offical Weigh in: 279.4 pounds

Breakfast
1 cup Rice Krispies with 2 oz 1% milk, 1/2 teaspoon sugar (I can't use artifical sweeteners) (170)
1/2 banana (Pugs got the other half) (40)
4 oz unsweetened orange juice (50)
4 oz yogurt (I switched to the Silhouette Satisfaction brand, more calories, but supposed to make you feel fuller longer (80)
1 pkg Tetley Tea Infusion (100)

Lunch
80 grams BBQ'd farmers sausage (175)
2 cups mixed raw veggies (peppers, brocoli, celery, green onions) (100)
1 cup cucmber (50)
17 green grapes (60)

Dinner
Large lettuce and vegetable salad w/6 oz New York strip steak, no dressing (490)

TOPS weigh in tonight was 282.6, of course it is always higher in the evenings than the mornings.

Water:     20 oz
Calories: 1315
Steps:      7041

Ready, set, go ..............

2010-10-31T14:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, Miss Skippy I am all geared up for tomorrow. Just been to the store and stalked up on fruits and veggies. Have the water problem figured out (I think), pedometer is reset and ready for some serious walking. If I knew how to make it on here you'd see me sticking my tounge out at ya!!!!!

Actually I am really looking forward to tomorrow. There will be two weigh-ins on Monday's, one when I get up in the morning and one from my evening TOPS group. Now I know they will be different but that is ok, at least they will be posted.

We survived the Halloween themed wedding, it was very different but really cute, and made it home safe and sound. I now have to cram 2 days of housework into a couple of hours and get ready to be invaded by all the spooks and spookettes.

Have a wonderful evening everyone and I'll be back on the morrow!!!

P.S. I have set a goal for myself of 28 pounds by December 31st and I need a cheering team so jump on the bandwagon and let's hear some noise.

P.P.S. Tina, do you want in on this challenge? If so let me know and we can do this together!!!!

It's Firday, it's Friday, woo hoo it's Friday .....

2010-10-29T19:43:00.000-06:00

Why is it working folks aways get excited about Friday's and hate Monday's, doesn't make much sense but then most things in this world don't. I was just catching up on some of my blogs and realized it will be two weeks tomorrow since that horrid accident that took Margie and Bruce. It actually seems like a lot longer than that in one way. Everytime I look at the list of blogs I follow I see it increase by a day since her last post and keep thinking maybe she's just away on vacation. Keeping her alive in my thoughts, she was such a good blog friend and so wise.

I've been trying to figure out a way that I can get more water in daily well at work. My biggest hurdle is that I like my water ice cold (I know it's not supposed to be good for you, but that's the way it has to be). So trying to decide if I should take an ice cube tray to work so I always have ice and then try and drink a glass an hour or just suck it up and drink it warm (yuckie). Gonna work on it some more this weekend and see what I can come up with.

Got a call from my oldest son today to tell me they have set their wedding date for July 9th next year. This will be a hard one for me as I am not sure I want to go. I really don't know her and do not see any opportunity for that to change anytime in the near future. But I have time to make a decision on that as well.

Youngest son called all excited about his move and wanted to know if we were still planning on coming for Christmas. Told him if the weather is good we'll be there (it's about a 4 hour drive). Decision made.

Have a few more things to work through this weekend before I start my challenge with Skippy on Monday. Going out of town tomorrow for a wedding so will have some driving time to do some thinking.

Will see you all again on Monday with a brand new attitude and a brand new goal. Till then big HUGS!!!!

Skippy .............are you listening?????

2010-10-27T21:11:00.001-06:00

First off here is a picture of the newest grand, Amica Brennen Murray, she's absolutely perfect.

Okay, now down to business. Can you believe I had this all typed out once and the blog moofy got me, so I have to start all over again.

I took water to work today and thought oh boy this is going to work out just great......not, it sat there and stared at me because I forgot all about it. So tomorrow I will try again to remember it is there. I seem to get so engrossed in what I am working on that I forget about almost anything else.

Skippy, I accept your challenge except that I would like to put it off till Monday. We have to go out of town this weekend for a wedding so I want to practice being good. I did really well today and had my 3 meals and that was it. Work is a hard place for me as someone is always bringing in something. Tomorrow is Birthday Thursday. The last Thursday of each month we celebrate the birthdays for that month. I made some carrot./pumpkin muffins so that I can enjoy the celebration as my birthday was this month. I know one of the other girls is bringing a cake so I wanted something on hand so I would not be tempted.

I do take raw vegetables to work each day for lunch and cleaned the junk food out of my cupboards a long time ago. Even though I'm only eating healthy stuff it's the quantity that is getting to me.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your comments and suggestions. Just knowing that I am not alone is awesome. You are all so special, God bless.

Absolutely no self control.......desperate cry for help!

2010-10-26T18:26:00.001-06:00

I have fallen off the wagon and even being run over does not seem to be able to get me out of this slump I am in. I can't seem to find any control at all as far as what I am eating. Everything is fair game and the scales are going up, up, up.........Don't get me wrong I am not looking for pity but some genuine feedback on how I can get myself under control again.

I tried setting out a meal plan for a couple of days in advance and can even follow it faithfully and then all of a sudden it's like an alter ego appears and encourages me to eat all the things I know I am not supposed to. I am an intelligent woman so why the hell is this happening?

Our TOPS Area Captain did a presentation last night on stress, she pointed out all the negative things that can happen to our bodies as a result of too much stress. It was not pretty but extremely informative. So I got to thinking about what she had presented and even practiced a few of the ideas she gave to help cope with stress and help you to relax. Did it work .... nope, nada, not a chance .......... Does that mean I have no stress or I'm too far gone to be able to get it under control.

I have no idea and at this point all I keep thinking is ...Is it worth the fight? Of course it is, I just have to find a way to put this devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear in his/her place. So if you have any suggestions at all I would welcome them. I know there are no guarantees in life but I honestly do not want to be packing this weight around for the rest of my life.

Yikes how could this happen .....

2010-10-23T21:17:00.000-06:00

As you know I have been weighing in daily and doing pretty well with a small lose each day since the 19th. Well this morning I stepped on the weigh thingamajiggy and it was horrible, just horrible I tell you. Yesterday I was at 276.4 and this morning I was at 278, I didn't do any binging or eat crazy or anything like that. Now as crazy as this sounds I am wondering if it is because I only got about 3 hours sleep. Crap now I have to try and get rid of it all over again.

On the plus side I walked 13614 steps today. I took hubby to this huge mall and we walked, and we walked and we walked till we couldn't walk anymore. This is the 2nd time since the 1st of October that I have had a day with total steps over 10,000. I am really happy with this.

As I said we were mall walking today. Left home around 7:30, stopped in Airdrie for breakfast with the gang, went mall walking (shopping included of course) and got home around 5:30. We are both totally exhausted. I think hubby will need 2 or 3 days just to be able to get enough rest to move again. He was really happy that I suggested it even though we both knew it would take a terrible tole on him to do it. We know he is getting weaker so I want to be able to do somethings now before he can't get around anymore.

Of course we had breakfast out and lunch as well but I did only eat half my lunch at noon and brought the rest home so the Pugs and I had it for dinner. I have decided that I am going to only eat half of every meal no matter what and see if that will be a good start.

I am really tired and can hardly keep my eyes open so going to say good night and till tomorrow, big hugs to you all.

Back after a short absence .....

2010-10-22T20:50:00.000-06:00

I had to take a few days away from blogging to be able to digest what had happened to our wonderful Margie and her husband. I've been reading faithfully everyday the comments being left by others. It is truly amazing how one person can touch so many lives, what a wonderful legacy she leaves all of us. Her family has arrived back at home with motorhome in tow and dear Annie settling into her new home. Now it is time to let her family have some privacy so that they may remember all the wonderful things and let their grief begin a journey of healing. May God wrap his arms tightly around them and keep them safe. Margie and Bruce will watch over them from their Heavenly home. Rest in peace my friends, until we meet again.

It's been a long week for me but much better work wise. I finally had time to sit down with my Manager today and talk about the interview and why I was unsuccessful for the position. She told me that my interview was very good and my skills are exceptional, she would just like to see me gain more experience in the Accounts Payable end of things before tackling a supervisory position. Actually they have not yet filled the postion so it was extended. I did apply again, because if I don't show and interest I will never succeed at getting where I want to go.

Food has been good the past few days, I'm down from 279.8 on the 19th to 276.4 this morning, so I feel like I am back on the right path again. I am still weighing daily and charting just as I am wearing my pedometer daily and recording my steps as well. I won't bore you with those numbers right now.

I have a new granddaughter born on the 19th, 7 lbs 11 oz, Amica Brennan. I haven't seen her yet but hope to this weekend. We are actually going to take the day tomorrow and go to a place called Iron Cross Mill, which is a huge shopping center outside of Calgary. I want to do a little Christmas shopping and hubby wants to visit this enormous sporting goods store there. I do hope his legs will hold up but if not I will get him a motorized scooter and he can get around that way.

Well that is about all the catching up that I have for now. Will be back tomorrow after we get home.

A Tribute to Maggie and Bruce .....

2010-10-19T22:01:00.000-06:00

I have just read the postings regarding Maggie and Bruce being killed by a suicidal maniac. It seems so far fetched you wonder how can this be. These things don't happen in real life, only in the movies. But as we can see that is not so. There is nothing good about this but I know God thought it best to take them both so that they will always be together in eternity.

My heart goes out to Stephanie and her family and to Annie as well, it is a very confusing time even for a pet. Maggie was such an upbeat person who showed us all that even after the weight lose struggles continue and that you have to constantly be on your toes cuz those pounds can come sneaking back.

Thank you Maggie for being my friend, for your words of wisdom, your humor and most of all for sharing your life with all of us. You will be missed but God's garden blooms brighter today because you are there.

I never had the priviledge to meet you but in my heart I knew you and Bruce like you lived next door. Take care my friend till we meet again. Hugs!!!

Hanging my head in shame ...........

2010-10-19T17:55:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know better but I did it anyway. Started binging on Saturday and could not stop myself ......... result up 3 pounds this morning. I really need to think about what I am doing and why. I know I was a bit stressed out but holy crap I managed to maintain all the way through the wedding and now this.........I'm going to the naughty corner for a time out!

Blog gremlin did it again.........

2010-10-16T06:29:00.001-06:00

great I just wrote a great post on determination and willpower and the blog gremlin got it ........grrrrrrrr.

Determination

1.a determining or being determined (in all senses of the verb)
2.a decision arrived at by thought and investigation; conclusion
3.a firm intention
4.the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose
5.Law the ending of an estate or of an interest or right in property

Will·power
1.strength of will, mind, or determination; self-control
2.The strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes, or plans.

Okay, so those are the definitions but now have to decide how to apply them to my life. I believe that I am going to be able to explore these definitions and with determination will find the willpower to overcome my weight issues.

I did not get the supervisor position I applied for, even though she said I have the skills and had a good interview I was not successful. I believe that it had to do with seniority as I am a union employee. I am determined not to let it get to me but to see if there are perhaps some one line courses in management and accounting that I can take so the next time a position comes up I will have the right combination of skills to be successful.

We have come to a decision about hubby's health in that we are starting on a quest for a doctor that is willing to look at him and point him to the right specialist so that we can get to the bottom of his problems. Someone that is willing to listen and not ignore him because they don't know what the cause is.

We have all out rental units full now with long term leases so that will ease the financial situation a lot.

All in all life is good and so I am starting a new year of my life with a determination to find the willpower to overcome this horrid weight affliction and meet my goals. No more horsing around, a more positive attitude towards life, more exercise and less whining......look out world cuz I am on a roll.

Weighed in at 275.6 this morning so have managed to maintain all through the wedding but now it is time to get to below 270. I have been using the daily weight tracker and I think it has helped me to a least maintain over the past 2 weeks. As soon as I figure out how to get it on this blog I will do so and if you are interested you can follow along.

Happy birthday to me ......

2010-10-15T18:31:00.001-06:00

Yep, today is my birthday, the big 58. Where has all the time gone. Sorry I've been neglecting my postings, totally exhausted from all the wedding activities. Nothing special planned for this evening, went for coffee after work with some of the girls. Now going to curl up on the couch and watch some TV, tomorrow back to regular posts and back on track. Have actually done really well the last week, no big gains and walking every day and posting weights on my tracker have helped to keep me under control.

Till tomorrow!!!

Duped ............

2010-10-10T21:55:00.001-06:00

Well as is likely with most weddings, this one did not go off without a hitch........this one caused by the happy couple themselves ......on purpose no less. Remember I told you about the pop corn maker .... well there was a reason she was so adament about it being there.

We arrived at the hall around 3:30 and saw a screen with pictures being shown. You know, things like pictures of when they were small, school, pics of the kids, etc. Nothing unusual there! Well it's getting onto 4 and the guests are getting restless, I'm watching the slide presentation and all of a sudden there is a pic of the them in their wedding attire in the snow. I think what the heck, this is really good photography and where did they get the background. Did the local ski hill have snow made already, it's been way to warm for it the past couple of days.

So I continue watching and then all of a sudden there is mention of a helicopter ride and ..........well the rest as they say is history. They snuck off in a helicopter to the top of a mountain and got married in the snow. All I can say is good for them for living their dream, they both love the snow. They had the ceremony taped and then e-mails back to the hall and shown on the screen. Now you know the reason for the popcorn. It was getting onto dusk when they arrived so the opportunity for pictures was not real good but we got a few in.

Here comes the bride ....

2010-10-09T12:38:00.000-06:00

Well, the big day has arrived. Got all the salads made and delivered yesterday. Still a few things to do, like deliver the BBQ and popcorn machine........yep, you read it right, popcorn machine. At least I was able to talk her out of the dunk tank. She truly is her father's daughter.....lol.

It's a big day for us today, our anniversary, youngest daughter's birthday and oldest daughter's wedding day. Lots of celebrating, hope hubby can endure the pace. He is getting weaker and weaker........

Improvisation ..........

2010-10-07T16:42:00.000-06:00

I did an impromptu job interview today. I had applied for a supervisor's position some time ago and got a notice that the interview was for tomorrow. I said to my manager that tomorrow was my day off so she said Tuesday would be ok. Ok breathing here, having some time to think and prepare. About 2 she comes and tells me that they had a cancellation at 3 and was I game. So I went for it, I think it went ok, will know next week. First time I have ever done something like that and actually think it was a smart thing to do, get it over and done with and then not have to worry all weekend.

Heading to a Carolyn Dawn Johnson concert this evening and then salad making tomorrow. Lots of company coming either tomorrow night or Saturday so it is going to be hectic aound here.

Yesterday it was important - today is too late .........

2010-10-06T05:33:00.000-06:00

This mantra has been running through my head since yesterday. Work was a bear, I had asked my manager for a few mnutes of time to chat about some issues that I thought needed addressing, especially all the perfume in the office. Also, wanted to tell her I did not appreciate my supervisor yelling at me when she was frustrated about something else. Well she obviously did not have or want to take the time so if she comes to me today I will simply say - Yesterday it was important, today is too late......... I don't have time to wait for her to make time. Made a concious decision about the perfumes and that is that if I get really sick from them I will go to the doctor and make a Worker's Compensation claim, maybe that will open their eyes. I am not wasting my sick hours because they refuse to do something about it.

Food has been ok the past few days, I have been being careful but no time to write it all down at this point and so many things on my mind that I have forgotten most of it. I am doing the daily weighin like Tina and really enjoying seeing the progress or lack thereof each day.

Timer going off, time to shower and rinse the color out of my hair. Catch you later.

Above ground and kicking ..........

2010-10-04T22:43:00.000-06:00

Well, I am still above ground and kicking, still not feeling 100% but hopefully improving every day. I will try to get in everyday but please forgive me if I don't. Daughter is getting married this weekend so lots of things to do.

Had to get something to wear that would be appropriate, well that was a chore unto itself. Seems hubby thinks I wear too much black so I bought a very colorful shirt and some nice black dress pants. It's going to be a casual wedding so pants are okay. I had hoped to be down a few more pounds but she says she loves me just the way I am - all of me!! Gotta love those kids that love you unconditionally.

Well I am off to bed as I still have 3 more days of work, a dental appointment, a concert to attend and major salad making to do before weekend. Oh ya, still have to put a color in my hair and attend my OA meeting.....good thing Monday is a holiday cuz I will need it to rest up. Did I mention I also have a book review to write before Wednesday!!!!

Dying, but not dead yet ......

2010-10-02T15:47:00.002-06:00

Oh, what a horrible day, I work up this morning wishing I was dead, my sinuses are stuffed and I have a horrid fever. I can thank all my co-workers for this as most of them don't seem to get what "NO SCENTS" means and insist on dousing themselves in perfume that I am extremely allergic to. Guess they don't realize what they think smells nice can actually kill me......ugh!

To Sheilah that nominated me for the award I want to say thank you so much once again. I really wish I could follow the thread and do the postings and the nominating that is required but I just don't have the time. Most of the blogs I follow are already nominated and I have to admit that I only follow a few as time is limited. I feel that everyone that has the courage to post a blog on a weight lose/maintenance deserves an award. It takes a lot of courage for some people to own up to what has been an obstacle all their life. So as much as I would love to accept I am afraid I must decline.

To all of you that follow my blog, bless your hearts. I have made some lasting friendships due to you visiting here whether daily or now and then. Your comments and suggestions are the best and I never take offence at any of them.

This week my best friend from high school lost her son-in-law to suicide. Please pray for his family, her family and especially his wife and two small children. We don't know why people are driven to such desperate acts and it is not for us to sit in judgement but to provide comfort and understanding to those left behind, who so often take the blame for that person's actions onto themselves. Mental illness is a terrible disease and so devastating.

Ok, I am heading off for a nap with hopes of waking up feeling better.

I'm not lost or forgotten, I hope ..............

2010-09-29T21:52:00.000-06:00

Sorry all, I have been absent for a couple of days. Monday's are really hard for me to get to my blog as I have my TOPS meeting and being the newly relected Leader finds me giving more time to what has to be done there. Last night I feel asleep at 7 p.m. and didn't wake up till 6 this morning. I was totally wiped out from having had a couple of sleepless nights again. Hubby has been experiencing some drastic lows in his blood sugars so I try to sleep with one ear open so I can hear him if he needs me. When I sleep it is pretty sound so I am lousy at knowing if he needs me or not. I keep telling him he needs to wake me up but he never does.

To the blogger that nominated me for the Blog of Substance Award I want to say thank you. I apologize because I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do. I'm a bit on the not so techie savie side when it comes to these blog items. I had a hard enough time just getting my blog set up. I do appreciate the nomination but can someone help me with the fine print please.

Fear is a factor..........

2010-09-26T20:23:00.001-06:00

After reading Ann's blog yesterday it really set me to thinking about a lot of things. We are all statistics in so many ways. All the elements of our lives lend to statistics.......what we spend, what we earn, where we live, age, race, etc. etc. I had a bad scare last evening and it really got me to thinking about my whole life situation. Not unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers we have lots of set backs and drama in my family. It seems that is what life is made up of nowadays. Whatever happened to the little suburban house, white picket fence and 2.1 children. Hubby goes to work, wife is a stay at home mom and they live a happy life. Was life ever like that or is that a pipe dream?

So I made a nice dinner last evening and did not overeat, nothing after supper, everything was good. Around 9:30 I got the most horrible case of heartburn. There were no antacids in the house so I took a dose of baking soda and water and it seemed to ease off a bit. Then I sat down at the computer to do something and it came back with a vengence along with a really sharp pain in the centre of my back. What the heck, I thought to myself......this does not feel right. Of course my immediate thought was I'm having a heart attack and I'm going to become a statistic. I angished over what to do, I definitely did not want to even think about going to the hospital. I read the symptoms for women having a heart attack and figured that wasn't it as there was no cold sweats or arm pain. I took another does of baking soda, let out a big belch and told hubby I was going to bed and to check on me in awhile. If I was still breathing then let me be, if not well it wouldn't have really mattered then.

The whole point of this is that I know any kind of chest discomfort when you are overweight can be serious, so please don't lecture me about it. The problem is fear factors into this in that I do not want to go to the hospital and go through all the tests just to have them tell me it's indigestion. I don't need the lecture on ..."well if you would lose some weight"..."you're a candidate for a real heart attack" .....so forth and so on. I am so sick of hearing this from doctors that I just do not want to deal with them anymore. So which is the bigger fear......facing the unkind comments of the medical profession or having a possible heart attack? At this point in time I can't answer that question, except that for now all is well and I feel fine.

Our financial situation is holding steady, it's not great but we still have our heads above water, barely. We still have two vacant rental units. Hubby showed one this evening, not sure why people think they can just walk in and start running a place down and then say they should get a break on the rent. Our units are some of the cleanest and most reasonably priced in the city and I'll leave them empty before I rent to people like that. We gathered up some things that have been sitting around here for awhile and I put them on our local internet ad site. Did fairly well in getting rid of some it, not a lot of money but definitely will help some. We'll just keep praying and I'm sure that things will get better soon.

Food today was okay but sporatic to say the least. I think I messed up a couple of times. Went pantry diving tonight for dinner and made a tuna casserole. It was kinda bland, think I am losing my cooking skills, everything I make lately tastes horrid.

Hubby's ear has started acting up again so he went back to the specialist on Friday, they are now booking him for surgery. That plus the fact that his legs are getting weaker is definitely not helping things. And so goes the ongoing chapter in our lives. Will we make it, yes, of course because we are fighters and don't know the meaning of the word "quit".

In two weeks our oldest daughter is getting married so that will be a joyous time for all of us. Behind every cloud is a sliver lining. We are alive, our health is relatively good and with the grace of God we will be ok.

Smarten Up Pill ..........

2010-09-25T08:06:00.002-06:00

I was reading through some of the blogs I follow this morning and came across one that literally popped my eyes open and made myself wonder what the HELL I am trying to do to myself (http://annssmalljourney.blogspot.com/). Wow, how her post set off a series of thought processes in my mind.

Sometimes I lay awake at night too scared to close my eyes for fear I will die in my sleep, knowing full well that fear comes from the fact that I am packing around another person on my frame besides myself. Do I want to die .... of couse not, nobody does. So then why do I continue to allow myself to eat unhealthy and constantly run that risk?

As I read the comments in regards to Ann's post I realized how lucky I really am as there is not a lot of history in my family regarding heart disease or deaths from heart problems. In fact most of my ancestors have lived to be well into their 80's and 90's. Does that make me complacent....... you bet it does, because of course it could never happen to me. A doctor once told me I will never die from a heart attack as my cholesterol levels are right in target. And again, in comes the wow factor .........I've got it made, no heart attack for me. How stupid is that? He neglected to tell me about all the other things that could go wrong in my body...... diabetes, digestion problems, etc. ..... Now I need to take the things posted on Ann's blog as gospel and start believing that if I don't change my ways, I will become a statistic.

Thank you Ann for this post, it was definitely an eye opener. For some that read it they will just go ..ya, whatever .... and go along as they always have and become that statistic. Not me, I am going back to read it over again, and again, and again so that it is a constant reminder of what can happen if you don't pay attention to what you are putting your body through.

With this all in my head, so dawns another day and another chance to do things right, and it could possibly be my last chance. I will forge forward from today and make those eating choices to hopefully get my weight down some more and get healthy. Anyone with me???

Breakfast
latte
1 egg omelette w/red pepper, green onion & sprinkling of cheese
1 slice whole wheat toast
4 oz yogurt

Lunch
1 cup beef barley soup
1 Stouffer's Pepperoni Crustini (340 calories)
1 glass Zero Iced Tea

Dinner
5 PotStickers (190)
3 oz pork tenderloin
1 cup steamed veggies
1/2 cup cucumbers
1 latte

Not much new today .........

2010-09-24T21:45:00.000-06:00

Pretty boring day again today, work was super busy. A girlfriend invited me to A LiaSophia party (jewelry) tonight and I had called her to cancel as right now we are really watching our spending in order not to get into any more financial difficulties. She insisted that I come anyway so I did but felt really awkward so I left early. I'm not ashamed to have to be careful with money right now but I always feel an obligation to buy something when I go to a home party. This is the first time in my life I have even gone and not boughten something and I feel a little wierd about it. Oh well, guess I will get over it.

Breakfast
1 cup rice krsipies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

Lunch
1 pkg teriakyi chicken
1 bottle calmato juice
1 jello w/fruit cup

Dinner
1 cup yellow beans
1 cup hamburger concoction (I decided to cook and this was easy and tasted terrible)

Snack
1 glass white wine
4 crackers with cheese dip

I got a call from a young gentleman that I knew in his formative years, he is the son of someone that I was in a relationship with a long time ago. He was looking for some advise and I was honored that he called me to talk to. I guess some of us just leave a life long impression on others. He has always had a place in my heart even though things with his dad didn't work out, and not only that but his mom and I are really good friends. I always said that I got the best parts of the relationship. Thank you God for your blessings.

Food for thought ..............

2010-09-23T21:06:00.001-06:00

What an amazing sentence..........FOOD FOR THOUGHT. When you really stop and think about it, food is most times for overeaters a thought. We think about it constantly, whether we are trying to change our eating habits or looking to binge. What were your food thoughts today?

I'm usually pretty good till after work and then my brain goes into power drive. Even when I make an early dinner and vow that I am not going to get into anything else for the rest of the evening, I usually end up having my mind wonder to what is in the pantry or cupboards that I can get into. I've been really good about not eating after dinner as I know that doing so will only lead to a night of no sleep due to relux. So what I have been doing is telling myself that if I want any of the food in the pantry/cupboards I have to eat it at dinner time. Usually I am feeling full from dinner so it is only FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Yesterday was a really busy day at work, I had my first teleconference call for the Steering Committee and then we had a Staff Engagement Session in the afternoon. Totally exhausting because I actually had to use the intelligent part of my brain instead of the part that is in work mode and knows what it is doing. That probably sounds a bit silly but it is true. I work with numbers all day so they have become routine, but when we have these meetings I have to use my logical thinking skills and that sometimes sucks.

Our granddaughter became a teenager today, oh woo to her parents. I remember turning 13 and causing my parents (my mom in particular) all kinds of grief. Actually she's a good kid so I don't think they will have too many problems.

Breakfast
1 cup rice krispies w/milk
4 oz yogurt
1 mandarin orange fruit cup

Lunch
Smart Choice Seasame Chicken
1 chocolat pudding cup

Dinner
2 pieces frozen pizza

Boring .............

2010-09-21T18:18:00.000-06:00

I'm afraid that is what you will find this post, extremely boring as I have nothing exciting to write about. It's been one of those days that started at 3 a.m. and now I want to go lay down for a rest but that is not to be as I have an OA meeting to go to.

Breakfast
4 oz yogurt
1 fruit cup

Snack
Sanck bar

Lunch
Teriyaki Chicken Bowl
1 pudding cup

Dinner
1 cup raw veggies
1 cup cooked veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Chicken Dinner

Wowsers .....

2010-09-20T17:43:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was pretty much a write off as I had a horrible headache and spent most of the day just lazing around doing nothing. It was back to work today and I have my TOPS meeting tonite so will see what the weigh in says. Think I will be up a little bit as I was when I got back from Vegas. Will post results later.

Put an application in today on a sdupervisor position at work. It's for the same department I am working for now, it would just be a promotion if I get it. Again, it's a hurry up and wait game and I absolutely hate that but it's the world of government employment so I have to learn to have some patience.

Other than that today was pretty boring. Food was ok as it usually is when I am working, it's the weekends that do me in.

Breakfast
4 oz yogurt
1 mango fruit cup

Lunch
1 cup raw veggies
1 pkg Stouffer's Salisbury Steak
1 jello w/fruit cup

Dinner
Will have dinner out after my meeting so will fill this in when I get home.

Chicken Ceasar Salad w/dressing on the side

Weigh in was only up .4 from 2 weeks ago............woooooohoooooooooo!!!!!!

Grrrrrrrrr...........

2010-09-18T06:46:00.002-06:00

Why can something as simple as losing weight not be simple? I was having a great day yesterday and then ...... well, I did it to myself. When I was in Vegas I found sugar-free Oreo cookies so I brought some back with me. Because hubby is diabetic I am always on the look out for things that are sugar free for him plus I do not like Oreo cookies. So what in the world possessed me to sit down and eat half a package of them (400 calories)? I wasn't bored and I still don't like Oreo cookies, so what the HE__ made me do it? This seems to be an age old question for those of us struggling with weight, and there is no hard and fast answer. I was cold so made a cup of tea and then decided I needed a cookie to go with it. Now if I had stopped at 2 (100 calories) it would have been fine, but half the package ......... really, what was I thinking? Actually, I wasn't thinking or I would not have done it. All I have to say is ........ grrrrrrrrrrr! So of course then I over ate at dinner as I cooked and again, I know better because I always do that. They say it is mind over matter but for some reason my mind is not working in the right direction. Okay, enough of the self pity and kicking my butt back onto program. The frozen meals may not be the best tasting but at least they keep in check for portion control.

Today I forgot about food..... well not exactly forgot about food but decided to spend the day thinking of things other than food and calories. First we went for a visit so that I could cuddle my new granddaughter, she's up to 8 lbs 5 oz and starting to smile. It is amazing how much difference a month can make. We had a scare last week that she might of had Cystic Fibrosis but the tests came back negative. She is a carrier but not a host, for that we are eternally grateful.

Hubby and I had a date this afternoon so we grabbed a quick bite at Dairy Queen, I had the chicken salad and then went to a movie - Grownups........ it was hilarious. Then we went to the hardware store to get some light bulbs, seems that if one goes, they all go and it was getting pretty dim in here. We had a bowl of soup for supper and now I am on my way to bed to curl up with the manuscript of a friend's book that she had written and asked me to proof read.

Good nite all and tomorrow will dawn another day!!!!

Home Sweet Home .....

2010-09-17T06:56:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone, well I am back from Vegas and we had a great time, but as with all vacations it's nice to be home again. As you can see there was a bit of a gain but I am happy with the scale this morning.

Vegas was great, the shows were awesome, especially Garth Brooks, and the girls were the best travelling companions. We did a lot of walking and tried to eat sensibly, but that sometimes fell short. We tried to not eat out more than once a day and the rest of the time we had fruit and munchies in our room. Our rooms at Treasure Island left a lot to be desired and I definitely would not stay at that hotel again. We did go for buffet one evening and two of us spent the night in the washroom throwing up so obviously something was not right.

Got home early Wednesday morning but had to take a couple of days to adjust. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me as I had some very personal issues that I had a hard time dealing with. Still feeling somewhat stressed but hopefully I can get back in the groove. It's extremely hard when someone that you love with all your heart tells you that you act like a first class BITCH and the consquences to those actions are not going to be pleasant.

After hours of reflection I realized that person was right and I really need to change the way I do certain things so as not to offend anyone. Sometimes that peson that stares back at you in the mirror is not who you think it is. To be truthful for a while yesterday I just wanted everything to come to an end but that solves nothing, Forgiveness of ones self is the first step to recovery but more importantly having someone you have hurt forgive you is the ultimate factor.

I will attempt to work through this and pray that God gives me the guidance that I need and the strength to deal with my faults in a postive manner.

On top of all that I went to get my driver's licence renewed yesterday and almost failed the vision test. I couldn't read the small print on the chart and the numbers in the colored circles were all blurry. They did finally renew it but I have the feeling that next time they won't, so I have a 5 year repreive. I have noticed that my sight has been getting worse the last few months, things are blurry and my glasses don't seem like they are strong enough. I had my dialation testing done in July but she said there was no significant change so not sure what is going on.

So I am back on track with food and hope to stay that way now. Next big event is our daughter's wedding on October 9th. I still haven't found an outfit as I want to wait and see how much more I can get off before then. I'm not setting a goal but just hoping I can keep off what I have lost and continue to watch the scale go down every week.

And the excitement builds.....

2010-09-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

Just popped in to let you all know that I will not be posting from now till I get back from Vegas. I have a million things to do and I was sick all weekend so that has put me behind. I hope you all have an awesome time well I am gone.

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!